The descriptive powers of both of you has never ceased to amaze me. Wonderful descriptions, especially that of Bella's death. The crude delight in torture that Bella liked, has been well portrayed in these lines:
"I put the laughter in slaughter! she delighted. That was a good joke, worthy of more laughs. And the more she let out this dark humour in her soul, the more it incensed her opponent! It was wonderful. That’s it, let it eat at you! Work harder now in your rage!"
Very effective, I must say.

The description of death in Bella's mind is something that has been approached to with marvellous precision. I was flabbergasted at the imagery in the words.

I have a few small nitpicks:
Cissy! Meda!’ she screamed, running when at last it was safe towards the two little figures.

I think this sounds better: Cissy! Meda!’ she screamed, running when at last it was safe to move towards the two little figures.

‘We were just dizzy, is all!
You have missed the word 'that' in the above sentence.

The characterisation of Cissa in these sentences seems a bit off.

“I cannot believe she’s gone,” Cissy whispered for the hundredth time. Bella couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“It’s good that she’s gone,” she stated. “She is nothing but a filthy Mudblood-lover.”

Cissy’s head snapped up as if Bella had insulted her, not their sister.

I always felt that Narcissa would always side with Bella, especially when it came to the matter of Pure-blood supremacy. Narcissa was definitely in her concluding years of Hogwarts when Andromeda ran away with Ted. I believe that she'd have definitely formed an opinion on the matter by this age.
Other than that, Narcissa has never struck me as a person who would fight against Bella, she never seemed as one who was outspoken, one who would fight against her elder sister.

“You very well could have!” she shrieked.

The green continued to burn in her mind, blinding her. Bella shook her head again, but the memory of that green curse that had come close to hitting her was so vivid… so similar…

I think you are referring to two different scenes now. One in the Black manor with Barty Crouch Jr., and another in the Great Hall, with Molly Weasley. A paragraph break is necessary here to denote the change of scene.

Bella arced in the air and fell to the hard ground.
Arched has been misspelled.



Overall, the characterisation of Bella was marvellously done. I liked the vivd imagery and the questions that were going through her mind when the flash of green light came from Molly's hand and it reached her.
However, I do not think that she'd have had the time to think of all these events and the questions with that short span of time. Death seems to be instantaneous in the books, taking you suddenly by surprise(example: Sirius's death), but here it seems as though she had a lot of time to think of her whole life until the flash of green reached her.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, HJP! And for all the corrections!

In regards to some of your comments...

Hello!

You've summarised the entire series quite adequately in this poem, and have touched almost all of the major plot points. Commendable job on that! However, I do feel that there are some points which you could've included; especially a word or two about Mad-Eye Moody and the imposter. The ending of that paragraph seems to bother me a little.Another thing which could've been included was the Hippogriff bit, which plays an important role in Sirius' escape. The ending again, was unexpected, but you wrapped it up quite well.

Another thing which occured to me while reading this was a question regarding a point which you make here. Lily Luna seems to know all about Disney, but as she was brought up in a all wizard family, that seems a little weird to me.

McGonagall was strict, and Snape was a bitch,
But it all kicked off on the Quidditch pitch.
Malfoy stole Prof. Longbottom’s Rememberall
And flew off with it, breaking the rules!
In this paragraph, the order of events seems to have been reversed. The meeting at the Quidditch Pitch was after the incident wherein Draco stole the the Remembrall. By the way, Remembrall is misspelled there.

And in a girl’s bathroom a diary was found.
Tom Riddle? Sounds like a bad guy to me.
But the diary was stolen! Who could it be?
A message daubed on the wall in red ink,
Here again, the events aren't in chronological order. The writing on the wall appeared much much before Harry found the diary in Myrtle's bathroom. Another thing which bothered me about this part was the rhyme scheme. It seems to go off-tangent over here, especially in the last line. You return to the random alternate rhyme scheme which you utilise throughout the poem, but here, the last line seems to jut out, and that makes it go a little awry. Once small thing: Basilisk is misspelt in this paragraph.

Task Three was a maze worse than at Hampton Court.
Here, though you've compared the maze quite well, I still wonder if Lily would know about Hampton Court at all. As I mentioned before, she was brought up in an entirely wizard atmosphere, and according to me, she wouldn't know much about the Muggle world.

