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As classes began, the students fell into the routine of attending classes, eating, and doing homework. The library slowly became fuller and fuller as the workloads increased. The common rooms were remaining occupied much later into the nights.
Lily was one of these students. As Head Girl there were certain other things that she also had to do, such as hold periodic meetings for the prefects, tutor younger students, patrol the corridors at night, and coordinate all of this with the Head Boy.
Sometimes those meetings with James were rather enjoyable. He had a fantastic sense of humour and his easy-going manner made the weight of everything much lighter. Even the most mundane of tasks were more interesting with him. But he had the unfortunate habit of looking at her in the eye when speaking to her and it always made her shift uncomfortably and answer him by looking at his face in general, a most convenient way to give the impression of eye contact.
Near the end of September, they were discussing their latest task in Charms as they patrolled, the topic of homework being a safe one for Lily. As they rounded the corner somewhere on the first floor, the remark Lily had been about to make was forgotten as she stiffened. There, half-way along the corridor, was a small group of Slytherins huddled together.
Lily noticed out of the corner of her eye that James’ hand went to his pocket where she knew he kept his wand but was relieved when, instead of attacking, he cleared his throat and said, –It’s after hours. You three should be in your common room by now.â€
One of the students, to Lily’s slight horror, was Snape. He replied, –Says who?â€
–Go back to your dormitories or we’ll have to give you a detention,†warned Lily, hoping her voice didn’t sound too high or shaky. The sooner they cleared off, the sooner she could breathe properly.
–Or what?†sneer Evan Rosier, his hand reaching for his own wand. –Your boyfriend here going to make me?â€
The other two sniggered at this comment; meanwhile Lily felt her hand tightening around her wand and knew that James’ was too. The Slytherins seemed in the mood for trouble and Lily didn’t want to find herself unprepared.
But when they made no move toward the dungeons, James said in a stronger voice, –Go back to your common room. Now.â€
–Hey, Pothead, has the Mudblood told you what she thinks of you or has she been lying and said she trusts you?†asked Snape, ignoring their warnings.
James’ face darkened, but he kept his head. He knew Snape was just trying to antagonize him into starting a fight, but he wouldn’t excuse his foul mouth. His demand for an apology, though, was laughed at.
–This is your last warning. Leave now or it’s detention for a week,†said Lily, paying no attention to the comment but visibly struggling to remain calm. It was enough of an effort that sparks flew unwillingly out of the end of her wand. She saw, with satisfaction, the look on Snape’s face falter for a moment.
–Come on, it stinks of Mudblood in here,†said the youngest one, whom James recognized as Sirius’ younger brother, Regulus.
The three turned and stalked off toward the dungeons, but not before Snape threw them a threatening look. Before they had left the corridor, Lily whirled around and walked away quickly in the opposite direction, leaving James behind. He caught up with her in no time and asked, –What was that about?â€
Lily ignored him and continued toward a stairway and began climbing. She was upset with Snape, but even more upset with herself for not just punishing them as she knew she should have. Were it any other student in the school, they would have landed themselves a detention in the blink of an eye.
–Talk to me, Lily. Why didn’t you just give them the detention?†asked James, reaching his hand out to her shoulder to stop her once on the next floor. –What happened?â€
–Never mind,†she said curtly, trying to twist away. But James was able to hold on, so she looked at him and demanded, –What?â€
James was caught off guard. Lily hadn’t been this fierce in a long time, and even longer since directing it towards him. He let go of her and said gently, –I was just wondering if you were okay and wanted to know if I could help in any way.â€
–I’m fine,†she muttered, slightly ashamed of her outburst.
Crossing his arms, James said, –Okay.â€
Nothing about this tone convinced Lily he was buying her answer. She looked at him, careful to avoid his eyes, and said with more conviction, –Really, I’m fine.â€
–Okay,†repeated James. –I believe you.â€
–No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t be asking,†said Lily, flaring up again. –Did Snape hit a nerve, or are you just being nosy?â€
James scowled and began walking away. He didn’t want to deal with Lily’s mood and didn’t feel he deserved it. Only she would get upset over receiving help.
