05/24/05
http://www.fanfiction.net/~deanine
I wandered into the HP fandom one day, got lost, and now I'm house shopping. I'd like something pink, with a white fence I think.
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Blue Eyes Reflecting by Vindictus Viridian
Rated: Professors •Summary: Originally for October Challenge 6: Romance: write a 'ship you don't necessarily support. In his fourth year, Draco discovers that the Malfoy prejudice against Weasleys may have a flaw. Alternate warning: outright lewd.
Draco smiled, the smile that charmed people into doing what he wanted, and opened the door of an unused classroom. Ron showed no signs whatever of cooperation. Draco upgraded the smile to ‘challenging’ and walked in himself, then waited, leaning casually against a desk. It might not work this time, but eventually…
By Vindictus Viridian, Ravenclaw.
Date: 02/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: A one-shot
First off, I'd like to say that I never ever would have clicked on this fic on my own. I'd have read the summary, smiled and kept looking for an AU with lots of Harry, but Mask sent me here, and even after I whined that it was slash Draco/Ron, she wouldn't let me bookmark and move on. So I read.
Now, while you in no way have converted me to a shipper for this pairing, I couldn't help being drawn in. You write very effective dialogue and the story managed to move an unusual pair forward into an intimate scene, and somehow, they never quite felt out of character.
The writing has a witty tongue in cheek feel, and I think that tone allows your timeline to work. Any other tone and this might have felt rushed.
I guess the tone could be a criticism too though. I don't know that the tongue in cheek thing was intentional. I enjoyed the fic, and smiled quite often, but I never really took the pair seriously. It almost felt like you were winky at us, telling us that you didn't take this pair seriously either.
Overall, this was handled brilliantly, with great humor. Thanks for sharing this *interesting* bit of fiction. And go Ravenclaw! :)
Author's Response: Very astute of you -- I don't take this pair a bit seriously. They are fun for a bit of fluff, though, aren't they, the little devils? Thanks for reviewing! Go Ravenclaw!
Harry Potter and the Spirits of the Storm by QueenHal
Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: A Post-HBP fiction.
When Harry’s quest for the horcruxes turns desperate, he leaves the security of his homeland to seek out the advice of an ancient and most unusual Council – one whose allegiance is only to themselves but whose knowledge is so vast it may be his only chance. What Harry discovers there will change everything. Soon, he comes to see that this is all so much bigger than just he and Dark Lord – his role, though pivotal, is terribly minute compared to the challenges the Wizarding World must now face.
Meanwhile, across the Atlantic Ocean, a young witch uncovers the truth about her bloodline. But only when catastrophic events begin to unfold, does she realise her importance in the greater scheme of things...
It is a tale of epic proportions: bringing in the truth behind Slytherin's betrayal, and the choices the Founders had to make to ensure the longevity of their world. Enemies must unite, lines must be crossed, and children must forgo their innocence. And behind it all, fly the Spirits of the Storm, waiting, watching, scheming. Welcome to the greatest epic war the Wizarding World has ever seen.
Chapter 11 is posted.
Date: 11/27/05 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4 - Sunrise, Sunset
And the plot thickens. You have a lovely OC and a tight plotline. The cursed line thing with Linnette reminds me of the cursed witches in Practical Magic. (I love that movie by the way)
I can't wait to see where this goes. You had better poke me the next time you update.
Happy writing!
Author's Response: You know I'll poke you, my darling Spew-Sista. Hee...
I love that you love Lanette. I love your quirky little reviews. I love you.
Date: 11/05/05 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Very short, yes, but it has a nice flow, very descriptive, with a nice urgency.
Falcor = Neverending story flying dog-like thing!!
Author's Response: Perfect! Just what I was trying to get across. And YES! Cookie for you too! I've noticed all the SPEWers have gotten that one ;)
<3 Thanks for reviewing!
Date: 11/05/05 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Of Labyrinths and Destiny
This is very richly written. The tapestry was a nice creation, quite vivd and original. It harkened to the Devil's Snare (in my head anyway) but in a completely different preety mysterious artistic way.
You're building anticipation but you still haven't revealed much to us. It should be iteresting to see what awaits Harry to test him.
