You had me so worried that Ginny was going to die, and then you slip in casually almost inconsequentally, Harry's death. This chapter is an emotional roller coaster, a happy, wonderful, terribly depressing chapter.

Bill is alive, and okay, and in love with McKee. She loves him too and they're getting married, but there's a cloud over this happy chapter.

Okay, this review shall lack organization. I tried to organize it and it didn't work out so I'm going to just stream through in the order comments occurred to me.

I enjoyed the dagger throwing scene, more solid characterization points. I would not want to share a room with Margaret McKee.

The flashback was interesting, asking many more questions than it answered. Who was the old man? Was it Dumbeldore? Why was her mother crying? What did he tell her? Is this about McKee's father? I guess you may answer a few of those questions sometime in the next twelve chapters. :)

Of course, the Malfoy blackmail remains intriguing.

This chapter stands out for its little details. The dagger scene, the enchanted windows, it all rings very true, very real.

And if you don’t stop on this path you’ve decided on, you’ll end up angry and alone. Forgive

So there is vengeance in young McKee's heart? I'm sure some of it is reserved for the ugly squib with his box of fish heads, but I wonder at all the tings you've left unsaid. Who all has wronged Margaret, and how does she intend to even the scales?

And kidnapping Harry! Ack! I like it that McKee doesn't get all misty over him, but I love the little guy. Don't leave him in the box!!

Grammar Radar: There might be a lucky chance that even Dumbledore will go play with grandchildren or some such mundane thing. Yes.

Shouldn't the will be would?

Okay, you were right, most of this chapter was very confusing and I should read year six now.

McKee's grief, self-blame, and need for redemption all shine through. Not that I really blame McKee for what happened. (Shame on Ginny for reinforcing that bit of self-blame.)

Here's hoping that there's some Bill in our future. I'm very worried about him.

This is an excellent character piece. You watch the marauders from Lily's eyes. Characters that are only loosely penciled in cannon, become real humans with depth. It's all rather well done, with a healthy balance of description, dialogue, and internal thoughts.

Conscructive Comments: At times the prose waxes a touch prosaic. One instance of dialogue jumped out at me. QUOTE: "but we’re far from perfect, Lily. The scars on our hearts map our faults."

Would a teenager really come out with that one? It seems very deep and introspective and unreal.

Well, that's all I have. You have a distinctive writing style, and your characters are multidimensional. :)

Author's Response: Thank you. You're not the only one who has mentioned the fact that the dialogue is a bit...off. Er...I'm a teenager and I know that I would say that. But I guess I'm a bit more mature than most, so I can't really use myself as an example. Thanks for reviewing.

This was very touching. It brought a tear to my eye. Neville's Grandmother, battle-axe, gets to be a human for us in this. You take every little clue JKR left about this character and painted her in full color and emotion.

I think the most effective part, the part that rang most true to me, would have to be when the Ministry officials were delivering the news. We knew the news, but following her mind to that realization was perfectly understated and so sad.

Constructive comment: We live in different comma states of mind, as you well know from betaing. I wanted to add maybe ten commas, but they were quibbly.

Courtesy of The Naughty Penguin Society


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review!! Hee hee - naughty commas. You could have added them, but I would simply have swept them onto the great comma pile of doom. *giggles*

Very dark, deliciously dark. O.O There is one question in my mind as I finish the third chapter of this story. Who is Theodore... Who is he really? I have speculation going in my brain, but some of it seems too out there. You haven't given us a super-detailed physical description, but I have a nagging feeling that Theodore is someone we already know with a new name... I could be completely out of my mind of course.

Constructive comment:

From chapter one, there was a line where you wrote breath, and I think you meant breathe.

Everythin is vague now. You havne't really anchored this story in cannon. I don't know where I'm sitting in time, or relation to JKR's central players. It should be interesting to see what's coming. Lovely job :) :) There. Breath now.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Nott is himself (mentioned in Canon). The story is set between 5th and 6th year, dated via the Lexicon timeline.

The before and after review, lol. First off, the chapter reads smoothly (you must have an awesome beta *giggle*). As usual you write seamless sensual prose.

Siobhan's response to finding out Lucius was a Death Eater (finally) was handled well. It was a serious emotional blow and she responded accordingly. I smell foreshadowing with Snape and I don't think you are near to done with him. Also, I'm a bit worried about Harry at this point. Where has he wandered off to? Is he in trouble?