Had an adventure and found a locket
Which, for the sake of rhyme, Dumbledore put in his pocket.
I loved the way you've used Lily's wacky attitude over here. It is funny, well, to me atleast.
And, at the Lovegood’s, a narrow escape.
That should be Lovegoods'

Locked in a cellar that smelt like doom,
They escaped from what could have been their tomb.
In this case, spelt doom seems much more precise and well-fitting rather than 'smelt like doom'.

Overall, I feel that the poem could undergo a few changes to the chronological order of events, and a few technical changes, with regards to rhyme scheme and spellings. I did like it, but I feel that this could sound a little better with a few changes .

~H.J.

Author's Response: Okay, thanks for the tips!

Oh. My. God. What a brilliant story! It's been a really long time since I've read such a series of scenes, and liked it so very much. I'm not a huge fan of tiny scenes of a single character that are strung together, but this was some amazing writing, and it's difficult for me to stop squeeing after having read this. *Favourites*

I think it was the description that pulled me in. It was so apt and drove the point so well. I think that you have a great skill for description- the metaphors, allusions, and personifications blended in so well with the flow of plot, and accented it beautifully. I also loved the reference to Lethe, by the way. Totally one of my favourite lines ever.

I also feel that the characterisation of Remus was beautifully brought out through his actions and thoughts. The reading of this story felt like a journey through his mind- a closer picture to what we know. The scenes that you chose to depict in this story, to me, are very relevant to Remus' life. First you bring out how his life shattered into pieces after the death of the Potters, and then you bring out how his life has become afterwards. The monotony in his actions, and his mindset which you picturise remarkably well with the references to sunrise and sunset. I loved how the war brings about a stark contrast between the second scene and the third, and how very different his reactions had become.

The ending, however, will remain my most favourite part. By Gods, it was magnificent. In the heartbeat before the darkness flies forth, it is not a shower of light, but something akin to that, something a little like love, or like happiness, that makes the heart burst and the throat constrict, something, he thinks – knows – fleetingly, a bit like peace at finding what he had lost. So, so remarkably touching. I could feel the emotions just bursting out through in these lines, and the thought process seems so realistic, like that of a person who is facing death. I liked that it was not memories/thoughts/emotions that are projected here, as they often are, but the description of what exactly the feeling of death is, more like. That is not something I see often, especially when I read stories concentrating mainly on the topic of death and the emotions felt at the point of time.

Overall, all I have to say is that I was literally floored by this masterpiece. Wonderful work!

Hello Bine,

I must admit, the title fits the story perfectly. The Bridge to Happiness...it connects to the story on two levels-- one of the physical bridge mentioned in the story, and second, the bonding between the two brothers. I liked the way the two brothers are still brothers, and not enemies of any kind, as many fics I've read portray them to be. The childhood boyishness and the spirit of adventure was caught spot-on, and there's this point where I just go "Aww" while reading.

While the story was really good on the emotional aspect, I felt that the style of writing it was clipped, or rather, in short sentences. As it actually originated from a drabble, that's understandable, but prolonged use of short sentences in narration affects the flow and doesn't really work at a lot of times, except for short bursts of emotion. I liked its usage at the end, but during the course of the flashback-- not so much.

There were also a few things which confused me.

I had no plan or even an idea of where to go, but as long as it was away from Grimmauld Place, presumably very far away, I didn’t mind where it would take us.

In the above sentence, what exactly is 'it'? As the first half of the sentence is in active voice, whereas the second half in passive, so I found it terribly confusing! And I'm not sure if it's grammatically right either.

‘With what did you pay?’ my brother continued questioning me, not listening to my request for him to sit down. ‘You don’t have money.’

I'd love to know what was Sirius' and Regulus' age when this occurs. Sirius' has to be less than eleven years I'm guessing, but then again, if it is so, Regulus would be around six-eight, and such young children do not usually tend to know about things such as tickets and Muggle money. After all, they were the heirs of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, which thought that it was below their dignity to use anything Muggle-made.

I also wondered how Sirius knew so much about the Underground and the Tube too. Yes, I can see that he had a fascination with Muggle stuff, but at that young age, knowing so much about London's Underground is not something I'd have expected.

Another small nitpick was the fact that the Tube in the sixties(during which time the story is possibly based) was not red. The buses were, but not the trains.

