A/N: Hi everyone! This chapter is for Monerz and animagirlphoenix (you know who you are). It is also for all those people that were ready to kill me for not updating ... until they saw this chapter, and realised I had. :-)
The next morning was frantic in number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Eager to move the story to a different setting, Harry, Ron and Hermione ate and dressed quickly. They stood at the foot of the dusty staircase, waiting impatiently for Remus to appear from the bathroom and take them to the train station at Kings Cross.
"Why take the Hogwarts Express though?" Harry wondered aloud. "It's November already, couldn't we just fly, or something?"
"I like trains," said Remus simply. "Besides, it's in keeping with tradition."
"But in the third book -"
"Come on, Harry, we don't want to miss it!"
Unable to finish his sentence, Harry ran down the steps of Grimmauld Place with Ron and Hermione, watching from the corner of his eye as the house vanished.
"I suppose it gives the driver something to do between September and June," Harry mused, with his mind still on the train. Ron and Hermione decided it best not to disillusion their tempermental friend with the fact that the driver didn't actually wait in the train from the start of term until it ended.
The journey was a relatively peaceful one, with very few others abord the Hogwarts Express. Harry slept for most of the journey, and they allowed him to do so, as he had just related his nightmare involving Voldemort, and needed as much sleep as he could get. In fact, he only woke up once, to the sound of the food trolley accompanied by the smell of hot chocolate.
"I want ... give to me ..." he said groggily in his sleep.
"Anything off the trolley, dears?"
"Yes," Harry said, waking up more fully. "I want a huge mug of hot chocolate ..."
"Yes," said the witch kindly, as she poured out the steaming liquid.
"... and as many marshmallows as you can fit in the mug. Actually, you can just leave the trolley with me."
"Oh, I am sorry, dear. No marshmallows on board, I'm afraid. They're nowhere to be found. Every supplier I know is out of them, I've never seen the like before."
"What?" Harry said, looking upon his mug of hot chocolate with a mixture of disgust and fear. "What am I supposed to do with this slop if I have no marshmallows?"
"Harry, show some courtesy," said Remus warningly. The boy's attitude was starting to irk him. The food trolley was swung around angrily by a now extremely disgruntled looking witch, as she pushed past them, out the door.
"Oh, well done, Harry. Now we have no food."
"Shut up, Ron, I have no marshmallows."
"Wow ..." said Hermione quietly, "... when Voldemort said he was going to remove all the marshmallows, he really meant all the marshmallows. I wonder where he put them all?"
"Shut up, all of you," said a tired Remus. "Harry, stop annoying everyone and go back to sleep. I'll wake you when we arrive."
"Do you have to?" said Ron and Hermione simultaneously.
Lord Voldemort sat in the middle of the dusty floor in the living room of the Riddle House. Unfortunately, due to an excessive amount of marshmallows, all of the chairs in the house were taken up. Lucius Malfoy struggled inside, his usually neat blonde hair in disarray.
"That's the last bag, my Lord." he panted.
"Very well Lucius, you are dismissed." Voldemort didn't even look up at his weary servant, much to Malfoy's upset. Instead he remained sitting cross-legged upon the floor, scribbling away at a piece of paper.
"My Lord, may I ask, what are you concentrating on?"
The Dark Lord looked up at Lucius and bade him come closer. Lucius did, trembling in anticipation. Much to his disappointment however, Voldemort simply handed him a mug.
"More hot chocolate, and open up another bag of marshmallows, Lucius. I need to keep my creative juices flowing."
"For what, my Lord?"
"For this, fool," said the Dark Lord, brandishing a thick volume of pages at Malfoy. "Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince, 608 pages long, first edition. I'm going to sell my own book of events, nothing but me from start to finish. We'll see who sells out first!"
As Voldemort continued to scribble furiously, Lucius began to think that maybe the Dark Lord's strict diet of sugar and marshmallows wasn't such a good idea.
"My Lord, sorry to interrupt this ... ahem ... creative process, but how are you going to sell the book?"
"Rowling's publishers said they'd take it off my hands if I stopped calling their offices, trying to get her title changed. Leave the details to me, Lucius. I know what I'm doing."
"Of course, my Lord, of course." Tentatively, Lucius ventured forth another observation.
"My Lord, prehaps if you were to sell an electronic copy of the book under Rowling's name on the internet? You could make thousands, and sell you're own book in the process."
"I'm not stupid, Lucius," said the Dark Lord menacingly. "No-one is going to be thick enough to buy an electronic copy of a book that hasn't been released yet!"
"Yes, my Lord, of course," said Malfoy sheepishly, having already spent large amounts of his savings trying to purchase a fake copy of the 'Half Blood Prince' from a certain internet company.
"People want something they can feel in their hands, Lucius. I'm going to give them that. Rowling will be destitute after I'm finished, she'll be forced to include me in the title of future books, just to sell them!"
Voldemort passed Lucius the finished cover of his book. "What do you think?"
Malfoy stared at the child-like scrawl of 'Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince' in crayon. Underneath was a sloppy painting of Voldemort holding a bag of marsmallows, and sitting on the figure of Harry Potter. The Boy-Who-Lived had a speech bubble coming out of his mouth, which read "Lord Voldemort is way cooler than me."
"Err ... it's ... genius, my Lord."
"I know that Lucius, I designed it. I thought I told you to get me a hot chocolate?"
As Lucius hurried away, he decided it was his duty to try and ween the Dark Lord off marshmallows. They obviously weren't doing him any good.
Harry sat with Ron and Hermione at breakfast the next morning in the Great Hall. There were whispering students all around them, Harry's late return to school had been noticed.
"Hey," Harry asked, as he scanned the staff table for an unfamiliar face. "Who's the new Defence professor?"
"Oh, you didn't hear?" said Ron off-handedly. "Dumbledore couldn't find anyone, not surprising really, when you consider everything that's happened. It's going to be a mixture of Lupin and Snape."
"What?!" Harry spat. "Why Snape? Why not Lupin full-time?"
"Well, Remus resigned at the end of the third book because he was worried about hurting someone, and because he was worried at what some parents might say," said Hermione. "If Snape does a few classes, Remus can be a part-time teacher, and if he's not on the list of full-time staff, the parents really can't say anything."
"But what about hurting the students? I know he wouldn't, but -"
"He said student safety will just have to take a back seat to his financial situation. Merlin knows, he needs the cash," sighed Hermione.
"But, Snape has Potions -"
"Remus takes the classes he can't teach."
"Wow, Snape's going to be really bitter at having all these extra classes."
"He seems to be enjoying it really," said Ron. "Two opportunities to take points from Gryffindor in a day instead of one ..."
"What do we have first?" Harry asked, as he saw Hermione checking her timetable.
"Hmm, Transfiguration today, then Potions, then Defence Against the Dark Arts ... it's going to be a tough day. Oh, sorry Harry, you and Ron have Divination first."
"Divination? No way, I gave that up. I definately remember saying I was giving it up in the 'Order of the Phoenix'." Harry quickly whipped out his copy of book five and flicked through it to ascertain the truth.
"Harry mate, it's okay. You did say you were giving it up, but I thought it would be cool to sign us up again. You know, just for the sheer hell of it!"
Harry stared at Ron in disbelief. Little did he know that the rest of his day would turn out to be just that, hell.
A/N: A special thank you to Transfiguration_teacher, who suggested I try to work the recent internet scam involving book six into this story. ~ Zee
IMPORTANT NOTE: One of my lovely reviewers - Monerz has created an image of Voldie's book cover. I strictly urge all of you to go to my bio and get the url to check it out. I love it and I'm sure you will too. Thank you, Monerz!