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Secrets by Eleanor Lupin

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Chapter Notes: Many thanks to Maple for her terrific beta work! *throws confetti*
It was the first time in a while that Ted and I had been alone together. Ted was reading whilst I was simply scanning the page, thinking more than anything else.  The print on the pages had long since blurred into meaningless lines, my eyes occasionally grabbing a word or two. It was awhile before I noticed that I hadn’t heard the pages in his book turn either.

My eyes flicked upward for a split-second, a little nervous to meet his eyes, and noticed him staring at me. I thought it might be safe to look up again. 

He looked rather on tenterhooks, as though he was biting back words.

–What?” I asked, my voice laced with laughter.

–I was just wondering,” he said apprehensively, –Do you have a secret?”

My mind reeled. Of course I had a secret. But I was always instructed, from the time I was a little girl that I was not to trust anyone. And yet I wanted, so desperately wanted, to finally tell somebody, anybody, my deepest, darkest secret, and Ted was the perfect person to tell, someone I trusted, even though I had been told countless times I that shouldn’t.

My mind returned by Ted’s voice, softly apologizing. ”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean - it just kind of slipped out - I...” His face coloured. 

–It’s fine. Really,” I quickly amended. ”I don’t mind.”

A shadow of a grin played on his face. ”Well then, do you have one?”


I felt my face turn a little bit pink, and I inwardly cursed, feeling like a silly school-girl. –Yes,” I said finally.

–Does anyone else know it?” he asked with an affected air of curiosity.

–Nobody.” 

–Really?” His light manner became more serious when he saw the look on my face. 

”Honestly and truly.” 

–Alright then, do you plan on telling me?”
 
Damn, there it was again, that feeling of something twisting my insides, and the part of my conscience that sounded a lot like Bella arguing with the one on the other side of my head that sounded vaguely familiar, though I couldn’t place it. 

 –You can tell him, you can trust him.”

”You can’t trust anyone, stupid, nobody. Especially not a Mudblood! Remember, trust is weakness.”

”Come on, he would never tell. He might even like you better for it.”

”That’s not the point! And he’s a Mudblood, Andy!”
 
”Just tell him!”
 
”You can’t!”

In the end, my sister’s voice won out, mostly due to my general lack of ability to trust people anyway, regardless of what my family told me. 

”I’m sorry, Ted, but no.”

 Anyone else would have pestered me, begged me, or pleaded for me to tell. I completely expected him to. But he didn’t. He was silent for a few seconds, just enough for me to worry that he was hurt, maybe even angry, but his silence broke, and though there had been a flicker of hopefulness in his eyes, he actually didn’t seem to mind. I was so relieved that he didn’t bother me, because I knew I would crack if he had insisted on knowing, And I really didn’t want to tell him. But then I noticed something. I didn’t know if it was my imagination, but he had a bit of a disappointed, I-thought-so kind of look on his face.

–That’s fine, I didn’t think you would.”

I was taken aback slightly by this. ”What do you mean you didn’t think I would?” I asked quickly and rather sceptically.  

–You just don’t seem to like to trust people. It’s almost like you’re scared.”
 
I didn’t reply, the reason being that he had hit very close to home. I was a little scared, I guess, nervous, definitely, mainly because I had never really had anyone to trust, anyone to confide in. But I couldn’t tell him. I thrust myself back into my book as something to do and Ted quickly got the message, but I couldn’t read. I usually loved Potions, but all I could do was look at the words, sound them out, not leaving a trace of meaning in their wake. I turned and stared at Ted. His nose was in a book too, or so I thought. When he chanced a glance up at me, meeting my eyes, what I saw in them was enough for me to decide to take a shot in the dark with Ted. 

–Fine,” I blurted out. 

–What?”


–Fine, I’ll tell you. Nobody else knows this, so please don’t tell, alright?”
 
–Of course.” He smiled slightly, and I had to trust him, despite the fact that every fibre of my being was screaming not to.

