06/07/05
elwenyare.livejournal.com
I am in college, American, and in love with God. I enjoy reading, writing, music (playing, singing, listening), my friends and family.
I am a compulsive editor. This means that while new chapters may come infrequently (translation: I write slowly), the older chapters are always under revision. Check back now and again to read the new and improved versions! Also, I've been working on Britishisms, but as an American, my knowledge is limited. Please, feel free to (gently) Britpick.
I also write a lot of drabbles, which you can find by following that link to my website, along with some poetry and original fiction.
Lovely banner thanks to GinnyPotter!
This banner is thanks to the wonderful TheVanishingAct!
At The Ceili: This is a Christmas gift for Cinderella Angelina, a beloved fellow SPEW member. The title comes from the song it is based on, performed by the very excellent group Celtic Woman. Enjoy, Leslie!
Gold: This was originally the third chapter of In His Own Right, but I felt that it really didn’t fit with the others, so now it is a sequel.
Hide and Seek: This slightly lengthy one-shot deals with the choice between good and evil. It’s under Romance only because it didn’t fit in any of the General categories.
Home To Stay: Based on and set around a song by Josh Groban (same title), Hermione goes travelling Europe, trying to find what she’s lost during the War. Ron waits for her, living for the short notes that she sends to Ginny, waiting for the day when Hermione will be ready to come home for good.
In His Own Right: It was after writing my SPEW 007 challenge (seven prompts, one character) that I really came to appreciate Neville. He’s been through a lot, but he is strong and capable—he just needs a chance to show it. (It has a sequel in Gold.)
Left, Right, and Centre: This began as an attempt to understand why the relationship between Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour seems to work, though no one else understands why. The reason? Fleur isn’t the idiot everyone thinks she is.
Love Is Not a Simple Thing: For now, this is a one-shot (its continuation is unlikely, and depends on the revival of a long-dormant plot bunny). It is a Remus/Hermione romance, but features no time travel. Instead, the setup comes during Hermione’s school years. Following chapters (if they appear) will follow their growing relationship during the war and post-war years.
So She Dances: One of my personal favourites. It's based on the Josh Groban song of the same name, and is a Neville/Ginny missing moment from GoF. It was the first atmosphere-based piece I wrote, and it came out quite nicely.
The Unknown: Also Neville-based, I consider this the best thing I have yet written. It's a little darker, but very real, with hope at its end.
Transformations: This is a Remus/Tonks, my first—and most ambitious—project. It began back in August 2005 and has been heavily rewritten and edited in preparation for the long-awaited finish. It will be around 11 or 12 chapters when finished
Waiting: This is a post-HBP one-shot, now AU. It was written for the S.P.E.W. Anniversary Challenge: Friends discussing changes since the one-year anniversary of an event (in this case, the death of Dumbledore).
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Consequentially Yours by Nyruserra
Rated: Professors •
Summary: It's a rescue, really. At least, that's what Fred and George Weasley manage to convince him of. After all, Hermione is sure to be a target for revenge seeking Purebloods - what could any right-minded Wizard do but step in to help?
But with the shadow of Voldemort still hanging over a frightened community, Oliver is about to find out that the consequences of doing the right thing can get very out of hand!
An Oliver Wood/Hermione Granger Romance
Date: 04/26/07 Title: Chapter 2: Something Wicked This Way Came
Ah, acting under the influence of alcohol :P What a marvellously stupid thing to do!
I like the opening a lot – both opening sections, really. It gives a good look at Oliver’s personality and the impact of the War, on both the populace and the Ministry. I’m interested to find out more about the Death Eaters and – I guess Voldemort’s half-disappeared again? – all of that.
George pulled a grin out of his pocket, and turned to Oliver with a gleam in his green eyes.
I like the phrasing. “Pulled a grin out of his pocket.” And then the gleam, so it wasn’t just a fake grin.
Quotes:
The conversation had wandered from the politics of the pub, to the barmaid that served them (by the end of the second hour all three were convinced she could have been a model, if she had only wanted to).
…George had insisted they give it a drink to send it off (“It’s cold out there, Ollie. Just a drop to keep ‘im warm, eh?”)
If Oliver had consumed even slightly less alcohol that evening, maybe he would have seen just how bad an idea this probably was. The fact that it came out of Fred’s mouth would surely have be a tip-off, anyway.
Ah. So that’s why – he got drunk! I am amused. Poor Hermione, though; Oliver’s nice and it is better that it be Oliver, but he’d have taken a more…usual…route if he were himself. I can’t wait to see what he does with this.
Author's Response: Yes, alcohol is probably responsable for most of the really stupid things I\'ve done in my life too ;-p
Thank you so much, honey!
Date: 04/26/07 Title: Chapter 3: The Importance of Being Oliver
The ICW was moving in on Austria for their increasingly restricting laws being levied against Muggle-born witches and wizards – Percy still thought it was pretty disgusting that they hadn’t said a thing about his new law; he really hoped he wouldn’t have to resort to stronger measures to get their attention….
ICW…I’m guessing “International Council of Wizardry” or something like that. Is this just a publicity stunt, then? Hm….
A rather peculiar case of a drunken post owl – poor thing was in Belgium now, recovering.
