06/01/05
Real name: Unknown
Age: 20!
Sex: Male
What I like to do: I love to listen music (yeah, cliché, I know), to write (what a genius), and to dive, whether it is free diving or scuba diving. I actually have my PADI Open Water license! That will allow me dive anywhere (although a river full of piranhas could prove to be a really bad idea ^_^' ).
Beta?: Yes, I am a beta Accredited by Perfect Imagination :D Well, at least I was... >.> It seems that due to inactivity my accout/accreditation got deleted. I'm still waiting a response from the admins, so I'll let you know!
Stories so far:
- "Wait for Me" (4 chapters; H/G and R/Hr)
- "Sleeping Sun" (one-shot; H/G with a bit of R/Hr)
-"As the Dusk Grows" (one-shot; J/L)
- "Come Back..." (one-shot; H/G)
- "Ocean Soul" (a one-shot about Tom Ryddle and how he lost his innocence)
- "Longing..." (My first poem, R/Hr!)
- "A Night At The Owlery" (It was a challenge entry: 'Write a scene from the books that could have been witnessed by an owl' It won the second place!)
- "Once" (My second poem. H/G)
- "Starlight Dreams" (My very belated chaptered fic).
- "Revival of Autumn" (This is a one-shot centered around Autism. For mature readers only. Not that I want to feel exclusive, but such a sensitive topic demands certain degree of matureness.)
WIP: I'm working in a long chaptered story named: "Starlight Dreams". Unfortunately, the beginning has been a tad slow given the problems of the queue and some other problems I had with chapter two, but I hope to get the rest sorted out from then on :)
Also, there's a one-shot called "Strangers" that will be submitted very soon!
Music: My favorite bands are Nightwish, Apocalyptica, Rhapsody, Avalanch, Metallica (the old one), Guns n' Roses, Helloween, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Dream Theater... and more I can't recall now.
Books: I love Lord of the Rings, and any good book I can find. It can be about anything, as long as it is worth reading.
Instruments: I play piano, and a little bit of guitar, drums, but right now, one of my most desired ambitions is to learn how to play the cello.
Useless fact: Oh, and by the way, my first language isn't english, so please forgive me if you find any horrible spelling/grammar/punctuation mistake.
Recommendations: I want to recommend Narwen3's story: "To See You Through The Dark". It's an excellent story (not to mention completed)! You will surely have an incredible time reading it. Don't forget to leave your review :)
Oh, I was also beta-ing for this story: "Switched" by Cheslin. If you want a really original story, go check this one :) A story of how the cats of Hogwarts have an active life and role in the war literally under the noses of their masters :)
And at last, but not least, I would also like to recommend "Harry Potter and the Battle to the End" by lisa_lovegood (I know I haven't reviewed, Lisa, but I will!!).
All great stories :D
**NOTES**: Okay, I already got one chaptered rejected due to a too long author's note (amongst some other things. Don't think that the mods have treated me unfairly :p ). So I figured out that I could use this space to say all those things I wanted to say regarding each chapter, but that I couldn't. I warn you though, that they may contain spoilers, so only read them if you have already read the chapter.
-Chapter 1: The very first chapter (duh). I really gave a lot of thinking to this chapter, deciding if this was the way I wanted to start the story or not. I've read many stories that start with something very close to World War III, but I thought I'd prefer to start with some introductory chapters.
This chapter's purpose was to give heads up to the readers about Harry's current train of thoughts and feelings towards... everything.
-Chapter 2: Well, just for the record, I updated my lousy summary for something that is hopefully better :)
Ah, this chapter... the last 'introductory chapter' (at least in my mind. Still, this chapter hints about some... stuff that will later appear). You also get to know what's happened to Hermione and the Weasleys, what are their thoughts, etc.
Ah, I almost forgot! In this chapter you see a somewhat emotional Hermione that has a certain redhead in her head ;) Now, I'm aware that some could consider her OOC. However, I do not think she is OOC because she is a girl after all, and (in my mind) she is simply sometimes more sensitive.
In this story I'll try to show that other side the books don't show: Ron and Hermione's POV. I've always thought of Hermione as someone who, whilst it can cost her some trouble, is sensitive to her feelings. That's why I added her thoughts regarding Ron :) That's all for now (or until chapter three gets approved!).
