She usually didn't break rules.
She didn't think that it had been worth it to sneak out with Susan, but she had done it and that's all there was to it. She had to admit--Megan Jones was quite good at throwing parties, and the Christmas party had been fun. Hannah would have smiled had she not been so afraid of being caught.
The lights flicked on with a soft click and Hannah froze, eyes wide, as if she had been shot.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" shrieked a voice. Hannah winced. Mum.
"Um...." she said hesitantly.
"Where have you been all night?" demanded an enraged-looking Mrs. Abbott, stomping across the room and, despite her tattered pink bathrobe and gray slippers, looking quite threatening. It was all Hannah could do not to turn and run.
"I--well--"
Before she could react, Hannah was thrown backwards by a harsh slap. Tears pricked the girls eyes as she backed away from her mother, clutching the right side of her face.
"Mum, I--I just--"
Behind Mrs. Abbott, Hannah's father stood looking on sadly. Of course he wouldn't intervene. He never did. Hannah had learned to accept this.
"What right do you have to come waltzing back in here after FIVE HOURS of being gone in the middle of the night?!"
"I--"
"I thought I'd raised you better than this! Some wild party no doubt, with teenaged hellions--"
"Ernie and Susan are NOT hellions," Hannah snapped, preparing for the blow. It didn't come. Her mother was too angry to listen.
"--your father and I up half of the bloody night waiting for you to return, you ungrateful little brat!"
Hannah bit her lip to keep from crying. If she had known her parents would be so worried, perhaps she wouldn't have gone.
"Mum," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "I just--"
"I don't want to hear it," the woman snarled. "Go to bed. NOW."
Choking slightly, Hannah turned and fled up the stairs and to her bedroom, slamming her door behind her and locking it. She pushed a chair up against it so that she would have a warning if anyone came in. It had only happened once before, but when it had she'd had bruises all over her arms and face for the next several days. She wouldn't be caught off guard again.
Hannah buried under the covers of her bed and let out a strangled sob, hugging herself so tightly her arms and ribs ached. She should be used to it by now. She should expect these things. It shouldn't affect her.
But it did.
"Where are you going, Abbott?"
Ernie Macmillan spun around, drawing his wand. "Leave her alone, Malfoy!"
"Defending your girlfriend, are you?"
Ernie's ears turned red, but he pointed his wand at the approaching Slytherin.
"Ernie," Hannah whispered, her voice barely audible. "Just don't. He isn't worth it."
"Better watch out, Abbott," Draco drawled. "If dear Potter is right, your Mudblood mother may be in for trouble."
"Leave my mother alone!" Hannah spat, her hand flying to her wand. She almost never resorted to violence, but it was good to be prepared. She might have to be.
"Touchy!" laughed the Slytherin, a nasty smile spreading across his face. Signaling to his entourage, they turned and headed down the corridor. The two Hufflepuffs stood glaring after them.
It shouldn't bother her when people made fun of her mother. Her mother didn't love her. She knew this. It shouldn't affect her when people mocked the woman she had begun to hate a long time ago.
But it did.
Looking back on it, she couldn't even remember what had started the fight. Maybe it was her parents' recent divorce, or maybe it was the fact that she had seen her mother crying that morning. Whatever it was, it had caused shouting in the kitchen later that day.
When her mother tried to hit her, Hannah moved out of the way easily, as if someone else was controlling her. She stared at the woman before her, and her eyes turned hard and cold. The tears would no longer come. She had hit her breaking point.
"I hate you!" she yelled, her fists clenched at her sides. "You're terrible and hateful and cruel! I hate you!"
Everything was a blur after that. She had somehow found herself in her room packing, barely aware of her actions. When she had gone back downstairs, her mother was nowhere to be found. Hannah didn't care.
She took the Floo network to Susan's house without a second thought.
She should feel something. She shouldn't be so numb to emotion as she lay in the guest room of the Bones household that night, staring up at the ceiling. She should be upset.
But she wasn't.
Her father came to pick her up within the next few days. She stayed at his flat for the remainder of the summer, only leaving for a few hours on a day in late July to do some school shopping with Ernie, Susan, and Justin.
Her father waved her off from Platform 9 and 3/4. Despite her lingering anger, Hannah felt a hollow place as she thought of her mother. What would it have been like if she was the smiling young woman that Hannah had seen in photographs, twirling around and kissing her two-year-old daughter's curly blond hair. Hannah fingered the end of her now-straight blond pigtails absentmindedly.
The Prefect's cart was crowded and stuffy, so it was a relief when they were given their rotas and sent out.
"Are you okay, Hannah?" asked Ernie, placing his hand on her shoulder and staring into her eyes.
After a moment's hesitation, Hannah nodded. "I'm fine."
It was a lie, and they both knew it. Ernie had always been good at detecting deception.
"We're your friends," he told her. "We're here for you."
They walked on in silence, neither really knowing what to talk about. The corridors seemed quieter this year. Not as many children seemed to be so keen on breaking the rules.
As they patrolled, Hannah thought about her mother. She thought of the woman in the pictures that she had seen and of the woman she knew. The woman who hit her and screamed at her and terrified her.
She felt a wave of nausea and stumbled to a stop.
"You okay?" Ernie looked concerned.
"I--I'm alright."
It shouldn't bother her. She shouldn't wonder what could have happened. It shouldn't bother her that she couldn't find it in herself to forgive her mother.
But it did.
"Miss Abbott, please come with me to my office."
Hannah looked up from the baby Venemous Tentacula that she and Susan were planting to see the Head of Gryffindor, Minerva McGonagall, standing in front of her. "I'm sorry, Professor?"
"My office, Miss Abbott."
Hannah glanced at Professor Sprout, who barely nodded in response. Taking off her gloves, Hannah stood up and followed the Professor out of the classroom.
The walk to McGonagall's office seemed to stretch on for centuries. When they arrived, McGonagall gestured to the chair in front of her desk.
"Please sit."
Hannah sat. "Am I in trouble?"
"No," McGonagall said softly, taking the seat across from her. "You are not in trouble."
A moment of silence passed in which McGonagall seemed to be preparing herself for something.
"Miss Abbott," she said gently, meeting Hannah's eyes. "It is my utmost regret to inform you that last night your mother passed away. She was found dead in her home."
The world seemed to stop.
"What?"
"There were so markings on the body," McGonagall replied. "Experts believe that--" here, the professor seemed to stumble over her words. "--that the Killing Curse was to blame."
Hannah was barely aware of the tears pricking at her eyes. "Why?" she demanded, her voice shattering against the single syllable. "Why would they go after her? She never--" Her voice trailed off as she scrubbed at her eyes.
She shouldn't be crying. She shouldn't feel her heart breaking inside of her. It shouldn't be a regret to her for never telling her mother how much she loved her.
But it was. And it was one that she would never forget.
The funeral was a quiet affair. Only a handful of the Abbotts and the Nielsons--her mother's family--attended. Not many of them were left.
Hannah stood by her father as they lowered the coffin into the ground. She did not watch her mother's body disappear into the earth's folds. She couldn't face it.
Then it was time to say goodbye. Hannah knelt in front of the tombstone when it was her turn.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her throat constricting. "For everything. And--and I forgive you."
And she did.