II.
Remus found he was quite busy as the term began. He had been told that Gilderoy Lockhart had done a poor job the previous year, but he was still dismayed to find just how far behind the students were, and he spent hours working on lessons to catch them up. He saw Charity at meals and occasionally in the staff lounge, but as they both seemed either busy or to keep to themselves most of the time, there were days when he did not see her at all, and he found that he missed that interaction, however brief and innocuous: she was one of the few staff members aside from Hagrid he enjoyed spending time with, and he wished he could find a way to see her more.
The first full moon back at Hogwarts was strange. He almost started toward the hospital wing to see Poppy (no longer Madam Pomfrey, of course; they were colleagues now) when he remembered he no longer needed her to escort him to the Whomping Willow under cover of darkness. Instead, she came to see him in his chambers, and unfortunately, Severus Snape came with her. Remus almost wished he could head to the Shrieking Shack instead.
Snape had graciously--or reluctantly, as Remus imagined it more likely--offered to brew the Wolfsbane potion Remus needed to remain safe around students during his transformation. He came with the last cup, the gloating sneer on his face almost too much to bear; yet Remus knew he must accept Snape's help and managed to be as gracious as possible. Poppy then locked him in his chambers for the night, releasing him in the morning none the worse for wear, with only the familiar exhaustion wearing at him, just as it had for his entire life.
It worked like a charm, and Remus found himself unusually hopeful. He had half expected to be discovered that first month and dismissed; now he felt slightly more confident and settled. More human, even.
It was almost mid-October when a few of the staff decided to walk to Hogsmeade one weekend, and though Remus wanted to join them, he decided he would do better to remain at the castle a while longer, working on grades, and head to the village later. He would definitely need a Butterbeer or two after grading the sixth-year essays on Lethifolds.
After several hours of bending over his desk, Remus gave up and grabbed his cloak. The students had long finished dinner and the Great Hall was empty as Remus left the castle, looking forward to the short walk to the village on his own. He knew he should be more cautious: in fact, he probably shouldn't be out alone at night with Sirius Black having escaped and presumed to be coming after Harry. Yet a part of him almost wanted to meet his old friend, to challenge him. Remus had not had the chance to see or speak to Sirius after that awful night twelve years ago, and there wasn't a day when he still wondered what the truth of it was--how it had all gone so wrong.
He left the grounds, shuddering slightly as he passed the Dementors at the gates, and reached the village without incident. Making his way toward the Three Broomsticks, he noticed how quiet it was. It was a cool but beautiful fall night; there should have been more people around, but it seemed that between the Dementors in the area and the threat of an escaped prisoner, people preferred to stay inside.
As he opened the door to the Three Broomsticks, Remus was startled to bump into Charity Burbage; she was clearly leaving, and looked flustered at that.
"Remus!" she exclaimed. "Whatever are you doing here?"
"I came down for a pint or two," he replied with a warm smile. He could not have imagined being more pleased to run into anyone else. "But why are you going out alone? It's dangerous outside now, you know."
"I could ask you the same," she laughed.
"I'm not afraid of Sirius Black," he said softly. "You should be."
She nodded and didn't say anything; she knew it was still a difficult subject for him, after their first awkward encounter during the welcome feast. "I was going to Apparate directly to the gates, actually. I came down with the others, but they've all gone back now. I was talking with Rosmerta and didn't realize what time it was."
"Care to stay out a bit later, then?" he asked impulsively. "I'd love to buy you a drink, and then we can head back together."
She cocked her head and seemed to think about it. "I'd like that. Safety in numbers, right?"
"Right," he laughed, and he offered her his elbow. She took it, and they entered the pub to find it half empty. "Plus we've been so busy we've hardly had a chance to talk in weeks."
Charity nodded sympathetically. "I heard that you've had a lot of catching up to do."
"You have no idea," he laughed. "But it's going well. They are quick learners."
"Back so soon?" called Rosmerta from behind the bar. "And Remus Lupin! It's about time you stopped by!" She came around front and embraced him, which drew a very curious look from Charity. Remus was fairly certain he was blushing, though he wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if he and Rosmerta had a history, they were just…friends. Mostly.
"Sorry, Rosmerta," he replied, trying not to mumble while Charity watched with a half-smile on her face. "I've been busy getting acclimated. I never realized how hard the professors worked while I was in school, that's for sure."