–I’m a Metamorphmagus.” My face coloured, not delicate pink like usual, but a bright cherry red that had nothing to do with my special abilities.

–What on earth is a - a - a meta-what’s-it-called?” Ted asked, eyebrows furrowed. 

–I can change my appearance at will.” Ted’s eyes widened. –I had liked to change my hair to all sorts of bright colours until I was seven and my parents told me to make myself look normal and to stop standing out. They told me to never change it again.” Telling the story for the first time felt strange, like a dull pain that you never notice until it starts to go away.
 
–Did you?” he asked.

–No.”
 
–Never?” He was asking too many questions, I felt a blush tickle my cheeks again.
 
–Not when anyone was looking, at least not on purpose... I’ve learned to control it, because - I didn’t really have a choice. I was taught that I had to control it.” 

–Wow. This is what you really look like, though?”

Oh damn. –Not exactly. I guess I look a little different normally.”  I twirled a dark curl around my pale fingers. I knew my eyes betrayed a flicker of worry. 

–What do you look like really?”
 
–I can’t really show you. I sort of have to be feeling a certain way to be able to turn back into me.” Don’t ask how, don’t ask how, don’t ask how...
 
–Like how?” Of course he was going to ask, I probably would have too.


–I guess,” I hesitated, not sure how to describe the feeling. It had been a very long time since I had last felt it. I ended up blurting out the one word that came to mind. –Perfect. Not worried about anything, totally happy and comfortable with everything around me.” I paused. –I never feel that way anymore. I guess that’s why I can’t change back. I don’t really know how to.”

His expression remained calm, though there was a barely perceptible glimmer of concern in his deep blue eyes. 

–What would it take for you to feel like that. You know, perfect.”
 
–Lately, a lot.”
 
–Hmm.” He slipped onto the couch beside me. We still weren’t touching, and I stiffened, not letting myself relax so much as half an inch in his direction. I self-consciously tucked my hair behind my ears, feeling a little apprehensive. 

Ted’s fingers crept between mine, he had a gentle grip on my hand that gave me goosebumps. There was a brief fluttering sensation in my stomach. 

–How about now?”

–I still don’t think so,” I said, a smile playing on my face. 

–Really?” His face had a hint of a smile on it too. 

–Really.”
 
I don’t know what possessed me to do it, it was so unlike me, but I leaned a little closer in to Ted, my arm brushing his slightly. Ted responded by doing the same. We drew closer and closer until Ted finally pulled me in so I could lean up against him. He put his arm around me, and there we sat, watching the first streaks of light enter the sky through the window in front of us. Then in one moment, when the sky had begun to glimmer a brilliant pink, orange and gold, he turned to me, his rough fingers skimmed the bare skin of my shoulder, and I shivered deeply, my heart starting to beat faster. Ted leaned in and kissed me. And I had never felt anything that wonderful in my life, heat spread from where his lips touched mine, sending a tingling warmth down my entire body and that inexplicable, indefinable feeling deep in my chest. When we broke apart, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. Ted looked at me too, and his eyes widened.

My dark curls were relaxing, lightening, until they hung in thick, glossy, golden-brown waves around my face, which was losing some of its aristocratic air. The edges: my nose, my chin, my high cheekbones, all were softening a bit, my nose was no-longer turned up, but was just straight and small. My eyes lightened to a caramel colour, and were wider-set. My body became shorter, in even sharper contrast to Ted’s tall, muscular frame. 

–Well?” I said expectantly once I had gotten over the shock of seeing what I really looked like for what was probably only the second or third time in my life.

Ted smiled at me, and said the last thing I ever would have expected to come out of his mouth. 

–You’re beautiful.”

Ted pulled me towards him and kissed me, and this time I returned it with verve.

For the first time in years, I was completely happy.
Chapter Endnotes: Well, hope you liked the fic! I'd love to get some of the awesome feedback that everyone gives on here ... just saying! ;)

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