the eighth installment of
A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers
is brought to you by:
the fine booksellers of Flourish and Blotts
Draco lumbered back to the dungeon with two satchels slung over his shoulders. Professor Snape was seated at the table, Avril playfully slithering around his neck. Draco let the bags drop to the floor.
"What took you so long?" asked Snape.
"I ran into Peeves.â€
"When is Dumbledore going to get rid of that poltergeist?" Snape muttered. He stood up and gestured toward the empty aquarium. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get to work. We're already late for dinner; they’ll be wondering what’s taking us so long."
Draco climbed on top of the table and, with a huff, heaved up the large bag of soil. ‘This is menial labor! Unfit for someone of my bloodline,’ he thought, beginning to feel seriously aggrieved.
While the tank was rapidly filling with dirt, Snape untied the sack containing the plants and took a quick peek inside. "I suppose these will do. Now, run along to dinner. Tell Dumbledore I'll be there in five minutes. I want to finish planting these for Avril." The serpent looked over his shoulder with curiosity as he twirled a dainty blue wildflower between his fingers.
Draco gave a nod and left the room. He stopped in a bathroom on the dungeon level and checked his reflection. Hands--slightly caked with dirt. Face--rosy from the cold winter air. Hair--windswept and all over the place. He dipped his hands under the faucet and started scrubbing. Then he smoothed his hair back and hoped it would stay that way. Honestly, how did girls manage it? Their hair was ten times as long as his! No wonder Moaning Myrtle was always miserable.
The mood was jovial in the Great Hall as Draco joined the meal. He was annoyed by this. 'They started eating without me!' he thought in dismay.
Dumbledore caught the boy’s attention and motioned for him to come to his side.
"Yes, sir?" said Draco.
"Is Professor Snape joining us tonight?" inquired Dumbledore.
"Yes, he'll be up soon. He’s just putting away his potions,†Draco answered. In a hushed voice he added, –His system is very complicated, you know."
"Ah, yes. That it is,†agreed Dumbledore. His blue eyes lingered upon the young Malfoy for a moment longer before asking, "Are you in need of a new coin purse, by any chance?"
Draco stared at him in confusion. "I don't have a coin purse." He didn’t need to use cash; his family put everything on credit. It was one of the perks of being wealthy and powerful.
"What do you do, then? Shove everything in your pockets like a common boy? You're getting too old for that. Now, run along and eat supper before it gets cold."
McGonagall giggled, murmuring under her breath, "Could you be any more obvious about it, Albus?"
Draco walked the entire length of the dining table before finding a seat. There were no spots left near Hermione, and he resented this.
However, their eyes met as Draco passed her, and he flashed her a brief smile. Immediately, Hermione's heart quickened, and she felt lighter than air.
She began at once to speak elatedly to Ginny and Ron and Elizabeth and Harry. She made sure that her bubbly voice was loud enough to carry over their heads and into the beautiful ears of Draco Malfoy.
He wondered what on earth had got into Hermione, who was usually so reserved yet happy in her own intellectual way. She was much too young to be going senile like Dumbledore...
And then it suddenly occurred to him that Dumbledore might be his Secret Santa. 'Do you need a new coin purse, by any chance?' Oh, that silly old duffer! Draco should've known that Dumbledore wouldn't be nice to him without a good reason.
Snape made his appearance just as the second course was being served. His shoulder length black hair, which had been soft and attractive that morning, was back to its greasy self. It needed more care than Snape had time for.
He grunted "good evening" to Dumbledore and thrust a knife into his roasted duck without looking up at the rest of the staff. Lupin was sitting next to McGonagall again.
***
Snape and Malfoy returned to the Potions office after supper, for there were still many things left to cover.
–Honeywater to sweeten up the taste of wormwood. Rosemary to awaken the memory, and eyebright to enhance focus and reduce eye strain from long hours of reading,†explained Snape as Draco read over the list of ingredients for the mental agility potion they would be preparing next term.
–And the peaberries?†inquired Draco.
