The Fold
–So you’re running away?â€
Sirius looks up. He has just slipped on the ice and is now sprawled on the cold pavement. The last thing he wants to see, by the yellow light of the street lamp, is his cousin, or any relative, really, grinning down at him.
–What does it look like I’m doing?†he snarls, trying to stand up, but he keeps on slipping. Bella laughs and pale breath emerges from her blood red lips. It is very cold, and he’s still in dress robes. He should have at least grabbed a cloak, but of course, he didn’t think of that.
He hadn’t really thought at all, from the moment he shouted at his Aunt Druella, to his mother threatening to Body-Bind him, raising her wand, but Sirius Disarming her, before she could carry through her threat. There had been a moment of stunned silence where no one had moved, spoken or sipped from their bubbling glasses.
At that moment, he had been, for a second, unable to process what had happened, unable to think what to do. He had been panicking.
Sirius Black did not panic. He didn’t know much about who the hell he was at the moment, but he knew he didn’t panic. So he had decided to grin triumphantly before turning on his heel and storming out of the room. Once he’d slammed the door, he ran down the darkened corridor, the house elves’ heads glaring down at him, through the front door into the cold of the night and down the front steps where he was now sprawled on the ice.
–Slipping,†Bella says, leaning down to give him a hand. He stares at it warily, but she just laughs. –Sirius, I’m not going to hurt you.â€
–I just called your mother a--â€
–I have no interest in what you called my mother,†she snaps, beginning to rise again, but Sirius catches at her hand. A small smile returns to her face as she helps him up, placing the other hand on his arm to steady him. Once this is done, she steps back, the snow heaped on the wall, crunching as she leans into it. She pulls a packet of cigarettes from the inside of her cloak. –Want one?â€
–Bella, I’m twelve.â€
She shrugs, lighting it with her wand. Sirius glances around nervously, but Bella once again laughs. –Poor Sirius, worried we’ll get caught? It’s Christmas Day; no one’s about.â€
He stares at her. He’s always known his cousin was considered insolent and disliked but also respected by most of the family. Yet he can’t think where he’s got this idea from, other than a general impression of the way people behave around her. Thinking about it, most of the time, at family gatherings, he’s quite liked her, liked the way she sits and talks with him and Regulus, treating them as adults, likes the way she pokes fun at their older relatives. But he only sees her at family gatherings such as this one, and he is now wondering what she’s doing outside.
At least she’s dressed for the cold, in a deep green cloak and black leather gloves. He’s not; he’s wearing the stupid dress robes his mother had forced on him.
Sirius wonders why he’s still here. He’d been so angry moments before, but emerging into the cold and slipping on the ice has calmed him down.
Bella laughs again. She has a harsh laugh that cuts through the air and makes him feel as though she’s hit him.
–What are you waiting for? Run away, Sirius. Run away because you’re scared.â€
–I’m not scared!†he shouts, surprising himself at how quickly his anger has been inflamed again. Bella’s smile irritates him, and he snaps, –What are you doing out here anyway?†She shrugs, tapping her cigarette against the wall. –And aren’t those things Muggle?â€
Bella is still looking at him, but when she speaks, it’s in a rather distracted voice.
–It’s rather beautiful, isn’t it? The way the snow gets into the cracks.â€
He opens his mouth to ask her what the fuck she’s talking about. The word ‘fuck’ sounds good when he thinks it. He wonders what it would be like to say it: Fuck, fuck, fuck. But then he realises Bella is no longer looking at him, instead staring at the wall between them. She turns around so she is facing it and then says, –Hold this, would you?â€
Sirius finds himself reaching out and the cigarette is in his palm. The tip burns his skin, and he quickly picks it up, holding it between his fingers the way Bella had been. He doesn’t know what it is, exactly, except he’d once seen his grandmother shout at Bella for smoking one, and that they were forbidden at Hogwarts.
He considers bringing it to his lips, taking a breath, but he is then unsure of exactly what to do, and he doesn’t want to look like a fool in front of Bella. She’s already seen him fall on his back, and an aborted attempt at running away. No, he thinks fiercely, he is going to run away. He just wants to see what the hell Bella is doing first.
She has delicately pulled the glove from her hand and is twisting it in the air. Even in that foul yellow street light, her hand looks strangely pale, although very elegant. Then, suddenly, she thrusts her hand, palm upwards, into the snow. Sirius has no idea what she’s doing and can only stare. Bella glances at him, smiles and then raises her hand, the wedge of snow she has displaced piled high in her palm. With her other, gloved hand, she takes the cigarette from Sirius, has a drag and then exhales in his direction. He coughs.
–Sorry,†she says, though she’s obviously done it on purpose. –Yes, they may be Muggle, but they are far from our concerns. When something is rotten, you can at the very least cut what is good from it, and make use of it.â€
–Isn’t--†Sirius begins to say, but his teeth chattering with the cold prevents him from continuing.
Bella pulls her wand from her cloak and taps him with it. He feels a shudder of warmth run through him.
–Thank you,†he says.
–It’ll do you good. As you run away,†she adds sardonically, before laughing. –The look on your face!â€
–I’m not going back in there!†he shouts, pointing at the door of twelve, Grimmauld Place.
–But you’re not going out there,†Bella says, pointing to the tarmac, covered in dirty grey ice, and mimicking his tone.