As for the mysterious Herbologist, I haven't a clue. *no cookie for me*
Author's Response: Oh I never thought about the Devil's Snare! Maybe it's related... *thinks of a way to work that in* I am glad you found it so vivid, though! Yayy... I feel like I'm actually being successful in what I want to get across.
I'll reveal more in good time. I won't keep you hanging too long though! After all, I have to give more hints on the Herbologist. It seemed to make a lot of sense in my head - I don't think it came out of my head onto my computer though.
Thanks for reviewing again, my fellow H/S shipper. ;)
Date: 01/31/06 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8 - Unfamiliar
Chapter 5
Okay. Lovely chapter, richly descriptive and Harry-filled. I love Harry, did you know that? *sigh* Harry as a scruffy turnip was TOO much. I smiled, I laughed, I read the section three times.
Spell-Check Moment: After all, it was an incredibly valuable object, amoung other things.
Chapter 6
Okay, supremely descriptive as always. With developments that are, interesting. This council is like the Switzerland of the Muggle world. Ginny's in a coma?! No! *weep*
Chapter 7
I'm just going to say chilling and leave it at that.
Chapter 8
Nice with the Hermione and the Ron. Umm… but but but… you're killing me. I need Harry. Harry and the council. They acted like they might kill him. They aren't going to kill him, are they? Come ON. You can't keep wandering away from your primary plot in circles. You just can't. … Can you?
Love and huggles and happy writing :)
Author's Response: *huggles* Awwww Bridge I'm so glad you caught up! Thanks for the nitpick, I'll get on that. And.... Harry as a scruffy turnip? *giggles* It just makes him hotter, eh? Not that I think my own character is hot or anything.... <.<
And Harry's comin' ;) Go on and read the next chapter!
Author's Response: *huggles* Awwww Bridge I'm so glad you caught up! Thanks for the nitpick, I'll get on that. And.... Harry as a scruffy turnip? *giggles* It just makes him hotter, eh? Not that I think my own character is hot or anything.... <.<
And Harry's comin' ;) Go on and read the next chapter!
Date: 11/27/05 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 - A Legacy Unknown
Wow, you introduce an intriguing OC here, with a nice twist at the end. I'm intrigued by how this is going to fit in with what you have going with Harry. And Chapter 4 is even up now, so I can go read. :)
Yes, I never leave you SPEWy reviews. *hangs head in shame*
Author's Response: It will fit, I promise! And in more ways than one...
*runs off giggling*
The Dialogues of Harry Potter by William of Baskerville
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary:
What if Harry Potter were written in the style of Plato? What kinds of questions might our intrepid adventurers discuss? The chapters of this story are written by students in a University Freshman class.
In this first dialogue, Harry seeks an answer to the question, "What is Education?"
Date: 11/12/05 Title: Chapter 1: Zach L. 2005
This is an interesting thoughtful piece of fiction. You're taking Harry Potter and fundamentally using him as a tool to explore the concept of education. It has an amusing moment or two (Though I don't think I got all the jokes - I'm philosophically challenged.)
On style, this is largely a script rather than straight prose. And I'm not usually as big a fan of scripts. I got the impression that was a conscious stylistic choice and likely relates to the way Plato wrote his arguments. I've heard Plato restated but never read his original wordings so I'm not sure on that point?
Grammar comment: You skipped tense early on. You start in past tense and move to present tense.
Overall: This was an original take on fanfiction, and an educational one. Best of luck with your future endeavors in the genre, and Happy writing!
Scars by Astrea
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Living life means getting scars. Some scars are visible, others run much deeper. Everyone needs that someone in their lives who can force them to look at the scars and gently heal them. The past is as real as the scars, but scars are also reminders that healing is possible.
Date: 02/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: They remind me...
Okay, this is a well written fic. It has balance, description, introspection, and it's emotionally engaging.
I really loved the following description: She had never seen him look so peaceful. His features were relaxed, his lips slightly parted, even his usually disheveled hair seemed to be at rest as it lay against the pillow. The bit about his hair being at rest, was just perfect.
I tear my heart open.
I sew myself shut.
My weakness is that I care too much.
My scars remind me that the past is real.
I tear my heart open, just to feel.