–For the caffeine content. But the central ingredient that ties everything together is the Runespoor egg,†declared Snape. –It is true that one can obtain preserved eggs from a certain vendor in Knockturn Alley, but their potency is greatly diminished, in my opinion.â€
Draco nodded, making a note in the margins. He wondered if all this work would count for extra points on his next exam.
–The Runespoor is truly unique among all creatures. Do you know how she lays her eggs? She expectorates them from her mouths. No other animal on Earth is known to do so, except for a species of frog from Australia, which has unfortunately gone extinct.
–Another interesting fact: most snakes lay eggs only when they are ready to hatch, but the Runespoor is similar to the chicken in that she lays eggs regardless of whether they’ve been fertilized or not. It should go without saying that the healthier the animal, the better suited its eggs will be for potion making. Which is why we must take very good care of her,†said Snape, sweeping his gaze toward his new charge.
Avril was exploring her new territory, winding in and out of branches in graceful circles. She raised one of her heads and peered into Draco's face with her bright, golden eyes.
"She looks hungry," Snape noted with concern.
"We should feed her a mouse," said Draco.
"Excellent idea. They're over there.â€
"At the rate things are going, I'll learn more about Magical Creatures today than I did all last year at Hagrid's hut," said Draco as he reached his hand into the mouse cage.
After many tries, he grasped one of their long skinny tails. Holding the mouse out at arm's length he dangled it over the edge of Avril’s aquarium.
"Do get on with it, Malfoy," commanded Snape. The mouse curled away from the gigantic reptile and tried to climb up its own tail.
"You'd let me know if it had a yen for human flesh, wouldn't you?" said Draco.
"Just try to be gentle, Malfoy," said Snape.
Draco suddenly dropped the mouse and yanked his hand away. Avril's right head ripped into the mouse's throat without a moment’s hesitation.
"There, you see? That wasn't so bad," said Snape.
Draco asked, "Is this going to count for extra credit?"
Snape simply glared at him. "Do you want Slytherin to win the House Cup or not?"
"I want to win of course.â€
"Good. Now I will tell you more about this beast, not for extra credit, but to expand your general knowledge. Runespoors were once adored by Dark wizards. They kept them as pets. In fact, legend has it that Salazar Slytherin himself owned one.
"It's no accident that the Runespoor has three heads. Each serves a different function. Its left head is the critic; she evaluates everything that the right and middle heads do, and her fangs are extremely venomous."
‘Now he tells me,’ thought Draco.
"Its middle head is the dreamer. This is why they often remain motionless for days at a time, sleeping like cats. Its right head is the planner. She decides all actions--where it goes, what it does. She likes to scheme. The left head, unfortunately, is very annoying at times, and Runespoors are known to be missing it quite often... The other heads band together to bite it off."
Draco turned his head and peered at Avril. "But why would they do that to themselves?" he asked. "It's like us cutting off a foot, or removing a part of our brains."
"It's no great loss. It doesn't kill them. Nobody likes a critic, anyway."
"How do we know what they’re thinking?"
"From the records of Parselmouths. They conversed with them and gradually understood their peculiar habits." Snape gave the Runespoor a sidelong glance. "But you must be careful around them. They're clever beasts. They understand human language, though they cannot speak it. And they needn't be loyal to Parselmouths. If a Runespoor doesn't like an individual, it doesn't matter what House he's in or whether he speaks Parseltongue or not. The Runespoor will acquire an instant dislike to him, and there's nothing one can do about it. On top of all that, the creature is highly independent."
Snape broke off suddenly, his eyes fixed upon the opposite wall. He could sense something on the other side. And that presence was now moving toward the door.
"What is it, professor?" said Draco.
"It's nothing," muttered Snape and tried to shake off the feeling as paranoia. He hated it when that happened. All these vibes, they gave him the heebie-jeebies.
–The hour is growing late,†he said abruptly. –Let us adjourn for the evening.â€
Draco eagerly gathered up his belongings and hastily made for the exit.
"No, Malfoy!" Snape cried out as Draco opened the door, but it was too late. He should have trusted his senses, for now there was no mistake about it--something else was in the room with them. He hurled himself toward the door with arms extended, but the unnatural presence continued to elude him and he caught nothing but air. Draco stepped back in alarm.
