Chapter One: A Mere Memory
"Look...at...me..." he [Snape] whispered.
The green eyes found the black, but after a second, something in the depths of the dark pair seemed to vanish, leaving them fixed, bland, and empty. The hand holding Harry thudded to the floor, and Snape moved no more. (DH, 658)
Everything was a blinding white. It was far too bright to look around and see anything, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Not Hogwarts, Harry, Dumbledore; not even Lily Evans mattered. Everything was completed. My task of protecting Harry for Dumbledore was done. The outcome of the war didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I was dead. I was never coming back to the Wizarding world. At least, that is how it seemed.
As the brightness slowly started to fade away, I realized where I was: at a crossroad. Dumbledore was standing where the two paths diverged. I walked to him and we both stared at the two roads that we could take. “Dumbledore,” I started. He kept looking into the distance. “Where are we?”
“That, Severus, is a very good question.” He smiled his usual smile and continued. “My instincts tell me we are at the paths of the unknown. That is,” he said as he noticed my slightly confused look, “the choice of either passing on or becoming a ghost.”
“Well, why haven’t you decided?” The old man hadn’t changed his ways of indecisiveness.
“I felt like I should wait for Harry.”
I didn’t say anything. I was contemplating on what I would say to Lily after crossing over. I knew what I wanted to say. I was sorry, after all, for everything that I had done. But I had done my best to protect her son.
“You did tell Harry, didn’t you?” Dumbledore’s twinkling eyes looked at me.
“Yes, I did at the last moment. The Dark Lord didn’t realize the boy was there.”
“Good.” For a moment there was a solemn pause. Both deep in thought, Snape was caught off guard when Dumbledore spoke next. “Well, I suppose I’m going to continue to wait for Harry. It shouldn’t be much longer.”
“No, he should be here any moment now.”
“Excellent.” Dumbledore smiled. Slowly, the smile turned into a solemn look. I knew the look very well. Dumbledore was going to ask me to do something. “Severus.”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to go?”
I was slightly caught off guard again. “Yes, yes, of course I am.” I looked at Dumbledore for the last time and said, “Thank you, Dumbledore.”
He only smiled back at me. I took my first step onto the right path. Lily’s figure appeared and I was home.
The summer had been a hot one. In fact, it had been too hot. The days seemed faster than usual even though the summer holiday had just started. Nobody took the time to notice how quickly the summer seemed to slip away. The only exception was one person. For him, today would be another day of silent torture with no one to talk to. Nothing had changed since the Dark Lord had taken his life. His home, Spinner’s End, was continuing it’s enjoyment of the beginning weeks of June. Summer break was in session and all of the Hogwarts’ professors were preparing for the upcoming year. That is, everyone but Snape. Snape, who could almost feel the summer heat, was sitting in his arm chair next to the fireplace. His eyes were closed, and he was imaging himself tasting pumpkin juice or walking the halls of Hogwarts once more. But those days were long gone. They would never come back.
Time slowly passed. Severus didn’t know how long he sat”hovered”in the arm chair. Memories flickered through his mind. The first time he walked into Hogwarts”Meeting Lily Evans”Agreeing to Dumbledore’s wishes”Hearing the Prophecy”Becoming the Headmaster at Hogwarts”Meeting Lily’s son for the first time”Calling Lily a Mudblood”Making the Unbreakable Vow”Staring into those green eyes for the last time. Everything was just a lingering memory now. He was nothing more than a mere memory, stuck in between the veil and life.
Snape continued feeling nostalgic until he heard a voice. “Yes, this is it.” a familiar female voice said.
There was a clatter, a shuffling of feet, and the light switched on. Snape, getting to his feet quickly, pulled out his wand and glared at the intruders. Their backs were turned to him.
“Oh, come on, Hermione. There’s nothing here.” a lower male voice said.
Even though he knew they could not see him, he tried to hide the shock on his face after realizing who was standing in his living room. It was Granger and that Weasley boy snooping around for something.
“Harry!” Hermione called, “Harry, I think we found it.”
A slim young man rushed into the room. Snape walked closer to Harry and looked into his green eyes that he had last seen so many nights ago. They were Lily’s green eyes. Snape studied his face while Hermione handed him a ripped piece of paper. He looked exhausted. Snape couldn’t blame him. After all, it had only been days since he had defeated the Dark Lord.
Despite the exhaustion, Harry looked calm. He seemed to be happier than Snape could ever recall. Taking a few steps closer to Ron, Hermione and Harry, Snape peered around the group to see what they were looking at.
Snape shouldn’t have been surprised by what was in their hands. He had been the one who had shown Harry the mere memory of Lily’s letter. But curiosity got the better of him. Why did Harry want that piece of Lily’s letter?