However, the events after the duo reached the new spot of their adventure, was really well captured. Regulus mimicking the couple; the wheat-field and the bridge, and the small run-in with the feline was narrated nicely, and I liked the way you brought about the togetherness when they were there. It sort of makes me go "Aww" and then want to just hug the two brothers. It's cute.

The ending too, I love. Sirius seems to have forgiven his brother on some level after his death; enlightened perhaps by his own experience in Azkaban. It seemed like he'd gone back in time to when everything was all right, and nothing was a mess that his life had become afterwards. Sometimes, remembrances bring forth strong emotions, like the one described above-- it makes me wonder if Sirius still felt like the elder brother after all the bitter years that had passed in between.

The last line, however , didn't make some sense.

The ear of wheat remained on the old desk, lying forgotten next to a drop of a silent tear.

I don't see how the ear is forgotten, if Sirius obviously remembered it to have gone to his brother's room and reminisced about that day. Also, if it were forgotten, it wouldn't be there in the first place.

I could say that, overall, while I loved the premise and the feel that the story evoked, a little more work on the smaller, yet significant parts of the story, would've made it even better.

Author's Response: Thank you for that thorough review, H.J. *hugs*

Reading your review, I notice how much holes the one-shot has. I admit, I didn't really work too much on it back when writing the story. It was more the result of a spur of sudden inspiration from the brawl prompt. But now, with your tips, I might actually sit down and rewrite it to something better. :)

Concerning the age: Sirius was not yet in Hogwarts, so he would be around ten or eleven. Regulus' year of birth we know: 1961. Taking into account that Sirius was born between September 1959 and August 1960, he was around one year older than Regulus only, which would make Regulus in this one-shot be of nine or ten years.

Concerning the sentence that confused you: with "it" I meant the place they where going to. Although, rereading the sentence now out of the context, it really doesn't make much sense. I should truly sit down and work more on the one-shot.

Again, thank you so much for that eye-opening review, H.J. *pickles*

Oh, what a remarkable poem! I'm surprised it hasn't received any reviews yet. Anyway, definitely here to rectify that, because I think my love for this poem needs to be made known!

I love the overall light-heartedness that's portrayed right at the beginning of the poem. How Harry has come to enjoy his train rides, and how he enjoys the ride and the view and the sweets on the train. It has a sense of joy attached to it. I especially enjoyed these lines:
My friends all chatting happily,
My eyes are stuck on the beautiful scenery,
Speeding past rapidly.

It has to do with the rhyme scheme, I think, or maybe just the feelings conveyed, but somehow, this really was one of the most enjoyable lines to read. They describe two very different acts, not interconnected with one another except for the underlying emotion being conveyed, but really, they flow well here.

When I read Racing past the window, however, my mind just completely went to how life itself was like that-- racing past the window while you watch it go by. I don't know if you wished it to be so, but that was something that was prominently projected to my mind when I read those lines.

I loved the transition from the sheer sense of happiness which is portrayed in the beginning, to the quiet deliberation and sadness, mingled with some fear, perhaps, in the second half of the poem. Right from the change in weather, from it being all sunny to the rain, and how that brings about a change in Harry's mindset. Very well done!

The thought process that goes on in Harry's mind is another thing which I really liked. The worry, the sense of loss, the sadness in it all-- so much truth in it. Seven short years indeed. We can see how he contemplates on what all he has gained-- his new family, friends, and yet, there is this pain about the end and his worry over it all.

But, then, it's almost like he realises how short this journey is, and wants to enjoy it all over again. The ending lines ring so true-- he wants to be back to what it was like, and enjoy his short journey which he has now realised is not really going to last for long. It left in me mixed feelings of sadness and joy.

Really, a wonderful read!

Author's Response: Thank you! The "Racing past the window" part...that was exactly what I was going for. I'm so glad you noticed! I was trying to add something to the poem that the reader could interpret in their own way, or see in a different way. Thank you the wonderful comment. I'm glad you liked it! :)

Hello, Bine! =)

I loved this short story. I found that this incident did shed a lot of light on Albus Dumbledore's thinking and revealed a more human side to his character. He is portrayed as a rather worried person, contradictory to what we get to see of him in canon, where he's mostly calm and aloof. I liked seeing this side of him, somehow.

The personification of silence at the beginning of the story had a nice effect on the description in the story. It stood out, and his actions seemed to have more of an effect on me as a reader because of the well-written description, which is neither too over-the-top, nor too little too subtle to understand.

