IX.
"I thought that went rather well, myself," Remus said, and Charity gave him the most skeptical look she could. He laughed. "No, really. It could have been much worse, that's for sure."
"Define worse," Charity demanded, wondering how the dinner they had just had with her parents down in the village could have possibly been any less awkward.
"I could have…well…" Remus pretended to think about his answer. "I could have knocked over an entire pitcher of pumpkin juice. I could have stuttered an embarrassed and inept apology. I could have made a complete arse of myself in general. I--"
"You did do those things," Charity said, laughing as she wound her elbow through his offered arm. "Although you recovered much better than my mother, I must say."
"And I didn't even spill it on her," Remus said, sounding almost wistful. "I might have liked to see that reaction." Charity squeezed his arm tight in reproach.
"That would have been even worse. At least my dad was decent about it."
"I told you I could make an impression."
"You certainly did." Now Charity pretended to think, before glancing slyly at Remus as they walked back to the castle. "Maybe we should tell them everything tomorrow, now that you've made your impression."
"Tell them what?" asked Remus. "You don't mean…" She wagged her eyebrows at him and was rewarded when he shook his head emphatically. "Absolutely not--not after that debacle. In fact, let's never tell them. I kept it secret at Hogwarts, I can keep it secret again."
Charity laughed as they entered the grounds. "I'm joking, Remus. Of course we shouldn't tell them yet. And you're off the hook for tomorrow anyway. I know how important the final match is to you."
"You're important too--" he started, but she interrupted him.
"I know, but it's all right. It's Gryffindor's best chance at the cup in years, and it will give me a chance to visit with them on my own."
Remus pulled a face. "You mean talk about me."
"Of course we'll talk about you!" Charity laughed once more as they crossed the lawn beneath the stars. "It's much easier when you're not there."
Remus was quiet until they came to the castle steps. "Do you think your dad might want to come to the match? You and your mum could spend the day in Hogsmeade, and we could--"
"Bond over Quidditch?" Charity teased. She thought about it. "He might like that, actually. I know my mum's harping drives him mad sometimes." Leaning up to kiss him on the cheek, Charity smiled. "Thank you, Remus. That's a lovely idea." Then she stopped as something suddenly occurred to her. "You're not going to talk about me, are you?"
"Of course we are," he tossed back at her. "That's the point--you not being there and all." He punctuated his glib with a wink, but something was stirring in her stomach--a strange, nervous, fluttery feeling. Men didn't usually spend time with their girlfriend's fathers unless there was a reason. She distinctly remembered when Samuel had taken her father out to the pub one night: he had proposed the next week, out on the bank of the Thames. It had been a surprise and it had been wonderful, but she didn't know if she was ready for it to happen again, even after so many years…was she?
Something of her thoughts must have shown on her face, because Remus frowned as he gazed at her. "Charity, are you all right? It's just a Quidditch game."
She shook her head. "Remus, you're not going to ask my dad…well, a rather serious question? You know…the question that…" She trailed off at the look of surprise on his face.
"You mean the question that men usually ask fathers when they are in love with their daughters?" he finished for her. When she nodded mutely, he took her hand and smiled. "No, I wasn't planning on asking him that question. And I'm guessing from the look of shock and relief on your face that you're all right with that. Or else completely devastated and just hiding it really well."
"Let's go for a walk," she said, pulling him away from the main entrance and down toward the greenhouses, where they could wander and talk in private. It was a beautiful spring night--still chilly, but clear, and she didn't feel like going inside yet. Not when such a thing as a potential proposal hung between them now.
They walked in silence, until Remus cleared his throat. "Charity, it's not that I haven't thought about it. I have."
She whipped her head around to stare at him. "You have?"
"I have," he replied steadily. "Haven't you?"
"Yes," she said. "But I didn't think it was something you would ever consider, with your condition. You barely let me help you the next day. So I've always put it out of mind whenever I start--I didn't want to get my hopes up."
