A/N: Bonjour! Another Chapter….well, this one is long. 8 pages, whoo! I actually was going to keep this chapter (10) and chapter 11 (which has yet to be written) together, but I figured, a) Chapter 10 would then be so very, very long, and b) you all would get another chapter NOW and another later. ^___^ Don’t say I don’t love you. ;)

Oh, yeah. And also there’s the fact that I’m going away to the beach for a week and won’t be able to write or update at all… *cough* but we won’t mention that, of course.

Anyways, without further ado… Chapter 10, everybody! **APPLAUSE**

Heroines in stories always looked beautiful when they cried. Their eyes never got puffy, their faces never got red. They cried softly, not like some wretched animal. Why did she have to cry in front of Potter, of all people? And why did she care so much?

But he had been so…wonderful about it. He hadn’t scoffed her, laughed at how pathetic she was. He didn’t make some tactless comment about them being so close. He had just held her, and let her cry. Why did she feel so shaken? She was supposed to feel better after letting that out. But what really scared her was the fact that it had felt so right….

When Lily woke up the next morning, Marlene was not in the dorms. Lily assumed she had headed down to breakfast already, and worried that she was running late. When she got to the Great Hall, she spotted Marlene in her usual seat, sitting rather stiffly. Unsurprisingly so, considering the present seating arrangement. Mick was sitting next to her, presumably waiting for Lily as he did most every morning (Lily was not a morning person.), and across from Mick, his gang in tow, was James Potter. The two were decidedly not looking at each other, nor, really, giving any sort of inkling that they knew the other existed. Still, they were not fighting, and that surprised her.

Not that Mick would fight with James. Mick was above such petty immaturity. Not that she was calling James immature…Wait. Why wasn’t she calling James immature? “You’re going to give yourself a headache,” she muttered. Shaking the confusing thoughts out of her head, she sat down next to Mick and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Morning,” she said.

“Morning,” Mick replied, smiling. “You’re awfully late this morning.” Lily decided that a mixture of a snort and a moan would be a sufficient response.

James took no notice of Lily arriving. He continued his conversation with Sirius, something about Quidditch and puffskeins. This, she supposed, was a very good example of why you should not jump in on other people’s conversations. She was very grateful that he was acting normal, and didn’t bring up what had happened last night…

James looked up at her, raised his eyebrows, and gave her a rather confused half-smile. She just realized she had been staring. Embarrassed, she turned away.

Marlene was watching her in an almost hawk-like fashion. “Are you alright, Lily? Your eyes are rather puffy.”

Lily tensed. She hadn’t paid much attention to her appearance this morning. She had expected that her swollen eyes would have returned to normal over night, but apparently not. “I’m tired, that’s all.” Marlene just stared at her.

“So, Lily,” said Mick, glancing uneasily at his sister. “Did you finish that paper on Patronus charms? We’re supposed to be starting the practical bit sometime this week.”

“Oh, yes,” said Lily eagerly. “I can’t wait to see what shape my Patronus takes. That is, of course, if I can conjure one. I’ve practiced the spell some, but I haven’t gotten much but mist. I think it’s a crime we haven’t learned them yet…” And so, she and Mick spent the rest of breakfast discussing the Patronus charm.

By the end of the week, she was already laden with an essay in Herbology on aquatic plants, a roll of parchment on Western Dragons, and several other various assignments that made Lily’s head hurt when she thought about them. All in all, it had not been a very good week.

However, as she made her way to Defense Against the Dark Arts after lunch one afternoon, Lily was feeling almost happy, a feat of which she thought was most admirable. She was quite looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts this afternoon, as their professor had assured them that today would be the day they would attempt the Patronus charm. She hoped this time she would get it.

James sat idly in Defense Against the Dark Arts, while the other students attempted the charm. He had, of course, mastered the charm on first try. He’d mastered it a while ago, truthfully, one boring day in the library during fifth year when he was ‘Lily-watching,’ as Sirius put it. Unfortunately, now he was quite bored.

“Nothing to do, Mr. Potter?” James looked up into the sour face of his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

“I’m done,” said James impassively.

