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Sirius was still in the fireplace of the Potters speaking to James, Lily, and Remus. He had just explained how Danielle learned how to pout and James was blowing it out of proportion again while Lily and Remus tried stifling their laughs.
–It was a slow babysitting day,†Sirius justified.
–And you thought teaching her how to pout was a good way to kill some time?†argued James.
–At least she knows how to,†commented Remus.
–And what if she tries that look with McGonagall?†cried James, running a hand through his hair.
–Then she’ll know exactly where it came from,†said Lily, knowing that McGonagall would in fact find it highly amusing.
–We already get an owl every other week telling us what nonsense Harry’s gotten himself into since the last time,†James continued. –We don’t need any more.â€
–You know, that’s already two times better than the weekly report your parents got about you,†said Remus, clearly remembering a Howler sent some time in their first year.
–You’re not helping,†said James irritably.
–Cheer up, mate. He’ll straighten out in a few years once Dumbledore makes him Head Boy,†said Sirius, highly amused at the thought. Then he muttered, –Bugger.â€
–Padfoot, what is it?†asked Remus, noticing his change in demeanour.
–I think Emily’s breaking things again.â€
–Again?â€
–What did you do?â€
–I didn’t do anything!†cried Sirius. –All I did was tell her it was time to get ready. Next thing I know she’s got the bloody furniture moving!â€
–On the bright side, at least you know she’s a witch,†said Lily cheerfully.
–You call throwing a tantrum and tossing her toys around by magic a bright side?†asked Sirius in disbelief.
–She does that?†asked Remus. Not for the first time that day was he thanking his lucky stars that he was still single.
–On a daily basis,†moped Sirius. –Yesterday she was knocking over anything fragile with a Fanged Frisbee, but I have no idea how she got one!â€
James drank the last of his tea, and then said, –Guilty.â€
–Have you tried giving her a time out?†asked Lily before they could argue.
–That still doesn’t prevent her from trying to use magic,†Sirius answered.
–And you’ve taken away her toys?†asked James.
–She somehow magically can get them back, and when she can’t she throws a fit like this.â€
–Have you -â€
–Emily, put the piano down!†yelled Sirius, growing upset with her antics.
–She has enough control to do that?†cried Remus, his eyes nearly popping out.
–I said PUT IT DOWN!†Sirius continued to shout. –You’re scratching the walls! NO!â€
–Padfoot, what’s she doing?†asked James, alarmed at the winces he was Sirius making. –Are you sure you don’t want us to come over?â€
–Ow! She’s pelting me with all her stuffies!†said Sirius. –Why do girls need to have so many stuffed animals? Lily, why did you buy her so many?â€
–Because you would have bought her Merlin only knows from the boys’ section. Where else is she supposed to get any female influence?†responded Lily. With interest she asked, –Does she have a favourite?â€
–Ouch! Does the one she chucks at me the most count?â€
–Maybe she’ll be a Chaser,†mused James, his eyes getting that glazed look he got every time he thought about Quidditch.
–Don’t you dare buy her a Bludger! Any of you!â€
The three laughed at Sirius’ reaction. They knew he was serious on the matter, but couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of a Bludger running rampant in his house. Then Sirius’ face suddenly grew stiff. The sudden change unsettled his friends a bit, especially not knowing the reason why.
–Padfoot, what -†began James, but he was immediately shushed.
Sirius strained his ears to hear better. That was the problem - he couldn’t hear a thing. After all of the noise Emily had caused, she had now grown silent, and Sirius didn’t want to think what that could mean.
–She’s stopped,†he said plainly.
–That’s good, isn’t it?†asked Lily. Whenever he children stopped, it usually meant that they had run out of steam, the tantrum had run its course.
–I can’t hear her,†he said, still trying to hear anything from his end.
–Maybe she just got tired of acting out,†suggested Remus. He couldn’t figure out why his friend was so wound up over this. Really, he should be thankful it all stopped.
–Emily never gets tired,†argued Sirius. He had been fooled one too many times into thinking she had to believe it now.
Lounging back in his seat comfortably, James said, –I never thought I’d see the day when Sirius Black met his match - and it being his own daughter too!â€
–You’re one to talk Mr Knockturn Alley,†Sirius shot back with a smirk.
Undaunted, James declared, –Ah, but you’ve already agreed it’s now your problem.â€
Still, the silence carried on at Sirius’ end. He couldn’t look to see what she was doing without leaving the fireplace, but he had no doubt Emily was up to some kind of mischief.