-Chapter 3: It is not up yet, but I just wanted to explain why it has taken me such an awfully long time to put it in the site.
One reason I cannot explain at the moment... I know, I'm not being mysterious at all. It's just that I can't really say at the moment, but I will tell you as soon as I can. The next reason is that I had to find a beta! Fortunately, I'm very pleased with whom I now have the honour to work with :) And finally, the last reason is that I rewrote the whole chapter. The problem is that with the old version I never was completely pleased. Now though, I'm more than pleased with the new version! Right now it is at hands of my beta, and I'll submit it as soon as I get it.
~Astro
OceanSoul
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As the Ink Dries by SimplyMe
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Hermione died in the Horcruxes crusade. One year later, Voldemort was finally destroyed and Ron returned home, exhausted. His room was exactly the same as he left it. But awaiting him on his desk was a small pile of letters with a short note on top.
Mr. Weasley, we found those letters addressed to you in Hermione’s belongings. It was only fair they were returned to you. Signed, Mr. and Mrs. Granger.
Date: 06/07/06 Title: Chapter 5: It's Time
Another incredible chapter! Ah, Hermione's letter was so real, so... present (I hope it makes sense). I bow before your great writing skills one more time. Thank you so much for another wonderful chapter!
PS: Oh, my fav line would be: "You are my alphabet."
Author's Response: *blushes* thank you so much! I\'m very relieved as I read the first reviews. I was nervous about this chapter as it is an important one, her last letter. Thanks again for your review and just one last thing; the original title for the chapter was The Alphabet but I changed it at the last minute because I wasn\'t sure if people would understand it the way I meant it. anyway...
Date: 03/29/06 Title: Chapter 2: Dear Stupid Ron
Yay for me! I finally beat the laziness and logged in to leave a review for your story. Well, what can I say? 10/10. Beautiful story. Your writing style flows smoothly and I like the description you give; not too much, but not too little. I think the chapter I liked the most is this one. Don't get me wrong, chapter 1 was very good, but this chapter had so much feeling in it. Hermione's letter was perfectly done; you captured her character amazingly, 10/10. I bet that the letter really needed a lot of thought ;) I read one of your responses of chapter 1 reviews and let me tell you that I know what you mean about being nervous with the next chapters. I've written a one-shot and a short story and yet I get very, very, very nervous when I upload a chapter. But know this: your story is amazing, and I'm very sure that you wont let us down, no matter where you lead (well, unless you write something like Harry and Ron suddenly dying because of the wounds made by furious monkeys >.<). Keep up the incredibly good work, and I'm eager to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: hum... no monkey attack planned so far! So you can guess that there won't be any other death. Maybe I'll kill a bug but I'm sure you'll be able to get over that pretty fast. Next chapter is already in the queue and I'll send the fourth one to my beta this weekend. It means a lot to me that you took the time to log in and leave a review. Thank you also for your encouragements... now I know I'm not the only one scared of pressing that 'submit' button! One last thing, the first letter was not the hardest to write, you'll find out later (soon, I hope) that one of the other was a real challenge for me. I'll give more information as the chapters come in. Thanks again!
Er-my-nee by Ravensgryff
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The story of a missing moment in HBP. What happened when Ron Weasley wakes up after being poisoned? How did he and Hermione make up after their terrible, long argument?
Date: 04/07/06 Title: Chapter 1: one-shot
Well, I want to give some constructive criticism. I liked your story, I really did. But I think that perhaps you rushes over certain parts. For example, the part when they finally speak out their feelings is too straightforward in my opinion. You could have made Ron and/or Hermione more reserved, just a bit longer before telling his/her feelings. Yet, I think your writting style is very good. I like it very much, and this scene, despite what I pointed out before, was really beautiful. 8/10 from me. Keep up the good work :)
Date: 04/21/06 Title: None
Oh, first review! I checked the site just out of curiousity, and what was my surprise when I saw your story in top of the list! Well, first of all, thank you very much. I'm happy that my words did made a difference to you :)
Ok, now to the story. Well, you have an excellent beta! I do, however, would like to point out some minor mistakes in the writing. In the fourth paragraph, after the word contradictory, I think you should have placed a period instead a comma (I know, it's just a tiny mistake :P). The other thing is when the Death Eater says his name. In that paragraph, there's a line that reads: "It was clear to the Scrimgeour..." You should erase "the". I suppose you were going to write Minister but then changed your mind. I know that things like that happen to me a lot :)
Ok, now that we got those things sorted out, here come the review. Great chapter! I loved the intrigue you added to the whole scene and atmosphere. Your descriptions were beautiful, and now I'll proceed with my favourite parts of it:
"Those were the only sounds heard, no screaming prisoners, no cries of mercy, and no dementors patrolling the halls making your blood go cold."