“Let’s see, then.”

James gave an uninterested shrug, said, “Expecto Patronum!” and watched as his Patronus ambled around the room. One student gasped and several applauded. While James hadn’t thought them all that hard, their professor had given them a lengthy ‘pep-talk’ about how difficult the Patronus was, how they shouldn’t expect to create a corporeal Patronus on their first attempt, and though it’s unlikely many of them would be able to produce one, it’s better to at least know how to, than to be sitting ducks for the Dementors.

After such a longwinded speech, many of the students were looking doubtfully at their notes, and after most of the period, only James and Sirius had successfully produced a corporeal Patronus.

“Very nice, Mr. Potter. Very nice indeed. Ten points to Gryffindor,” said his professor, nodding approvingly. Marlene scowled at him as his Patronus strolled by, before fading away. “Well, if you’re done, make yourself useful and help some of the other students.”

James agreed, and started wandering around the classroom. On passing Sirius, James muttered, “Looks just like you.” Sirius, who was gazing at his Animagus-like Patronus, snorted appreciatively in response.

Old habits take a long time to overcome, so soon James found his feet taking him over to where Lily and Marlene were practicing. Lily was looking very putout, but Marlene had emitted a semi-formed Patronus from her wand. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, but it was something.

“What are you doing, Potter?” asked Marlene, giving him a suspicious glance before returning her attention to her Patronus.

“I’m helping, of course.”

“Helping?” Marlene snorted. “That’s likely.”

“I was asked to walk around and help people.”

“And of course, you came directly here.”

“Not directly. I walked around that way a little first,’ replied James, smiling.

“Right.” Marlene rolled her eyes. “Well, you can walk right back over that way, because I don’t need your help.”

James raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t come over here to help you.”

“No?” said Marlene, her voice wavering. “No, of course not. You came over to bug Lily. Because that’s all you ever do, isn’t it?”

“Give it a rest, Marlene,” said Lily, looking tired.

“You can just leave us alone, Potter. You never cause anything but trouble!”

“Funny, I thought you were just talking about Lily. Now it’s ‘us’ again, is it?”

“Leave me alone!” screeched Marlene. A few people were staring at them now.

“Now it’s you, is it?”

“Oh, shut up, both of you!” said Lily, glaring at them. “Marlene, he’s doing nothing. James, don’t provoke her. You two are giving me a headache!”

“Apologies,” replied James, rather curtly, giving Marlene a contemptuous look nonetheless.

“You’re taking his side!” cried Marlene incredulously.

“I’m not taking anyone's side,” replied Lily in an exasperated tone, rolling her eyes. “You’re both being idiots.”

Marlene looked like she was going to explode. Her face was flushed, and her eyes were bulging slightly behind her blue frames. She opened her mouth, and James prepared himself for the fit. However, she didn’t scream. She simply muttered, “I’m going to go see how Tierza and Jill are doing,” and made her way over to the two other Gryffindor girls, who were frowning dejectedly at a nonexistent Patronus.

“Sorry,” grumbled James, starting to leave.

“And where do you think your going?” asked Lily, hands on hips.

“…Away?” asked James, looking slightly surprised.

“You didn’t run off my tutor to just leave. You’re helping me now, whether you like it or not.”

James couldn’t help but laugh. “Lily Evans, asking me for help! I’m shocked.”

“Oh, yes, yes. Go ahead and gloat. But I want to do a Patronus and I want to do one now.” She stamped her foot on the last word for effect. James laughed again.

“Alright,” he said. “Well, let’s see you try. I can’t help until I know what you’re doing wrong.”

Lily tried. She produced little more than a very weak mist.

“Well,” said James, examining the now fading mist. “You’re technique is fine…maybe your memory isn’t strong enough. Find a happier memory?” Lily muttered something he couldn’t understand. “Sorry?”

She looked up at him, almost defiantly. “I said I’m finding that rather hard right now.”

James simply nodded. “Well -- I don’t know how much I can help you there. How about when you first discovered you were a witch?”