I wonder how you envision the role of the apparatus that Albus used over here. I know it's portrayed as a communications device, but hm, what exactly does it do? ' ‘What are you planning, Tom?’ Very intriguing line, that one. It makes me wonder if it's some sort of a mind reader or something. >.>

The one thing that I didn't like at first was the time taken to reveal the protagonist's name. It felt as if it took a little too long for 'old man' to be referred to as 'Albus Dumbledore'. I'm all for some initial suspense, don't get me wrong, but I did feel that the revealation of Albus' name a little earlier would've had more of an effect.

The appearance of Fawkes and his role in the story, though a little insignificant, added a nice touch to the entire thing. It also aided in developing Dumbledore's character a little- his love and compassion for the bird is signified by his stroking the bird's feathers. I also thought that he found Fawkes as a good companion to share his thoughts- thoughts that he couldn't afford to share with many.

Minerva McGonagall's appearance surprised me, though. I didn't expect it, but found it quite enjoyable. Oh, and I simply must mention how much I loved this line: ‘Oh? Well then, let’s hope it’s safe.’ His blue eyes blinked amusedly but morphed back to seriousness an instant later. Brilliant characterisation of Dumbledore there.

Also, the fear and anxiety in Minerva's heart was very well portrayed. The last line, however, made for an amazing ending. It's perhaps my most favourite line in the whole story, and the fact that it affirms is so true - not just in the context of this story, but in life, too.

-hugs-

Author's Response: Years later, and I finally get to reply. Thank you for such a lovely review, Shar. I smiled the entire time I read it.

The revealing about Dumbledore's name: Well, let's just say it's always a dance on the knife's edge when deciding when exactly I reveal a character's name in such a kind of story. Too early would take the suspence, too late will make it drag. But then it also depends a lot on the reader whether they see the name revelation as too early and too late. *shrugs*

Anyway, thanks again for such a wonderful review.

Hello there,

This poem is short, yet so profound in meaning that I fell in love with it. In so few words, you bring about a really vast meaning to the simple act of 'being alive', and what it meant to Harry at that point of time.

The first stanza, in particular, drew me in. It was powerful, and unlike the other stanzas which conveyed Harry's feelings, it simply put forth the practicality of the situation; the realisation that he was back to his body. But it also conveyed to me that he was back with a renewed strength and vigour to fight, and sets a positive tone to the whole poem. Wonderful.

We can see Harry's conviction in the second stanza too, his vigour to fight, now having realised his goal and willing and ready to achieve it. I particularly liked the contrast between what we see in this stanza and what we see in the next. There he suddenly begins to doubt after a gust of confidence. He is afraid. :)

I loved the fourth stanza. Maybe it was because it tied in so beautifully with the lines from DH quoted right above it. To me, it connects to the confusion in Harry's mind, when Narcissa lies to keep him alive. That's why I found 'lost' extremely meaningful there, and how, even literally, he was waiting to be taken away from the forest(which is dark), and into the light.

The last couplet was filled with the emotion of triumph. It almost radiates joy, and I loved how it ended with that. It is a recognition of his appreciating that, despite all odds, Harry was alive, and at that moment, just, in itself, is a huge triumph-- for him, as well as for the wizarding world. When I view it from another angle, it also implies that despite all the insecurity, fear and confusion that reigned in his mind, which is conveyed in the stanzas prior to this, Harry acknowledged the fact that he was alive and the simplicity of the act stands out against the complex emotions that he feels. Truly, it was a beautiful ending.

Author's Response: Thankyou. I am amazed at how well this has been received. Poetry is such a personal form of writing, it is often hard to know how someone else will receive it. I always read that part of DH over and over and often thought how terrifying yet exhilirating it must have been for Harry to wake like that, still shrouded in darkness yet with a renewed sense of hope and vigour. It is such a pivotal moment and the poem just poured out of me. So thankyou for your great (and perceptive) review. I'm touched that the message is getting through.

Of all the categories and genres in HP fanfiction, I find that the Historical genre is one with a lot of potential which doesn't really get explored much. So I was pleasantly surprised when I found this sonnet from the Grey Lady's perspective. I find her a very fascinating character, personally, and found this a very interesting poem, to say the least.

When I read the poem, I could place this as the thoughts going through her mind as Harry calls out to her during the Battle of Hogwarts. It fits there so well, especially the first line where she questions "Who wants to speak with unimportant me," as though surprised that someone is calling her.

