–You know, you should bring your boyfriend to the theater,†Lily commented one day as we sat in a café. It was my lunch break, and Lily had the day off, so we had met somewhere besides her flat.
–Lily, you’ll meet him eventually. He just works a lot and isn’t the most social. Also, he hasn’t really … outed himself,†I tried to explain, but Lily just smiled at me knowingly.
–I see. You’re coming, though, right?†she asked, sipping her tea. –I’ve been working on these costumes for months. And Louis’s finally got a lead role!â€
–What play is this again?†I replied cheekily, warranting a slap from Lily. When they weren’t working or otherwise engaged, Lily and Louis had an unusual obsession with Muggle theatre. Lily generally designed the costumes for whatever play Louis was in currently. She didn’t have much time, but as soon as she had the design worked out, a few flicks of her wand could create it. I had to admit, Louis was an amazing actor. He usually only had small roles, though, because he was still gaining his footing in the business. Now, however, he had a lead. The lead, in fact. He was Henry in Henry V.
–Shut it, or one of these days, I’ll believe you,†Lily said irritably, but she was laughing.
–And of course I’ll come,†I added hastily, while Lily beamed. –I wouldn’t miss it, after all your harping.†She pretended to look offended, but honestly, she was too happy. I hadn’t seen her like this in a while.
–Opening night is Friday. I’ll get you two tickets, just in case he changes his mind,†Lily said, still smiling.
–Why are you so happy?†I asked, and Lily looked down. She was blushing, something she didn’t do much. –What happened?â€
–We had a family dinner last night. Me and Louis, Mum and Dad, and James and Aria and Jace. It was really nice; no one fought. James and Aria even want to go to see Louis in the play,†she explained.
–Why does that make you blush, again?†I asked, slightly confused.
–Dad said they might have a lead on where Al went. He wouldn’t say what about, but he sounded really hopeful. And then, well, it was a good night,†she admitted, and I caught on to the reasoning behind her blush. I pretended to look abhorred, but then I tried to force a smile about the Al bit. I looked down, fingering the tablecloth.
–That’s great, Lily,†I managed to get out. In truth, my heart had plummeted into my stomach. I was worried for Albus; I had no idea whether or not he was ready. If he wasn’t … I couldn’t let what had happened last time happen again. Watching him slowly die inside. Not now.
–What time is it?†Lily asked, but I could tell my response hadn’t been convincing. I glanced down at my watch.
–Shit,†I said, quickly grabbing my bag. –I’m late. And tonight, I have to visit Mum,†I told her. –I’m sorry, Lily.†Then I shoved a few Sickles on the table before disappearing with a crack, appearing at the Ministry.
After another few hours of paperwork, a note from Lily, and one Crup that somehow managed to breathe fire, the office finally closed down for the day. I wasted no time making small talk; instead, I left to see my mum.
I didn’t even have to stop for the normal checks when I got to St. Mungo’s anymore. The Healers nodded at me but then left me be. I saw the pity in their eyes, though. Trying to ignore it, I put on a smile as I entered her room, conjuring some flowers to add to her collection from me.
–Hey, Mum,†I greeted quietly, pulling up my chair, squeezing her hand. As usual, there was only a weak squeeze in return. She couldn’t even speak anymore; it was only a matter of time before the disease shut her brain completely down. I’m sorry; it’s not a disease. It’s a fungus. A microscopic internal fungus that was slowly eating my mother. You have no idea how many times the Healers have corrected me countless times when I said it was a disease.
–Dad wanted to come today, but he had to work. Aunt Daphne will come again tomorrow, though, and she said that she’ll bring him along,†I told her softly, squeezing her hand again. What Aunt Daphne actually said was that she was going to drag ‘the sulky moron’ to see his own wife if she had to Stupefy and cart him down here herself’. I knew Aunt Daphne was only trying to lighten the mood slightly, but she was really agitated with Dad. As she had walked away, I heard her muttering about how he couldn’t leave everyone stranded again, that he couldn’t fall back into another depression. I had been slightly confused, but let it go.
