This is good start for a more interesting story. I like how you introduced us Sheena and Simon, and that they both are not magic is an interesting factor. I’d really like to see how you go on with this story. The prologue is fantastic.

I noticed one minor dialogue mistake:

“Children do nothing but get in the way,” Simon would tell those brave enough to question him about it.

There needs to be a comma. I’ve added it in, written bold.

Other than that: please do continue writing this story. It looks promising.

~Bine

"Weasley Weather" - I really like it, as well as the rest of your story. Great writing style; and the cliffhangers make it more interesting - especially if you have to anticipate the next chapter being validated. Three times Huzzah! for your story.

Author's Response: Cliffhangers are a very old literary device (one used frequently by Dickens, as a matter of fact) that are very useful in terms of bringing readers back for more, and it seems to have worked in as I\'ve developed a very loyal following with this story. I really appreciate your kind words and for taking the time to leave a review.

I found this chapter to be another very interesting read. I especially liked how you brought in Ginny, and her interaction with Blaise. It’s obvious that he still fancies her, and that his feelings for her run deeper than the small scene in HBP lets on. Ginny herself has matured and found a calmer attitude. She no longer is the fiery girl but a caring and worrying mother. You made her a very well-rounded and believable character, and I really like that. It makes the connection she has to Blaise through that incident in her sixth year so much stronger.

What I also very much like is how Ginny is able to get Blaise to the point where he then helps Harry by telling him what he needs to know. It shows that Ginny is able to bring people to do what she wants, like I think she’s always been able to.

Where I doubted your flawless characterisation a bit at first was where Blaise got sentimental when Ginny showed him the pictures. I found it close to being overdone, but it isn’t when I take into consideration Blaise’s feelings for Ginny and that she is very close to him at that moment. I suppose even someone so calm-appearing like Blaise would start losing the mask he wears and show more of his deeper and hidden self.

All in all, another fantastic chapter that fascinated me from the first word to the last full stop.

I came around to read this story some time ago already, after having seen the trailer on the forum. I got curious, and was hooked on the story the moment I started reading it.

Your story starts off really interesting. I like how you slowly but very well introduce us to Callie. She’s a lovely girl, and in her way she has “power” over her father, who – as we learn within one subtle sentence at the end – is none other than Draco Malfoy. You describe Callie wonderfully, and yet one can still paint an own picture of her although she’s completely portrayed already with you having described her similar to her mother, the spitting image in appearance of the still unknown woman.

Her response was to open her own book. The Lord of the Flies. Where did it come from? He could swear his daughter seemed to pluck books from thin air.

Especially with this part and the one where her father thought about his daughter always having her nose in a book you show clearly that she has not only a similarity in appearance to her mother but in her mother’s habits as well. I love the last sentence in this paragraph – pluck books from thin air. It’s magic you describe here, and the entire chapter so far is magical to read. Well done.

But I want to come back to Callie having “power” over her father once more before proceeding into chapter two. You put in several sentences that I simply loved:

This conversation was fast going downhill on her favour. As always. He never won with her.

Merlin’s pants, his daughter beamed. That always preceded his defeat.

It is great to see that Draco can get defeated by a child and is also able to admit it, that he isn’t so stubborn to have to win over his daughter. He has changed a lot since the years at Hogwarts and the war, and I really like how you created him as a father. These sentences also show how much “power” Callie possesses over her father. I find it rather sweet that he loves her so much and sees her as his baby girl. Very well done for this chapter, and I was really looking forward to read chapter two.

Chapter two is similar to chapter one in its build-up: you introduce us to Thalia and her mother, and you do it as splendid as in the first chapter. You introduce us to Lia the same way you did with Callie, and all the subtle sentences around her appearance show that she’s the female image of her father Draco. It’s very well done, and I have only compliments for you in this regard. Also, when you bring in Hermione – just like Draco’s name being mentioned at the end of chapter one – you only give her name in the lower half of the chapter, just like this from one moment to the next – and one never really realises it (at least I didn’t. I actually had to scroll back up to see where exactly you gave away Hermione’s name.). I knew it was Hermione, but again anyone not having seen the trailer might not know it and would surely think “Wow.” I have to agree with those readers.

Interesting was also the short part where Hermione remembers her two daughters meeting in the book shop without realising that they are siblings. That’s where you bring in that the four characters are connected with each other, and again you do it in a very subtle way. I’m really curious how the girls will react when getting to know each other.