The bitter laugh she had grown to both love and hate over the months came through. "It wasn't something I considered very seriously, for a very long time. Years, even." They had come to the greenhouses. There was a bench outside and he led her to it, sitting down next to her and still holding her hand. "But you told me not to walk away, not to reject every chance at happiness that comes along just because I'm afraid I'll lose it."
"You're not afraid anymore?" she asked, curious about just how much he had changed since their talk in the Room of Requirement.
"Oh, I'm still afraid," he said, nodding with eyes wide. "Bloody terrified. But I also love you, and I'd like to think that someday we might have a future together. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet, but…"
She squeezed his hand in understanding. She wasn't quite ready to get married either. They'd only been together for six months, after all. She had been hurt pretty bad when Samuel had left, and for all her talk about not letting happiness get away, she had pushed it away on more than one occasion herself since then, not wanting to go through it all again. She had really struggled when she had returned to France to recover. There had been a man, a Muggle, and she had loved him, but she had been unable to commit in spite of every burning desire to be with him. She'd been too afraid that she was rebounding, or that he too would leave her. She'd seen him a few times over the years, and every time she saw him the old feelings resurfaced, yet always she pushed them aside to continue her life as it was.
Now she had found Remus, and he had overcome far more pain and heartbreak to be able to sit there with her and say yes, this is something I think I could do. Couldn't she do the same for him?
Take his face in her hands, she kissed him gently. "I don't know that I'm really ready for that either, yet. So I'm glad that's not why you want to take my dad to the match tomorrow."
He looked as relieved as she felt. "I just want to hear embarrassing baby stories about you," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her. She chuckled as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"I was a dull child--exceedingly normal. Have him tell you stories about my brother if you want to be entertained."
"Maybe I will." He suddenly stopped running his fingers up and down her arm and gazed across the grounds at the Whomping Willow, eyes narrowed.
"What?" asked Charity, squinting in the darkness. "What do you see?"
Remus didn't answer right away, and finally shook his head. "Just shadows--shadows of the past."
"The black dog again?" she asked. He had seen it in the fall, and she had wondered about it ever since. When he didn't reply, she knew she was right.
"Should we tell Dumbledore?" she said. "It can't be safe for the students if there's a large dog roaming the grounds."
He gave her a sharp look. "No. It's nothing."
She in turn studied him carefully while considering her words. "Did you once have a dog when you were young? Or does it remind you of something else?"
"It's just a reminder of my past," he replied, a sad but stiff smile on his lips. "I'm probably just seeing ghosts, what with being at Hogwarts with so much else coming back."
"You mean Sirius Black?" she asked, almost without thinking. She bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't snap and distance himself like he had so many other times. But he didn't; he merely shook his head and stood, holding out his hand for her.
"He was such a stupid mutt sometimes," he murmured. "Careless and impulsive."
"Who?" asked Charity with a light-hearted smile her attempt at pulling him out of any sort of black mood he might be tumbling into. "Sirius or your black dog?"
He gave her a rather enigmatic look that she couldn't read. "Both. But never mind, it's the past. Let's go inside. We have a busy day tomorrow."
Charity wanted to ask more, but bit back a sigh as Remus once again shut her out. He had shared more about his past over the last few months, and yet she still felt like he was holding back a very large secret, something that weighed heavily on him. She wished he would confide in her; they had just talked about the possibility of spending the rest of their lives together. If he couldn't share it and trust her, how could that ever be possible?
Her thoughts must have shown on her face, because he kissed her temple as they walked and tried to reassure her. "It's nothing, Charity. Really."
She wanted to say that she didn't believe him, but she merely nodded and swallowed her reply. Maybe someday he would tell her everything, because it was becoming harder and harder to accept not knowing what terrible heartbreak he was hiding. For now she had to be happy with what she had--and try not walk away after she had convinced him to stay.
* * *
Almost by Gmariam
Chapter Endnotes: Sorry it's short, but I just didn't see adding to it. It conveyed what I wanted to convey. Hope you enjoyed it!
Also, if you are surprised at Remus considering marriage here, keep in mind there is no war, and Charity is about the same age as him. And things change a lot over the next few years...
Almost done. :(