“I tried that.”

“When you became Head Girl?”

Lily laughed. “It’s a nice thing to aspire to, but I wouldn’t call it the happiest moment of my life. But as you mentioned it, we have a Prefects meeting again the Friday before Christmas break.”

“Right. Thanks for reminding me. Well, anyway, what memory are you using now?”

Lily suddenly became immensely interested in the tip of her wand.

“Something with Mick?”

Lily glared at him. “If you must know, it’s not. I’d really rather not delve deeper.”

“Sorry,” James said, truthfully. “I’m not really being much help, am I? I’ll leave you alone.”

“No, wait! Don’t go,” said Lily as he started to walk away. “I don’t want to be over here all by myself,” she added quickly. “Marlene looks pretty shirty, and it’s partially your fault she left.”

James snorted. “Alright, but I don’t know how much help I’ll be.”

“Well, let me try again. Expecto Patronum!” A wisp of silvery gas escaped the tip of her wand.

“Okay, this time you annunciated wrong. It’s Expecto Patronum. Say it evenly.”

“Expecto Patronum,” she repeated.

“Good. Try it again.”

She cast him a quick glance before saying, “Expecto Patronum!” A shadow erupted from her wand. Its shape was indistinguishable, but it was moving around like something alive nonetheless.

“Excellent!” said James, applauding. “Try again!”

But he was interrupted by the bell.

“Well,” said Marlene rather coolly, as she and Lily made their way up to Divination. “I thought that went very well. Mine was fully formed by the end, did you see? It’s a Lynx, you know. Did you get one? I didn’t look. No, you didn’t, did you? Well, if you hadn’t abandoned me…”

“Abandoned you!” cried Lily incredulously. “You’re the one who ran off to Tierza and Jill just because big bad Potter came over. Gosh, Marlene. I don’t understand you sometimes.”

Marlene said nothing.

Her friend’s behavior became ever more bizarre. She grew increasingly snappy and constantly questioned Lily about when she was next going to do something with Mick.

“I don’t know,” said Lily exasperatedly one afternoon. “He hasn’t asked me to go to Hogsmeade any time recently. Ask him, if you’re so worried.”

November passed, and December was passing. Overnight the castle and grounds looked as though someone had taken their snow globe and shook it up. Lily loved the snow. On their afternoon off, Lily had wanted Marlene to come outside and play with her, but Marlene had said quite plainly that she thought it was a childish waste of time. Lily shrugged her off, and went out by herself. She had been out for a while, casting a quick heating spell to keep herself from becoming ill. There were only a few hours before curfew. She wasn’t sure why, but there was something very comforting about the snow.

She was lying on the snow-covered ground, her eyes closed, when she heard a voice above her. “What are you doing?”
She opened her eyes to see Remus Lupin standing over her, regarding her with some curiosity.

“Making a snow angel. Care to join me?” she said, sitting up and motioning to the snow. She liked Remus Lupin. She had worked with him for the past two years as Prefects, and although she hadn’t held much esteem for his choice in friends, he, at least, had some integrity and common sense.

Remus smiled slightly, and sat down, looking as if it were against his better judgment to do so. He was looking extremely weary, and as though he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time. Personally, she thought being out in the snow was about the last thing he needed to do.

“So,” asked Lily, “what are you doing?”

“Oh,” said Remus, “not much. Just…wandering. Getting a good look at the grounds before…vacation.”

“Right. Are you going home, then?”

Remus nodded. “And you?” He gave a sharp intake of breath after saying this, as though he regretted it.

Lily just said, “I’m spending the holidays with Marlene and Mick. They’ve got a big family. She said her mother wouldn’t mind one more.” She gave a faint laugh.

“That sounds nice,” said Remus. He pushed a lock of hair away from his forehead, accidentally revealing a small gash in his skin that seemed to have healed over many times before. Funny, she had never noticed that before. “I didn’t really want to go home this year, but my parents were quite insistent. Seemed to think they don’t see enough me…uh, Lily?” Lily snapped to attention. She had been staring at his scarred forehead.

