X.
Remus woke up to the same dull ache and fatigue he always had after a transformation, but also to a sudden, blinding panic: something had gone terrible wrong this time.
Bolting upright, he was stopped by a gentle hand on his chest. "It's all right, Remus. You're all right. You're back in the castle."
He glanced around, trying to discern his surroundings and the calm voice. Charity was sitting next to him, but they were not in his room, where he should have woken up after a transformation: he was in the hospital wing. Groaning out loud, Remus threw his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed her hands.
"The kids--Harry, Hermione, Ron--are they all right? Did I hurt them? Did I hurt anyone?"
Charity looked confused. "They're fine, Remus. Everyone is fine, except you. Lie down, you need your rest."
He waved his hand at her and stood, already pulling on the robes that hung nearby. "I can't. It'll be starting soon, if it hasn't started already."
He started to walk away, his legs wobbly. Knowing what was at stake, he forced himself to take a deep breath and keep going as quickly as he could. Charity caught up with him, reaching for his hand.
"What will be starting?" she asked, looking both confused and frightened. "Remus, what happened last night? No one is saying anything, and all I know is that Madam Pomfrey found you in the woods first thing this morning, unconscious. No one will tell me anything else."
He stopped and kissed her forehead. "It's better that you don't know," he told her.
"Where are you going?" she demanded as he hurried away once more, ignoring Madam Pomfrey's sudden calls from behind him. As much as he wanted to curl up in bed and recover for the next three days, he knew there would be hell to pay for what had happened at the Shrieking Shack. He only hoped that he could spare Dumbledore the embarrassment before the consequences began raining down on them both.
"I need to see the headmaster," he tossed over his shoulder, then turned and gave her a weak smile. "I'm sorry. I'll come see you before I leave, I promise."
"Leave?" he heard her repeat before he left the hospital wing. "Remus!"
He hurried away, too focused on his one goal: to get to Dumbledore, to explain, and to apologize. His insides were twisted with shame and guilt, and he knew what he had to do. Charity would accuse him of walking away again, but this time he had no choice. What had happened in the Shrieking Shack had once again ripped away any chance at happiness he had cobbled together over the year. In one night, life had changed in more ways than he could contemplate and understand.
Peter was alive. Sirius was innocent. For so many years he had hated Sirius for what he had done to James and Lily and Peter, yet he had always asked himself over and over again, why?. How could Sirius have done such a thing? Now he had his answer.
Sirius hadn't betrayed them all: it had been Peter.
And suddenly it made sense. He couldn't explain it, but for some reason, it made sense. He had struggled to believe that Sirius would hand his best friend and godson over to Voldemort. Yet after seeing Peter again after all these years, after seeing his fear and his cowardice played out before him in the Shrieking Shack, Remus could believe it was Peter. It had always been Peter.
It didn't even occur to him to wonder why. It just was. Maybe he was too relieved to know that Sirius was innocent, because he had in truth been much closer to Sirius than to Peter, but for some reason he also had no problem believing it had Peter. Peter had been their friend, yes, but he had always been weaker than the others, and he had grown distant by the end. Remus stopped suddenly in the corridor, filled with guilt: why hadn't they seen it? Had Peter been so invisible to them that they had never even considered the possibility?
And then the reality of Peter's betrayal hit him once more: not only had he killed James and Lily, but Sirius had spent twelve years in Azkaban for it. Peter Pettigrew did not deserve any pity, and Remus would not feel guilty for what had happened so long ago. With a growl, he kicked at the wall before walking even faster toward the headmaster's office.
He passed a few students, Slytherins who were whispering in small groups. They looked at him in fear and disgust, and he heard the word 'werewolf' muttered under their breath as they turned away from him. He wanted to run, but steeled himself, forcing himself to keep a steady but quick pace even as his heart started to race and the looks and whispers continued. They knew. They all knew.