The poem starts off on a strong note - Helena Ravenclaw does not come across as a person who is regretful here, she comes across as someone who is still strongly opinionated about events - someone who hasn't been blunted by the blades of time. She is still a disappointed woman - disappointed in herself, more than anything else, and angry. She doesn't try to justify her actions, instead, she accepts them whether right or wrong and thinks it over only from her perspective. I quite like how you picturise her; it ties in well with canon, and still gives her a fiercely individualistic streak that I can appreciate.

I enjoyed your take on the relationship between the Lady and the Baron. It is her view, no doubt about it, but I like how you seem to have brought about a kind of rift in the relationship right there. She may feel it is her fault at the time, but it is definitely indicative of the problems that existed even before drastic measures were taken.

In particular, I liked your word choice at points. 'Uncontent,' not 'discontent', being a good example of that. It sort of adds to the feel of a poem based in the past? I think so, certainly.

Rowena Ravenclaw's description also really agrees with my picture of her. Helena seems to want to be like her mother a lot. We can see that she, in particular, takes note of the posture, and we can see in the books that that is how the Grey Lady is, as well. It is in those lines, actually, that you really bring out a lot of Helena's character. There is a sense of regret coming into the picture, and there's also a strong exclamation at having been denied the chance to speak to her mother about the events that took place. She seems a little angry behind her very stoic demeanour, in my opinion. A daughter who wanted so much to be like her mother, a daughter who felt responsible for the death of two, a daughter discontent with the life she led and one with no means to correct the mistakes she committed. I like how you have brought that out - before you speak of the mask, or the veil, as you call it, I can see her true emotions.

The ending seems to have a touch of finality to it. To me, the veil has a significance in two ways. One, as you directly put it, it is a mark of disgrace, and second, it also kind of puts back all the emotions that had come to the fore in the lines above into a mask of calm which cannot be penetrated that easily. It just struck me as that, when I read the poem, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Hello there!

You have really done a wonderful job with this story, and I enjoyed each and every bit of it. You have managed to flesh out Florean Fortescue, a character we know little about, given him a larger than life personality, and also worked a lot on the character of Andrew Carlton. The format, that of a newspaper article, is something you’ve stuck to throughout, but it’s not just that that impressed me- the article also has a personal touch which makes it a very good read. It isn’t just facts; Andrew Carlton knows how to weave his story into an interesting web of informal experiences and stories without veering away from the focus that is his uncle. Definitely, a very good job done on that count.

I loved the character of Andrew Carlton. Though written from a first-person point of view, we can discern a lot about his character by just reading the article; the style is something which reminds me of a jovial, shy, straight-forward, and determined person. We can see flashes of his childhood pranks in the beginning of the story which point to his fun-loving nature, and the fight that he pursued for ten long years definitely speak a lot about his determination.

Oh, and of course, I must talk about Florean himself - there’s so much added to the ice-cream man we knew from the books! You haven’t veered away from any thing which was mentioned in canon, but built such a solid story from the facts known that I was left floored. I enjoyed the mention to his knowledge in history, as well as his magnanimous heart which gave Harry free treats in the Prisoner of Azkaban.

There’s a mention to his Ravenclaw nature, however, which I question a little. I somehow feel that Hufflepuff seems more suited to his nature, but since this is not something which can be verified in canon, it is a matter of opinion. He seems like such a helpful, good-natured man in canon, and while I will not deny that he had knowledge(he did help Harry with his History of Magic homework), I just feel that the traits which dominate are those that are usually seen in Hufflepuffs.

Another thing I loved was the timeline you’ve incorporated- I see that this was written for a prompt for the Winter Snows, and distributing ice-creams on Christmas eve just seems so appropriate.

Also, there are nuggets of wisdom scattered in the article that touched me very much - Andrew, while not sounding like a preacher, has an almost Luna-esque ability to drive home simple truths which many of us choose to overlook in our lives. While speaking about his uncle, and things that he learned from him, I find that there are lots of things that I can learn as well. It’s something which, while not sounding drab or boring, has been brought out remarkably well. “Life, it seemed whenever I went to my Uncle’s shop, was to be savoured quickly before it melted.” “For him, it was never about the business of business; I suspect it was rather about the business of friendship. That made being around him the greatest pleasure on earth.” “But my definition and exemplification were wrong; these are fluid traits, and Houses cannot claim them for their own.” These are just some of the few that really jumped out at me when I read the story - there are many more, but then this review would just turn into a quoting of the entire story.