Remus asked, –And you have no idea what she’s up to?†He was having a tough time trying to decide who had it worse off.
–Oh, she’s probably decided to play darts using kitchen knives and the wall as a dartboard,†Sirius replied a little too casually. –You wouldn’t believe how dull that makes them to cut things. Nearly cut off my hand trying to cut a sandwich the other day. You have no idea the sinister ideas that girl gets in her head.â€
–I can only guess where she gets her imagination and sense of creativity from,†Lily commented sarcastically. Even if Emily wasn’t his own child, there would still be no confusion over who raised her. They were so similar they could have been blood, from her looks to her mood and tendencies.
–And don’t worry, mate - when she gets to be a teenager in a few years, we’ll be there with you every step of the way,†James reassured him, taking too much pleasure in Sirius’ expression.
–Yes - the outfits, the boys, the dating . . .†Remus listed off. –Hogwarts is a breeding ground for that sort of thing. Don’t worry, Padfoot - Emily’s in good company.â€
Sirius’ mouth was now hanging open as he recalled their time at the magical school. He could vividly remember what was going through his young mind, and it only became more graphic with age. There was no way he was going to subject his own daughter to that - not his little girl! It was at this point that Sirius determined to lock Emily in the house and never let her out again. The injustice had to be stopped at all costs.
–Would you look at that,†commented James. He had seen the look on Sirius’ face before and knew exactly what was going through his mind. –Our dear friend here thinks he can prevent that from happening. So will you be locking up the house and throwing away the key, or will you simply move to Siberia and live in an igloo?â€
–James, I seem to recall you having a nice, long discussion the day Dani received her letter,†said Lily. There was no point in fooling anyone. She knew her husband was afraid to let his baby girl grow up and was trying his best to stop the whole process.
–Yeah,†said Remus. –I recall last month Dani telling me you tried to convince her to join a convent and become a nun.â€
–Some people feel a calling,†James replied stubbornly, crossing his arms.
Sirius smirked at the comment. He couldn’t believe how he and James were acting. If he had been asked in seventh-year what he thought he’d be doing fifteen years down the road, it most definitely would not have been this - worrying about raising a daughter who was growing up to be more like him than he realized. It was a terrifying thought, though the old Marauder in him was secretly waiting to find out how McGonagall would handle her in a few years.
–MUMMY!â€
Gareth had come running into the kitchen and straight into Lily’s arms. The remainder of his hot chocolate had been spilt down the front of his shirt and he was looking into the fireplace at Sirius while pouting, the floating head nodding encouragingly at the look.
James didn’t need to see the look on his younger son’s face to know who the culprit was, nor the look on his wife’s face to know he had to do something. Without hesitating, James called Harry, putting as much anger and warning into his raised voice.
–You realize that was a bit frightening, right?†Remus asked lightly.
–I can see why Dumbledore made you Head Boy,†commented Sirius who had paused from silently coaching Gareth with his pout.
James rolled his eyes and waited. He had no idea what he was going to say or do, but something had to be done. There was no reason why Harry should be behaving like this, and it was only giving Sirius more ammunition to teach another one of his children how to pout.
He tried to recall what his father would have done. There’s a thought - I could just ask Dad for some advice. But James immediately retracted that thought. He remembered that after that Howler in first-year, his father had sent along the Invisibility Cloak to aid in his discretion in the future. And he was a doting grandfather, especially since he never thought he’d be able to have kids and grandkids, and he could find no fault in Harry.
Harry finally walked into the kitchen, not even having the decency to look ashamed which only further ruffled James. He stood there, hands stuffed casually in his pockets, waiting to see what form of punishment his father would come up with.
–What have you done this time?â€
Harry shrugged and smiled, then looked at Gareth. Everyone turned their attention to the little boy who said through sniffles, –He crept up behind me and scared me and made me upset my drink and it spilled on me and he told me the ghost in the attic above my room was going to steal me and I’d have to live with him as a ghost because I don’t really belong to this family! He said I was adopted from a nice ghost family and they want me back! But I don’t want to go! I like it here!â€
Gareth dissolved into tears, held comfortingly by his mother. She soon set him up with a favourite Muggle movie of his to help calm him, and then returned to the kitchen to find there was an icy silence.
–It was just a joke, Dad. I didn’t think he’d take me seriously,†explained Harry, quickly realizing they meant business and he wouldn’t get off with simply a stern warning.
–No, you didn’t think. Maybe if you did you would have realized that he’s your younger brother and he looks up to you,†replied James. He ran a hand through his already messed hair again, letting out a heavy sigh.