“Er, yes?”

“You were giving me a very funny look.”

“Was I?” she asked, trying to sound surprised.

“Yes,” said Remus, eying her rather cagily.

“Moony!” They both looked up to see Sirius Black striding towards them “There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. We’d better get up to the hosp-- Evans!” Sirius stopped in his tracks, looking surprised to see her.

“Hello,” said Lily pleasantly. Maybe if she acted insignificant Sirius would finish what he was going to say. Some may call it nosy, but Lily decided she was merely curious.

“Er, right,” said Remus, looking very uncomfortable. “We’d better go…then. Wouldn’t, er, want to be late.” He cast what she expected he thought was a furtive glance at the sky.

Against her better judgment, Lily asked, “What are you two up to?”

“Up to?” asked Sirius, giving her a pretend-innocent look. She had seen that look before; it was the ‘I-am-actually-following-the-rules-but-I-want-you-to-think-I’m-guilty-so-I’ll-pretend-to-be-innocent-look.’

Lily raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a rain date for the lack of your Annual Halloween Prank?”

Sirius clapped a fist to his chest. “You wound me, Evans! Did it never occur to you that we might have grown up a little over the summer?”

Lily regarded him with some amusement. “No,” she said, unable to hold back a grin.

“I’m glad,” Sirius said. Then giving a mock bow, he continued, “In that case, we’ll be on our way.”

“Just so long as whatever prank you’re pulling doesn’t upset the train for Christmas. I want to get out of here!”

Sirius gave her a double thumbs up and the two made their way inside, leaving Lily to laugh, despite herself.

Finally, Christmas vacation was almost here. Lily could not wait for a break from school. She needed it. Regardless that she would probably be spending most of the vacation working on homework, she was still looking forward to it.

She and Marlene were in their dorms, packing. Well, to an extent. Marlene was reading aloud Lily’s most recent horoscope out of Witch Weekly and Lily was, actually, unpacking.

Marlene had finished hers in one sweep of her hand, and with firm pack! had finished Lily’s as well.

“But I don’t need all of that stuff,” Lily had told her insistently. “That’ll just be more unpacking when we get back.” Marlene just rolled her eyes and turned to the horoscope section in her magazine.

Lily gently unfolded a few shirts that she knew she wasn’t going to wear and set them aside. She was only half listening to Marlene. “Near the end of December,” she read, “a fight with someone close will revive a relationship -- well, that’s good I suppose -- but that very relationship will bring danger near. Oh dear,” commented Marlene. “Well, just don’t get into any fights any time soon and everything should be okay.”

Lily gave a dry laugh; she didn’t believe any of that rubbish. She removed a few more items from her trunk before she fell upon a cream-colored robe. She unfolded it carefully. However, she didn’t put it aside. Instead, she stood up and held it out before her. It was her dress robes. However, they were more than dress robes, to her. They were her mother’s. It was an old dress of her mother’s from when she was a girl. Lily had always loved playing dress-up in it as a child, so when her Hogwarts supplies list had told her she needed dress robes for the commencement ceremony, Lily had opted not to buy an expensive new set from Madam Malkin’s. With a little bit of magic and a little bit of help from a muggle sewing machine, Lily and her mother had transformed the old dress into a beautiful, stylish, dress robe. It was made of a silky, cream-colored material and had a green silk sash around the tapered waist. The neckline fell just off the shoulders, giving it what Lily believed a very romantic look. She loved it.

“What are you putting that back in for?” asked Marlene as Lily tenderly folded it back up and laid it in her trunk. Lily just shrugged while absent-mindedly smoothing a wrinkle. “You’ll hardly need it. I assure you, Christmas with the McKinnon’s is not a dressy affaire. With me, Mick, two little brothers and a sister, how could it be?” She laughed. (Marlene had a very big family. Her two younger brothers were in Ravenclaw like Mick, first and second years. Her little sister was going to be a first year next year.)

