Friendships are like bones: strong, but easy to break and often hard to fix. Over the last eight months or so, I have discovered this to be true.
First, in April, I lost my friendship with my cousin, Rose. Even though we weren’t very close, it stung when she started dating my ex-boyfriend, Scorpius, only one week after we broke up, and I was not ready to forgive her for that yet, even though I found out recently that she had fancied him for years.
What had hurt even more was losing my best friend, Andrew, in September. We had been best friends since we met on the train in our first year, but in one night we had managed to throw it all away. I hadn’t known that he felt something for me, and he hadn’t known it was my first time. I hated him for taking my virginity from me, I hated myself for letting him have it, and, most of all, he probably hated me for breaking his heart.
On New Year’s Eve, I was staring out of my window, watching the snow fall and hating myself for all the mistakes I’d made this year. If I ever needed a new start, it was now.
–Lily!†my mum called. We had our New Year’s party tonight at six and, even though it was only eight, I was supposed to be helping. That day, it was the last thing that I want to be doing.
My mum poked her head in the door. –Lily,†I turned around. –We need your help downstairs.â€
–Okay, I’ll be right there, mum.†She left the room, and I could hear her make her way downstairs. I turned to the window again, but saw that my breath has fogged up the window, and it had crystallised on the glass. I sighed, put on a pair of sippers, and grabbed a hair elastic from my bedside table.
I put my hair up in a ponytail as I went down the stairs and entered into the kitchen where Al was sitting.
–Great, Lily, you and Al can get the dining room ready. Make sure the room is clean, then set the table. The guest list is on the counter with the final numbers.â€
We finished the general cleaning and then began to set the table.
–Wait, Lily, what are the final numbers?†Al asked, as he counted how many settings were already on the table. I grabbed the list and told Al the number. I looked back at the list and saw the first family on the list: Ron, Hermione, Hugo, Rose, and Scorpius.
Great. Just bloody fantastic. I was going to have to watch Rose and Scorpius together all night. Just when I thought nothing could get worse, I see the names under the list of family: Andrew, Lisa, and Tim.
Even better, I was going to open the new year with my ex best friend and the holder of my virginity.
Once we were done all the preparations, I returned to my room. At five o’clock, my mum walked into my room. I was still in my sweatpants and t-shirt and lying on my bed, thinking.
–Lily, what are you doing? You should be dressed already!†I looked at my mum. She was beautiful, in a tight black dress with her red hair is up in a French twist. Next to her, I certainly looked pretty ratty.
–I’m thinking of New Year’s resolutions,†I said. You know, like eating healthy, procrastinating less, and avoiding Andrew.
–Well, think while you get dressed, because I need you downstairs in half an hour to take people’s coats.†Great, that meant I actually had to talk to people. Lucky Al must have been given the mingling job.
I pulled out the dress my mother has picked out for me. It really was beautiful; a deep green, and when I put it on, I see that it stopped about two inches above my knees. That, combined with the halter neckline, made me feel uncomfortable, so I threw on a pair of shorts underneath.
I went to tackle my hair, knowing that my mum would want it done nicely, and not just thrown up. I pulled it half back and secured it in a clip. Lastly, I put on a bit of makeup. By the end of it, I don’t feel like myself, which was the most comforting thing I’d felt all day.
I checked the clock on my bedside table that read 5:28. I sighed, taking one last look in the mirror before strapping on a pair of ridiculous heels and walking downstairs.
I met my dad at the bottom of the stairs. –You look lovely, Lily,†he says. He offered me his arm. –Are you ready to do this?â€
I nodded and smiled, even though I’m not.
As usual, Nana and Grandad were the first to arrive. Nana gave me a hug and then held me out at arms length. –You look so grown up, Lily.†I smiled. –You’re going to break a lot of hearts, my dear.â€
–Coat duty?†asked Uncle Ron. I nodded. –Tough luck.†He handed me his coat, as did Aunt Hermione and Hugo.
–Where’s Rose?†I blurted.
–She’s coming with Scorpius, they should be here any minute,†Aunt Hermione said. Everyone in the family knew what happened with Scorpius (well, probably not the sex part), so all three of them watched for some sort of reaction, which I wouldn’t give.
I put away several more jackets and talked to several different people before Rose and Scorpius finally came in. They looked around. I took a deep breath. I would just take their coats and avoid them for the rest of the night.
–Can I take your coats?†I asked once I have approached them.
–Thanks, Lily,†Rose said. She takes off her coat, revealing her outfit. I had to admit, Rose looked beautiful with her tight purple dress and hair swept into a side ponytail.
–Scorpius?†I asked. He hands me his jacket, muttering a thank you. As if it couldn’t get any more awkward, our hands touch.
–Well, you guys know where everyone is, don’t let me keep you.†Scorpius looked like he wanted to say something, but Rose picked up on the hint and pulled him away.
And as if things couldn’t get any worse, when I returned to the door, Andrew was standing there with his family, looking slightly awkward.
–Hello, Mrs and Mr Gallagar,†I said.
–Hello, Lily,†Mrs Gallagar gave me a hug. Andrew’s parents loved me. Judging from the way she was acting, she had no idea what is going on between Andrew and I.
