03/31/08
My name is Madeline. I am thirteen years old and in Year eight. I live in Melbourne, Australia.
I have told stories to all my life and have continued to keep it up through writing. I hope to one day write a full length novel for teenagers and adults alike to read. But that won't be happening anytime soon, I don't expect.
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Who Thrice Defies by TwinSuns
Rated: •Summary: Voldemort is after Harry Potter, a boy "...born to those who thrice defied him...". But ever wonder what Lily and James did to defy him thus? This is a story about passion, both love and hatred. Follow James and Lily through their 7th year as they unite as Head Boy and Girl, ultimatly fall in love, and deal with the rising Dark Forces and the feared Dark Lord. Final chapter up!
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: Voices
Never forget the disclaimer. The funnier, more unforgettable, interesting, makes you jealous because you're not that creative to come up with it, or plain outright, the better.
Away from disclaimer's; the story was excellent. 10/10.
It really is good. Already on my favourites list.
Keep up the good work.
~ Parchment and Quill.
Oh, favourite line:
“And shove your Dark Arts up your ‘Dark Lord’s’ arse!”
Got to love James, don't you.
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 2: Needing to Talk
A nice second chapter. It may be a slow, but I think it's alright.
Keep up the good work. 10/10
Favourite lines:
“No, you just... frustrate me,” he nodded at her to continue. “For all the time I’ve known you, you’ve been an arrogant prat who only cared about himself. You feel like you own the school: you’re a playboy, you are mischievous, and you attack people you don’t like just because you can. And while I admit you’re an extremely powerful wizard, that isn’t right. You don’t see Dumbledore running around hexing people do you?”
then...
“In my defense, you say I think I own the school? I don’t, I’m just lucky to have money, great friends, brains, Quiddich, and a sense of humor. I can’t help it that that combination makes me popular, I’m just being myself. I admit that I am mischievous. There’s no hiding it. I like to make people laugh and smile, especially you. I attack people I don’t like? Yes I do, because if I don’t like them there’s a reason. Take Snape back there. Did you think I’d just let him walk away after speaking to you like that? And, you say I’m a playboy. If flirting makes you a playboy then I guess I am one. I haven’t dated, messed around with, or had sex with anyone! Lily, I’ve only kissed one girl in my life and I’m 17! And that was just an expected New Year’s kiss. But yes, I flirt, so that makes me a playboy, I see. And, I don’t care about anyone? How can you say that, when you see how I act towards you? When you see how I act towards any of my friends?”
Go James. That's exactly how I see his love life!
That's it for now.
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 3: Miscommunications
I can't say much to this chapter. I'm annoyed there fighting again and wish Lily wouldn't be so difficult.
Keep up the good work. 10/10 - even though I don't like how it's a slow chapter, I'm still yearning for more.
Best line:
“You should tell Dumbledore about this.”
Didn't Hermione say that to Harry like a thousand times during the series? I never thought I'd see it written with James saying it.
Oh, and I found a mistake.
“... and you two are Head Boy and Girl! Bickering in class! What sort of example does hat set for your peers?”
I didn't know you set hat examples for your peers, if you get my drift.
Anyway, I'm off to read the next chapter (the beauty in reading a completed story)
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 4: Freedom
Ah, the white box named Kevin (I didn't name him, someone else did and I'm going with it) is my friend.
Anyway, I really liked this chapter. Keep up the good work. I don't have much else to tell you.
10/10
Best line:
Lily, what were you doing? she asked herself incredulously. That massage was almost erotic. Okay, so you’re becoming even more attracted to him physically, and now you’re attracted to him mentally and emotionally, but that doesn’t mean you have to fall for him...
Too late.
I know it's more then a line but the rule can always be changed.
And... I love the whole two paragraphs (although the second paragraph is only a two word sentence).
I'll stop my rambling. I'm sorry I do it to you a lot (almost every review you've ever received from me?)
~ Parchment and Quill :)
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 5: The Morning After
Best line:
“And what’s that Lily?” asked James, breath catching in his throat. She thinks I’m sweet?
I could just see that happening, couldn't you? And Lily doesn't feel that way deep down I don't think.
Anyway, I really liked this chapter; even though it was short.
Sirius was characterised well in my opinion. He doesn't seem the patient one in the group.
Keep up the good work. 10/10
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 6: Laughter and Pain
Mistake I've found:
“How I hate than man.”
Explain the use of then in this sentence; that makes more sense.
Oh, and I think I found another one up there, but I can't find it.
Keep up the good work. 10/10
But here's the bone of got to pick at this chapter. It is said that Voldemort never tried to take the school before Deathly Hallows; but I guess he's not doing it now. Explain your reasoning anyway; I'm curious.
And don't think for a minute that I don't like the story. I love the story! It's one of the best stories.
So, don't mind my bone picking. It's nothing.
Best line:
No, I don’t want to. Seems a bit mean.
The line reminds me a lot of Luna and her comment about the one of the Carrows being tied up in Ravenclaw tower. (She said, ' Oh, look: there pleased,' I think. )
I'll stop my ramblings.
