Great fic, overall. I wouldn’t have expected it to be Lucius who was narrating, good job. It gives a good explanation to why the Longbottoms were tortured.

I especially liked your characterisation of Bellatrix. Though I’m not a great fan of her, I could see that you portrayed her like we see her in the books. The way she talked Rabastan into coming along, especially, was very Bella-ish. However, I was surprised to see that she let Lucius Malfoy go just like that. I would have expected her to talk Lucius into coming with her or something. But she just says “Coming, Lucius?” and he doesn’t reply and they leave. That’s the part where I was slightly disappointed. I would have wanted to see her at least try and persuade him into coming, but that’s just me.

…he pouted, am expression that extenuated the youthful lines of his face, making resemble look a child denied a chocolate frog rather than a hardened Death Eater.
That line was very funny and articulate. I could simply imagine Barty Crouch Jr’s face that way. A few typos I caught: he pouted, am expression…
an not am. Also, the next part of the sentence reads making resemble look… it should say ‘making him resemble’ or ‘making him look like’

And then comes the scene where Lucius tells Scrimgeour about the Longbottoms. It was very Lucius-like to go and tell on people, but funny how Bellatrix didn’t figure it was he who told them. She’s clever enough, but maybe she didn’t think Lucius would tell on her and the others. It’s also funny how Scrimgeour keeps up his promise to Lucius. This is all just me speculating, but I would expect Fudge or someone to obey what Lucius says. Scrimgeour, however, is a different story. He just doesn’t seem the type to me who would follow what Lucius says. He would probably have gotten the information from Lucius and told the Ministry that he was the one who found Lucius and got a confession out of him. Maybe, it’s just me, but I don’t think Scrimgeour would have followed what Malfoy said.

Anyway, the fic provided a great “missing moment” from the books and I enjoyed it!

Wow. As usual, I'm left speechless. Jan, the whole story was great! I especially liked it because it was from Maeve's POV and they managed to escape. You showed her quick wit when she tries to escape from that guard. And loved that line: Katherine had a face that was to be believed.

And the end was just perfect. You revealed such a great secret right at the end and it had me smiling. Hope you will do a story about the younger version fo Severus (at least I think so ;) ) Anyway, this was a really good one, I loved it. Any chance of an epilogue?

I loved your writing as usual, the imagery was perfect. *bye for now*

Wow, Lei, what can I say? This chapter is just beautiful. You know Remus and Hermione too well, girl. They're just perfect -- so similar to canon. Oh, and I love the battle of Ron vs. Remus in Hermione's head. Poor girl, you put her through the mill. I love your descriptions; I'm able to see everything in my head as I read, they're amazing.

The silence was as loud as a Mandrake’s cry.

I loved the reference to the magical world even in your descriptions. Nice touch :)

And the kiss! OMG! OMG! I simply can't praise you enough for it. You are the awsomest, Lei! I love you!

And just one little correction:

As if struck by lightning, Hermione leapt to her feet and rummaged through her bag for every scrap of information she had gathered about the amulet.

Overally, I am in love with CDL. Can't wait for more updates :D

I liked this story. It showed the “good side” of Peter very well and the reason he turned traitor is very well explained. But, some places, the beginning, for example, was a bit vague. I couldn’t follow what was happening, and if you had given some background information on who McKinnon was, it would have been better.

After all, no-one knew he was here, not even his fellow Marauders.
No one need not be hyphenated. :)

However, Andrew Mickinnon stayed stubbornly silent.
McKinnon is wrongly spelt here, but in another place it’s right. Like I already said, it would be better if you explained who McKinnon was and why he was protecting Peter. The beginning is ambiguous, but once the flashback is done, it picks up speed.

Peter’s blood ran cold.
Personal preference, but ‘ran cold’ seems kind of odd to me. Maybe you could say ‘turned cold’ or something similar. Or maybe ‘blood pounded in his veins’ although that would indicate more of anger than fear. You could simply say ‘Peter froze,’ if you wanted to show him being afraid.

“Dumbledore will undoubtedly perform the fidilius charm upon them, but I will get them eventually. I am determined.”
It’s Fidelius Charm.