Now that she was there, Lily didn’t feel like sitting back and was ready to fight. Why, she didn’t know, but she was not about to let James walk away when she was so upset.
–Is this your idea of helping, because it’s pathetic,†she said to him.
–Well, you obviously don’t need help if you’re so fine,†he called over his shoulder as he continued to walk down the corridor.
Lily didn’t like this answer and replied, –I thought you didn’t believe me.â€
–Then please, enlighten me,†he said angrily. He had stopped to face her now and watched as she approached him so as not to yell.
Lily reached James and was standing in front of him, staring up at him. It was at this moment that she realized just how tall he had grown, remembering the times they were close to the same height when they were younger. When she looked into his face, she also noticed his eyes, more clearly than she had on the train. They were hazel. And though his face showed anger and frustration with her, it didn’t reach his eyes. There was only concern there.
This all caught Lily off guard. She couldn’t remember the mean words she intended to say. In all the confusion, she was losing herself in his eyes as they grew softer and gentler the longer she stared into them. But this isn’t supposed to be happening, a small part at the back of her mind tried to remind her.
When she finally did look away, it was with a much sadder expression. She told him quietly, –You wouldn’t understand.â€
James wasn’t prepared for this answer, and she was about to walk away when he said, –Try me.â€
She looked back at him and saw he said it with an air of challenge. He stood there now looking defiantly at her, seeing if she would indeed back down.
Crossing her arms to match his, she said to him, –Snape gets to me, alright? I don’t know why, but he does. He has ever since the end of fifth year.â€
–I thought you were friends. What happened?†asked James, more out of curiosity than throwing it in her face. He was also uncomfortable because it was partially his fault the incident even occurred.
–You happened. I couldn’t ever forgive him for using that word, but I can’t seem to forget about it either,†she said truthfully, bringing her arms down. She didn’t know why she was telling him all this. She’d never told anyone really, but it seemed easy to do with him.
–I’m sorry, Lily, I really am. He was your best friend and I had no reason to question it or call you out on it,†James said after a moment’s pause, all anger gone.
–No, you were right. He didn’t really care about me or our friendship, but I couldn’t see that until it was too late,†replied Lily who was now staring at her feet and looking so small. She was shocked that James was apologizing for what happened so long ago now, even if she had forgiven him of his gaff nearly as long.
James stepped forward and reached out his hand to her shoulder, but thought better of it and pulled it back at the last second. Instead, he said, –That still doesn’t excuse the way he treated you - how he still treats you . . . And for the record, I was only trying to help at that time by the lake.â€
I know, Lily thought, but couldn’t seem to say out loud. She managed a weak smile at him before they headed back to their common room in silence.
Back in Gryffindor Tower, nothing was mentioned of their conversation. James understood she told him all that in confidence and wouldn’t dare jeopardize this small step by telling people where it wasn’t their business to begin with. Lily’s roommates never knew of her ongoing inner conflict, only the superficial details, and she saw no need for having to inform them of it now.
Nothing had really changed between the two of them anyway. She had only told him something on a dare; it wasn’t as if she poured out the secrets of her heart to him. It was still that awkward, formal, working relationship which happened to mean they saw a lot of each other outside of classes.
It was in this atmosphere a few weeks later that James told her he wanted to have a sudden meeting with her about an idea. Lily already felt busy enough without having to schedule in impromptu meetings. Not to mention they’d had one not too long ago.
When Lily walked into her dormitory, she was still muttering darkly any random threat that popped in her head. She ignored the stares from her roommates as she scrounged around in her trunk for parchment, a quill, and some ink, still mumbling about James and his blasted schemes. Finally leaving with the necessary supplies, Lily had the distinct impression that they were now talking about her behind the closed door but shrugged it off without further thought.