Lily just shrugged and put the dress in. Then, glancing at her watch, she cried, “Oh, holy hippogriff! I completely forgot. Prefects meeting tonight…Gotta go!” She then jumped up and practically fell down two flights of stairs. As she made her way closer to the Head’s Lounge, she shook her shoulders and tried to regain her dignity. They had taken to using the Head’s Lounge for Prefect meetings as Peeves had recently decided the Prefects room was as good as any to make his private shooting practice range. Shooting wads of gum, that is.

“Shrieking Shack,” said Lily, rolling her eyes slightly at James’s most recent password. He liked to change them weekly and count how long it would take for his friends to break in. The current record was twenty-two minutes and thirty-nine seconds. Lily didn’t even want to ask how he had gotten such a precise number.

“Sorry,” said Lily as she entered the room. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Not a problem,” answered James, handing out schedules for the first couple meetings after Christmas Break. “Adelaide Stein just got here a minute or two ago as well.” The Hufflepuff girl blushed fiercely, but whether that was her chagrin of being late, or the fact that James had addressed her personally, Lily couldn’t be certain.

“Great,” Lily clapped her hands. “Let’s get cracking then.”

It was a basic meeting. Short and sweet. Basically, they told the Prefects to have a good holiday and watch out for troublemakers on the train. James here afforded a very large wink to the Ravenclaw Prefect, who even Lily agreed needed to lighten up. Soon the Prefects were gone, and only James and Lily remained. Lily was sipping a Butterbeer on the couch, and James was fiddling with the password.

“Really, ‘Shrieking Shack’ is just too easy. They’ll get it in in no time. I need something really random. Something they’ll never guess…”

“How about ‘get a life?’” suggested Lily innocently.

James laughed. “Actually, I doubt they would get that.”

“I’d certainly have no trouble remembering it.”

“Ah, well. ‘Shrieking Shack’ will have to do for now.”

“You do like to rub that in my face, don’t you?” said Lily sardonically.

“Yep,” James grinned. He then walked over to cupboard and helped himself to a Butterbeer. He popped it open and fell back onto one of the plush chairs across from her. “Cheers,” he said.

Lily gave him a small half smile. She watched him as he took a long swig. She sighed. Something had changed. He was one of the few people she felt comfortable around anymore, but at the same time, she felt distinctly uneasy in his presence.

James had noticed her watching him. “Everything all right, Lily?”

Lily didn’t answer immediately, but continued to watch him. Whenever she was around him…there was a strange force. As if something needed to be done. She felt uncomfortable yet at the same time….

“No,” she answered after a moment. It seemed to take James a minute to remember what the question was. “No, something has been bothering me. I’ve only just realized what it is.”

“And?”

Lily took a deep breath. “Wizard’s debt.”

James’s expression darkened. “Lily, I told you to forget about it.”

“I can’t!” she cried. “You don’t understand. It’s always there. Whenever I’m around you, I feel so…so…aaargh! Just…think about it, okay? I have to do something. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it!”

James frowned. The two sat in silence for a few minutes. Then, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ve thought about it.”

“And?”

James didn’t respond. He then said very quietly, “Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Just…once. I want to know what it feels like to be McKinnon…”

“James -- I can’t…I’m with Mick…I can’t…”

Something seemed to change abruptly in his expression. “Right,” he said, looking very embarrassed. “I’m sorry -- I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t know what came over me…”

“James…” Maybe it was the Butterbeer, or maybe it was the Wizard’s debt, but for some reason beyond her ability to fathom, Lily leaned over and kissed him.

James walked very, very slowly back to the common room. Lily had left almost immediately, looking terribly embarrassed. She needn’t have. Be embarrassed that was. He certainly was enough for both of them.

He hadn’t expected it to happen, even when he asked. He didn’t know why he asked. It was ridiculous. Then, when she had…you know…he had been so surprised that he hadn’t known quite what to think. But now…

He had assumed that a part of him would jump up and do a victory dance, the same part of him that made him pull pranks and tease his friends. He assumed a boyish delight of finally kissing Lily Evans would overcome him. But it hadn’t. No, what he felt now was a very different emotion. He felt a force both strong and horrible. Ache.