When he came to the gargoyles standing guard by the headmaster's office, he spit out the password and bolted up the stairs. The simple sprint left him exhausted after a night that had already taxed his body and soul. He was breathless as he knocked on the headmaster's door, bursting through when he heard Dumbledore's voice bidding him to enter.
Severus Snape stood before the headmaster's desk. When he heard Remus enter, he turned and gave him a subtle sneer. Remus strode right up to him and punched him in the face. Snape stepped back, hand to his jaw, and Remus pulled back for another.
"Remus!" Dumbledore ordered. "Stand down! I will not have schoolyard brawling in my office."
"He told them," Remus growled.
"They needed to know, to be safe," Snape offered, black eyes glittering cruelly. Remus took another step forward, but Dumbledore was up and standing between them too quickly.
"I am aware of what Severus has done, and I have made clear my displeasure. I would have preferred to inform the students myself." Dumbledore was frowning at Snape, who merely glanced back with a straight face and an unapologetic shrug.
"I would have told them, given the chance," Remus snapped over Dumbledore's shoulder, looking Snape in the eye. "You had no right."
"You have no right to be here," Snape hissed. "You're a danger to the students and faculty. You proved that last night."
"Last night was an exception. You know that!" Remus exclaimed.
"I know you forgot your potion and put several students in danger by roaming the grounds as a fully transformed werewolf last night," Snape tossed back. "Who's to say it won't happen again?"
"It won't," Remus spat at him, then turned to Dumbledore and took a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm tendering my resignation immediately. You won't have to worry about it ever happening again."
Dumbledore looked genuinely surprised; Snape looked victorious, and Remus had to clench his fist to keep from punching the man in the face again.
"Remus, do not be rash. I am sure there is another solution--" Dumbledore began, frowning as he studied Remus. But Remus could tell that even Dumbledore was having difficulty coming up with that solution.
"Professor, you know as well as I do, and perhaps even better, that as soon as the rest of the school finds out, there will be protests. Parents who do not want their children in my class, who do not want me in this very castle." Remus sighed, the reality of it hitting him hard. "I'm not going to place you in the position where you have to defend me. You would be fighting a losing battle. I have to resign."
Snape cleared his throat. "I should take my leave here, then. Lupin," he said, barely inclining his head before turning to go. Remus ignored him and kept his eyes on Dumbledore.
The headmaster was silent for a several moments. "I will not deny that there will be calls for your dismissal," he said softly, blue eyes gazing into Remus's face sympathetically. "But you would have my full support should you choose to stay. I know that you are not a danger to our students--you know it. You are one of the best teachers they have had for years."
Remus couldn't help but smile at the compliment, even though he shook his head at the same time. "Thank you, Professor, but we both know it's the right thing to do. It's the only thing to do. I can't stay. It's not worth the trouble."
"For me or for you?" Dumbledore murmured, eyebrow raised quizzically.
"For the school," Remus replied. "For the students. And yes, for me. I won't put myself in a position where I could hurt one of my students."
"You have been in that position all year, Remus, and have done a fine job at managing your condition," Dumbledore pointed out.
"Until last night!" Remus cried, turning and beginning to pace. "When I think about what could have happened…"
"Then you must also realize that it did not. And that last night was a extraordinary night, an exception for us all." Dumbledore returned to his desk, and Remus turned to him, suddenly realizing he had no idea what had happened after his transformation.
"I assume you've had most of it from Harry?" he asked, and Dumbledore nodded. Remus sunk into a chair and let his head fall into his hands. "I can't believe it--all this time we thought it was Sirius, when it was really Peter, hiding out for these long years."
"It is indeed a remarkable story," Dumbledore agreed. "Sirius told me everything, and I must say--I was quite taken aback."
Remus glanced up, his eyes suddenly bright as he felt the waves of guilt wash over him. "Sir, I'm sorry I never said anything," he said, his voice cracking. "About Sirius, about him being an Animagus, about them all. I just couldn't bring myself to believe it might really be him…or to tell you what we'd done…" He trailed off and looked away from the look on Dumbledore's face: both stern and sympathetic, Remus knew he had disappointed the headmaster, yet that at the same time Dumbledore understood.