The rest of the visit, I told her about work. She was so much worse today, though, that I couldn’t help the tears that splashed onto her bedsheet. I immediately worried that she had seen me cry, but I saw that she had fallen asleep once more. So I squeezed her hand once more before leaving. As I was about to leave the ward, a Healer stopped me.
–Scorpius Malfoy?†he asked, and I nodded numbly. –Could I talk to you for a minute? In my office?†I knew that was never a good sign, but I followed anyways. –There’s no easy way to tell you this, but the latest test results just came back on your mother, and it seems progression with the Scrofungulus is faster than we thought. We’re not sure if she’ll make it for another month. We’re trying everything we can to help your mother, but the fungus is progressing at an extremely fast rate.. I’m sorry.â€
I didn’t know what to say, so I just left, biting my lip to try and keep myself from crying. I drew blood, but even then I was still gulping as I hurried back to the flat. I knew I couldn’t hold it in much longer. I didn’t say anything to Albus, who was covered in dirt and sprawled on the sofa, wincing and cursing his brother.
–Scorpius-†he started, his hand reaching out to touch me, to console me, to comfort me. It was what he always did when it had been a particularly bad visit. I couldn’t take it right now, though. I needed to be alone. I couldn’t do this right now.
I knew that he was just trying to help, but this wasn’t something he could understand. My mother could die any day now. There were so many things I had never told her. That I couldn’t tell her. I doubted Albus would be ready to tell anyone in a week. She didn’t even know I was gay.
Before I realized exactly what I was doing, hot water was pouring on my back. It was almost burning, but the pain felt good. My tears blended in with the other water as I tried to make sense of what was going to happen. I had no idea what I would do without her, as odd as it sounded. God, I remembered the day before my sixth year.
–Did you actually pack, or are you going to race upstairs and do it right now?†she had asked, as I scarfed down toast. She already knew the answer. Mum had let out a chuckle as I raced back up the stairs. After hurriedly shoving everything into my trunk, I had came back down. Dad was there, stabbing his fork moodily at his kippers.
–What did the kippers ever do to you?†Mum had asked airily, but raised an eyebrow at Dad. He started to mutter something about work, his parents, and something that sounded oddly like ‘the idiot Voldemort’.
–Well, at least one good thing happens today. We are finally going to be rid of this delinquent!†she had said in a mock whisper, causing Dad to chuckle. –That wasn’t so hard, was it?â€
–It was agonizing,†he had responded dryly. –I think I might be dying.†Mum immediately slapped him upside the head.
–Are you done being a moron?†she had asked, and Dad had looked down, a slight red tinge in his pale cheeks.
–Yes, dear,†he muttered.
–Good.â€
I never understood how she would do that. Dad could sulk for days on end, but one slap upside the head from her, along with some sharp comment, and it was over. I honestly almost laughed at the memory, until I remembered where Mum was now.
When I finally left the bedroom, Albus was waiting. He looked troubled as his eyes bored into a rather thick book, and his face immediately relaxed as I entered the room.
–I thought you were going to drown yourself or something,†he said, looking relieved. Normally, I would have laughed or even smiled. But I couldn’t bring myself to. –Shit. What happened?â€
–My mum,†I managed to get out, finding the tears had returned and were choking me. –She has less than a week.†Immediately, Albus’s arms were around me, squeezing me in a hug. It was then I completely lost it. Albus sat me on the sofa, his hand rubbing circles on my back soothingly. He didn’t say a thing, and when I finally ran out of tears, Albus’s lips met mine. It was different than any other kiss. I could feel his sadness, his fear, but a slant of hope. It was his way of telling me all the things he couldn’t find the words to say.
I was filled with something other than crushing grief. The kiss, the simple kiss, had done more than any words or pity could. So as it intensified, as I felt Al’s problem, as I trailed kisses up his neck, neither of us let go. We couldn’t face reality. So we lost ourselves in the moment. In each other.
Hours later, everything came crashing back. We were lying in silence until Al turned to me. There were tears in his eyes.
–We’ll get through this. I love you, Scorpius,†he whispered, and I kissed him lightly. –Does your mum know …†I knew what he was saying.
–No. She doesn’t even know I’m gay,†I admitted, and Al breathed sharply.
–I’m sorry. I just can’t,†he told me. –I don’t know if I ever can.†I just nodded, trying to keep myself from crying again.
