The End
–Do you think people ever actually love each other?†Scorpius asked, closing his eyes as he lay on the cool grass beside her.
Lily exhaled, and the fog of her breath bled into the night air. –I don’t know,†she said. The cynicism of the question seemed to have broken something celestially serene in the starry sky above.
–They don’t,†he answered for her.
–Oh, I don’t know,†she murmured again. –Maybe they do.â€
Scorpius laughed harshly. –People don’t love. They like each other, they become infatuated and then they delude themselves into thinking they care. But it all gets fucked up eventually.â€
She picked at a dead fallen leaf until only the bare stem remained. –Are you going to marry her?â€
He snorted humourlessly and turned away from her and she felt oddly hurt in an exasperated sort of way.
–Scorpius,†she started. He flinched away from her voice.
–Is this about you feeling sorry for me again? The poor Scorpius who was thrown out of the house by his father after he got a girl pregnant?â€
–I’m asking because I care, Scorpius,†Lily reminded him softly, turning and resting her head on the crook of her elbow.
–It’s bad enough that everyone around the house treats me like some charity case your dad decided to add to his Golden Boy resume.â€
–I’m sure Dad would have left you to fend for yourself if you weren’t Al’s best friend,†she assured him dryly. He was silent and the space between them felt hollow and uncomfortable.
–Do you want me to marry her?†Scorpius asked suddenly.
The words and replies swarmed together in her head but couldn’t seem to string themselves together. –I…don’t know what I want,†she told him, settling for a half-truth because it seemed to form itself cohesively. –I think you deserve to be happy, Scorpius,†she amended. –And I think she does too.â€
–If you say the word, I’ll do it,†he said, his voice rising with promise. –You’re the only member of the female species I trust.â€
–You’re seventeen. You shouldn’t have trust issues,†Lily reminded him as she laughed a breathy, fake laugh. When she saw the question had not left his eyes she sighed and sat up. –You should work this out with her. I’m not really part of this, am I?â€
Scorpius sat up slowly and suddenly they were close, so close that the warmth of his breath caressed her lips. –Are you?â€
There was a single moment -- hot and bright -- in which she thought about kissing him and pressing her hands to his face and pretending for that night that he was hers.
But instead she stood. The air seemed colder now and the stars more pronounced, as though they were goose bumps on the sky. –I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Scorpius.â€
The Beginning
The dress robes she had borrowed from Rose itched against her skin uncomfortably and her ears were red and swelling from the large pearl earrings her friend Charlotte had insisted she wear. Beads of sweat budded at the base of her neck and her hellos came out as stammers. Lily felt painfully out of place.
–You look lost,†someone murmured sardonically.
She smiled in relief at finding someone familiar in the torrential downpour of people. –Is it that obvious?â€
Scorpius gave her a half smile and laughed with his eyes as he led her away from the entryway.
–I don’t know where Al went, sorry,†she said. Her eyes swam over the plates of chocolates and gold silverware and pinch-nosed guests.
–Don’t the Potters have Christmas parties? I’m sure the farm of Weasley cousins doesn’t hold a candle to this crowd,†he chuckled, following her gaze.
–They’re less formal. Much less formal. It’s very different from Christmas with the Greengrasses,†she explained, her voice dropping apologetically. –Thank you for inviting us, though.â€
–I figured it’s the least I could do,†Scorpius muttered. –Especially after the shit Al’s been through these past couple months.â€
–Oh, it’s all fine now,†she lied.
He drummed his fingers on the buffet table behind him. –That’s what he says, Lily. But if everything was fine, he wouldn’t have had to bring his sister to this party as his date, would he?â€
She looked up and met his eyes. –I’m worried about him, Scorpius.†His name dropped into the air with an uncomfortable thud, like a stone in water.
–So am I,†he told her, his eyes a little absent and his mouth downturned. –I’ll look for him with you, if you want. I need an excuse to avoid my mum -- she’s upset I didn’t invite Eva this year.â€
–Mm, I liked Eva,†she said, following Scorpius’s lead as he walked through the foyer.
–I loved her,†Scorpius said bluntly, his tone biting. –Until, of course, I caught her on the Quidditch pitch fucking some bloke from Hufflepuff.â€
–Oh,†she hummed, hugging her arms around her waist as they stepped out onto the front porch. She wasn’t entirely sure how to reply to that. He seemed fine with her silence and so she merely trailed a few paces behind him as he circled around to the garden.
Lily nearly bumped into him as he stopped abruptly. There was a shiny, jet-black leather shoe nestled in the mud at the base of one of the rose bushes.
