Under the instruction of Madam Pomfrey, a few house elves came to collect Severus. Moaning and groaning, Snape allowed himself to be carried away while his classmates snickered. Professor Flitwick, feeling personally responsible, followed after them calling out bits of advice. “Support his head! Don’t drop him!”
“What happened”? asked a brown haired girl named Janelle. Sirius turned to look at her, and didn’t see anything that really struck his fancy. Shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, not particularly skinny. She wasn’t bad looking but not a knockout either.
“Oh, well, Snivellus decided to wallow in his own vomit. Not that he’ll smell any different; you know how he hates to bathe.”
This made Janelle giggle, and Sirius chuckled a little himself. He meant to be funny, but it was probably true.
“Have I ever seen you before?” Sirius asked after a minute.
“Oh, I’m Janelle.” Janelle said quickly.
“Oh, yeah. You’re in Gryffindor, aren’t you?” Sirius said absent-mindedly, eyeing another girl a few feet away.
“Why, yes… um…” Janelle said almost in whisper. Desperately trying to prolong the conversation, she clung to the first words that came into her head.
“What time is it?” Janelle blurted suddenly. Her face immediately turned red as Sirius gave her a confused look.
“Hmm. It’s sixth period right now… that would make it one-ish.” James announced after consulting his watch.
“Um, thank you. I’ll just be going then.” Janelle nodded and ran off towards her friends, face burning hot and eyes stinging with humiliated tears.
“Anytime!” James called after her. Smiling, James turned to Sirius. “What was that all about?”
“Hmm?” Sirius was distracted again by the girl standing near him.
James rolled his eyes. “Never mind.”
Sirius didn’t even hear him. At the moment, he was eyeing his new favorite specimen, Dianna DiMaria, a pretty blonde whom he, and every other male at Hogwarts, found attractive. She was a Slytherin fifth year like Severus, but Slytherin or not, Sirius could always appreciate a nice set of legs, and other assets as well.
Sirius meandered over to the gaggle of girls to listen in on their conversation.
“And so I was like, ‘Ashley, honey, you need to forget about him. He’s way too old for you, and he’s not even that good-looking.’ And then she was like…”
Sirius glanced at James and mouthed “watch this.” James grinned and gave him the thumbs up, and Sirius made room for himself in the middle of their circle.
“Excuse me ladies. I was just wondering if I could borrow your friend for a minute.”
A number of girls looked at him hopefully, but when he winked at Dianna, Dianna smiled and giggled girlishly. Sirius led her away from the group, while her friends looked on enviously.
“Hey. It’s Dianna, right? I just had a question on number 42, and I didn’t know who else to ask…”
James laughed at his friend. Sirius didn’t need help with question 42. In fact, he never needed any help with his assignments. He was at the top of every class alongside James. “Womanizer,” James thought proudly. That was Sirius’s trademark. He could smile and flirt his way into any girl’s heart. James only wished the same tactics worked on Lily Evans. That would make her a lot easier to figure out.
Thinking of Lily made James want to find Lily, wherever she was. This time she was nowhere in sight. That drove him crazy. Actually, everything she did made him crazy. James thought that Lily would want to stick around and escort Snivellus to the Hospital Wing and knowing her, she would probably try to nurse him back to health. Although James couldn’t blame her if she was repulsed by vomit-covered Snivellus. Hell, James was repulsed that creatures like that were even allowed to roam the castle. James knew the crowd Snape hung around with. All their pure-blooded hype freaked him out, and he certainly didn’t want Lily getting mixed up in that.
Her tolerance was part of what confused James about Lily. Snape was a greasy freak; hanging around people even nastier than he, if that was possible. He was disgusting, but she was still friendly towards him. Not that the Marauders were perfect gentlemen, but James knew one thing for certain; he would never, ever soil himself in front of Lily Evans.
To the disappointment of the class, Professor Flitwick did come back. Panting and exhausted, he shooed his class back inside.
When James confirmed it with Lupin that Lily had run for it, or so he assumed, James felt free to mock Severus Snape more loudly and rudely than ever. More than once he and Sirius disrupted Charms with whispering and laughing, eventually earning themselves a detention later that evening.
“Ah well, mate, what’s one more?” Sirius whispered into his friend’s ear, grinning. This would make their third since start-of-term in September, but detention was more than tolerable when the two were together. James smiled, but was disappointed all the same. Detention meant less time to watch Lily study in the common room. Maybe she would be up late enough for him to come back from detention, and he could get a word in then. Sirius would leave him alone. James grinned, energized by his idea. Alone time with Lily Evans. His brain never ceased to amaze him.