He had never been as rational as is friends, he’d tended to rely on gut instincts rather than thoughts, and now his anger burned his fear like tissue paper.
That’s a well-written line, but it seems to me that it was contradictory to what we know about Peter in canon. He seemed to me as the most reserved of the Marauders and more of an opportunist, from what we saw in PoA. So it does seem a bit weird that he would rely on gut instincts. Sirius seems to be the sort of person who would rely on gut instincts rather than Peter. Maybe he changed after what happened to the Potters, but even if Snape’s Worst Memory chapter, he did seem as someone who would not rely on gut instincts.

For even a tiny seed, when given food and water, can grow to the sky.
Loved this line. It signifies the amount of difference even a small thing can make. Good job.

The pain was so great that he wished he would die, yet whenever a chance came he clung to life with all his might.
Wow. This is Peter in a nutshell. The sentence is very well articulated and I liked how you described him in just one line.

I especially liked the way you described his walk in the night. It was very realistic and I could feel walking with Peter at that time. It was very well written. But, then again, Peter doesn’t seem to me as the kind of guy who would change his mind after just thinking about Lily and James. This is the guy who threw his best friend to the Dark Lord and another to the Dementors just to save his own skin. So if you wanted Peter to change his mind, then you need a stronger reason for it.

Overall, I liked the ideas presented, and spare a few canon errors, it was an enjoyable read.

Author's Response: I know some of this isn't very likely, but to be honest, I don't really care. I just wanted to make it seem possible, you know? I don't like it much when characters are all bad. And as for Peter relying on gut instincts, I ment that he doesn't think much. He doesn't stop and think "Is this a good idea or not?" if his first impulse is to run, then he generally will, you know what I mean? And as for the night walk, well, I like poetry, and - I think, it was written in a poetic way. You know, all the overdone descriptions? Yeah. Glad you liked the "For even a tiny seed, when given food and water, can grow to the sky" line, and that you thought "The pain was so great that he wished he would die, yet whenever a chance came he clung to life with all his might" characterized him so well. Anyway, I loved this review, because it's so useful. Some of the other reviews don't really tell me that much. It's nice to know people like it, but... See ya

After a long wait for a good fic about Cedric, I think I've finally discovered it. :)

Anyway, onto the fic: Wow, it was awesome. I like the way you described the confusion going on inside Cedric's mind. And how he slowly realised that Harry was Harry. This story had so much potential, I love to see how it's developed. Great job so far, keep it up, and "Remember Cedric Diggory" is going into my faves.

One small thing was the summary. Like Lilypudding said, it sounds a bit conceited, and misleading. You could consider revising it. Apart form that, the prologue was great.

P.S. I found this by the link you had put in the Cedric thread on the Forums.

Cheers!
miss padfoot

Author's Response: Oh, yay! I'm glad you liked it. I hope it stays good, though, I must agree that the next chapter is much better. :) I'm honored that it's already in your favorites--I hope it stays there as the story goes on! Sounds like I'll be changing the summary... :) I guess I'll give the people what they want... just let me leave it there until I discover the perfect way to introduce it. I haven't found it yet--Cedric hasn't given me any hints either! ;) But thanks so much for the review!

I enjoyed reading your fic. Your way of writing just drew me into the fic and I read it twice in one sitting (it’s a great achievement for me) Here are a few things I noticed: A flaming red head of hair bobbed its way down the bustling straight of Diagon Alley,...
There’s no need to say red head of hair, just red head would suffice.

“No escaping it, unfortunately,” coughing in the hot and smelly cloud that engulfed them.
The sentence is a bit incomplete. Maybe you could say “No escaping it, unfortunately,” she said, coughing in the...

“I trust Dumbledore’s judgment,” he said in return.
Nice foreshadowing here. Merges well with Remus’ statement in HBP about trusting Dumbledore’s judgement.

I mean—not Sirius, of course!” she added quickly, but Remus walked on unperturbed.
This response doesn’t seem to sink in with Lily’s previous comments on Sirius, why does she suddenly defend Sirius? I understand it’s just not to hurt Remus, but it doesn’t seem like something she would say.

“I prefer to think of it as an excess of parental love,” he said at last.
I loved that line. Shows the difference in opinion of Remus and Lily very nicely. And for her to think that Remus is being spoilt by his parents in rather amusing.

“Mes enfant.”
Now why did Remus suddenly speak French? We haven’t heard of him knowing French anywhere in canon, so I would suggest revising that part.

And in the next few paragraphs, I really liked the detailing you’ve gone into. Personally, I’m a big fan of details and that part was nicely done, right from where Remus watches Lily’s trinkets.

