–So, what did your mum steal?†Zach asked Cameron as the boy shovelled macaroni and cheese into his mouth.
Through a face full of food, Cameron mumbled, –Dunno.â€
Zach fully suspected the theft was probably needing drug money, but he thought even a whore’s kid should not have to hear certain things until at least double digits. Well, it was his kid, too, even if he did look barely like a human being. Guiltily, he considered the idea that Mitzy might have taken to thievery to pay for a kid she couldn’t afford.
With a groan and a strong urge to drink despite a lingering hangover, Zach said, –Well, I should find somewhere for you to sleep.†He stood and left the room, but he stopped and said, –But if I find one speck of food on the ceiling, I’m trading you in for a Kneazle.â€
Not expecting any sort of antics, he turned around in time to see Cameron’s spoon, full of pasta, coiled and ready to fire as the kid gawked at him. –I mean it,†he said, pointing right at Cameron until he set his spoon back down.
Much to his dismay, the only place large enough to put an actual person was the second bedroom in the flat — the one that housed all of Zach’s Quidditch memorabilia. His own room was already full of it, hence the necessity for the extra space, so the only choice was to box it all up or, Merlin forfend, let Cameron within ten feet of it.
Gritting his teeth, Zach flicked his wand at the posters, watching balefully as they rolled up with a snap. Next, he Transfigured a pile of old newspapers into some boxes and sent the still-packaged action men in one by one. Then in went the replica trophies and the special editions of Quidditch Weekly, followed by the matching set of collectors’ brooms, inscribed with the logos of each team in the British and Irish Quidditch League. Finally, the slew of game-used Snitches were painstakingly wrapped in newspaper and stowed, as well.
The boxes were settled into the closet, which had formerly housed the spare bed, and Zach warded and locked in every magical and mechanical way he knew how. In about twenty years, Cameron might have an idea of what these items meant to Zach, but all he would see at that moment were lots and lots of toys to maim and destroy.
Looking longingly at the closet once more, Zach headed back to the kitchen to make sure his entire home wasn’t already covered in macaroni and cheese. He hadn’t expected to find Cameron asleep in his chair, his face smashed awkwardly into the dinner roll Zach had warmed for him. The boy was truly knackered.
Zach scooped up Cameron and deposited him in what would probably have to become his room. Once under the covers, the kid curled up into a small ball, his thumb working his way into his mouth. With a frown of disgust, Zach mentally made lists of possible ways to stop that habit in its tracks, stopping once he realised half the methods on that list would likely get him arrested.
It was then that he spotted the one item he had forgotten to pack up: a nightlight shaped like a Quaffle with a little Appleby Arrows logo on it. Zach had had it since he was barely old enough to walk, and the Illumination Charm on it had been renewed so many times it barely worked anymore.
However, as he started to pick it up, he stopped. When he had been Cameron’s age, Zach had been deathly afraid of the dark. If Cameron had any such fear, he could and would shriek the walls down until there was some sort of light in the room. That just wouldn’t do. Sighing, Zach replaced the night light and exited, leaving the door open just a hair.
Once he was back in the kitchen, Zach cleared away the slimy remnants of dinner and sat at the table with a quill and parchment. Quickly, he penned a note to his supervisor that he would not be able to come to work the next day, either, due to ‘a family matter’ that required his attention. The second missive was addressed to the Daily Prophet’s classified section — specifically, the Help Wanted section. Hopefully, the next day would only require a few interviews with potential nannies and perhaps a little bit of a victory celebration with a bottle of schnapps when he found one. One night of parenting was quite enough for him.
Though he couldn’t imagine how, Zach had forgotten just how beastly women really were. At least, the ones that knew something he didn’t. It put into stark clarity why he had always preferred partaking in Mitzy’s services rather than shop for one who would do all of it for free.
As another applicant huffed out of the room, Zach could feel a headache coming on. He was lucky that Cameron had taken to colouring quietly, or he might have gone spare. Four women, four rejects, and it wasn’t even lunch yet. Well, one of them was probably a woman, but he honestly could not be certain through the severity of her horse-face and pudginess. He fervently hoped that the last two who had responded to his ad in the Prophet would produce more promising results.
As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, which meant the fifth applicant had arrived. Trying his best to not look fit to murder someone, Zach rushed over to the door. As he was opening, he started with a rush, –I’m glad you’ve come to consider the position. I just have a few questions, and —â€
Zach’s rehearsed speech stopped in its tracks when he looked up at the person standing at the door. She had to have been one of the most beautiful people he had ever seen. Her hair was honey-coloured and falling in perfect waves down her back, and he had the overwhelming urge to sniff it to see if she did, indeed, smell like heaven. The line of her jaw appeared almost elven, and her almond-shaped eyes were the colour of fine whisky. He didn’t dare look farther down to keep himself from embarrassing himself.
–Um, hi,†he continued lamely.
Smiling widely, the young woman extended her hand and said, –Hello, Mr Smith. My name is Madison Eastley, and I’m from Family Services. May I come in?â€
Now ecstatic that he had not ogled the woman further, Zach gestured towards his living room. –Of course.â€
The flat was not particularly tidy, but neither was it crusty and disgusting. A few discarded clothing items were draped over the back of the sofa, but otherwise, Zach was not particularly concerned with the hygienic portion of the inspection.