-Ah, this one I just loved it so much! I think I don't need to explain why :)
"Even while the Death Eater spoke his body didn’t move in the slightest. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was speaking, he could have easily been mistaken for dead."
-Even though you aren't really describing him, here you powerfully add
mystery to the scene. Well done :)
"...and this had rewarded me with some of the most difficult tasks faced by any Death Eater, where most were considered suicidal. Yet, I never disappointed my Lord and always got the job done."
-You let us know the real importance Nex Addo had amongst the Death Eaters, and what he is capable of :)
"The tall, menacing figure of Voldemort rose from his chair and approached Pettigrew."
-Excellent way to describe Voldemort. No implicit details, but you hint us about the power behind that man.
"Nex Addo’s face, however, showed signs of fear, not for the young family that Voldemort would kill tonight; he didn’t care for them, but rather for Voldemort himself."
-Oh, a very subtile part. We learn a little bit of to what extent Nex Addo would go for his master. His true loyalties.
"His long-fingered hands raised the black hood of his cloak over his head, rendering his serpent-like face invisible to the eye."
-Ah, I just loved it. Short, and yet powerful. :D
I liked it very much, and I'll be waiting eagerly for your next chapter! You know, I might have given you the courage, but you really made a very original and well written story. 10/10 if we still had the rating system, and keep it up! I know that the next chapter will be quite interesting too :D
Author's Response: Wow I only just received the e-mail and I already have a review :D! I\'m so very, very happy you liked it! I was hoping you would! Your words have definitely made my day! And yes, my beta does deserve credit for this chapter! The next chapter will hopefully not be long away from completion but it\'s certainly well on its way! Well thank you for your review and I hope you like the next chapter as much as the next :)!
Dance is the Hidden Language of the Soul by Soap
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: Set Post-Hogwart's, Voldemort has been defeated and the Wizarding world has returned to normal - well, as normal as Wizarding worlds could be. Hermione has a job at Gringott's, the Wizarding bank, but what will happen when an old enemy turns up as a colleague?
Date: 06/20/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Banquet
Hi. Well, I liked your writing style. I think it was very easy to read, and it flows with ease with the plot. However, I think you rushed with their 'special moment'. The thing is that it is hard for me to believe that after all the things Draco called Hermione, he is going to dance so passionately with her, and likewise, that Hermione would forget all the things he did. Yet, good job with this chapter. Keep it up :)
Avada Kedavra by Magical Maeve
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: A poem ispired by the poetry of the First World War, but with a magical twist.
Date: 04/20/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Aw, that was... I don't know. It's not really a happy story but you portrayed death as just another step into a greater plan. I loved it! 10/10 if we still had the rating system. I liked very, very much your choice of words, and it seemed to flow so naturally (some poems seemed a little bit "forced"). My favorite line would be: Of a wand held high and death behind it, grinning. and And even before it has begun, I feel the lift
Of a swansong pulling me towards the veil. Excellent job!
Author's Response: Thanks, Astrofire. I\'m aware that my forte is not poetry, so it\'s always good to know someone liked one of my poems. :-)
Your Eyes by Lilypudding
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Hermione Granger has always loved Ron Weasley secretly, deep in her heart. Only in his eyes, can she find truth. However, when she comes to this realization, how can she cope with the knowledge she has known forever?
Date: 04/25/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot
Ah, 3:00 am, and here I am, reviewing your poem :) Well, first of all, I liked it very much. I think your poem described just perfectly how Hermione might feel after she realizes her feelings for Ron (yay H/G and R/Hr shippers! lol).