–May I take your coats?†I asked.
–That would be lovely, my dear,†Mrs and Mr Gallagr handed me their jackets.
–I can take yours too, Andrew,â€I said with deliberate sweetness. He handed me his coat, but he held on a second longer than he should have and locked eyes with me.
–Great, I’ll see you guys at dinner,†I walked away to put more coats away. After the last person had arrived, I walked into the dining room. Mostly everyone was already seated. Albus waved me down. He had saved me a seat, just like he did every year. Lucky for me, Rose and Scorpius were at the other end of the table, so I didn’t have to see them. Unlucky for me, the seat was to the left of Andrew, who was left-handed.
–So Lily,†Mr Gallagar said, –have you put any thought into what you want to do after Hogwarts? I know you were considering being a Herbologist last year.â€
–I’m actually thinking of either curse breaker or dragon keeper,†I replied, surprised that he had remembered.
–Both sound rather dangerous,†he replied. –Good thing Andrew wants to be a doctor.â€
–It’s a Healer, Dad,†Andrew corrected, but with a smile, making it seem like it was kind of an inside joke.
I smiled awkwardly, understand the implied idea that that Andrew and I would be together in some sort of fashion. I reached for my glass for something to do. Unfortunately, Andrew reached for his at the same time, and the backs of our hands brushed.
Andrew jerked his hand away instinctively. My hands were shaking when I grabbed the cup. There were tingles crawling up my arm. They must be the result of that night in September, because no way did I actually like Andrew.
The rest of dinner passed in a similar fashion. I talked to Mrs and Mr Gallagar while somehow avoiding conversation with Andrew. Our hands touched a few more times, and I cursed the fact the Andrew was left handed.
After dinner, I helped clear the table and set up the snacks, thankful for the time it gave me away from everyone else. While no one would think twice about me avoiding Rose and Scorpius, people would find it odd if I didn’t talk to Andrew. The hour it took gave me a chance to think of a plan of action for how to pull off the rest of the night.
After cleaning up, I walked into the living room. I was intent on sitting on a couch and just playing wall flower, but one look showed Rose and Scorpius almost sitting on top of one another.
–It still hurts, doesn’t it, seeing them like that,†I turned and saw Professor Longbottom, leaning against the doorway. Professor Longbottom was my favourite teacher, and had known me for so long that he was practically an uncle. But he had an advantage, because he saw me at school, where none of my actual uncles did.
–No, it doesn’t really hurt so much. It’s more like anger. And that anger isn’t even really at Scorpius, it’s at Rose.â€
Professor Longbottom nodded, encouraging me to continue. I leant up against the wall beside him. I didn’t know why I was even telling him about my feelings, but I thought it had something to do with the fact that I haven’t talked to anyone about this sort of stuff in ages, and it was really beginning to weigh me down.
–It’s like, I’m not even upset with her for dating him. I just mad that it was so soon after, you know?â€
Professor Longbottom nodded. –So, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s going with you and Andrew?â€
–How did you know about that?†I asked.
–Lily, please, I see you almost everyday for the majority of the year, and all of a sudden, you aren’t talking anymore.â€
–Something just happened,†I said, because no way was I telling Professor Longbottom about that.
–That’s too bad,†he said. –Certain faculty had bets on when you two would finally get together.â€
–What?†I exclaimed. I was completely horrified. Why would the teachers do that?
Professor Longbottom chuckled. –I’m only kidding.†I couldn’t help it, I laughed, too.
–Chin up, kiddo. Go enjoy yourself.†And with that, he left.
And so I took his advice. I mingled and laughed and took part in Roxanne’s ridiculous singing. I did what I always do on New Year’s Eve, with one major exception: it was without Andrew. Instead, he was hanging around with Hugo and Lucy by the punch bowl.
I was involved in a very animated game of charades when Scorpius comes up to me.â€Hey, Lily, can I talk to you?â€
–I guess,†I said. It wasn’t certainly the last thing I wanted to do. I felt a sense of dread. Nothing he could say to me could be good at all. I got up and followed him. I watched Andrew’s eyes follow me, and narrow. We went into the kitchen, which was mercifully empty.
–What is it, Scorpius,†I asked.
–I heard a rumour that the reason I broke up with you...â€
–Look, Scorpius, I really don’t care why you broke up with me. That was eight months ago.†I interrupted. It was the truth. I really didn’t care anymore.
–Oh, well, you always seem really mad at...â€
–I’m not mad at you either. It’s just awkward, okay?†I was quickly growing annoyed with this conversation.
–Oh, well do you think we could maybe be civil to each other? I mean, if this thing with Rose goes further...â€
–Okay, yes, fine.†I said, exasperated.
–Oh, there you are,†Rose said as she walked into the room. The two exchanged a look, and Scorpius leaves the room.
–Look, Lily, I think it’s time we resolve this.†I tried very hard not to roll my eyes. –I know we were never very close, but I do hate not talking to you.â€
–Well, you kind of brought that upon yourself,†I snapped.