What I liked most in chapter two was the way you told us that Lia is so much like her father in the way she stands, smirks and behaves sometimes, a way of Draco that got Hermione giddy. I also liked that you had Hermione have visions or memories about Draco pop up when she looks at her daughter. I really wonder now what brought Draco and Hermione to get together, have two daughters, and then break up. It fuels my desire to go on reading. You’ve very well gripped the reader to stay with your story and continue it to the very end. And the way you chose who was living with which parent is remarkably. I think every other author might have simply put Lia to Draco, and Callie to Hermione because of the similarities between these pairs, but you just did it the reversed way which is really well thought-out. Congrats.

What mesmerised me was how you brought in the environment in which both girls grew up. The Malfoys being pure-bloods and rich would of course choose something as grand as a French chateau, and it only helps fortifying the picture of them being a “noble” family, even in modern times. Hermione and Lia on the other hand live in a small house in the countryside, and this proves that Hermione doesn’t need money to be happy. All she needs are the people she cares for, and she has this in her daughter and her friends living near.

The contrast and the sisters being divided and each living with only one parent – in short everything in the first two chapters – reminds me of a classical children’s story that I love since I first read it when I was still a child: “Das doppelte Lottchen” from Erich Kästner (“Lottie and Lisa” in English). There the author writes about twins being divided because of the divorce of their parents, and I can imagine that you’re going to bring the story into a similar direction. I’m sitting on tenterhooks to find out if Lia and Callie will swap the roles and try to bring together their parents just like the siblings did in the original book.

But before I can go on reading, there are some things I want to point to because they simply came up with me.

In chapter one you had this sentence:

“That isn’t an answer in intelligent conversation, Father.”

I’m not entirely sure if my theory is correct, but I write it down here nonetheless for you to notice it though. In my opinion there should be an “an” before “intelligent”. – “That isn’t an answer in an intelligent conversation, Father.” I could be wrong – I have been before – but to me it seems not quite right although the sentence looks correct and makes sense. The way you wrote the sentence makes it that every conversation that is intelligent mustn’t have a one-syllable-answer because it is considered impolite. With an “an” inserted, the conversation Callie and her father have at that moment becomes the one Callie refers to with her sentence. As I said, your sentence makes sense, because “So?” simply isn’t a nice answer for any conversation. But I would have written the “an” in there, and it’s just my opinion.

But with this sentence there should definitely be a change:

That sounded sappy and totally out of character to be in his thoughts, but he’d only scoff at any one who’d say it was sappy and out of character.

The “any one” should be one word, anyone.

Well, I intended to write the review for the first three chapters, but as things go… *shrugs* I stop here now, and will comment later again. I really like you story, very much so, and you have a fantastic way in your writing style. You’re a very good author being able to keep readers stay interested and hooked on your story. Very well done and I’ll put it to my favourites as soon as I’ve submitted this review.

~Bine

A wonderful and really good story so far. And it’s getting cute…

I really liked the part where Andromeda tells that she’s a proud person, but not proud of what stands behind her name and family (chapter six). You’ve captured her dilemma quite good, well done.

Please continue writing in this good style of yours. Using the first person narrator gives us qualified inside on each character, better than a third person narrator would be able to do. I like your story and will surely stay till the end.

Author's Response: Lol thank you so much. :D Everyone seems to be saying that about Chapter six. I\'m glad I did that then. I certainly shall continue. There may even be a sequel. ;)

Wow, that was a really amazing job. You had caught my attention from the first word towards the very last sentence.

I've seen the plot bunny presented in the adoption centre, then your link in one of the following posts. Upon reading your author's notes in the beginning, I nearly fell off my bed laughing really hard. *giggles when thinking of the bunny not chewing through too much wires* Oh, and of course your disclaimer - *falls off bed for real now*

And then I read your story - and was swept away. I had my own ideas how this story is going to be like when reading the plot bunny in the forums, but your own way made it really unique. After each paragraph I pictured the next event already, but you somehow always surprised me with another way to go than I imagined it in the first place.

In my opinion you characterised really well how Narcissa felt and still feels when thinking of her dead daughter. It explains how she became so over-protective over Draco. I always wondered what was with her to act how she did in the books (especially HBP while in Spinner's End); now I know a possible answer. And I also find it good that you let Lucius forget what had happened, that he willed the memory of Rose away to be the loyal servant to the Dark Lord he desperately wants to be. And anyway, Draco is his heir - what does a dead daughter mean when his precious son still lives?