Down in the common room, she set everything up and looked expectantly at James. It had been his idea to talk in the first place.
–So what brilliant idea do you have that can’t wait for out next scheduled meeting?†she asked, emphasizing the word. There were far better things she could be doing at that moment, such as that foot-and-a-half length of parchment Slughorn was asking for.
–It’s about Christmas,†started James, adjusting himself more comfortably in his seat at their table by the window. The fire was too crowded for his liking at the moment.
–But that’s ages away! Can’t we at least wait until Halloween is over?†cried Lily. She liked to be on top of things as much as the next person, but this was taking things a bit too far.
–Can’t,†James said simply. –I’m thinking about it now and I’ll probably forget about it later.â€
Lily stared at him for a moment. This was in all likelihood true, although she couldn’t understand why he didn’t just make a note of it to remind him. But she supposed he might as well continue since they were already there, so she motioned for James to go on.
–We should be more festive,†he announced, ignoring Lily’s raised eyebrows. –The Great Hall always looks fantastic, but the halls are dreary, and in here it looks like a herd of eleven-year-olds ran through, setting off slightly inadequate magic.â€
–Which there has,†she commented.
–True, but I was thinking we should add more joy and festivity around here,†said James, now looking around the common room with an excited look on his face. –A tree there by the fire, some baubles along there and there, tinsel around the window . . .â€
–And the other common rooms?â€
–Oh, they can decorate too if they want,†he replied absent-mindedly. –And the corridors and classrooms too.â€
Lily thought this wasn’t an entirely horrible idea. She loved Christmas and her home was always highly decorated, so making the school similarly set up would be great. She voiced her one concern and asked, –But who do we get to organize and decorate?â€
–Us, of course,†James answered matter-of-factly. –The other prefects too. Maybe we can swing it by McGonagall to get those in detention to help out too. Without magic.â€
–Oh, and since we’ve got that decided, we might as well do the same with Halloween and Valentine’s Day too,†Lily suggested sarcastically, but saw that James wasn’t taking it that way. –I’m kidding.â€
–But why not? We love our holidays here; I don’t see why anyone would have a problem with the school reflecting this,†he insisted, pleased with Lily’s unintended addition. This was something he’d been thinking of for a long time and now he was in the position to make it happen.
Lily hesitated for a moment before resigning herself and giving in to his idea. She said, –Well, I’m sure Dumbledore wouldn’t object, so that means McGonagall couldn’t object.â€
James then burst with a steady flow of ideas, now that she was on board. All the while, Lily listened and took down notes, knowing how James absolutely hated taking notes. His hand would always cramp and he usually forgot to write something down that was important.
They continued talking back and forth well into the night, late enough that the common room had emptied. That was when James made the suggestion of a trip to the kitchens for a snack.
–Come on, it’s late enough that nobody should be out,†he said excitedly. He couldn’t believe how splendidly they were getting on and wanted to prolong that time as much as he could.
–Including us,†Lily pointed out.
–Haven’t you ever snuck out after hours?†James wondered out loud, and then wished he hadn’t mentioned it. Lily’s face had fallen and she had that distant look in her eyes again. –I’m sorry, Lil, forget it. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Never mind what I said. It was a stupid suggestion.â€
Lily nodded and stared at the fire, not making any comments. She knew James was disappointed, but she was oddly pleased that he was respecting her wishes. Last time she had gone down for a snack, the night hadn’t ended too well for her, and she was in no rush to repeat that feeling. But she could tell James was really put out and was trying not to let on. Not wanting to leave him like that, she said, –Maybe next time,†and put all the intent of doing so on her face making him give her a grateful smile.
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Close by Secret Marauder 90
Chapter Endnotes: Again, any reviews would be lovely, even if you hate it!
At the moment I am stuck. I know where I'm going, but I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to get there. I haven't given up, though, so keep watching for the next chapter.