A great job, overall!

Author's Response: Hello!



Wow! Thank you for such an excellent review. I’ve to say I literally squee-ed when I saw this.



I am really happy you liked the ‘personal touch’ I added to Andrew’s article. I saw it like one of those articles in The Times of India/Hindustan Times where a well-known columnist steps out of the box and writes with a little bit of self-involvement, a little bit of nostalgia. (I cannot think of a specific example for this, though. Lol!)



Yes, Andrew is just as you described, and a bit more on the cheeky side, though that may not have come across in the story. You know, I actually debated for a minute whether I should put both uncle and nephew in Hufflepuff, because both of them have a lot of Hufflepuff traits – loyalty, determination, and diligence. But I had this agenda: I wanted to dilute the rigid structure of Hogwarts Houses. Neither of them possess any Slytherin qualities in them – they aren’t cunning or ambitious. Gryffindor was an absolute no-no, even though they both exhibit courage in their own way. In fact, being brave and not being Gryffindor was the whole point. And they aren’t reckless, of course. ;)



That left me with Ravenclaw. By saying this, I don’t mean that I picked Ravenclaw because it was the only choice left. I focused on their scholarly nature – both share a genuine love of learning, of gaining knowledge, of studying. Both are clever and resourceful in their own way, though, again, these traits are not explored fully in this story. Mea culpa! I can see where you’re coming from on this issue as I missed the mark by a few inches here.



Let’s just say the Sorting Hat had a hard time deciding whether to put them in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. :D I did put the former Headmaster Dexter Fortescue in Hufflepuff, so that explains the Puff-like qualities in Florean. ;)



Thank you once again! This review made my day.



Love,

Natalie.

Hi there, Jess!

I was just sifting through your author page and reading summaries of your stories, when I noticed "Category: Harry/Ginny" as I scrolled down. I totally did a double take right then. I know for certain that you like Harry/Hermione more, so it was all the more interesting to go read this story of yours.

What surprised me was how really remarkably well you've written the characters - all of them were in accordance with what we know from canon. Very much so, in fact. Harry's letter shows his nervousness and fear, and although he admits in the letter that it might not even reach Ginny, I suppose it must have at least give him some relief to write it all down. The first line of the letter shows his confusion and eagerness to just let someone know what he's going through, and when he says Then again, you don’t know about those yet. , it is almost comical, although it also gave me the feeling that he really wished she knew what they were so he could talk about them some more. The rest of the letter is a bit too rambly, almost very sappy towards the end. But this was Harry when he feared his death, or worse, capture by the Dark Lord, and I suppose he was scared he'd never even be able to let Ginny know about what he thought of her. The times in which the letter were written do justify the neccessity for, well, an excessively sweet(and heartfelt, let me add) overdose of saccharine.

The stark contrast between the style of writing in the letter and Draco's mental dialogue was something that slightly put me off first. I felt that the story changed direction too abruptly, which left me wondering, 'What was that, again?' The circumstances under which Draco discovered the letter do make quite a lot of sense, although I somehow felt that it would have probably been better if the setting was mentioned at the beginning(right after the letter).

You unravel the character of post-war Draco through his thoughts really well. He remains the snarky and disdainful person that we know from the books. There isn't a world of change that we can see in his character here, and that is something I really liked about this story. (Most of the post-war stories that I've just portray Draco as a completely nice man after the war. My constant argument is that people just don't change overnight.) The interaction with George, and Draco's qualms about even going there at first, do, however, subtly bring out the changes in Draco's personality. That, along with his feelings mentioned right at the end: It was a curious sensation, being on the receiving end of gratitude. Draco had never really experienced it before, as he had never really given anything that could be accepted in such a way—ever. Just the perfect balance in his characterisation, which is brilliant.

Ginny's tears just after reading the letter did seem a little out-of-place to me. The Ginny that we see in canon doesn't really come across as a person who'd cry in the presence of someone like Draco. Her reaction does, however, add to the overall fact that she really was in love with Harry and was touched by his affection in the letter. That, to me, emphasized the whole 'Harry/Ginny aspect which got lost somewhere between Draco's musings in the Manor and the conversation with George, and I was happy to see it explored again in a much more subtle, not-too-overbearing/lovey-dovey way.

