Harry sat on the bed, in the smallest bedroom of Number Four, Privet Drive.
The sun was setting, and casting less and less light in through the dusty bedroom window, but he did not move to turn on his lamp. He did not care.
I’m ‘round the corner from anything that’s real
Light was no use to him. Light was for people who needed to see the world around them - to read books, and write letters. But Harry did not need that world. He did not want to read a book. He certainly didn't want to write a letter. He felt no connection to anything around him. To him, it was all nothing.
I’m across the road from hope
He wanted it to be nothing - he wanted his surroundings to feel just as he did inside. Dark, empty, without a trace of light. Harry wished that the sun would set, and leave him in the darkness he longed for. He wished it would never return... after all, there was nothing left inside him. Why should he continue living?
I’m under a bridge in a rip tide
That’s taken everything I call my own
Why couldn't he just leave? Perhaps he should have followed Sirius through the veil. Follow him to the place where he would be with Sirius, and with his parents. He wouldn't have had to live with the pain, he wouldn't have had to live with the grief. The emptiness.
But Harry knew he couldn't follow Sirius. He had to stay - stay in this miserable world of death and pain. He had a duty, a duty to everyone.
One step closer to knowing
Everything relied on him; the fate of the wizarding world relied on him. It was Harry who would have to deliver them all from the evil of Lord Voldemort.
One step closer to knowing
He knew he would have to fulfill that destiny. But how? How was he expected to undertake such a task? Especially when he felt so much pain... when he felt that nothing could possibly matter but the present, and all the pain that consumed him. It wasn't even all about Sirius. It was just all too much to bear.
I’m on an island at a busy intersection
I can’t go forward, I can’t turn back
So much had happened in the short time in his life, already. He had seen so many horrible things, felt so much pain, been forced to endure so much, and bear so many burdens. And now, he had been given the biggest burden of all. Harry didn't want to think about the past, not even yesterday, or an hour ago. He wanted it all to go away, to disappear. He wanted to forget. He wanted to move on.
But he couldn't possibly do that either - he couldn't possibly step into his future. Even without the painful memories of the past, the future held what would probably be worse. Harry couldn't possibly convince himself that Sirius would be the last to fall victim. He also knew that it would all eventually come back to him.
Harry stared at the wall in front of him, trying to comprehend what he was being asked to do, but everything just escaped him. He closed his eyes.
Can’t see the future
It’s getting away from me
I just watch the tail lights glowing
He tried to think, but the pain was pounding in his chest, and the foreboding burden pressed down on his mind. But, he couldn't complain. He had wanted answers
One step closer to knowing
He had wanted answers, and Dumbledore had given them.
One step closer to knowing
He finally knew, after five years of waiting.
One step closer to knowing
Harry had been told what he had wanted to hear. The reason James and Lily had died, the reason he had to live at the Dursley's, forsaken by his own world. The reason he was different.
Knowing, knowing
But it wasn't better. Instead of feeling satisfaction, instead of his thirst being quenched, he felt miserable. He felt as though he was even more at loss than before. Because now there was a bigger question - a bigger question he couldn't even bear to face.
I'm hanging out to dry
With my old clothes
Finger still red with the prick of an old rose
He felt cold, inside and out. He felt like he should have been renewed after finally learning why he was who he was. But he didn't - he was back to where he started. A boy with a question, a question with no foreseeable answer, with no easy answer.
Well the heart that hurts
Is a heart that beats
It hurt. The pain of loss, the burden of knowledge. But Dumbledore had told him, after all, that the reason he felt that pain, was the reason he was the key. The pain might be a burden to him, but it would help free the ones he loved.
One step closer to knowing
His ability to feel such pain was part of the bigger answer that Harry had to find.
One step closer to knowing
As much as he felt disconnected, and lost in a world where he had no answer... he had been given a gift. A power he could use to save those he loved.
One step closer to knowing
To knowing, to knowing, to knowing