–Don’t you miss them?†I asked Albus, and he nodded. –Do you hate your job?†Again, Al nodded. –I don’t really understand.â€
–There’s a reason I ran away from it all. I can’t deal with the pressure; I can’t go back to that,†he said sharply, and I kissed him to be sure he knew I understood.
–They might have learned, though,†I added, not letting the matter go. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let Mum die without knowing. But Albus wouldn’t let me tell her. It wasn’t like she was going to tell anyone. I understood where Al was coming from, though; he wanted to keep it a secret until he could tell his family. –Hell, James even named his kid Jonathan Albus.â€
–He did?†Al asked, and I could see a tear run down his face. –No. I can’t. Not yet, anyway,†He got up to leave, and was almost out of the room when I stopped him.
–What about Lily?†I asked, and Al turned around, his face full of pain. –Are you really going to let her search for you the rest of her life? And for me to lie to her?â€
–You’re right. But not now,†Albus said, walking back and giving me a light peck. –I can’t let this go on forever. Can’t you wait a little longer?â€
Could my mum wait a little longer? No.
–Yes,†I replied, even though I felt hollow. I couldn’t push him, but I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up. He had been there for me every night after visiting her, taking away some of the pain, and I couldn’t ask him for this. At the same time, though, I wanted to tell Mum. I needed to tell her.
For the rest of the week, Al and I hardly spoke. At first, he tried to get me to, but he gave up after I had stopped returning the kisses. I was torn up inside; Dad had finally gone to see Mum, but had locked himself in the study immediately afterwards. To say that he wasn’t dealing with it well was to be contending for the greatest understatement of the twenty-first century. He looked positively agonized, sitting there in the hospital room, trying to talk to his wife who didn’t even know he was there.
I knew that he couldn’t stand to see her like this; he couldn’t deal with the pain. But what I cared about was that him not being there before hurt her more. I needed to tell her. I couldn’t let her die without knowing.
So when I was making tea and Lily’s head appeared in the fireplace (Al was in the loo, thankfully) I had an idea.
–It’s opening night. Do you still want to go, or with your mum-†Lily started, biting her lip nervously. I walked over, forcing a smile. I couldn’t go back to the hospital today. It was too much.
–No. I’ll still go,†I promised her, but cursed when I remembered I hadn’t told Al about the play.
–I still have that extra ticket,†Lily practically sang, grinning. She wasn’t giving up. Suddenly, I had an idea.
–You know what? I’ll take it. We might not stick around for you two, though,†I said, and she grinned even wider.
–It doesn’t matter. Here they are,†she said quickly, handing them to me through the fire. I grabbed them. I heard the shower turn off, which meant that Al would be out here any minute.
–I have to go, Lily. I have some paperwork to do,†I told her hastily, but she just grinned coyly.
–Sure, Scorpius. If I see you tonight, remind me to tell you Dad’s lead on Al,†she said, before disappearing. Albus walked out of the bathroom, still drying his hair.
–Hey,†I said, and he looked surprised. –I forgot. I have tickets to the theater for tonight; do you want to go? Lily was supposed to, but she just cancelled, and we haven’t had a date in a while,†I lied. He needed to see Lily, because, honestly, if the trail her father was following was true, the reunion was going to happen sooner rather than later. And then I could tell Mum.
–’Course. What play is it?†Albus agreed immediately, looking excited.
–Henry V. It’s Muggle,†I said. –You know Lily.†Al just nodded, rolling his eyes.
My heart beat in my ears. Would this actually work?
–Wow,†Albus said as we exited the theater. –I could have sworn I recognized Henry ...†There was an edge to his voice that made my heart jump with nervousness. We had ended up running late, so we hadn’t had time to get programs, but Albus had had an odd look on his face the entire play. I was almost positive he had recognized Louis.
Just as we were in the lobby, I spotted Louis, Lily on his arm. I looked at Albus; his face was deathly pale, and I knew his suspicions were confirmed.
–I can’t believe you,†he muttered, storming away. Lily saw me and waved, but I just shook my head. She frowned slightly, but I couldn’t worry about that. Al was nowhere to be seen.
What had I done?