The constructive part of this review is going to be a simple difference of vision I suppose. :) We have different visions of who Lucius is. When he defends Siobhan in this chapter the thing that jumped into my head was, Lucius isn't that man, he wouldn't say that, not and mean it. /end con crit

*takes down her Harry/Siobhan bumper sticker*

Bring on the happy ending. I can take it :)


Author's Response: mwhahaha. See, sometimes when my you make a comment that I feel the need to disregard or disagree with, I want to seek you out and provide explainations, but I never do because that seems silly. But now that you\'ve brought it up in a review! *cough* In this story, Lucius has shown that he wants Siobhan to impress other men, so that he can benefit from knowing that she belongs to him. He has also inadvertently defended her from Narcissa\'s attacks, and one of the warnings he issued Snape was not to disrespect her. So, why should Siobhan be allowed insult herself. As far as Lucius is concerned, Siobhan is his, and nobody -- not even Siobhan -- is allowed insult her. In canon, Lucius is cold and behaves as though he identifies his relationships as possessions - he is not Draco\'s father, Draco is HIS son. He does not express any kind of emotion towards Draco, but places an emphasis on Draco\'s actions and abilities and reputation. He goes to the trouble of carrying out his son\'s wishes, and acting with vengeance on anyone who insults Draco, and the seeming motivation is because he, too, feels insulted. And, as cold and condescending and arrogant he is, I would not believe for a second that any person is incapable of love. But, because he is those things, he cannot express it like a normal person -- so it comes out in small flares of inadvertent actions of concern. I don\'t know... It was a command. [As indicated by the word \'commanded]\', it wasn\'t meant to appear loving, and nowhere in the text does it mention anything other than a sort of flare of temper. I think sometimes we read things different ways, and you read that line in a way that was vastly different from how it was meant to be spoken or percieved. I did as much as I could to convey it the way it was meant, but, alas, there\'s only so much I can do. There isn\'t a happy ending. There is an ambiguous ending, but I won\'t go into details here where anyone might be spoiled. *cough* [As my beta, you are fully welcome to ask...]

Harry, if you didn\'t guess, has gone off to do the whole Voldemort bit. It\'s sort of left to the imagination, so you can fit it in with canon as much or as little as you like. Some explainations will surface soon, but I sort of needed him gone for a few reasons, and all that\'s really important about it now is the fact that Siobhan is completely isolated.

And Snape is my tool. Mwahah. And I feel bad now, because I know I have plans for him, but I can\'t quite remember what they are o.o

\"Seamless sensual prose\". Hah. But, thanks for that. I really struggle with any form of narrative writing. And often feel it\'s either rushed, awkward, or just superfluous and overly wordy to make up for lack of natural ability or some other thing like that, very much resembling this sentence.

Okay. I think I responded to everything in the opposite order in which it was addresssed, and am now done. Hee.

What a deliciously cynical, manipulative, mesmerizing original character. She knows what she wants and she's ready to go get it. I wonder if she will still want the same things after she has it?

Putting the trio and company in the compartment for the train ride was masterfully done. They showed up, provided interaction with your OC, helped ground her in this universe, but it wasn't a forced interaction at all. She wasn't an intrusion, but an observer.

As a character, Siobhan is interesting and fun to read. I don't know that I like her, per se, as in I don't think we'd be friends, but definitely fun to read.

Several questions ran through my head as I was reading.

Siobhan? Does it have a meaning as a name or an overarcing significance to the story?

Will I continue to get these strange, poor Draco feelings when viewing him through Siobhan's less than rose tinted glasses?

Will Pansy make an appearance? She is sort of Draco's cannon female protector. I don't think she'd like Siobhan.

Overall, this was a well rounded introduction, with an intriguing OC. :)

There is a lovely, balanced, circular, kharmic beauty to this fic. Siohban doesn't really see the scope of the circle, not yet (I don't think). Draco uses Pansy to get what he wants without any genuine affection. Siohban is doing the same with Draco. Draco is both user and used. Who will complete the circle and use Siohban? I would wager Lucious will hurt her badly before this is over.

You answered a lot of questions for us this chapter. Who Siohban saw die was a big one for me, though I forgot to bring it up earlier.

The slowly burgeoning friendship between her and Harry is very natural and a pleasure to read. Don't know if he will ever be an alternative romance for her, but I'm really warming to the idea, and I'm a Harry/Ginny shipper. :)

I have a constructive comment this time. It took me three chapters but I had to spot something eventually!

"She found the teacher as behind her desk scribbling comments on students’ scrolls."

The as seems out of place there.

Overall, I'm still haveing a blast reading this fic. Unfortunately, I think I'm about to fun out of chapters...