Excellent story, and I can only recommend everyone to read it.

Author's Response: I\'m so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely review

I loved the scene where James and Harry played "Triwizard Tournament Task One", and when Harry proudly stated that he was the dragon and his son just had caught the Golden Egg - a tennisball. And Ginny's reaction to the chaos... priceless, especially her remark to not drown James in the tub when replaying the second task in the lake. lol

Very sweet was the scene when Rose and Al saw each other for the first time, and some kind of recognition went between them, as well as between Ginny and Hermione. It felt as if both babies know that they're going to have to master difficulties in future side by side.

It's a pity that the story will end soon, but I'm looking forward to the sequel. Keep the words flowing, Cassandra.

Author's Response: I will definitely keep the words flowing. Thanks so much for your encouragement and support.

Roxy, this is heartbreakingly beautiful, and I’m fighting with my tears. Lily had probably the hardest decision ever, to choose between the boy she loved and the man she loves. You captured this expertly, and gave the story a wonderful touch.

I especially liked how you started.

Lily opened her eyes.
She was alone. She could tell from the penetrating silence all around her.

I love how the combination of “penetrating” and “silence”, because sometimes you wish it was all silent, but once there is, you wish there wasn’t. Silence can be as bad as noise. But the way you used it here plays greatly into what Lily felt at that moment – left alone. Yes, she asked for it, as you write in the next paragraph, but nonetheless, she feels left alone with her decision who to choose. And with the subtlety you’ve written it, it tears at my heart just like Lily’s heart is torn. So beautiful…

What I first thought was confusing, but when thinking about it for a moment it became crystal clear, was that you first said “She was alone.” and then have “Lily turned around to James for comfort.” She’s confused in her thoughts and still thinks James is with her. But at the same moment she knows she’s alone, on her own wish. Again, it’s the subtlety that draws the reader into your story, and it’s a wonderful talent you have there.

Was she making the right decision?

This one sentence alone gave your story a turn I hadn’t seen coming. With the beginning, I honestly thought Lily is thinking about the wedding, either stressing herself if everything will be perfect or if she was ready already. But that she could question herself if she had made the right choice found me unprepared and like “Ohh, a SevGirl story…” lol. Joking aside, you used a simple method to point the story into this direction, but it was very effective.

Then, in the next paragraphs, you never use Severus’ name, but from the way you described everything, it’s obvious that Lily thinks about Sev. She wonders how two so completely different men can be so similar. But most of all – both have touched her heart in a unique way, and this is what makes it for Lily so difficult to choose. And yet, her mind is set.

“You didn’t just decide to come here and see if you could change my mind?”

This sentence testifies that Lily is a strong person and can make up her mind, no matter how hard the decision(s) that led her there may have been. You balanced her weakness and strength, surrounding it with a superb story line – short but very effective.

“You thought what? That I’d end up with you? After all that you’ve done to me?” She let the anger build up now. How dare he make this her fault?

And here you showed that Lily has a temper, and that, when once hurt and now insulted, it can take over, making her speak like you wrote it. I really love the way you characterised her so true to the books. It’s just brilliantly done.

Defeated and broken, he turned on the spot and fled from the house of his soul mate.

Oh, this is another fantastic line, expertly describing Severus’ later way of life, the way he went on after her death: defeated and broken, but still unwilling to give up. This is why he promised Dumbledore to look out for Harry then – all for her although he never would get a thank you from Lily.

And the last sentence, it was the perfect way of ending a fabulous story. It shut a door in two respects – first, it ends your story, and second, it ends what Lily had ever felt for Severus. She in this moment chose James, and banned Severus from her life.

I’ve read a lot already, but only few were as beautiful as your story is. Really well done, Roxy. *huggles*

~Bine

Tim, this one-shot is fantastic. It's so sad and dark, and it surprised me a bit that you, who is quite well-known for humorous and funny stories, could write something this capturing. I felt with William, I felt for William. It's a cruel fate he faced and you showed that exceptionally. I applaud you.

What I liked is the present tense. It's so different than what you usually see, but it worked really great in this context. It gave me as the reader a deeper emotional inside to the story and the character, enabling me much more to feel with William.