“Perfect. Maybe this and the other letters we found will answer a few more questions.” said Harry.
“Yeah, hopefully, mate,” Ron said.
Ron and Hermione were now holding hands. Snape felt sick to his stomach. Though he wasn’t surprised by this relationship, it sickened him like it did when he saw Potter and Lily holding hands while walking the halls of Hogwarts. No matter, though. It wasn’t like he was ever going to leave this awful state of invisible ghost.
“Harry,” Hermione started, “do you think Snape”well, in theory”do you think Snape would’ve changed how he had treated her all those years ago?”
“Honestly, Hermione, I don’t know. After seeing those memories, I don’t know what to think, other than Snape was jealous and refused to move on after she married my dad,” replied Harry.
Snape studied Harry’s face as he said this. It was true. He couldn’t”wouldn’t”deny his love for Lily Evans, but he also couldn’t turn time back and change who he had become. Snape walked around to the front of the trio and continued watching the conversation.
“It’s funny though,” Hermione said as she looked at Ron and Harry’s confused looks. “It’s funny that it didn’t work out between the two of them. I wonder what happened.”
Harry, reading the last two words of the letter, looked up and his jaw dropped. “Professor Snape?”
Harry and Snape stared at each other for a moment until Snape spoke. “Yes, Potter?”
“Err . . .” Harry began.
“Harry, who are you talking to?” Hermione asked. Both Ron and Hermione looked from Harry to the spot where Harry was staring at.
“Professor Snape. Can’t you see him?”
“No, mate,” Ron said glancing at Hermione, “we can’t.”
Harry continued gawking at Snape. “Aren’t you de--dead?”
“Yes, I am. It’s rather a long story, Potter. I’d prefer”” Snape answered.
“Harry, let’s go.” Hermione said, sounding slightly frightened. “It’s been a long day. We’ll come back later.”
Harry glanced at Ron. He looked anxious from Hermione’s sudden interest in leaving.
“Right, let’s go.” Turning back at Snape, he shook his head and followed Ron and Hermione to the door.
Harry couldn’t help but feeling frustrated as they returned the Burrow. Why was he the only one who saw Snape? How come Ron and Hermione couldn’t see him? These were some of the few questions that Harry reflected upon while the trio traveled back to the Burrow. Harry had been quiet ever since they had arrived back at the Burrow. Hermione and Ron didn’t seem to take notice as seeing that they were both hurrying around to help Mrs. Weasley prepare dinner for the night.
It had only been days since Harry had the final showdown with Lord Voldemort. It felt like it had been an eternity since Harry, Ron and Hermione had left Hogwarts. It felt like it had been a long, drawn out year that took place in only a matter of days. The Weasley family was in shock. The loss of Fred hadn’t completely sunken in. George had taken into hiding in his room from everyone. It was odd for the Weasley house to be so quiet without the twins’ making their usual noise.
Mrs. Weasley would burst out into tears every time she wasn’t bustling around doing something. When this would happen, Mr. Weasley was usually their by her side comforting her. Ron had taken a great interest in cooking dinner and doing odd jobs around the house to keep himself busy. When he wasn’t doing that, he was usually sitting with Hermione; both of them talking to each other in hushed voices. The part that killed Harry the most was watching Ginny’s reaction.
She was quieter than usual. Harry couldn’t blame her though. She had, after all, just lost a brother. Ginny seemed to be coping a bit better than most of the Weasley family. It seemed that she found that sticking closer to Harry and going on long quiet walks with Harry eased the pain of the loss that the war had brought. Harry was glad that she would accompany him on the walks; it was nice to not have to put on a brave face sometimes.
When Harry, Hermione, and Ron arrived at the Burrow, Harry found Ginny sitting on the tree swing by herself. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to disturb her. So, instead of saying something to her, he began to walk to the familiar trail that went by the old swing. Harry figured that if she wanted to join him, she would.
As Harry was walking past Ginny, she called to him.
Walking over to her, Harry smiled. “Yeah?”
“Can I come with you?”
She looked happier today than what she had been for the past couple of days. “Of course.” This cheered Harry’s spirits. But nevertheless, the image of Snape still weighed on his mind. After some time had passed, Ginny spoke up. “Harry,” she began, “what are you thinking about?”
Harry sighed. Then he dove into what had taken place at Snape’s flat. Shock was written all over Ginny’s face after Harry had finished. “You mean, you actually saw him?” she said flabbergasted.
“Yeah, I did. The weird thing is I was the only one who could see him. Ron and Hermione couldn’t see him.”
“I wonder why . . . “ Ginny’s voice trailed off.
“Same. I think that I’m going to go back after the funerals. I want to see if he is still there.”
Ginny didn’t reply. They both knew that tomorrow was going to be an exceptionally long and painful day.