You were either listening to Papa Roach when writing this fic, or they read your fic when writing their song, one or the other. *smile* (I love that song.)
Constructive comments:
There was one line that struck me as a touch over the top, a tiny touch melodramatic. She felt her soul complete itself. It's a fine line, and a taste issue really. *shrug*
Umbridge made him write I must not tell lies, not I can not tell lies.
Date: 01/02/06 Title: None
This has the potential to a deliciously lovely angst piece. I do love AU's that allow for Harry to interact with parent figures be it Sirius or James or Lily. You have a pretty good balance of description and exposition. :)
Constructive comments:
**I knew Voldemort was after me and he could get any information out of me.
Sirius would have died rather than betray them. I don't doubt that, and I don't think he would either. But. There is the fear that Voldemort could make him tell somehow against his will, which I know is probably what you're trying to indicate. It reads more like Sirius didn't think he had the strength to resist Voldemort.
The scene at Godric Hollow. People were just appearing out of nowhere, most notably Remus. He was just, bam, there.
Final comment, you have a flowing tangible thing going on through most of the fic, but at the end, it becomes kind of a telling moment. Good prose tells through showing, rarely using exposition. Exposition can be less enjoyable to read. Use it with caution.
Happy writing!
Author's Response: The appearing out of nowhere thing, I've been told that before. Everything will be explained and resolved in the end. :-) But thanks so much for the review, these are the reviews I love to death. You actually critque the story, not just tell me that you like.
Thanks.
Date: 12/06/05 Title: None
Okay, this was delightful. I absolutely love Luna. She is pitch perfect and there are lots of laugh out loud moments. THe dance scene was absolutely lovely. Charlie looking for Fred and George when things went wrong :) :)
I eagerly await the next chapter. *you'd better poke me*
Author's Response: *giggles* You got to be first! Thank you for the encouragement! We'll be sure to poke you.
Love, Poultrygeist
Date: 01/31/06 Title: None
Okay, I do love this. Luna and Charlie are such a lovely match. He is going to have his hands full. That Luna can talk to dragons is an interesting twist. Nice.
Dragons as intelligent critters is blatantly not cannon (recalling a JKR interview here), but I like it. Then I've always enjoyed the treatment of Dragons as characters instead of beasts.
Constructive comment: I know this is a joint effort, and you guys are doing a great job of consistently characterizing and moving between each other. It's impossible to tell when one writer is working over another. And that is definitely as it should be. There is a timeline issue going on here though. Charlie's intro seems almost like it should precede Luna's detailed notes and interview in this chapter, as they definitely occurred afterwards. It seemed an awkward ordering of things.
Comment 2: He plumped down in disgust, I think you meant plopped.
In conclusion, you now have two chapters that end on precisely the same cliffhanger. Come on ladies. That's no fair. *pout*
Author's Response:
Thank you, Deanine for your helpful review.
Hands up! You're right about the timing, but we decided early on that we wanted to show both Luna and Charlie travelling to the same point in time, before taking them forward. So, whilst you are absolutely right that Luna's comments don't fit in the timeline before Charlie's jouney, they do take place after Luna's. Our transition was a bit clumsy, I think, so we've added a little to try to ease it a bit. I guess in retrospect, it might have been neater if we'd started the chapter with Luna and Charlie meeting and then flashed back to his journey, but then of course, we would have not been able to economise by using the same cliff hanger! Lol.
Plumped is UK English usage, meaning - 'he sat down heavily and unceremoniously' - plopped, in my book, means to 'sit down gently but clumsily'. Subtle difference, but I'm sticking with my lovely 'plumped' - because I'm fond of it!
Thank you so much for your comments, and also your scientific expertise! We promise to deliver a fresh cliff hanger next time around! :-)
Switched by Cheshlin
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The cats at Hogwarts have a world that only they know and understand. They have a part to play in the final year at Hogwarts. Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris have a major part to play when a spell meant for Harry gets them instead.
This story has not been abandoned. Due to having my Daughter, I have not had time to update it, but I do plan on continueing this in the near future.
Date: 01/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: Watching
This is an intriguing fic. You take the world from the cat's POV and try to show the world through their eyes. It's an excellent effort and a lovely idea.