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 7: Better off Together
A small smile plays on my lips as I read the flowing words in front of me. "Wow," I whisper quietly, closing my eyes and envisioning it.
The above passage is what I did for the first minute after reading this chapter. I'm serious when I say this.
And it wasn't fluffy, but for some reason heart wrenching *writes down in diary to work out why*.
I'm glad I've stumbled upon you and this story. I've loved this story but this chapter has got to be the best.
Best line:
He’s right. We are better off together.
This line and the last part of the chapter, where James and Lily are sharing the bed; are the best parts in the whole story so far. It's as good as a breath of fresh air; with all that's been going on.
Keep up the good work (yeah, I know I say it every time to pretty much every author, but really; keep up the good work).
10/10 - especially for the above chapter.
~ Parchment and Quill
P.S. You have no idea how much this chapter has effected me. It's touching for some reason. Sweet, and definitely not fluffy.
And a turning point, for sure!
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 8: Homecoming
Well, it's a change from the last few, but the Sirius joke was hilarious.
Anyway, 10/10. Keep up the good work. I loved the chapter and story!
Best line/s:
“Is this your dog? He’s so cute!” Lily said, moving over to pet it. Sirius gave a joyful bark, hopped off James, and lay back on the ground, exposing his belly. Lily knelt down and rubbed the dog’s stomach (something that none of the Marauders ever did), and the image was far too funny to James to make him jealous. The dog kept barking, and James knew this was a canine version of a human laugh.
That whole scene I just laughed. *shots back glares at parent who thinks I'm a totally looney who's better off in a mental hospital*
I'll stop my glares and ramblings and shut up now.
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 9: Light in the Gathering Darkness
Another fantastic chapter here. Excellent, I'm jealous because it's not my work, absolutely amazing...
... And I'm going to shut up now.
So, anyway. You get the idea that I liked the chapter, right?
Keep up the good work. 10/10
The way you had James explain to Lily that he loved her was excellent. I think that's the best and most James like way of doing it.
Best line/s:
“Lily, you know I’ve liked you for ages. But lately, the feeling has intensified tenfold. I’m not saying this to force you to say it back to me; in fact, I never want you to say it unless you mean it. And I hope that nothing between us gets akward because I admitted this, but... the other night... I was going to say that Voldemort was trying to destroy the one thing that I care about more that anything.
I love you, Lily.”
I loved the way it was put. But if I had to choose a line he would be the last sentence of it.
Keep doing what you're doing now and you're right.
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 10: Things Could Be Worse
Hmm. Nice chapter. It's an interesting one that I didn't see coming.
So, keep up the good work. 10/10
I'm slightly speechless; I didn't see it coming. But I'm sure I'll find my voice soon enough.
Best line:
“I’d rather have you patch me up any day...” He attempted a laugh but started coughing, chokeing on blood.
I like it when something from a previous chapter comes up. It makes things more interesting and you remember things more (I'm talking about subtle things here).
~ Parchment and Quill (The speechless one who's trying to find her voice after losing it due to your unsuspected drama/action.)
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 11: Living the Dream
A nice filler; although Mrs. Potter's scolding was a little shocking.
I'm not going to say much other then I love this story and that to keep up the good work. 10/10
Best line:
Lily and Sirius each took a hold of one of his arms and pulled him up. Sirius clapped James on the back as they steering him into the dining room. “For what it’s worth mate, I think overcoming two Death Eaters a pretty formidably feat. Even if they were drunk and one of them was my good-for-less-than-nothing brother.”
Oh, And yeah, Regulas is younger then Sirius but he was in with the death eaters pretty early on as well, so if you changed the grown men part to grown man and a sixteen year old kid, you'd be right.
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 12: Christmas Biddings
This was yet another great chapter. The cliffy I'm not so stoked with; but I'll live. Keep up the good work. 10/10
You need to fix this sentence.
Because we the strongest bond of them all: love.
Best line:
“Yes, I know I just aided you in your rule breaking, but I just couldn’t resist buying it for you,” she said, smiling. Then they were called to dinner.
Hmm; It's good to know that Sirius liked it. I could just imagine him going to his room later and dancing around yelling at the top of his lungs that he could get past any lock he wanted to.
*LOL*
One more chapter to go; I'm going to remember this story of a while after I've finished it. I'll miss it.
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 13: Refusing to Stay the Darkness
That was an amazing story. I'm sad to see it end; but I'm sure to see better things from you one day, right?
Best line:
Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to two promising adults who were good, and kind, and brave, because they strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Lily and James.
I think it sums up what Lily and James did for the Order very nicely.
Keep up the good work. I really miss reading your story here; it was the right place to end it though.
10/10 - for canon, characterization, story structure , dialogue, description and overall plot.
Please continue to write.
~ Parchment and Quill
Starting the New Year by TwinSuns
Rated: •Summary: Just a sweet Lily/James idea that came to my head while I was brainstorming for my other fic. I'm pretty sure it'll stay a oneshot, but who knows, it depends upon you, the readers! Anyways, Lily is feeling down on New Years Eve, and there is only one guess who is there to make the world seem brighter (despite the Filibuster's No Heat, Wet Start Fireworks!)