"Professor?" he said sharply. It seemed like everyone was going mental today.
Snape avoided his gaze. "It’s nothing. Let’s move along, Malfoy." And with that, they abandoned the office for the evening, Snape locking the door behind him.
The invisible entity had a name, or rather, two names--Harry and Ron. The boys had donned the Invisibility Cloak one last time in an attempt to discover the contents of Snape's mysterious box. They’d taken advantage of the one opportunity fate had afforded them--while Draco was holding the door wide open.
The boys congratulated themselves on their good luck and tossed aside the Invisibility Cloak.
"Do you think they’ll come back?" Ron whispered.
"I don’t know," whispered Harry. "But we won't stay too long. If we don't find it soon, we'll leave."
"Okay," whispered Ron, and then he heard something that made the hair stand up on the back of his neck. He listened carefully, heart pounding in his chest. "Harry, is it just me, or do you hear that hissing, too?"
"I hear it too," said Harry. "I think it's coming from over there. Three of them."
"Three what?" gulped Ron.
"Three snakes," Harry said softly. He turned on his wand light and looked around.
Ron gasped. "It's a mutated monster!" His heart fairly leapt out of his throat.
The Runespoor was curled up into a neat coil, resting upon a bed of dried grasses. Its glassy eyes were fixed upon them with an unwavering stare.
Ron took a step backward, stumbling over a watering can. "How many three-headed beasts are there in this world, for crying out loud?"
"Shhh. Calm down, or you'll scare it," Harry advised, remaining motionless.
The snake's left head began hissing almost inaudibly, "They're too ssstupid to be wizards. They called us a 'mutated monster.' If they are wizards, then they must not be Ssslytherin."
"For once, I agree with you," whispered the head on its right.
Harry addressed the snake in Parseltongue, "We're not here to hurt you, please understand. We just want to asssk a few questions."
"Is that so?" said the Left. "Boy, tell usss your name."
"Harry," replied the Gryffindor. "What's yours?"
"Diane," hissed the Right.
"Celeste," the Left replied.
The middle head raised itself groggily from a pile of leaves. "And I am Marie," she said lazily. "You've woken me from my nap. I was having a lovely dream, simply sssplendid--it was delightful." She closed her golden eyes and drifted back to sleep.
Harry asked, "Do you know Ssseverus Sssnape and Draco Malfoy?"
"Know them?" hissed Diane. "We hardly know them. We just met today."
"And it's a good thing that we met Sssssseverus," said Celeste. "If it weren't for him, we would never have returned to the home of our ancestor, Helena Wades-In-Water."
"Who was Helena Wades-In-Water?" inquired Harry. "Did she live here at Hogwartssss?"
"Of courssse!" Diane hissed. "Ssshe was the cherished companion of Sssalazar Ssslytherin."
A chill swept over Harry's skin, and he noticeably flinched. Salazar Slytherin--one of the four founders of Hogwarts, he was the hateful wizard who created the Chamber of Secrets!
Ron always felt uncomfortable when he overheard his friend talking to snakes. And who could blame him? The language was most unsettling, relying solely on sibilants which made it sound all the more shrill and inhuman. He nervously tapped Harry on the shoulder. "Um, Harry?" he squeaked out in a tiny voice. "I think we should be going now..."
"No, Ron. We've got to stay," pleaded Harry. "She just said that they're descended from the snake that belonged to Salazar Slytherin!"
Ron's eyes widened. "What?! That means the exact opposite of stay! We need to get the hell out of here!"
Harry restrained his friend. "It's fine! Everything is under control. We just need to know why Malfoy and Snape are hiding her," he whispered.
Much to Ron's dismay, Harry turned back to the Runespoor.
Diane cocked her head playfully. The light from Harry's wand reflected off of her orange and black scales, giving them a jeweled appearance. "What do you like to read?" she asked.
"P-pardon?" Harry stammered in Parseltongue. 'Wow,' he thought. 'I didn't even know that snakes had a word for "pardon." '
Diane bared her white fangs in what she meant as a smile. "Do you like to read?" she repeated.