However, Madison looked less than impressed. She wrinkled her nose and sniffed the air. –What on earth is that smell?â€
His brow furrowing, Zach said, –Smell? There is no smell. What smell?†He wanted to know what she was talking about, because never could he recall there being a smell in his flat.
–It smells like . . . foot,†she said finally with a frown. –Mr Smith, as you know, your recent situation has warranted the attention of the Family Services department. Children need loving, safe homes to become happy, well-adjusted adults. I just want you to know that we’re not here to judge you, but rather help you achieve that end.â€
Zach harrumphed. –Well, I don’t love the kid. I don’t even know what his middle name is. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s actually mine.†Cocking his head towards Cameron, who was happily scribbling on a pile of old newspapers in the corner, he hissed, –He was just dumped on my doorstep like a piece of post. I don’t even know what to do with a kid, so if you just want to call this whole thing off and take him now, it would probably save us both a lot of work.â€
Madison’s eyes narrowed. –I don’t think so, Mr Smith. I think you’re misunderstanding the situation here.†She lowered her voice. –If you are found to be providing an unsafe or inhospitable home for a child without extenuating circumstances, you don’t just lose your son. You go to jail.â€
Trying not to take a step backward at the mention of being arrested, Zach threw his hands up. –How is this not extenuating circumstances? I’m not a fit parent, and anyone who has ever known me at all can tell you that.â€
Shaking her head, Madison explained, –Extenuating circumstances are situations like long-term health issues, homelessness, or extreme poverty due to unavoidable lack of employment opportunity, which is a very big ‘if’, considering how many programmes we have in place to provide for such things.†She put her hand on Zach’s upper arm and said, –Please, listen to me. This is not a punishment or a prison sentence. Having children is a gift.â€
–How many do you have, then?†Zach challenged.
Madison flushed. –I’m actually expecting my first in about six months.â€
The corner of Zach’s mouth twitched upward of its own accord. –Then you’re in no position to tell me how much of a blessing a three year old is until you’ve had one launch macaroni and cheese at your face because it’s ‘fun’.†Pointing towards the door, he said, –Now, if you’re done harassing me, please go. If not, make this quick. You may be hot, but I’ve decided that I really don’t like you.â€
Fully expecting her to flee or cower, Zach did not expect what happened next. Madison took a step forward and squared her shoulders, and for a moment, he found her to be more intimidating than even Betty Perkins. –Mr Smith, let me explain something to you. Nine years ago, there was a war. Dozens of people died, and a lot more than that lost everything.
–Our social services network is stretched to its limits taking care of upwards of fifty war orphans and three times that many families who can’t even afford a place to stay, so you can imagine how much your apathy towards your own flesh and blood really doesn’t make me very sympathetic.†Poking her finger in Cameron’s direction, she emphasised, –That boy over there is your family, whether you like it or not. You are a grown man, and you need to take responsibility for your actions.â€
Withdrawing, Madison’s face transformed back into the picture of a beautiful damsel. –Now, I think I’ve seen all I need to see for now. I just wanted to get a bead on where you are as a parent so we can work on things and get you on the right track, but as far as unexpected parents go, your attitude is, frankly, appalling. I’ll give you two weeks to make some decent progress. I suggest you use them wisely.â€
Madison turned on the spot and headed to the door. –I’ll be seeing you, Mr Smith,†she called over her shoulder.
Zach shuddered. That sort of strain on his nerves was precisely what he didn’t need, and he still had two interviews to do. He couldn’t stop the roar of frustration from coming out, but he wished he had done when he felt a tug on his trouser leg.
–That lady don’t like you,†Cameron said as if revealing the biggest secret in the universe.
–I noticed,†Zach replied flatly. –Now, get back to your colouring. I have work to do.â€
Cameron’s face twisted into a cartoonish pout. –I don’t want to colour anymore,†he mumbled as he crossed his arms defiantly. –I wanna play outside.â€
Though he briefly considered the pros and cons of letting Cameron play outside in the street unsupervised, he shook his head. –You can’t play outside here. There are too many cars and scary Muggles roaming about.â€
The boy looked ready to start crying, so Zach had never been so relieved to hear a knock at the door in his life. –Be right there,†he called before growling at Cameron, –and you be quiet, or you’ll scare her away.â€
Ignoring the slew of questions bubbling out of Cameron’s mouth, Zach practically ran to the door. However, he had not, in a hundred millennia, expected to see the person standing on the other side. She, apparently, had a similar reaction.
–It’s you!†they both exclaimed at once.
Zach shook his head. –No, no, no. Thank you for coming, but no.â€
Eloise Midgen stood up straight — all five-foot-nothing of her height — and looked him in the eye. –Trust me, if I’d have known it was you who put the ad out, I would’ve boiled myself in Flobberworm mucus rather than show up on your doorstep.â€
A chirp of laughter sprang from Zach’s throat. –I’m pretty sure people don’t hire trolls to work indoors. Try a circus.â€
At Eloise’s gasp, Zach rolled his eyes and was about to slam the door in the face of the girl who was, he was fairly certain, too ugly for human eyes — a fact which he had never forsaken an opportunity to remind her of at school. However, just as his hand closed around the handle, there was a crash and an accompanying wail that sounded like a large bird shrieking.