Constructive comment: If anything you might try to make the cats' point of view less human. It would have been neat for Crookshanks to have given the humans names. It seemed too human for him to have figured their names out.
Examples:
Hermione – Bushy Head
Harry – Shiny Eyes
Ron – Loud Red
Also, I always rather thought it was a sixth sense, a cat sense that led Crookshanks action in book 3. You hint at that concept, dance around it, without actually committing to it.
Tips for maintaining a solid cat point of view: Cats live in the moment. They have their loyalties, but they really aren't introspective creatures by and large. Having Crookshanks sit back and reflect over years and draw conclusions is a human thing to do, in my opinion.
Conclusion: Lovely job, sincerely. I so love cats. It's a refreshing exercise to try and look at the world from a different set of eyes. Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I like getting back ideas of what could make my story better. I will keep them in mind. When I had Crookshanks using people's names, it wasn't supposed to be so much that he actually thinks those names. It is more for the reader to follow who he is thinking of. I guess I didn't succeed in getting that across. He does think of them in descriptions. I'll try to do better at getting that point across. I hope you keep reading, and keep giving advice!
In Memoriam... by Astrea
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Tragedy comes to every life. We all must find our own ways to come to terms with the past if we are to move into the future. As Ginny copes with the deep void in her life she learns she can become stronger. By taking a painfully raw look at her own grief, she finds the peace she so desperately seeks and a way to preserve the legacy of someone so close, so dear, that even in death they are not absent.
Please read and review.
Date: 02/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: One shot
Killing Weasley's is just mean. You know that right?
You wrote a really powerful grief-fic. I think the most powerful section for me was the part with Percy. It just rang true.
Constructive Criticism:
Ginny said nothing, he did not need to say anything else, she could read it in his eyes instantly.
This is a comma spliced sentence. These phrases shouldn't be joined by commas at least not without a conjunction.
Date: 03/03/06 Title: None
This story is well written and has excellent balance. It moves forward logically and smoothly.
Constructive comment:
I find the twist at the end extremely implausible. Bringing Draco back as a student would cause an uproar. I'm not sure you can possibly defend the inclusion of him as a 16-17 year old professor after what he was involved in less than a year ago.
Dumbledore believed in second chances to a fault. Minerva does not.
Good luck making this *work* I'm not really sold at this point.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing; I love getting both positive and critical feedback.
I know its an objectionable plot devise (plot hole?), and seemingly outrageous, but in the next chapter you will get a bit more of Minerva's reasoning and precautionary measures.
All in all, I must admit Draco was admitted on authorial bias (i.e. mine!) --one privilege of fanfiction : ) ... plus I've already followed this thru til chap. 12 so its too late to backtrack! I would like to hear your comments again later, cause it gets worse! : ) but Harry's plotline will stay perfectly canon-logic-based concerning the Horcrux quest.
Date: 03/02/06 Title: None
This is terribly well written. Often large groups can be more muddled. You've taken a passel of people and written them well. There is great sense of family, great tension, action, and a nice catharsis at the end.
I do have a constructive comment for you. Your take on Fleur was slightly out of character in my opinion. I can see how she'd want Bill to be okay, normal, and sane at the full moon. But she's a smart girl. I don't think she'd balk at his cautious restraint.
Overall, lovely job. :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review... you have made my day! Wow. And I so appreciate your taking the time for some constructive criticism. I think you are right on about Fleur. I guess I didn't think that one through. Now, can a person edit their posted story...?
Author's Response: I've edited it a teensy bit so Fleur doesn't look quite so resistant to the inevitable. Again, thanks for the input.
Date: 03/02/06 Title: None
I used to be able to say I wasn't a Draco fan. But I've come to appreciate him as a three dimensional whole character.
Your Draco is pitch perfectly in character, and your description of his guilt, his pain, was a pleasure to read.
This is where I usually grope for something constructive to say, but I'm just sitting on my happy cloud, with nothing negative in my head.
Bravo.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! Your comment made my day!
At the Little House With the Garden by Masked One
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The little house with the garden is a happy place to be, despite all of it’s oddities. But it’s a house that takes a certain outlook on life, and not everyone fits. Harry and Luna are interviewing babysitters for their son. Warning for utterly silly fluff with some more serious undertones.