"Well, it's not busy down here so it's good to see you. Both of you." She winked at Charity, and Remus thought they exchanged one of those looks women share that men aren't supposed to notice and don't really understand anyway. She motioned them toward a table in the back. "And your teachers worked much harder, I should think, at keeping you lot in check. Have a seat. I'll bring you some mead--it just came in, a nice fall brew."
As they walked toward the table, Charity leaned close and whispered to him. "Is there something between--" she started, and Remus stopped her immediately.
"Absolutely not," he said, and now he was certain he was blushing. "Not at all. Never was, never will be." He coughed in embarrassment; it was half true, anyway.
"That's good," she murmured, and Remus swallowed, wondering what that might mean. He held out a chair for Charity and sat down across from her. An awkward silence fell between them at first, until they finally began chatting about the village.
"Rosmerta says things are pretty quiet around here with the Dementors up at the castle and the Ministry warnings posted everywhere," Charity told him. "It does feel far more bleak and empty than last year. It's sad how it's affecting everyone."
Remus wasn't sure what to say. The Dementors were there to protect the people from Sirius Black--or rather, to capture him and take him back to Azkaban before he hurt anyone else, particularly Harry. Remus felt everyone's discomfort with the Dementors keenly, because it was compounded by guilt. In some ways, it was his fault: his fault for not seeing Sirius as the spy, for not being able to save James and Lily and Peter. Perhaps if things had been different, they would all still be alive, and Sirius would either be dead or still in Azkaban and not trying to come after Harry.
His fault.
Shaking himself of maudlin thoughts, Remus forced himself to focus on the woman in front of him. Her hair was down instead of clipped back and looked more red in the dim light of the pub; he thought she was quite beautiful with it framing her face. Though he had known the comfort of women over the years, he had always tried not to let himself get close to anyone, knowing that should they return his feelings, his condition would only condemn her to a difficult, lonely life. Yet every time he saw Charity between classes or in the Great Hall, he found himself thinking about her more and more, wondering if he couldn't have the life so many others had, the life he had long ago stopped believing in.
He found himself almost wanting it.
They talked and laughed and enjoyed several of Rosmerta's new mead together. Every so often Charity touched his arm, and Remus felt that strange electric feeling race through his body, the one with the rush of heat that literally made his heart skip a beat. He was attracted to her, yet she was his colleague, and he didn't want to hurt her, so he continuously tried to force his body's impulsive feelings to the back of his mind and instead concentrate on their conversation.
And their conversation was lovely: Charity was quick and clever, a lively conversationalist, but an equally good listener. He could have talked to her for hours. Eventually she asked him about Sirius, in the most gentle, unassuming way she could. To his surprise, Remus didn't mind and found himself telling her far more about that awful night than he had told anyone over the years. Yet she was there with him, and Sirius was out somewhere in the night, and he needed to tell her, though he did not share everything. She took his hand more than once, and he was grateful for her friendship, even if he was also thinking about more.
All too soon she suggested they go back to the castle, and he reluctantly agreed. They decided to walk, for the night was clear and crisp, the stars beautiful. Remus kept one hand on his wand, while to his surprise Charity linked her arm in his much as he had offered earlier. His heart racing, and not from fear, they walked arm-in-arm down the road. As staff members, they were able to pass by the Dementors and return through the gates without incident, but before they started across the grounds toward the castle, Charity stopped him and gave him a thoughtful look.
"I'm glad you came down to the pub, Remus," she said. "I had a lovely time."
Her hazel eyes were bright in the starlight, and Remus felt his chest constrict because Merlin he wanted to lean forward and kiss her right then. But just because she had told him she'd had a lovely time did not mean she wanted to kiss him in return.
"I did too," he replied as steadily as he could. She smiled, and to his shock, she stepped forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
"Then we should do it again sometime." Raising an eyebrow, she linked arms with him once more and began to walk toward the castle. "Or at least make the effort to see one another around school more."
Remus felt a shiver of relief flow through him: perhaps she was interested in more. He smiled and nodded and placed his hand on her arm. "I'd like that," he said, holding her gaze a bit longer than necessary. "Very much."
They entered the castle together and parted ways for their chambers, though she did not kiss him again, and he was not so forward as to kiss her good night, especially in the middle of the corridors. Remus hardly heard her murmured farewell; he was already thinking about the next time he would see her, hoping there would be more.
* * *