Maybe another reason I liked your poem is because I found myself in the middle of a crush. Unfortunately, it is not meant to be right now. But *sighs* no one can take my dreams away from me, right? (sorry for rambling!) Anyway, very good poem. IT has emotion between its lines that I consider describe R/Hr relationship perfectly. Good job. On my fav list :D
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, AstroFire! It\'s made me really happy! I really didn\'t write it based on Hermione/Ron (it was meant for a friend of mine that looks and acts nothing like Ron!) but it just turned out that way. That emotion between the lines was real - I was almost crying when I wrote the poem. Good luck with your crush (I hope you have better luck than all of mine!) and thanks for the review!
How Icarus Drowns by Noldo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: On Regulus, and ink, and Daedalian mimicry; and, eventually, the end of things. Second-person, non-linear narrative.
Date: 09/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: How Icarus Drowns
I know my review will not weight as much as those given to you by other great authors, but I just couldn't stay silent.
What can I say? First of all, I am jealous of your incredible writing style. It's not only poetic; you have a way of taking a simple, common thing, then giving it an emotion, a feeling, or even life, and finally, you let the reader immerse into the waves of words that can be peaceful or tumultuous. I wish this was something that could be learned, but I think it is something that borns inside you.
I really enjoyed your story because of the emotion you are able to transmit. Maybe I'm lame, but for some reason, I don't find too many authors that can transmit me the emotion of the characters. With your writing, I saw Icarus, and I felt how everything closed up on Regulus, like the ocean when it's tide grows under the attraction of the moon.
I definitely admire your writing skills. Again, I know my review is no where near the quality of others you have received from great authors, but I had to tell you the impact your story had on me.
Thank you very much for a great read!
The Unmendable Broken Heart by hufflepuffgal
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is a poem about how Ginny feels after Harry breaks up with her.
Date: 05/17/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Unmendable Broken Heart
Short and yet very deep! I liked it very much, more because It has normal vocabulary and it is easy to read. My part would be: "The pain will never end. The tears will always come.">i> Very good job :D
Author's Response: Thank you!
Date: 05/17/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Unmendable Broken Heart
Oops. Sorry for leaving the code open. closing now.
Author's Response: ok.
Too Late by GwendolynJames
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: I can’t wait any longer. If I wait, I won’t go. I have to go.
Date: 05/30/06 Title: Chapter 1: Too Late
Ah, another superb piece of writing! I love every story of yours (although I know I have not reviewed each one of them *sorry*). I have always liked your writing style, the lack of names, uncovering slowly the plot and the characters; just letting the emotion flow... Ah, very good job once again! I loved the whole story, from beginning to end. But I must admit that at a moment I was afraid she wouldn't go back. Glad that she did :) Impressived once again, keep it up!
If Tomorrow Never Comes by totally obsessed
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: James and Lily were known for giving their lives for their only son. That night, the night that Voldemort came and ended their lives, they talked about their possible future. And their love endured even unto death. ONE-SHOT based off of Garth Brook's song, If Tomorrow Never Comes.
Date: 01/26/07 Title: Chapter 1: If Tomorrow Never Comes
Hello!
I just wanted to drop by and tell you that I liked very much this story. Ironically, I don't too many songfics because the lyrics distract me from the story (I always start trying to imagine the music :o ). However, I was amazed of how fitting the lyrics were for the story. They reflect James' feelings and thoughts so perfectly!
As some have said, I think that one little thing that you could have put in better words was James statement of:
"He’d only find us again. And no, I’m not sure, but…I’ve just got this gut feeling."
I know you wanted to show that they knew they had little time left, instead of suddenly having to face their end. However, I think you could have used a better way to put it (despite the difficulty), because it sounds a little bit strange that if James knows/has the feeling that Voldemort has found them, he would simply "He'd find us anyway." Because in the end, it's better to run than to die (in such case when you family's life is at stake).
But now I'm sounding like a critic when I really enjoyed your story. What I liked the most is how realistic where their dialogues (not minding the one problem I already pointed out), and how they reflect so much the love they shared.
The ending was specially powerful. At first you think that Voldemort has arrived when it's nothing more than baby Harry. But then, he does arrive, but there's such a feeling of peace and communion amongst them that you cannot help but think that they were one.
Well, I just wanted to share all this, and thank you for a wonderful read. Thanks!
~Astro
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! This was a wonderful review! Yes, that little part of the dialogue bugs me, as I\'ve never really liked it either, but I couldn\'t find any other way to make it express exactly what I was going to say...
