There were a lot of reasons why seventeen-year-old Lily Evans cast her best Disillusionment Charm over herself before entering the library that night. One: the seventh-year Transfiguration class had just learned Disillusionment Charms last week, and she wanted to practice as much as possible (she was never top in Transfiguration; that spot was always taken by none other than James Potter, and she was pushing herself to compete with him). Second, she’d had a brief but heated row with Severus yesterday, and she really didn’t want to run into him. The same went for Potter; she had a feeling that he would be in the library with his stupid cronies and she didn’t want to be bothered by him, either.
But the biggest reason was because Lily had just discovered what it felt like to be invisible, while she had practiced the spell a few days ago, and she loved it. When she cast the Charm on herself, nobody pestered her for help in Potions, nobody teased her about Potter or Severus, teachers didn’t approach her about something else they wanted from the Head Girl… and she could just be perfectly alone with her thoughts and go about her tasks freely. It was nice to be alone.
So, for those reasons, Lily tapped her own head with her wand and felt the cold trickle of the enchantment down the back of her neck. Looking at herself in the full-length mirror in her dormitory, she admired her work. Then, Disillusioning her books and bag as well (which she wasn’t nearly as good at, but good enough), she left Gryffindor tower.
The library was quite a bit busy this time of evening. Dinner had just ended, and with school having been in session for just over four weeks, the homework load was steadily increasing. A small group of harried looking first years were huddled around a Standard Book of Spells: Grade 1, and Lily smiled, remembering how huge and intimidating it had been to turn a match into a needle.
Her reminiscent smile turned into a scowl as she realized it would be difficult to find a free table in which to work. She passed Severus sitting alone with a stack of advanced Potions books in front of him (not that he needed extra help in Potions), and was glad she had decided to use this Charm. Finally, she spotted an open window seat in the far back corner, right next to a table that was being occupied by… the Marauders. Lily cursed under her breath, but made her way to the corner anyway. They couldn’t see her, so why should she be bothered by them?
Settling down in the seat, Lily pulled out her Disillusioned books, and opened her copy of The History and Theory of Advanced Transfiguration to the required reading. Slowly, so as not to draw any attention to the re-appearing pages, she lifted the Charm on a small section of text. She’d barely read one paragraph, however, when the mention of her name caught her attention.
Looking over, she noticed that the only person out of the four Marauders who was actually working was Remus Lupin, and at this point, he seemed to have momentarily abandoned his essay to listen to Potter’s latest problem. Peter Pettigrew was doodling anxiously on a scrap of parchment, and Sirius Black was lounging back in his chair lazily, also listening to Potter. James Potter, Lily noticed, did not appear to be like his usual cocky self, but instead looked thoroughly worried about something.
Lily tried to go back to her reading, but the Marauder’s table was rather close and it was hard not to catch what they were saying.
–Look, Prongs, we’ve said it for years. It might be time to just give it up,†Black said, letting his chair fall back onto all four legs with a clatter.
–I know,†Potter moaned, burying his face in his hands. –I want to just let it go. I want to move on. I’m sick of feeling like this. But it’s just not going away!â€
Remus carefully laid his quill aside, and folding his hands calmly. He looked at Potter, meeting his eyes with a concerned look, inviting him to talk about what it is that was on his mind. Potter seemed to respond to this, because he spoke again.
–It really sucks that she still seems to hate me, even though I can’t for the life of me figure out why. I’ve really, really tried to change this year. I’ve grown up, I thought, and I haven’t once avoided any Head Boy duties. I’ve even stopped hexing Snape, because I know it bothers her. But she still hates my guts and will barely meet my eyes.â€
Lily’s stomach churned as she realized that they were talking about her, and she suddenly felt a pang of guilt. Now that she thought about it, Potter really had been taking on more responsibility this year. As well as being Head Boy, he was Quidditch Captain, and he still had top marks in his classes. And on top of all that, he hadn’t asked her out once this year.
–But that’s not the worst part,†James continued, rubbing his eyes wearily. –The worst part is that this feeling won’t go away. I’m terrified that I’ll always have these feelings for Lily, but she won’t ever feel the same for me. I’m scared that I’ll always be left with a broken heart.â€
–Prongs, I’m sure you’ll find someone else eventually,†Black said, with uncharacteristic seriousness.
–That’s what we decided last year. And the year before that. And the year before that,†James pointed out. –What if I don’t find anyone else? It’s just frightening to think that I might always be in love with the one girl who may never love me back.â€
Love. James Potter was in love with her. Her, Lily Evans. She wasn’t just a prize; he wasn’t chasing her for sport. She wasn’t just a girl he would shag and then dump. He was IN LOVE with her, and the thought of her hating him forever was clearly causing him terrible anguish. He was terrified that she would never give him a chance.
But why should she give him a chance? Ever since her very first year at Hogwarts he had been a cocky, arrogant, know-it-all bully who strutted about the school as though he owned it. He hexed people for fun, and humiliated Severus -- her friend -- over and over and over for no reason.
Ex-friend, she reminded herself. Severus had chosen his path, and his path was to become one of Voldemort’s Death Eaters.
James Potter, however, was not a Death Eater. She had overheard him telling Remus in Defence Against the Dark Arts the other day that he had plans to join the Order of the Phoenix as soon as he left school. He wanted to devote his life to fighting Voldemort. James was also intelligent. Brilliant, actually. He had top marks without hardly trying, whereas, she, Lily, had to study her eyes out in order to pull together her grades. He had a sense of humor, which was quite obvious thanks to the numerous pranks he and his friends had pulled over the years. And apparently, James Potter had a heart.
Maybe, just maybe, Lily Evans would give him a chance. Maybe.
Disillusioned by SaboteurVictory
Story Notes:
My first Lily/James-ish fic!
Chapter Notes: This entire brilliant world belongs to JKR, and her alone. Please review!
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Chapter Endnotes: Thanks for reading! Please review!