By the way people, for those of you that are new to all this, this is a light-hearted JOKE story. It's a pay-out. I am not so corny and disgusting as to write a serious story where Hermione turns into a tart and everyone loves her and all that other stuff you will read in here. In fact, i hate it. That is the pure reason I am paying it out!!!
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Don't you all detest those annoying over-used plot bunnies that you see everywhere in fanfics? What would happen if all the silliness and predictability (I think that's the word) was all rolled into one?
Read on and find out!
*Harry is at the Dursleys, in his room.*
Harry: I’m so bored. I really want to go back to Hogwarts. I think I have feelings for Hermione…and Ron….and Draco…and perhaps Dumbledore…
*An owl swoops in suddenly, dropping a letter on Harry’s head. It flies into Hedwig’s cage, which happens to be open, and the two of them become the best of friends*
Harry: Wow! *opens letter* It’s from Hermione!
Dearest Harry,
I miss you. Would you please come to my house at 7:00 am next Wednesday? Luckily, my parents happen to be out on a decade-long vacation to the subways in Africa, so we can be all alone.
Lots of love and hickeys,
Hermy
Harry: Wowee! I can’t wait to see her, I miss her heaps!
*Wednesday comes*
Harry: That’s my trunk packed…but how do I get there? The windows are barred…the door is bolted…oh, I know! I’ll Apparate!
*Harry Apparates, quite forgetting the rule about underage magic outside of school*
Harry *at Hermione’s door* I think I’ll knock.
*Knocks and Hermione answers the door. She is wearing a string bikini top and miniskirt with fishnets. Her boobs have magically grown to an enormous FF size overnight, and she has a nice bum and loads of makeup on.*
Harry: Hermione!
Hermione: Harry!
Harry: Wow Hermy…you’ve…changed.
Hermione: I know, aren’t I sexy?
Harry: For sure!
*They go to her bedroom*
Harry: *lights a cigarette* You know, Hermy, when I first set eyes on you in that string bikini, I fell in love with you.
Hermione: Really? *adjusts thong* Well as soon as I saw you with your six pack and sexy deep voice, I realized I love you too.
*They start making out. Four hours later, the doorbell rings*
Hermione: Oh goodness gracious me! *hurriedly tries to brush her messed-up hair*
Harry: Whoever could it be? *has hair even messier than usual, his glasses are crooked and he has lipstick all over his face*
*Hermione answers the door. Ron, Draco, Professor Snape & Voldemort are all standing there, waving cheerfully.*
Ron: Hermione! Hurry! We must fly to King's Cross Station!
*They all mount their broomsticks and fly to the train station*
Harry: I hope I can get through this wall.
*He runs towards the wall and hits it smack-bang in the face* *falls down*
*They magically Apparate into the train*
*Arriving at Hogwarts. Hermione walks into the Great Hall and all the boys are smiling at her.*
Hermione: *sitting down* I never knew I was so popular.
Ron: Hermy…I have to tell you, I love you.
Oliver Wood: Me too, Hermione.
Snape: *passing the table* So do I, Miss Granger.
Draco: *coming to Hermione’s table.* Hermione, will you sleep with me?
Hermione: Sure! *they run to the library*
Harry: WHAT?!?! BUT I LOVED HER FIRST! WE MADE OUT!!
Ron: You DID NOT HARRY! SHE’S MINE!
Harry: NO, SHES MINE!!
*they start punching and fighting each other.*
Ginny Weasley: Oh, I wish Harry didn’t love Hermione. How I want him to love me. I’d murder her and every other girl in this school to get to him!!
*Ginny runs outside and drives her steamroller into the Hall, knocking down the wall*
Aha! Now we will see who Harry’s true love is! Muahahaha!
*people run, screaming*
((Thats all we have time for today, folks, tune in next time for the next *mysterious* chapter! Cheers! :D ))
PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PRETTY PLEASE REVIEW THIS! Please dont just read it and dont review it...I want reviews!! Thankies!!