Maybe I should point something out - many people have stated that this might not have been how it would have worked out, because when Voldemort came, he was shouting at Lily to run and take Harry. However, I sort of imagined James as the smart type. He knows that they won\'t really have a chance of winning (which is why he doesn\'t tell Lily they should leave in this story), so when he tells them that in JKR\'s version, I always imagined him as panicking. So, there you have it. My logic on the matter.
But, yes, again, thank you so much for the review. It makes me happy.
Just a Blow of the Whistle by Jules_411
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Competing for the Quidditch Cup, Gryffindor and Slytherin go head to head. With the Weasley twins as commentators, the game is bound to be interesting. Rated such for slight language, but not much.
Date: 06/10/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot
I think you accomplished your objective here! Fred and George were very in character as also Proff. McGonagall was. I know this must have been hard to write (due to the descriptions [well, that's something sometimes troubles me :P]), but I think you did a very good job with it! Keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! That just made me excited because it was hard to write a Quidditch scene! I\'m glad you liked it!
The Lady and the Snake by Houlestar
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: The snake was there, in the garden, intwined around the rosebush. Aurelia jumped, she hadn't seen it there before. "It's more afraid of you than you are of it," said a soft voice from behind her. She turned around, she hadn't seen Salazar there before. "Is it true?" she asked. "Is what true?" he snapped.
Date: 06/10/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Lady
Very nice story! I think you got several beautiful desciptions and the plot flowed easily and naturally. The only thing that I'd like to point out is that the words and way of speaking that were used in that time was probably quite different to the ones we now know. Anyway, great job with this one-shot. Out of all the characters, I liked Salazar the most. I think you portrayed his mind excellently. Keep it up!
Author's Response: I do realise that. But I felt that I shouldn\'t do that for a one shot. I\'ve written a Founders fic (novel lenght) that was all in sort of Elizabethan English. It was harder for my readers to understand, and I found it annoying to have to make a million foot notes by what did this word meant. So... I didn\'t do it for this.
I\'m really glad you liked Salazar, he\'s fun to write. But Snape\'s even funner, but he\'s not in this one... sigh...
Author's Response: I do realise that. But I felt that I shouldn\'t do that for a one shot. I\'ve written a Founders fic (novel lenght) that was all in sort of Elizabethan English. It was harder for my readers to understand, and I found it annoying to have to make a million foot notes by what did this word meant. So... I didn\'t do it for this.
I\'m really glad you liked Salazar, he\'s fun to write. But Snape\'s even funner, but he\'s not in this one... sigh...
Mind, Body and Soul by Slian Martreb
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: The Dark Lord has a task for Bellatrix alone
Date: 06/19/06 Title: Chapter 1: Mind, Body and Soul
Ah, I liked this very much. I think you caught Voldemort's lines perfectly. I could really hear him talking inside my head, just as Bella thoughts. I loved the ending for you 'rewarded' Bella for what she had offered. There are some grammar/punctuation/spelling mistakes you should correct, but overall, you have a really nice piece.
Very good job!
Author's Response: Really, what grammar/
punctuation/spelling mistakes? Just for example, you know, because I always to appreciate some constructive criticism. (Just to note, in case that\'s what you were thinking of, the CAPS on He for every mentioning of Voldemort was on purpose...) Thanks for reading!
Date: 06/29/06 Title: None
Hmm... Nice start. I like all the open possibilities this plot has to offer, and I'm eager to see what you come up with!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! This is my first fic and I\'m very excited about it! I have big plans for it, so please keep reading!
Author's Response: I\'ve stopped putting stuff up here because they don\'t like me, but I have this and lots of others up on harrypotterfanfiction.com, where I have the same penname.
So near, yet so far by Blossomlily
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Towards the end of the war, Hermione is blinded. In this poem, she expresses how much she misses the thing she loved most when she had the sight.
Date: 06/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Very nice poem, Blossomlily! It was very original, too. At first I thought it would talk about someone instead of something :)
I yearn for the lessons
my friend patiently taught me.
But they’re now just chapters
in my colourless memory.
Ah, this stanza was my favourite. It just resumes her feelings so well! I believe you were really succesful to capture Hermione's feelings, and for that, I bow before you :) Good job!
Author's Response: Oh, thanks, Astrofire! :)
From a Different Angle by butterflykisses
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is a James/Lily one-shot inspired by an In-House challenge. It's the tale of when James asks Lily out for the very last time.