James and Sirius spent the rest of the hour recounting Snape’s latest episode, reliving their favorite moments, and inventing other details along the way.
By dinner that night, things had returned to their usual lull. Even though James and Sirius wasted no time in telling the whole school that a lad by the name of Snivellus Snape had littered the halls with bodily waste, and was now lying in the infirmary wearing what Sirius delighted in naming “Dignity Pants”, James still found himself bored. Peter was busy filling his face, as usual, and Remus had his nose buried in a book regarding their latest interest, the contents of which still being too delicate to test.
Sirius was busy communicating with Dianna across the Great Hall, winking and smiling and such; all of which James was accustomed to seeing Sirius perform. And if it were a fellow Gryffindor, James might understand. He tried to be generous; knowing Sirius had a thing for blondes and everything, but Slytherins were Gryffindor’s sworn enemy both on the Quidditch field and in the classroom. This rule was never put aside at any time, not even in the Great Hall. Slytherin girls were permitted to be hot (which few of them were), and Gryffindor boys were permitted to stare, but they were off limits to each other. Was that a little over the top? Maybe. But that’s just the way things were at Hogwarts. Or the way they were supposed to be, anyway.
James wasn’t familiar with the “rules” regarding Slytherin boys and Gryffindor girls, but he assumed they were the same. Though everyone said Lily and Snape were just friends, James couldn’t help but wonder…
Thinking of Snape made James think about Lily, a fact that James didn’t necessarily like, but he accepted long ago that most things he thought of eventually made him think of Lily. Searching for his red-headed beauty, (James had many pet-names for Lily in his head, all of which were very private and absolutely none of Sirius’s business at all)
James found himself disappointed, as yet again she was absent from an appearance that James looked forward to her making every day. James always enjoyed watching her talk to her friends. He even fancied the way she chewed her food, which was odd, because very few people look attractive in those moments. But his favorite part was when she caught him staring at her, and those emerald eyes would shine for a moment, and then suddenly become intensely occupied with the food on her plate. James thought it was cute the way she was embarrassed over little things like that.
It was really a shame that he had detention soon after this, because he was dying to know what was up. James hadn’t seen her since Charms. Lily was friends with Sirius’s only ex that was still speaking to him, so maybe he could get the information that way.
No matter what, James had to be sure that nothing would defer his possible late- night conversation with Lily. He rarely got to talk to her, and every time he did it wasn’t on his terms and something went wrong.
James finished his mashed potatoes while he watched Sirius and Dianna make hand gestures back and forth. Then Dianna started drawing hearts made out of pink smoke with her wand, and sending them up into the air. James wasn’t the only one who noticed. Several students pointed and clapped.
James thought to himself, “Dinner and a show!”
When other far less good-looking Slytherin girls started batting their eyes and giggling in their direction, Sirius agreed that it was time to leave. With a farewell grin at Dianna, and a nod in the general direction of the other Marauders, Sirius and James left the Great Hall.
Halfway up the staircase on the way to the Gryffindor common room, Peter Pettigrew came running up behind them, bits of gravy still sticking to the sides of his mouth.
Sirius turned around. “What’s up, Wormy?” Peter struggled to catch his breath. Sirius reasoned that it was lack of regular Quidditch practice that held Peter back physically. It wasn’t his fault that he was rubbish on a broom. Taken together with the fact that his stomach was a bottomless pit when mealtime came around, it was no mystery to anyone but Peter where the extra flab came from.
“Oh, nothing. And Sirius, could you lay off on the ‘Wormtail’ business? You guys haven’t even figured out half the directions yet. And besides-” Peter finished in a whisper, “I haven’t even decided that’s what I want to be yet.”
Sirius burst into laughter, and James said “C’mon, Peter. The name suits you already.” Peter made a face, and James realized that his already low self esteem could easily be brought down even further, so he chose his words carefully.
“Oh, I’m sorry Peter. I couldn’t help myself. I just thought it would be cool if we all had nicknames, like Sirius is Padfoot, I’m Prongs, and Remus in Moony.” James winked at Sirius. “Obviously. But you don’t have to be Wormtail if you don’t want to be. We’ll think of something cool.” James thought a moment. “How about Slothfoot?” Sirius snorted. “Try again, mate.”
James rolled his eyes, and threw an arm around Peter. “We’ll think of something.”
“Wait!” Peter said suddenly. “What’re you guys up to tonight? Chester says he has magazine full of cauldrons, all sizes of them, and he’s looking for someone to show them to.”
“Cauldrons?” asked Sirius skeptically. “Is that what he told you?”
“Well,” Peter grew unusually pink his ears “he said it was something like that.”