"Yes, I suppose ssso. I like reading about Quidditch, mainly," said Harry. What was this crazy snake on about? One thing was for certain: as soon as Harry left, he was going to tell Dumbledore all about this.
Celeste was hissing, "Reading is very important, young boy. If you read more about our kind, you would discover that we reproduce asssexually. That is why we have three heads right now. We're in the processs of dividing."
"Really?" said Harry.
"Ccccertainly," hissed Diane. "Our ssspecies must be preserved and hidden from Muggles, or else they'll try to study us for their cloning experimentsss."
"And that is why Dumbledore is hiding usss here," concluded Celeste.
"Dumbledore already knows you're here?" said Harry.
"Yes, and he must keep us sssecret from all of you meddling studentsss," said Celeste.
"Oh," said Harry, feeling a bit disappointed. He always enjoyed unraveling mysteries, only to find out later that Dumbledore had suspected the truth all along.
"What is it saying?" demanded Ron.
Harry rolled his eyes in impatience. "I'll tell you later." He resumed his discussion with the Runespoor in Parseltongue. "So, why does Malfoy get to know about you? If we're all meddling ssstudents, then-"
Diane interrupted with a lash of her tongue, "Unlike some boys and girls we have seen, Malfoy is not the type who speaks before he thinks. Nor does he play sssilly pranks with invisibility cloaks."
Celeste nodded. "If he did have such a fine cloak, he wouldn't parade it in front of the whole school. He would probably keep it hidden, for he's a quiet, sssensible boy from what we've seen of him."
"Quiet, my foot! He'd probably go around showing it off!" Harry yelled in English.
Ron jumped. "Harry, someone's going to hear us!"
"Oh, right." Harry suddenly remembered Snape and Malfoy and wondered if they would be returning any time soon. "Maybe we should leave now."
"Gee, you think?" said Ron.
Harry looked around desperately for their cloak, pointing his feeble wand light into the dark corners of Snape's office. He saw the shroud resting on top of a box, and he hastily tugged at a corner that was dangling in front of him.
The Runespoor let them depart with one final message, "Be warned, Harry, there is a curssse upon anyone who dares speak of usss!"
Harry rolled his eyes. This snake was beginning to sound like Professor Trelawney. Curses--what utter hogwash! She was just trying to scare them.
Ron spoke up, "Um, Harry, what did it-"
"I'll tell you later! Let's get out of here!"
Once safely back in Gryffindor territory, Ron dashed to his bed and pulled the covers up tight around him. "We are going to tell Dumbledore about the three-headed snake thing, aren't we?"
"I don't know. According to what she said, Dumbledore already knows about her," said Harry uncertainly.
"Her? Who's her?" asked Ron.
"The snake. She told me her name is Diane Marie Celeste," said Harry. He took off his glasses and set them down on the nightstand.
–How can you be so calm at a time like this? And what kind of a name is Diane Marie Celeste? Is that the name Snape gave her? What a loon."
"I don't know. Wait, would Snape actually give each of her heads a different name?" Harry wondered aloud.
"Well, Hagrid had a three-headed dog, and he only had one name--Fluffy," stated Ron.
"Yeah, that's right," Harry recalled. "Anyway, Diane and Celeste were talking to me, and they said that they reproduce asexually. That's why the Muggles are out to get them, because they want to use them in cloning experiments."
Ron scoffed.
–No, really. And Dumbledore is keeping her hidden here."
"So what you’re saying is, Snape isn't doing anything wrong?" asked Ron in disbelief.
"I'm afraid not," said Harry.
"But, what if it's trying to trick us?" asked Ron.
Harry thought about it. "It's just a snake; it's not clever enough to be deceitful."
"Well, if you say so," said Ron.
"I think, for now, it's better just to keep quiet about this," added Harry. "We don't want to get in trouble for breaking into Snape's office if he hasn't done anything wrong."
"Well, technically, we didn't 'break into' anything," said Ron.
"But we used the Invisibility Cloak," said Harry.
"Yeah. That is true," said Ron. "So, no snitching?"
"No snitching. At least, not for now," said Harry.
.....................to be continued