–That’s Al’s shoe,†Lily said. Scorpius’s exasperated sigh told her he already knew.
–Shit,†Scorpius murmured under his breath.
They rounded the corner. Albus was sitting there, his feet tucked underneath him, with a red face and vomit at the corner of his mouth. He waved at Scorpius and then bent over and heaved.
–Sorry,†he slurred, closing his eyes. Scorpius lifted his wand and a flute of water splashed over Albus’s face.
–Get my broom from the shed, will you?†Scorpius asked, lifting a sputtering Albus to one of the garden benches. Lily Summoned his broom and stumbled back a few steps as she caught it.
–What’s the plan?†she asked, tiptoeing around the pool of sick on the snowy grass towards her brother and Scorpius.
–The three of us are going to sit on the roof,†Scorpius told her, as though he were introducing a plan bathed in logic. –I’ll fly up first with Albus and you can Summon the broomstick again and come up yourself. You do know how to fly, don’t you?†he added.
Lily pressed her lips together and handed him the broomstick. –Don’t patronise me,†she warned, and he laughed as though she had humoured him in saying this.
She watched Albus droop ingloriously from the crook of Scorpius’s arm as they hovered over the roof, the crescent moon casting a pale illumination over their faces. Lily teetered for a moment on the heels of her shoes as she stepped over the discarded flask and Summoned the broom for the second time.
–Are your parents still angry with him?â€
Lily turned away from the sleeping, blissfully drooling face of her brother for this sudden break in the silence. –Mum’s still angry,†she answered after a moment. –But Dad…he’s disappointed, or at least he acts that way, and I think that’s what’s killing Al.â€
Scorpius nodded absently, and Lily thought about how close he was sitting -- so close she could smell the cologne and sweat and the faint scent of liquor on him. –Does anyone else know?†he asked.
–No one, besides you and our family. And the Headmaster, of course.â€
–You know it was her fault, right?†Scorpius said, scuffing his shoe against the roof tiles. –She seduced Albus. She was a professor past her prime and Al made her feel young.â€
–I know,†Lily said, even though this version of the story contrasted so starkly with Albus’s constant repentance and mantra of It was all my fault. For a moment it was quiet except for the soft hum of Albus’s snoring.
–I’m sorry for bringing you out here,†Scorpius told her.
She raised her eyebrows and flushed and stared down at her itching hands. –I’m sorry for coming, too. I didn’t realise we’d be such a burden on you.â€
–A burden?†Scorpius scoffed. He took her hand and gazed out into the sky. She felt her fingernails blush. –Believe me, I’d rather go through something like this a thousand times than make pleasant conversation with the Greengrass relatives.â€
Lily turned towards him to meet his gaze and found that he was closer than she had thought, and then she felt his lips on hers like a torch. She sighed against his lips as he ran his fingers through her hair and the night felt beautifully hot against her shivering skin.
She saw Scorpius almost every day and sometimes they would snog or he’d hold her but mostly they would just sit on the melting snow outside and talk about the wrongness in the world. They talked about Albus and how it wasn’t fair for him to be so upset and lost all the time when all that had happened to Professor Knott was that she had lost her teaching position. They talked about Eva -- whom Scorpius called The Bitch -- and how hard it was to be in love with someone who loved someone else.
On the last day of the holidays, Lily waited outside for him and used her wand to pile up the dead leaves in a corner. She waited for one hour, and then another, and then she went inside and decided that perhaps Scorpius was busy packing up his things.
He came to the house around midnight, quiet and moody and led by Lily’s father.
–Scorpius is going to leave with us tomorrow,†her father said, his voice heavy and tired.
Lily met Scorpius’s gaze and when her father left she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt his lips at her ear.
–What happened?†she whispered.
–Eva’s pregnant,†he breathed.
Something in the air seemed to break.
Lily stepped back. –With your…is it yours?â€
–I don’t know. But it works well for her if it is, doesn’t it? Marrying into the Malfoy family will leave her better off than if it had been some Hufflepuff Chaser’s.â€
Marry. The word was too fat and squat and ugly to sit in the air beside them. She thought that maybe she didn’t want to see Scorpius marry Eva, or perhaps anyone, but then she saw the droop in his eyes and decided against saying anything.
She led him outside and together they lay on the icy grass, looking up at the stars and thinking of a future that was no longer so far away.