Date: 02/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: Interviews
This is a special fic, and not just because it was written for me, though that makes it extra special to me.
This story has it all, drama, angst, love, comedy, and the catharsis comes at exactly the right moment.
Harry and Luna support effectively, but Jon is the star. This fic has lovely balance. Jon isn't living a charmed life, but he's loved. It obvious that even as young as he is, he realizes that he's different, that there's something about him that makes others unsure/afraid.
Constructive comment: This fic ends way too soon. I want more! :)
Dancing in the Snow by HermioneDancr
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: While the rest of Hogwarts dances at the Yule Ball, Luna finds another place to dance and searches out a friend to share it with. This story was written for Poultrygeist99 for Secret SPEW.
Date: 06/04/06 Title: Chapter 1: Dancing in the Snow (one-shot)
Luna is a kind character, and one of the more morally upright of the Hogwarts kids. She does the right thing, she has faith, and peer pressure never phases her. It makes her refreshing and fundamentally confident, magnetic.
Your Luna sits back and watches her housemates without spite or jealousy. And when she heads out for her own private dance she takes a moment to share it with one of the single most miserable characters in the series. Now you can write Luna... I'd like to humbly but pitifully request a Harry/Luna fic. *sniffle* *Puppy eyes*
Constructive comment:
The common room was a whirl of color--dress robes of every color swished and swirled upon the bodies of excited young girls and reflected in the mirror.
Color followed by color here strikes me as repetitive.
Author's Response: Harry/Luna, eh? Doesn\'t Mask already rock that ship? Maybe. I make no promises, but I\'ll put it on the mental list of things to play with.
Thanks for the note on \'color\' being repeated... I think I\'ll change the second \'color\' to \'shade\' or some other synonym.
And finally... Mooooooo!Grey Lavender by HermioneDancr
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Color faded from the girl's face. The browns paled in her skin, and she was grey. Lavender Brown is murdered by Bellatrix before the gates of Hogwarts. Hermione comes to terms with Lavender's death and Ginny tries to understand. One-shot.
Date: 09/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Grey Lavender -- one-shot
The theme of grey as a color and a state of being and a moral shade all flow together in here. It interesting, Hermione's ability to mourn, admire, and dislike someone all at once. In a way it's easier to love your enemy after they're dead. There is something to be said for an enemy who will never harm you again, kiss your beloved or spite you. Soemthing about death makes you ashamed that you did bad things, and thought bad thoughts about this person that isn't magically remade wonderful, but has become sympathetic and harmless by passing on.
Random moment: I have a fic in the Trigun fandom titled, Black, White, and Lovely Shades of Lavender, and the point in here with the black white and lavender made me want to go look that fic up again *giggles*
And no comment on the inspiration :X I know and I see it.
Author's Response: You\'re right that it\'s easier to love your enemy after they\'re dead. It is. Literally and figuratively. And it doesn\'t surprise me in the slightest that you would hone in on that, even when I hadn\'t conciously thought about it. You tend to be wise and self-aware like that. And yes, you do understand the inspiration -- which makes your opinion on it worth even more to me.
Self Analysis by Lurid
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Hermione piles it on, encourages it all, welcomes the workload. But when she suddenly cracks in favour of things to better fulfill her life, what happens to the work?
What happens when it all falls part, and life just becomes too much to bear?
Date: 11/05/06 Title: Chapter 3: Part II
You have a very distinctive style to your writing. It has a formal feel a proper feel. Some writing feels fuzzy or liquid. This feels crisp and stacato. It's a Hermione fic, a romantic fic, a sad fic.
It is.
I enjoyed it :)
In part I, there was a choice of phrase that didn't seem to fit to me: risking butt hide. I'm thinking you wanted one or the other, but I can sort of see how you might have wanted both there too so :)
Happy writing!
Author's Response: Oh, Bridget thank you! I think I meant hide, but I\'ll go in and change it :) Thank you for sort of, \'defining\' this. I was wondering whether or not there was too much of a difference between the chapters, but you\'ve made me feel better. Thank you! ♥