And then when their conversation gets a bit serious and angsty, it seemed as though the dialogue moved really fast with them interrupting each other. I would make it really slow and concentrate a bit more on what they’re thinking etc. That would really have had an impact on the reader.
There’s also no need to use two hyphens in places like these: “When I think of poor Amanda Lovejoy--”
Again there’s the foreshadowing on Lily’s responsibility. You wrote it so that she was almost accurate but she did not know about her future. That vague speech of Lily’s made a lot of sense to me. Good job. “Are you afraid of werewolves?” she asked, quite innocently.
Haha, I can exactly imagine how Remus must have felt when she asked this. Little things like this and the foreshadowing make your fic extra special.

If his purpose was to be the instrument in bringing his friends together, he could come to terms with that.
Loved the line. You’ve portrayed Remus as close as he can be to canon. It was great that he thought of himself as an instrument to unite his friends. Nicely done.

Overall, I had really very little to find mistakes, and I definitely enjoyed reading this.

Author's Response: *Twice* in one sitting? Bless you! You couldn't have pried the grin from my face as I read this review. It really means a lot to me. :)

Thanks for catching where I slipped up, and I hope you don't mind if I use your modifications- I certainly don't want to start the story off with avoidable mistakes like those. I'm also very grateful that you shared some specific impressions, because when I'm writing I have a different perspective about how little exchanges come across. An example here is Lily's backtrack regarding Sirius: she meant the jab more for Sirius' rotten cousins, but I see now how the dialogue wasn't clear at all! I'll certainly try to revise these little things when I can get around to it.

What you said about my Remus being close to the canon is overwhelming and precious to me, and I want to thank you for that in particular. I never thought I'd hear that, and I am humbly flattered that you thought it was so. It's gratifying to have something so constructive to work with. I hope to always get better, and this sort of feedback is what helps most; so thank you, and have a wonderful weekend! =D

I’m not very into reading poetry, but this one was simply great, if I had to say in a word. Throughout the whole poem, I was on the edge of my seat, wanting to know what would happen next. You’ve captured the action scene of action superbly. In spite of the “poetic-ness” which is the last thing you want in an action filled scene while doing prose, I was actually amazed at how good poetry can be used to describe action. You’ve blended the ‘action’ ‘mystery’ and ‘poetic’ parts very well. Another thing you’ve used efficiently is repetition and rhyme. The rhyme gives a musical quality to a fic (I felt as though I was watching an opera or something lol) and the repetition is quite nice when you read it aloud.

Lines like these are those that stand out in my mind:
What has past I see tomorrow; - time is what I need to borrow
The first part of the line explains his confused state nicely. And the last part is worded well. Good job! Then with hand to head pressing, but no single thought progressing
This line was very articulate yet, retained the poetic quality. It’s almost as if his hand prevents his thoughts from progressing. Great job!

I’ll stop before I begin to quote the entire poem. All in all, I enjoyed this greatly. Excellent job! I wish I could give this more than 10 points!

Author's Response: Thank you for the great review. It was kind of difficult to blend all the action I had planned into a poetic form, and I'm glad you think I pulled it off. =)

Wow! This is probably one of the best D/A fics I’ve ever read!

The first thing that I noticed about this fic was the tense. Although I’m not a big fan of the present tense, I’m positive this fic wouldn’t have been as better as it is now if the past tense had been used. It almost felt like I was there with Andromeda. :D The descriptions of the Black house too, made the fic come alive.

Do you believe in ghosts?

I loved this opening line. It aroused my interest immediately and made me want to keep reading more. I also liked how you switched back between the past and present – that conversation with Narcissa was very believable. I would certainly expect her, of all people, to be frightened by ghosts, LOL.

Then Narcissa had walked up in her adorable little communion dress and Druella had forgotten Princess Andromeda in lieu of Queen Narcissa.

This line here was a nice touch, because it brings back the old sibling rivalry into play. Though, a comma after ‘dress’ would be nice, I think. =]

Lightning flashes again, and she can almost see Narcissa beside her, glowering and asking her to try on the pretty dress.

Eek! This line totally gave me the creeps. It reminded me of those old horror movies where whenever lightning flashes, an old ghost appears. Of course, the term 'ghosts' here refers to the old memories that haunt them but it still is creepy. You used imagery very well here – I could almost see Narcissa in my mind’s eye. *shudder*

She had forgotten to re-zip the back.