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 1: Tidings
Problems or question's I have about the following passages are below them, with a number saying which
Lily believed that the Headship together had been the thing to really make them become friends and being them closer.
1. I'm confused by this sentence. Is it bring them closer, instead of being them closer? Bring makes more sense to me.
“Woa, Lily, let’s keep things slow, shall we?” she said jokingly as she laid half on top of him, holding him to the ground.
2. In the above passage you have it that Lily says it. But why would Lily use her own name if she was talking. Also, it sounds more like a James thing to say.
...his thin sweater as he wrapped him arms around her.
3. I think you mean wrapped his arms around her. Yes?
O.K. , mistakes aside. This fic was excellent. I loved it and its idea's. Keep up the good work. 10/10
Oh, and extended it if you can. I'd love to read an extended version!
~ Parchment and Quill
P.S. Lily's fight with herself just made me laugh. It seems so much like me (I'm stubborn)
Favourite passage :
And the little voice in the back of her head sniggered.
Finally!
Four Houses by the nutty imp
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Albus Dumbledore takes one last look at his beloved students before he sets out to the light
Winner - Best Slytherin Drabble on the Quartet Drabble Challenge
Date: 04/05/08 Title: Chapter 1: Four Houses
It's nice. An interesting one at that, but a really good one.
Keep up the good work. 10/10
~ Parchment and Quill
P.S. This line sounds a lot like Dumbledore: “All is not lost Draco, my offer still stands. You are not a killer.”
My Deliverance by TwinSuns
Rated: Professors •
Summary: Voldemort's rising reign of terror, NEWTs, death attempts, a Headship, a tangled affair with James Potter, hilarity, grief, love, secrecy, maddness... it's almost hard to believe that I've survived to graduate. I am Lily Evans, and this is my 7th year.
Date: 04/08/08 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter Seven: Polarize, Part One
A few things I'm going to point out:
Who-Know-Who: I thought it was You-Know-Who? Explain?
You've spelt dad, da. Need's to be fixed. It only happened once up when they're talking about James dad, but it's there.
...how my N.e.W.T.s would factor into my desires...: (I've but it in context) N.E.W.T.s, aren't they?
Best line:
“Oy!” Sirius called loudly at them, though he sounded amused.
Other then that.... Fantastic work. I'm annoyed (only slightly) because the story isn't finished and there's no more that you've posted.
And another thing... update soon. *puppy dog eyes* please? I'm in love with this story. So, please.... update soon.
10/10 - first five reasons why:
1. It's canon, extremely canon.
2. I love your writing style.
3. You have real decent sized chapters.
4. I love your version of Frank
5. It's a story that has taken me a few days to read and the whole time I wasn't reading it, it has stayed in my head like a song that doesn't wan to budge.
So, there... five reasons why you should update.
Your an excellent writer. One of the better ones on the Fan Fiction archives (I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone, but it's true.).
Keep up the outstanding work. please update soon (I'm begging you! *plea's with parents to camp at the computer to wait for you to update*)
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 05/12/08 Title: Chapter 16: Interlude VII
Wow! Just... wow! I beg you, please, I beg you to update soon. Put the next chapter into the queue tonight! *on hands and knee's* Please, update soon.
This chapter, like all the others, was amazing and it made me feel, almost, like I was there myself.
I can't wait to read more!
10/10
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/21/08 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter Seven: Polarize, Part Two
Oh, darn! It was getting really good too! Please update soon! Please! I'm begging you here.
It's fantastic this story. Keep up the good work! 10/10
But although it's excellent. Please update soon! I love this story and you just left one of the biggest cliff hangers ever! Help me out and update ASAP!!!!
Frustrated reader because of gigantic cliff hanger,
~ Parchment and Quill
Date: 04/05/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
A really good prologue. One of the bet I've ever read.
Keep up the good work. I really enjoy this story.
~ Parchment and Quill :)
Date: 04/07/08 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter Five: Progeny
Nice chapter. So, just bare with me for a second as I celebrate for a while.
*jumps up and down* I was right *jumps up and down again*
Yep, I knew one of his parents, if not both, had died. I'm really sorry that they did, but I just knew they had to of.
Away from that though. There's one problem I've picked up.
felt like someone had just picked me up and tossed me bodily out of the tower window; I wasn’t quite sure how to start accepting that we had just narrowly escaped a werewolf attack—by one our my friends.
The last few words are confusing in the sentence above. You might want to fix it. It's not that the meaning isn't there, it's just that it doesn't make sense to me.
Best line:
One of my favourite sayings (not that I say it very often).
Well, keep up the good work. I'm really liking this story.
~ Parchment and Quill
P.S. 10/10 - at the end/ last chapter, I'll give you all the reasons why this story is 10/10. Again, 10/10
(oh, and look forward to a very long review then, it may take a while to list *LOL*)