One Year Later
–Is it possible to ever love someone without everything turning to shit?†Lily asked, struggling to fit her feet into the small black shoes. –And I mean this sincerely, Albus, because in a few hours you’ll be a married man and I doubt your wife will let you answer that honestly.â€
–Mm, you’re being extremely pessimistic, aren’t you?†Albus said, smiling as he sat leaned back in his chair and sipped his tea. –Have you been scorned by a few lovers recently?â€
–It was an honest question. You’re the one getting married at eighteen -- I assumed you would know.â€
Albus spilled his drink on the front of his dress robes and swore, messily siphoning off the mess with his wand. –Yes, it is. Are you asking this because I invited Scorpius to the wedding?â€
Lily snorted and looked away, finally sliding her heel in the shoe. –I don’t care about him, Albus. He abandoned you last year when you needed him most and I won’t forget that.â€
–That’s rather harsh coming from someone who spent nearly every waking hour with him for the better part of the holidays. He had his own problems to sort through.†Albus placed his cup in the sink and crossed his arms. –But in any case, I’m glad. He’s my friend, and he’s much too old for you. If I hadn’t been so mopey then I probably would have put an end to it. It’s comforting to know you wore that alarmingly low neckline for someone else.â€
The ceremony was quiet in a happy, peaceful kind of way. It seemed to fit Albus -- who’d had enough of the uncomfortable, noisy love for a lifetime. Lily watched and tried to smile at the right places. She ignored the fact that Scorpius was seated in the row behind her and Eva was standing in the back with someone from Albus’s year who looked vaguely familiar.
Lily went over to congratulate Hannah and Albus when it was finished.
–Thank you for being here for your brother with me,†Hannah said with a wide smile and wavering eyes.
She was about to make some sort of closing reply when she noticed Albus’s lips press together tightly. Hannah met his gaze and reminded him that there were special chocolate hors d’oeuvres over in the corner, and maybe they should let Lily and her friend talk. Albus raised an eyebrow at Lily as they left and she shrugged impassively.
–It’s nice to see you,†Scorpius said. She realised she had forgot how warm his lips were and she felt a strange urge kiss him to see if perhaps the memory had simply grown sweeter with time.
–It hasn’t been that long,†she said acidly. She paused and avoided his eye contact, thinking that perhaps if he did not feel her gaze on him he would leave.
–Are you going to ask me how married life is treating me?†he asked, a smile teasing at his lips. –I’m not, of course, married. I did wonder if you’d ask just to be polite, though.â€
–I knew you weren’t married,†Lily told him impatiently. –And I’m not really in the mood to play games.†She bit her lip and finally looked up at him. –What happened last year, Scorpius?â€
He looked at her intently, as though reading a story in her eyes. –I think that sometimes,†he said slowly, –we fall in love with what we want someone to be. I probably would have gone back to Eva no matter what she said. I just needed the illusion that she wanted me in some way.â€
–Was there a baby?†she asked harshly.
–It was olive-skinned and had dark curly hair. I gathered that it probably did not carry any of my genes. She had left me before that, though, for the second time.â€
–I bet you were heartbroken.â€
–I was.â€
Lily looked away. The thought of kissing him had become stale and sour and unappealing. –I think I was too, when you decided to hole yourself away seventh year. I think maybe I just liked the idea of you, though.â€
Scorpius stepped closer to her and she felt the scent of him in her nose and her throat. –I’m sure you did. If it means anything, though,†he added, tucking a curl behind her ear and letting his fingers linger until she shivered, –I think I was just heartbroken over an idea, too.â€
–It means nothing,†she said, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted because she thought he might kiss her and that thought had clouded nearly everything else on her mind.
–I didn’t think it would. I thought about you quite a bit. Girls like to hear that, don’t they?†He grinned. –Suppose it’s true, though. Maybe I missed having a friend who could snog so excellently.†He took another step towards her and she felt the rise and fall of his chest. Scorpius raised an eyebrow sardonically as if he could see the frantic murmur of her heartbeat.
–That doesn’t sound very romantic.â€
–Mm, I didn’t think you liked romance very much,†he reminded her with a smile.
And then he kissed her. She remembered how hotly blissful his skin felt against hers. His hands slid down her waist and his tongue teased at her lower lip. She felt him smile against her as he slowly broke away.
–I don’t want to get Al too worked up. It’s supposed to be the happiest day of his life, after all.†He pressed his lips against her forehead. –You should come to the Greengrass Christmas party this year,†he told her. –Unless there’s some spot-faced seventh year you’ve already promised to spend Christmas with.â€
–I suppose I could.†A small laugh rose to her lips. –We might have to be more social this year, though.â€
–Don’t count on it,†he murmured, lowering his lips to hers once more.
For a moment it was just Scorpius and the stars and the cold blades of grass at her ankles, and Lily had never felt so alive. She closed her eyes and tasted the desire on his tongue and thought that perhaps this Christmas they would get it right.