–I am!†he shouts, before snapping, –You never said what you were doing out here!â€
–I have no reason to answer you, Sirius, but I will,†she says very quickly, jabbing at the snow with the remains of the cigarette, the ash striking Sirius as horrid and staining the white. She leaves the stub there, waving a hand at the house, and continues, –I saw you shout at Mother and I knew what would happen. I knew that your mother, having lost patience with your sniping, would threaten to hurt you in some way, and then you’d lose your temper and storm out of the house. Which is what happened, isn’t it?â€
Sirius, stunned, nods.
–And I decided to Apparate out here to meet you.â€
–Father has Anti-Apparation Charms on the house.â€
–They took a second to undo,†she says, her tone very bored. –Your father isn’t as good a wizard as he thinks he is.â€
–What--what’s the snow for?â€
She shrugs again. There’s something feline about her shrug, and Sirius finds it faintly intimidating but cannot think why. What scares him more, though, is how she had known. He can’t ask that, though, so he instead says, –Why did you want to meet me out here?â€
–Finally,†she says, twisting her hand around and releasing the snow. It falls in a slightly compacted ball to the ground, and crackles when it hits forming a small lump of unmelted snow on the mounds of grey ice. Bella digs her foot into it, squashing it. –You are asking the right question. If I had not been here, you would have slipped, yes, but you would have got up again. You would have stumbled and slid, and eventually through the fog of anger, you would have been calmed briefly by the snow, but quickened the second you think of them, those silly, stupid people who spout such rubbish and you’re better than them, than all of them, and one day, they’ll know; that spurs you on. So you run; you think to go to your friends, but you worry their parents might rat you out, worry the conductor on the Knight Bus might tell on you, so instead, you spend a night on the streets, not daring to use magic for fear that the Ministry will find you and drag you home in disgrace.â€
He cannot remember Bella ever saying so much to him in one go, so he seizes the opportunity to ask, –How--how do you know?â€
She smiles, her white teeth faintly yellow in the light. –Because I felt the same, once. I’m not going to stop you if you wish to go. But as you said, you are twelve. And it is very cold out there for a twelve-year-old used to magic. Very cold.â€
When she stops speaking, Sirius, for the first time, notices how silent it is. Normally, he can hear children playing in the square opposite, some noises from the houses either side or even those Muggle cars. But there is nothing.
–And quiet,†Bella says, interrupting the silence and making him jump, though why, he cannot think. Her voice is hoarser than it has been, and her eyes fixed, not on him, nor the snow, but in mid-air. He’d never noticed how dark her eyes were, especially in this dim light, her pupils huge beneath her hooded eyelids.
–So quiet,†she says again, wrapped up in her own thoughts. –Quieter even than this, on the bridge, at Christmas. No one’s about. The world would be so much better if it were quiet. So many people making so much noise about nothing. And then, one person talks sense--†She pauses for a moment before half-smiling and saying, –It’s no wonder all those with a grain of intelligence flock to him.†Finally, she turns to face Sirius, and there is something strangely wolfish in her smile as she says, –Don’t worry, Sirius. You’ll get your chance. You’re a clever boy, and you will one day see the only possible course.†She stretches out her arm, winding it around his shoulders and holding him close to her body. How is she so warm? He can feel her chest rising and falling against his as she embraces him. Tentatively, he hugs her back.
He feels her relax once he’s done so and allows himself to be led by her as they walk together up the stairs. On the doorway, however, he stops, and looks up at her, admitting, –I don’t want to go back. Mother will shout at me.â€
Bella looks at him, and Sirius suddenly feels like he’s often imagined his chess pieces must feel, being appraised for its strategic use and pushed in directions against its will. But then this feeling goes as she bends down so their faces are level and speaks to him kindly.
–Sirius, go to your bedroom. In the morning, I promise you that this incident will never be mentioned again. And in return, see this incident for what it was. The flicker of rebellion, which I assure you, had you carried it through, would have soon been extinguished by the cold. Shall I tell you a secret?â€
Sirius, unsure what else to say, just nods.
–You are better than any of them,†she hisses, with more conviction than anything she’s said previously. –But you are not better than them because you are in Gryffindor. The hat almost placed me in Gryffindor. I am very brave, braver than any of them, and probably braver than you, young one, and I can also be hasty, but I promised the hat I would learn to be sly and clever.â€
–I don’t want to learn--â€
–Shh,†she says, pressing her finger to his lips. –You should want to learn everything. You do not yet. Once you do, you might choose to run away, but wait until you’re sure with every fibre of your being that that is what you want to do. And make sure you have something worth running to. When you do--†her voice begins to shake with excitement, something he has never heard before –--we will be great. Not our family. I love our name, and I wish to honour it, but we have become so pathetic. And we will be great, you and I. We will show them that we are greater than they ever expected us to be, and in ways they never thought people could be. Understand, Sirius?â€
–Yes,†he says. –I understand.â€
She kisses his cheek and then opens the door, holding it for him. Taking a deep breath, he steps into the warmth of Grimmauld Place. Bella, smiling triumphantly, follows him and closes the door behind her, having brought Sirius back to the fold until she should choose for him to leave it.
And she is sure she will succeed.
The Fold by welshdevondragon
Story Notes:
Thanks to my wonderful betas Sarah/Sapphire At Dawn and Soraya/babewithbrains.
Chapter Endnotes: Please review, and merry Christmas!