–He was single again!â€
–I would have had no problem with you dating him, but you should have had the decency to wait a bit or talk to me about it.â€
–I had waited a long time for him to ask, and I didn’t want to lose him,†Rose explained, almost begging.
Suddenly, I realised that how I feel now must have been how she felt last year, when I was attached to Scorpius. While I still wasn’t not ready to forgive him completely, I was willing to at least be civil to her again. It was like the bone had been reset and put in a cast. It would mend, but it would take time.
–Okay, Rose, I get it, but you still should’ve waited.â€
I walked out of the kitchen and literally ran into Andrew.
–Oh, not you, too!†I cried. –Look, whatever you have to say, can it wait?â€
–No, Lily, it can’t.†He pulled me into the small alcove behind a tapestry that only a few non-family members knew about. Andrew and I used to spend a lot of time in there.
–Well, what is it?†I asked.
–We can’t just not talk all night.â€
–I don’t want to talk to you right now,†I said, making to leave the alcove.
–Lily, wait, your parents, do they know what happened?†I shook my head. –Right. Now do you want them to know?â€
–Not particularly,†I muttered.
–Neither do I. For one, it’s private, and two, I’m pretty sure your dad could hex my balls off and make it look like an accident.†I smirked at that. –But they are, going to find out if we don’t stop avoiding each other.â€
–You right,†I said. –But us ‘hanging out’ together does not change anything,†I said, using air quotes.
–Fine,†Andrew said. –But just know that I wish it did.â€
We walked out of the alcove. Professor Longbottom nodded his approval.
–Did Professor Longbottom tell you to do that?â€
–No, though, the reason I did is that I knew he had mentioned us to you,†Andrew says.
–There is no ‘us’, Andrew,†I snapped.
For the next two hours, Andrew and I followed each other around, pretending to enjoy each other’s company. We even sat on the couch together, as was traditional, commenting on people’s outfits.
–You know, Rose really does look beautiful,†I pointed out.
Andrew gave me a funny look, but he didn’t appear to see any sort of jealousy on my face. –I guess, but she’s not nearly as beautiful as you are.†I glared at him. He promptly turned to look ahead straight ahead. –James and his girlfriend look happy.â€
–They should be, they just got engaged,†I noted.
–Lily! Andrew! Come on, it’s only a few minutes until twelve!†my mum said, bringing us drinks.
–So, it’s not like I’ve got anyone to kiss this year,†I said. Last year had been my first year toasting in the New Year with a kiss. But now, Socrpius was going to kiss someone else.
â€â€™You have Andrew,†she pointed out.
–Ewwww, mum. That would be like kissing Al.†I made a face. I didn’t think about how that would make Andrew feel.
–Lily, he isn’t your brother, he’s your best friend, and he needs someone, too. You guys are the perfect match.â€
I sighed, got up, and wondered whether my mother hated me or if she was trying to set me up.
–Five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year!†The room rung with the sound of clinking glasses and all around me, people began to kiss each other.
My lips met Andrew’s. All of a sudden, I was back in the grass by the lake, the shoots prickling my bare back. I could feel Andrew’s hands beside my waist and I could feel his hair in my hand and the gentle curve of his neck...
Chatter filled the room again, breaking me from my trance.
I looked in horror at Andrew, who had a peculiar expression on his face.
I turned and walked out of the room. I made my way to the alcove and cast a Muffliato spell over the entrance. I fell to the ground in the far corner, brought my legs under my chin, and felt the tears fall down my face as I tried to push the flashbacks from my mind.. I hated the fact that I could hardly stand being around him. I hated the fact that I’d had sex with him, but mostly, I hated the fact that we were no longer friends.
–Lily?†Andrew crawled into the alcove.
–Go away,†I sob. He was the last person I wanted to see at that moment. It was hard enough to try and forget about September when he wasn’t there.
–No,†Andrew said. This surprised me. In the last four months, he hadn’t tried to make me talk to him, even though I was pretty sure he wanted to. –We need to talk about his.â€
–What is there to talk about?†I snapped.
–You know what we have to talk about,†he said.
–Why?â€
–Because I hate this, Lily. I hate not talking to you,†he said.
–I hate not talking to you, too,†I confessed. –But it doesn’t change anything.â€
–Do you know why I wanted to do it?†Andrew asked. I nodded. I did. –So why did you do it?â€
The scary thing is that I didn’t know.
I told him so.
Andrew looked at me a little sadly. –Lily, I want things to go back to the way they were before this happened.†He appeared to be almost begging. –I’m sorry if I made you think you had to. I’m sorry for not knowing. I’m sorry...â€he faded off, and I was horrified to see he had tears in his eyes.
–Andrew, I’m sorry, too. I was unreasonable.’ I put my hand on his arm. –I want us to go back, too, but I’m not ready. But when I am, I promise you, we’ll try again.â€
We both sat there. I cried and Andrew tried not to. We left at the same time, but not together. It was a new year, hopefully one where I’d make less mistakes.
As I went to my room, I had a feeling that Andrew and I would heal. I knew he’ll wait for me until I was ready, and I’d never have to beg him to forgive me, because he already did. Someday, we’d be friends again, when I was as good of a person as he was, and I was ready to forgive him and myself.