Sirius chuckled, while James just shook his head. “Sorry, mate. Sirius and I got detention for tonight, remember?”
Peter sighed. “Oh, that’s right. I’m so stupid, really I am…”
“Not stupid,” Sirius corrected. “Just forgetful.”
Peter’s lack of self- confidence was really becoming a concern to Sirius. If this nonsense continued, no one would ever respect him. How would he ever get a girlfriend?
James returned his arm around Peter’s shoulders.
“Besides, I’m sure Remus would love to have a look at those cauldrons with you.”
The three of them laughed, and walked arm in arm up the stairs, past the Fat Lady, and into the Gryffindor common room, where Peter immediately flopped onto a red and gold beanbag, while Sirius and James changed out of their school robes, gathered their books, parchment and quills, and prepared to leave for detention.
----
On their way to detention, Sirius voiced his concerns to James. They agreed that their friend needed a serious attitude adjustment. Sirius decided that he would mentor him with the ladies, Lupin could help him study, and James said he would do everything else.
“What else could there be?” Sirius asked in surprise. He thought they had covered all of Peter’s issues: girls and grades. But James obviously had concerns of his own.
“Personal hygiene, table manners, you know, that sort of thing.” James could think of a number of Peter’s habits he would like to remedy, but without them he wouldn’t be their same old Wormy. They would just cover the basics.
Sirius and James arrived at detention early and picked desks in the very back. The classroom was empty except for a blonde second-year boy who was lying face-down on his desk, snoring loudly.
James sat down at his desk and took out a quill and some parchment. He had Transfiguration homework, and he might as well do it now. Sirius did the same thing. Unrolling his parchment, he studied the question written at the top of his paper.
“Well,” Sirius thought. “Werewolves have larger teeth. Regular wolves have smaller claws. Werewolves eat dinner in the Great Hall and sometimes do their homework in the Gryffindor common room. Regular wolves, however, eat unsuspecting woodland creatures and sleep in the forest.”
Sirius rolled his parchment back up. No sense in doing today what could always be done tomorrow. He slouched back in his chair, smiling to himself as he imagined how Remus would answer the question. A few seconds later, suddenly uncomfortable, Sirius shifted positions. A few seconds later, he moved again and this time propped his feet up on his desk and tipped back on his chair, feeling more in control of his body this way rather than sitting with all four legs of the chair on the ground.
Not soon after, James began to feel what felt like tiny birds pecking at the back of his neck. He turned around just in time for one of the objects to hit him directly in the forehead.
“Sorry, mate. I hope you don’t mind.”
Sirius was breaking the ends off of old quills and had been launching them at the back of James’s head. James noticed that Sirius had his feet propped up on his desk and was leaning far back in his chair. He was totally at ease, and totally vulnerable.
“Oh, of course not,” James said with an evil grin slowly spreading across his face. “But you know, Padfoot, you really should be more careful.”
Sirius leaned forward. “And why is that, Prongs?”
“Because you never know when things might get a little…shook up!” James backed his chair into Sirius’s desk as hard as he could, almost knocking him off balance, but not quite. Sirius had excellent reflexes. Everyone knew he could play Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team if he really wanted to, but being a chaser was much more enjoyable for him. He once said, “It’s a very flexible position, you see. If I feel like scoring a goal, I do it, and if I also feel like knocking, say, a Slytherin off his broom, well, I can do that too!” This struck James as very insightful, but he also knew that Sirius didn’t have the attention span in play Seeker.
After barely saving himself from falling flat on his back, Sirius smiled as he said, “Your right, Prongs. Just like you never know when you’re going to get your sorry arse beat into the ground!”
And with that, they were off. Sirius pounced on James, tackling him to the ground. James rolled on top of Sirius, and Sirius threw him off, knocking down tables and chairs in the process. They continued like that for a good five minutes before Professor Flitwick heard the commotion and rushed into the room. Just in time too, as Sirius had James pinned to the ground by his shoulders, dangling from his mouth a very large, and extremely disgusting loogie centimeters from touching James’s face.
“Boys! Boys! That is quite enough! This is a punishment, not playtime. Now if you would be so kind as to restore my classroom, you may sit down and work on your assignments.”
Sirius whipped out his wand, but Professor Flitwick shook his head, and the pair set about restoring the classroom manually, not daring to look at one another. Any eye contact would result in hysterical laughter, and probably another detention.
When they finally sat back down, James continued his transfiguration paper, and Sirius resumed breaking old quills, while he whistled “House of the Rising Sun”, a Muggle song he was rather fond of. Sirius enjoyed the music of the Wizarding world, but in general, he thought, Muggle music was just so much better.
Through all of this, the second year continued to sleep.
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