Another point that I noted while reading, is that you bring out many facets of the characters in the story. Anger, affection, love, grief, confusion, hesitation... I could go on. It's all put together well in one single piece, and you do pack a lot into the words you write. I found the narrative highly engaging; the actions of the characters divulge so much more than any description, and you unravel more and more through mental dialogue and conversations. All of which, in my humble opinion, make for a really good read. I've not read a lot of your works, but in what I have read, I've found a diversity which impresses me a lot, Jess. Wonderful work in this story, again, and I must commend you for taking on something out of your comfort zone and actually excelling in it.

Shar

Author's Response:

/in which Shar reads all the stories that Jess dislikes, lol.

Hello again!

I find it wildly funny that this story is a popular as it is (it has new reads every day, and I still get reviews for it, even after months). The honest truth about this story is this: I wrote it in under an hour, start to finish, without even bothing to edit. Yeah, that's it. I wrote it for Amanda's birthday, as she adores gooey Harry/Ginny (vomit) and all of that canon stuff. I was up about four hours past my bedtime (and yes, it was 10AM XD...BB kept me up all night >.<). With all that in mind, I was even pleased with how well it came out...or rather how bad it could have been under the circumstances. Of course, as Amanda worships the canon gods and all, she loved it. It was only going to be the letter, but toward the end of that part, I was dangerously close to losing my lunch, so I added Draco, just to keep myself interested, lol. That is the honest, dirty truth about this story. I think I may have read it through before submitting (which I did under the advisement of some very ebil acquaintances), but I can't be certain that I even did that. :D

Now that you know the history behind how this fic came to be, maybe some of the bits that are not so great make more sense. For instance, someone else who reviewed this story asked me why Draco didn't just owl the letter. That is, of course, because I couldn't be arsed to think of anything so practical. I really just wanted to see George make Draco squirm.

Harry is one of the characters that I feel I truly understand, both during the books, after the books, and far into the future, as well. That made the letter part easy to write, even if the fluff was so sodding saccharine that I don't even want to read that part when I have someone point out something that I should edit. I guess I don't understand Ginny's appeal, so having him write a loveletter to her is kinda difficult.

I do think Draco is a win in this story, mostly because of what you said. This is nearly right after the war, and while I do promote a reformed Draco, it's still too early for him to think about others and not think about what's in it for him. Of course, here, he's totally in it for himself, even if he did come out of it thinking that it would be nice if someone felt that way about him to cry over a letter he wrote. 

And then there's Ginny... Yeah. She's on my top 5 list of characters I would adore having the chance to delete from the series, along with the likes of Dobby, Tonks, Ludo Bagman and Zacharias Smith. Naturally, since I don't like her, when I portray her in pivotal character moments, I have to build up a bit of an alternate personality throughout the story to make up for the fact that I neither know for sure or care how she reacts. I know, that probably makes me ebil and mean, but I think we all have that character that we just want to stab in the eye with a pen. :D

I see what you mean about the change between the letter and Draco reading it is probably too jarring and disjointed. I just wanted to get that 'what the hell?' feeling across, where the reader is hearing this sappy letter in Harry's voice, and all of a sudden, Draco is being all disdainful and...Draco. I probably could have added a bit in the beginning, showing Draco finding it, and perhaps even stopping in the middle of it to do his own commentary, but that requires thinking the story through. Which I did not. At all. lol

All in all, I'm glad you liked it, even though I still have no earthly idea why everyone says it isn't fluffy. I do like making sure that there is something on my author page for everyone, even the canon queens, and even if it's a bit illness-invoking for me. I think that the hallmark of good, or even great, writers is that they can step out of their box and write something that doesn't appeal to them and have others be none the wiser. While I don't really consider myself anywhere near a great author, it is something for which I strive, and this fic, whether I like it or not, is a stepping stone in the right direction. I'm probably far too harsh on it, considering what it is and from whence it came, but if someone needs to be overly critical of my work, I suppose it should be me from a quality control standpoint.

Thank you for reviewing, and, as always, it's been lovely chatting with you. Though it does seem that my response ended up being longer than your review. I be rambly like that, mate. 

~Jess

P.S. - The following is a subliminal message - *dontreadanythingwrittenbymepredatingfebruaryitsallrubbishandshouldbedeletedbuticantmakemyselfdoit*

XD