Lily looked at her son and asked, –Harry, is there any particular reason you feel the need to torment your brother?â€
Harry shrugged, but didn’t return her gaze. The truth was that he did have a reason - a pretty good one too. But there was no way he was telling his parents.
–What you need, young man, is a nice -â€
–Padfoot,†James sternly warned Sirius. –I know exactly where you’re headed with this and that is the last thing my son needs.â€
–Better than chasing one down for how many years? Seven?â€
Harry watched and listened carefully. He had no doubt in his mind that Sirius was about to suggest finding a girl - he often did when James wasn’t around. But what was Sirius going on about chasing someone for seven years? Did he mean his dad? And was he talking about his mum or some other witch? Did his father get her in the end? Was there hope after all?
–Honey, Harry’s listening,†Lily said quietly to James. Then it struck her and she looked at him first with her eyes open in shock and understanding, then with them narrowed before starting to chuckle.
–Lily?â€
–Harry, go over to Sirius’ and look after Emily for him while he comes over for a proper visit,†Lily told him, still chuckling to herself.
It was Harry’s turn to widen his eyes in shock. Babysit Emily? She could be like the devil himself when she was in a foul mood. And they wanted him to go over there by himself? Did they have a death wish for him?
–Don’t be so dramatic,†said James, noting the empty look on his face.
–And just think - she’s already got the Fanged Frisbee, moving piano, chucking stuffies, and throwing knives out of her system,†commented Remus cheerfully.
–That’s supposed to make me feel better?†cried Harry, already gearing up to protest.
–Nah, you’ll be fine,†said Sirius optimistically. –Come on over!â€
Sirius’ head disappeared leaving Harry to look pleadingly at his parents, begging to be given any other punishment but this. Gaining no sympathy, though, he stepped into the grate, threw down some floo powder, and spoke Sirius’ address before disappearing in a whirl of green flames.
While they waited for Sirius, Lily set about getting supper prepared while James tried to pry information out of Remus about that witch in the robe shop that was interested in him.
With dinner ready, Lily packed some up for Harry and Emily then Apparated over to deliver it. On her return, she came with Sirius, both of whom couldn’t suppress their grins.
–You should have seen the look on poor Harry’s face, mates!†cried Sirius. He felt as though it must be his lucky day what with killing two owls with one stone - the punishment of both Harry and Emily.
–Before he left it looked as though you’d be locking him up with a Dementor,†said Remus, grateful of the change in conversation about the witch. It would already be hard enough trying to get away later that evening to see her for drinks at the Leaky Cauldron.
They all ate supper, Sirius catching up with everyone, Dani telling everyone what she had read from her books so far and how wonderfully excited she was to finally got to Hogwarts, and James trying once again to at least find out the name of Remus’ friend.
The table was later cleared and the kids were now watching a movie, so Remus got straight to the point and asked Lily why she’d been laughing earlier.
–Because he’s so much like his father,†she answered with a smile.
–I don’t see anything wrong with that seeing how well I turned out,†said James.
–Hey - at least you know he’s yours, mate,†Sirius said to him.
Remus seemed to understand, though, because he asked her, –What gave it away?â€
–Gareth.â€
–Ah, his hair.â€
James and Sirius looked at each other, neither of them following along and feeling like they’d missed something in class for not paying attention.
–You’re right - Harry’s just like him,†said Remus, looking at Lily and not knowing if she recognized another similarity. He shook his head and his mind returned to their time at Hogwarts and to all of the mischief they had managed.
–Yeah, I think we’ve established that, but I’ve been wondering - do you suppose Harry’s like you in any way, Prongs? I’ve often wondered,†Sirius said sarcastically.
–What?†James asked Lily. She had been looking at him with a grin.
She only answered by saying, –I love you.â€
–Now she tells me.â€
–If she hasn’t told you before now after bearing three of your children, I think we need to sit and have a little chat,†said Remus.
–Same old James,†said Lily, patting his face fondly. Then looking at him seriously, she said, –Your son has a crush.â€
–On who? Emily?†asked James, completely bewildered.
–What?†cried Sirius, immediately going into his protective father mode.
–Are you honestly this blind? Have you never noticed Harry’s eagerness to go over to the Weasley’s place?†asked Remus, wondering how they pulled off their NEWTs all those years ago.
–Yeah - he’s friends with Ron and wants to visit,†replied James.
–And those brilliant twin brothers of his,†added Sirius. He could still remember the day he received that signed toilet lid. It was one of his prouder moments as both a Marauder and his godfather. He would have framed it had that not been a weird and dirty object to hand on your wall.