Wow, that was the perfect ending. :D It’s almost like they had been waiting for each other to reconcile first and then ended up wasting a lot of years. And I liked how Narcissa didn’t send any note in return. She’s too proud to openly speak to her sister, now that Andromeda’s been blasted off the tapestry, and yet, she’s forgetful enough to have forgotten to re-zip the back. Though, I wonder if she had left it un-zipped on purpose? But that was just the perfect ending.

I have very few nitpicks for you:

There’s no Sirius to prowl around, viciously hating the lot of them.

The contraction of is to ‘s is usually used only in dialogues. =]

She has to give the Tapestry one last look.

There’s no need for capitalising the tapestry. =]

There’s a musty, stale scent on the air, and a faint breeze — there must be an open window in one of the rooms nearby — carries the faint smell of impending rain.

I loved the picture this sentence painted – just so real, but there was an unnecessary repetition of ‘faint’. If you put a synonym there, it would read better. =]

She climbs it gingerly, not wanting it to break and send her crashing to the ground. Besides the pain it would cause, it just doesn’t seem right to have so much noise.

Maybe it’s just me, but ‘climbs it’ sounds odd. Maybe say ‘mounts it’?

Overall, I loved the story! You truly are a talented writer! =]

Wow, Liz, this is amazing. I love the way you write the Blacks especially Regulus who is usually portrayed as dumb. The whole thing was mind blowing, Liz and the Padfoot/Regulus moments were cool, especially “He used to be my hero. Now he’s just a broken reflection of what he used to be.”

Few lines I just couldn't stop quoting:

The golden eyes were sorrowful, and Regulus was a little startled at the humanity he saw in them.

It's great how you show Sirius' emotion from Regulus' point of view. Regulus, of course, doesn't know about Padfoot, still, the connection he's able to make is touching. Great work!

He sat on a flat rock, gazing at the reflection of the moon in the lake. He supposed it was typical of him, to look at the shine of the image instead of the real thing.

It was what he had done with Sirius, after all.

It's wonderful how you portray a whirlwind of emotions in just a few lines. Regulus' betrayal was so intense and his feeling of dejection was so well-written.

And of course, the last line worked great. It's this kind of endings that I'm most fond of. Cool work, Liz!

However, this line seemed a little too blunt for Sirius.

This time, Sirius didn’t look away. “I’m sorry. For deserting you.”

I understand he's loved his brother and he's feeling bad he had deserted him just because they were sorted into rival houses, but Sirius doesn't seem that very straight-forward in the books to me. That's what I thought of him and I'm probably wrong.

Aside from that, this was a really cool story and Shining Reflections will definitely be one of my most favourite Black one shot. Thanks for a really intense read. :)

What a curious little story, Amy! You've made a great start with this beginning and with so many mysteries, you've definitely got me interested.

Firstly, Severus. Having written him myself, I know how difficult it is to get him totally right, and it is wonderful to note that you've done exactly that. Even in the short prologue, the difference between him in the beginning where he's a wonderful husband (or that's what he seems to be) and at the end where he goes back to the self we know him in HP-canon, you've managed to make that transition beautifully. I really enjoyed reading your Severus and it makes me anxious to know what happens next. Though, it seems a little too irresponsible of Severus to have a kid while at school, I'm sure you can make it work. :)

Just a little typo I noticed:

“She is no longer allowed in Master's laboratory, do you understand?”

"Dee is taking Girly-baby so she will not be in Master-sir's way.”

"His hands flew to his daughter’s body -"

“And Dee is to take care of her, and keep a close eye on her. She is a very curious baby and must be watched.”

These lines kinda confused me. Since you've quoted them separately, I take it that Severus speaks them, but it doesn't really sound like him; is he just speaking like the house-elf to make her understand? Or is it the house-elf speaking to herself? If you could clarify, it would be great. :)

And the cliffy-end was just perfect. Annoying to me as a reader, but exactly the kind of thing that would make me come back for more. Great prologue, Amy, and keep up the good work! And update soon, I can't wait to read what happens next!




Author's Response: Thank you very much Preethi! I am so happy that you enjoyed reading the prologue. The scene with the house-elf was one that I kind of struggled with. Severus is talking to Dee so that she understands and I was trying to make him sound upset at the same time and it just didn\'t end up working as well as I would have liked. Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope I can keep you intrigued!

Author's Response: I went and did some minor editing and took your advice into account. Thank you so much Preethi!