"I cannot condone your actions, Remus," Dumbledore said, bringing his hands together in front of his face. "But there is a part of me that understands, and another part of me that accepts and forgives. What is done is done. Sirius is free now, and--"
"What?" asked Remus, glancing up in surprise. "He's free? How? What happened?"
Dumbledore smiled. "A most remarkable thing, time. Although he was captured, it seems Sirius was able to escape with Buckbeak last night."
"Buckbeak?" Remus repeated, frowning. "But Buckbeak was executed yesterday, before I even went out to the Shrieking Shack. How is that possible?"
Dumbledore smiled enigmatically. "Time, Remus," he replied. "And some very exceptional young Gryffindors."
Remus shook his head, trying to piece it together. "You mean Harry, of course…" He understood. "And Hermione. Hermione's Time-Turner." His mouth fell open as he began to understand the implications of Dumbledore's words. "You sent them back in time to rescue Buckbeak and Sirius?"
"I did no such thing, you know the laws," Dumbledore replied, but he winked. "I merely suggested the possibility."
"Of course," Remus murmured, slightly stunned. "So Sirius is free, then, just like you said. Do you know where he's gone?"
"I have no idea, nor do I wish to know. He is still a wanted man, Remus," Dumbledore pointed out, his voice more serious now. "He will likely be on the run for quite a while.
"But he's innocent!" Remus exclaimed. "I can prove it!"
"How?" asked Dumbledore. "By your word? Peter Pettigrew has also disappeared, so he cannot prove anything. And Harry's words will not count for much either, seeing as he is young, and Severus has spoken harshly against him."
"Snape," Remus muttered. "Why did he have to show up? He's ruined everything!"
Dumbledore nodded. "He is bitterly disappointed in many things."
"He's bound to a schoolboy grudge he won't let hold of," Remus snapped.
"Oh, there is much more to Severus than you might think," Dumbledore replied. "However, I am sorry for what he has done to you. Again, I will support you should you change your mind and choose to stay."
Remus shook his head and stood. "No. I have to go. I don't have any choice."
"You always have a choice, Remus," Dumbledore said, coming around the desk to walk him to the door. "I do not know what is the right choice for you, but I do know you must follow the path you believe you must follow."
"I'm sorry," Remus replied. "I'm sorry for letting you down, for failing you, for--"
"Remus," Dumbledore said, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "You have not let me down. In fact, you have done more than you can possible imagine--for Hogwarts, for Harry--even for Sirius. You have done well this year."
Remus nodded, a knot in his throat. "I wish I could have stayed longer. Nothing ever seems to last."
"You are always be welcome here, Remus," Dumbledore said. "If you need anything, anything at all, please do not hesitate to ask."
"Thank you, Professor," Remus said. He sighed as he opened the door. "I suppose I'd better get to packing before the owls start arriving." He started to leave, but Dumbledore had one more question.
"Remus?" he asked, and Remus turned on the top step. "What will you say to Charity?"
He knew; Remus should have guessed that Dumbledore would have known about him and Charity.
"I'm not sure, sir," he replied, feeling completely and utterly at a loss. It must have shown on his face, for Dumbledore's eyes softened, and he nodded in sympathy.
"I would think she probably deserves the truth, don't you?" he suggested gently.
Remus swallowed and nodded before turning and heading down the staircase. His footsteps dragged as he neared the bottom. He needed to see Charity, but how could he even begin? He was leaving Hogwarts, and he couldn't put her through the pain and sorrow of continuing their relationship knowing he would once again be jobless and penniless. And yet he loved her, and didn't want to lose her.
Damn Severus Snape. Damn Peter Pettigrew. And damn his own heart for daring to hope for happiness, only to lose it once more.
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