Date: 09/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot
Hi :D
Ah, yes, it was a very good one-shot :) I don't tend to read J/L stories do to my phobia to OOCness, but I have to say that I didn't find that here. I think that the way you showed and presented James' growth and matureness was very accurate. It felt cannon to me (despite the very little we know about him!).
I liked very much your narration and description. I loved this part:
A short while later, James and Lily were strolling through the grounds. Talking, laughing, and just getting to know each other better. The weather was getting colder with each passing day and the trees were slowly losing their crimson and ginger leaves.
Don't ask me why, but I got a very solid imagery in that particular paragraph. It was something I consider you built very well throughout the story!
But my very favourite line would be this one: “I want to make you happy too.” She stood up and pulled him up by the hand she was grasping... I really, really liked it :) You subtly hinted how he wanted to make her happy, and this was a perfect way to wrap things up.
Very good job, Mari :D I really liked it, and I'm not saying this just because. This one goes straight to my favourites. *bows out :)*
Author's Response: Oh, wow. Thank you! I\'m so flattered, and speechless by your review. I\'m so happy you enjoyed it, despite the fact that you don\'t read L/J. I\'m writing another one-shot. I\'ll tell you when it\'s up. Thank you for the wonderful review!
What's Yours by Just Tink
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Maria and Labella have been best friends since Hogwarts. Labella is the perfect best friend, completely devoted to Maria in each and every way. She would follow Maria to the ends of the earth. But when Labella's life hangs in the balance, will Maria be able to follow her friend down the most dangerous path of all? Winner of the June/July Monthly Original Character Challenge: Conflict.
Date: 10/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: What's Yours
To be honest with you, I wasn't very sure about the story when I read the summary. Heh, I have the very bad habit of not reading a lot of stories with original characters. Yet, I decided to read this one and see what happened.
First of all, I think that the way you connected the events and the flashback was very interesting. It gives you the impression that Maria is actually going to abandon Labella. And this phrase, "Still, I walked away." makes you wonder what kind of person is Maria to leave her friend behind. As the story progresses, though, you begin to not only understand Maria's actions, but to support them as well. That is way, at the end of the story, we are surprised by her decision.
Just one thing: "They always did, when she cried." Maybe it is just me being insane, but I think that comma is not needed.
"...and sat me down across from her in a stiff wooden chair that I couldn’t get comfortable in." I completely enjoyed the way you connnect her discomfort with the chair with the one her talk with Labella was causing her. Now, I also want to commend you for Labella's character. Truth be told, I liked her more than Maria, and that is not because she is a more appealing character than Maria, but because the way you made her be 'like a sheep, without an intelligent thought.' It is sad to see people that share this same trait; people who do not have a mind of their own or only repeat thinigs others tell them to... but anyway, I'm straying :)
Now, I have to admit that in the end I was a little bit reticent about Maria's decision. After reading her thoughts about how much she disliked the Death Eaters, it didn't quite sink into me that she had accepted at last. Yet, you do give us a reason as to why there is no other way: "...she was as impressionable as melted wax." Labella would have never accepted any salvation plan presented to her by Maria. So, in conclusion, I understood why she made that decision :)
Overall, I really liked your story. Although not very long, I think you were able to set the mood from the very beginning with that conflict going on between Labella and Maria. Excellent way to start!
As a last comment before making my way out, I think you could have varied some more your sentences' structure. It is somewhat hard when using first person, I know, but there were some spots where you could have written it differently. When writing first person, 'I' tends to be repeated quite a lot, so you have to watch out and be sure not to overuse, and so make it repetitive to the reader.
Okay, I finish my review here. As I said, I did like your story very much. I think it was well written and very original! Congratulations on winning the challenge!
Author's Response: WOW! I\'m so glad you decided to read the story... summaries are not my strong point, and my large amounts of original characters is probably why most of my stories only have a small number of reviewers- it makes each new one even more special! I\'m not sure which of the two characters I like best, but they both have attributes that makes me fond of them. Thanks for the absolutely fantastical review!
Author's Response:
Date: 10/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: What's Yours
Ah, I'm sorry, but it seems that somewhere I didn't close the italics code. You only need to put the closing tag < / i > in your 'Author's Reply' and it won't extend into the other reviews. Sorry about that :o !
Author's Response: done. thanks!