Story Notes: This was originally written for the lovely goldensnidget92/Helena as part of the Secret SPEW VIII. Lily's last line was inspired by the song Cell Block Tango, from Chicago. I have no right that song, or to anything you recognise in this story. Helena, I hope you have had a lovely Christmas and that this is a suitably amusing story for you.
Thank you to Ari/Royari for betaing so rapidly and excellently.