The action sequence of his flight is very well done and gripping. I could feel my heart beating faster in the hope of William's success in fleeing. And when he then arrived at his home, being able to embrace his wife and son again, I was glad he had escaped and smiled to myself. But then he dies, and it shocked me. It is a truly magnificent work you've done with this. It reads and feels so real.

What bothered me a bit was the unnecessary capitalisation of normal words like "witch" or "wizarding world". But apart from that, the one-shot was an excellent read. You should write more D/A as it seems to be a strength of yours.

~Bine

Author's Response:

I’m surprised that this story is popular all of a sudden, but I’m glad you enjoyed this experiment of mine in the dark/angst genre. I wrote this to diversify a bit, and it’s good to know that my first attempt at this kind of story was effective. My writing tends to be more event-driven and I dread writing internal monologues, but I think I might give this kind of writing another go if I can come up with a good idea.

*breathes*
That story starts off ominously – but very interestingly though. Alone in a field without having a clue why he’s there? *shivers in anticipation*

First of all, congrats to a good first chapter. I really liked it. You have it well-paced, very well described and even better written. I really could feel with Rodolphus. Why was he there? Why were the Muggles killed? What was the meaning of this all? Also, how you explained how he got to that field in the first place was done well although it could have been a little bit clearer in my opinion. But maybe that’ll come in the other chapters? I’ll see.

The way you described the little Muggle house was lovely:

It was directly over a small house, a whitewashed cottage with flowers blooming in the front and giving every appearance of happiness.

It’s really beautiful, the scene you’ve created with this. So peacefully – it really reminds me of little farmer cottage in small villages, way out in the countryside, nothing else around for miles. It’s dreamily. And it’s a shame that death had to destroy this quiet scene. But then again, the grotesqueness of the dead on this house which is untouched is a beauty in its own – it’s so contradictory. I really liked that.

And I always wondered who would kill them. Who would come and take the lives of these four, very friendly, so innocent people? No one else than Bellatrix of course. And this although she still was in school. I always knew she was a person to better not cross, but she fits completely for this killing.

What I had a problem with was this quick pacing you had with Rodolphus and Bellatrix’s discussion about killing the family. He’s strictly against killing innocent people up to that point, but she only needs to threaten him with his own life and he decides to kill the Muggles? That’s in my opinion a little bit too quick.

“No,” I choked out. “I can’t kill them. Bellatrix—”
“Either kill them or die.”
“Anything else. Please,” I begged.
“I will kill one, and you will kill the other. If not, I will kill you, do you understand?”
I nodded. “When?”
“Now.”

The beginning was really good; he contradicted, he pleaded – he didn’t want to kill them. But she kept pushing him. And sure, when it comes down to your life or those of others, you’re most likely choosing to save your own neck, but you could have written Rodolphus even more hesitant about it, making this discussion longer. Yes, he’s going to choose his life in the end over the ones of the Muggles, but he could have put up more of a fight against Bellatrix. She’s only a girl, after all, only 17. And he had his wand. Why didn’t he fight or maybe even kill Bellatrix? That would have solved some problems. No one would know he killed Bellatrix. He was – if I remember correctly – on the run anyway, so why not simply kill her and disappear completely? This way he’d prevent two things: killing the Muggles and having to join the Death Eaters. That’s of course just my theory, so I’ll stop the babbling at this point and go on with your story.

I stared as her eyes slipped back into focus, and she waited for me to speak. But I had nothing to say. I knew then that Bellatrix was, most definitely, all that the Dark Lord could want in a follower. She was cruel, loyal and strong. But it was more than that, I knew. Most people join the Dark Lord’s ranks because of power or fear. But Bellatrix had joined because of something else. She wanted to, which I knew was what set her apart and made her so desirable.

I really liked that paragraph. It showed in a really fantastic way what Bellatrix felt being a Death Eater, why she wanted to be one in the first place. This paragraph in combination with the one where she tells Rodolphus about first meeting Voldemort is just great, absolutely brilliant. Good work.

“Rabastan has requested to be the one to kill you if you should choose not to become one of us.”

These words by Bellatrix and at the end of the first chapter promise a very interesting second one, and I’m more than excited to read how the story goes on.

But before I continue, I want to tell you that relatively early in the beginning you missed a period at the end of a sentence. But apart from that I haven’t noticed one single mistake. Bravisimo.

~Bine