–Yes, and he always comes home with a note from Molly informing us they were bothering the youngest sibling again,†said Lily. Every time without fail there had been a letter saying how they picked on Ron’s sister.
–Well then he need to toughen up,†said James.
–Yes, but he isn’t the youngest sibling,†Remus informed his friend.
–Then she need to find some mates her own age and get out of the way,†replied Sirius. –Hang on - since when have the Weasley’s had a daughter?â€
Lily pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She couldn’t believe how thick the two of them were being. And they called themselves fathers?
James, knowing he had missed something but for the life of him couldn’t figure out what it was, dutifully stood behind his wife and began massaging her shoulders. He knew she could never resist his touch.
–Prongs, Harry fancies Ginny, Ron’s younger sister, that’s why he like going over - so he can see her,†said Remus.
–And he’s trying to get her attention by annoying her? Where did he get that idea?†asked James. It was a terrible plan that would never work.
–Wow,†was all Sirius could say having finally cottoned on. –Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.â€
–What? I’m not . . . oh,†said James, finally understanding. Had he really been so naïve when he was younger? Looking back, it was no wonder why Lily was always driven away. Forget that - it was a wonder she ever agreed to go out with him at all.
–And he can’t just ask her out because she’s twelve and boys still have cooties,†explained Remus. HE had lightly teased Dani if there were any boys, but she promptly told him that boys were gross. It made him laugh remembering how afterward Dani had put her hands on her hips, much like Lily would, and asked what kind of a girl he thought she was.
–You should invite this Ginny character over to visit Dani,†suggested Sirius. It would be amusing to see how Harry would react. –They are similar in age.â€
–Instigator,†mumbled Remus. He knew his friend still liked to wind people up and watch the explosion. Although a small part of him, buried deep down with his Marauder qualities, was curious and secretly wanted to see what Harry would do and if he’d be any smarter than his father.
–Hypocrite,†Sirius shot back. –I see that look in your eyes. You’re just as interested as I am. Admit it!â€
–Stop acting like a child, Padfoot,†said James, smirking at his friend’s reaction. Sirius glared at James who only stared back resulting in a staring contest.
–Merlin - not this again!†sighed Lily. They were getting absolutely nowhere and it was getting late.
Remus watched as the two men tried not to blink, their eyes getting red and dry from the lack of moisture. He suddenly banged his fist on the table causing both of them to blink and Remus laughed in triumph.
–Well I say he just leaves her alone and waits until they’re a bit older,†said James, returning to their previous conversation.
–I think he should snog her, then ignore her. It’ll drive her crazy when he stops paying attention to her when she’s realized she likes him,†replied Sirius. He always found that to be the case in his experience.
–Or it could infuriate her more and make her even more annoyed,†said Lily. She knew first-hand it wouldn’t work.
–And yet here you are, happily married to the bullying toerag himself, three kids later,†commented Remus.
James turned to her with a satisfied smile on his face as if challenging her to deny any of it as untrue.
–But it took him how long to get that to happen?†she responded, not breaking eye contact with her husband.
–Anyway, has the godfather decided how to deal with Harry?†asked Remus, looking at his watch and seeing he would have to leave soon.
–The godfather has decided that he’s found his new babysitter,†answered Sirius, glad to have thought of the punishment for the two of them.
–So long as your house doesn’t burn to the ground,†said Lily casually, pointing her wand to start the dishes.
Trying not to look worried, Sirius stood to leave and informed them he’d be over for supper the following evening with Emily before leaving. Remus also made his leave, hoping his reason for going didn’t tip James or Lily off as to where he was going or who he would be seeing.
As the last of the dishes were put away, the fireplace once again flashed green and Harry walked out looking exhausted.
–Don’t ever make me do that again,†he told his parents flatly. –All she does is cause mayhem. She wouldn’t listen to me at all.â€
–Makes you think twice about disobeying me, huh?†said James, satisfied some good may have come out of this. He then realized that they hadn’t settled their bet, but was sure that he was having the harder time with Harry compared to Sirius with Emily.
Harry tried not to glare, praying that what Sirius said about being the regular sitter was a joke. But it wasn’t and Harry left the kitchen feeling put off and wondering how best he should go about getting back at the lot of them without getting caught or punished.
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The Trouble With Kids . . . by Secret Marauder 90
Chapter Notes: Sorry it took so long. I've had most of this ready for a while but I couldn't figure out how to end it. Hope it was worth the wait.
Chapter Endnotes: I'd love to hear what you thought so please leave a comment!