Ha ha! Belgium? Definitely gillywater appears to be bad for owls.
A pause – “She’s gonna go mental!”
Then – “This is not funny, you two!”
I think it is.
Ron deserves to fall in love, someday, and be happy.” She shook her head slightly, “besides,” she said determinedly, “I don’t think the situation is beyond my ability to handle.”
Interesting. She’s taking a much more rational approach than I would have expected. “Beyond her ability to handle” – as if she’s ready to handle marriage!
He noticed, with a sinking feeling in his gut, that the red haired boy had only written about three inches in the last two hours. He began surreptitiously scanning the room for possible cover.
Someone angry this way comes….
Hey, and the beautiful part of it was that cockroaches survive anything, so she could step on him again, and again…
Apparently, Hermione was one of these, for all that she was now over twenty.
Ah. I wondered – you suggested that a lot of time had passed, but that works nicely.
Oh. Goyle. Yes. That would complicate things. It couldn’t have been that easy, I suppose. I’m a bit too dumbstruck to laugh; you set me up nicely. I had a vague idea that something else seemed a little off, but – this was not what I was looking for!
It appeared that the cavalry had arrived, and its name was Ronald Weasley.
I really was not planning on writing such long reviews, but I can’t help it. I’ll come back later and finish this story. I haven’t found anything new and amusing for some time, and this is very much both!
Author's Response: You\'ve spoiled me with all your lovely reviews, you really have *hugs*
I love hearing that readers enjoy my rather dry humour - because I\'ve never really considered myself funny at all!
Date: 09/13/07 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 14 - Temperance and Forgiveness
I should be used to you not taking up the new chapter right where the last one ended, but I must admit that I blew quite the exasperated sigh upon reading this opening paragraph!
Poor Professor McGonagall! How utterly embarrassing to be having to discuss this with Hermione Wood.
“While I will be the first to agree that, er, romance between yourself and Mr. Wood is of course to be welcomed, this is, most definitely, not the place for it…
*dies laughing* It is, however, excellently true to canon. Minerva McGonagall will do her duty or die trying (no matter how mortifying the whole thing is).
I love the relationship you’ve built between Hermione and Oliver. I love how they don’t really know each other in canon, yet you’ve started something that promises to be amazing. Is amazing. The excellent slow build up, the tentative friendship, complicated by the marriage aspect – complicated both by the idea of spending a lifetime with someone you barely know and by the possibility that appropriate decorum might not be necessary with that someone – yes. The tension and growing love and awkwardness are just GUH. (This is not good review-speak. It is not properly professional for a SPEWer. But it is necessary.)
What happened after Hermione called Oliver to bed, for instance. GAH. Can you squeeze in any more amazingly romantic tension? (I’ll bet you can, but I’m amazed anyway.) It’s not just the possibly-impending-sex aspect, either.
Moonlight lanced through the cloud cover, dimly illuminating the room in soothing greys and shadows, and the faint cry of a nightingale came in through the open window.
This is such a beautiful sentence. It bathes the following scene is dim, beautiful midnight. And of course, the nightingale later goes quiet.
…now that she was facing it, she could feel her confidence vanish like a summer wind, and no amount of self-recrimination seemed to be able to right things.
And then this. I mean. In the middle of this, Hermione suddenly has a character moment. That kind of thing takes so much effort for me that I really am in awe of how well this fits the entire setting.
I found a mistake! I suppose I shouldn’t be happy about it, but it’s hard – this story’s near-perfect.
For a moment, she almost didn’t breath.
That should be “breathe”.
After ten minutes, Hermione felt a curious whistling in her belly, like air let out of a balloon, as Oliver had begun jumping whole sections of the book; seemingly random choices.
This amused me to no end. I read like crazy and I always read in order, so I’ve got some idea of what this might feel like. And Oliver is studious, if he needs to be, but not a student like Hermione (admittedly, there aren’t many like her). It’s just really cute, how you see them responding to the same situation in such different ways.
I should probably stop putting in so many quotes or my reviews’ll be way longer than your chapters, but I can’t help it sometimes.
Unfortunately for Hermione’s piece of mind, he seemed unable to do so quietly, concentrating on the offending manual with such fierce determination as to almost seem to occupy more space than was normal, which only made it that much more difficult for her to keep her eyes firmly focused on her work.
The tension is back, but it’s so funny – I can picture Hermione trying to stare at her own work and being so distracted by someone else studying really hard next to her. I love it.
Her mood was further forgotten when he lay a familiar brown notebook on the table between them.
I have to admit that I’m not sure what the proper word is, but I think that “lay” isn’t it. “Laid”, probably? (Must go brush up on my grammar skilz.)
The Quidditch scene is amazing. For one, I love Luna’s commentary! You write her so well! For another, the Quidditch works perfectly (I like that you decided to have Harry decide to go for the gracious loss, rather than have Gryffindor do a nice sweep – and you gave Hufflepuff the honours! Very nice), it’s funny, and it segues beautifully right back into the Oliver/Hermione story. Wow. (And on an incredibly nitpicky note, you’re missing the closing quotation mark after Luna’s comment on “lurking Gremlins”.)
Further down, Ron paced warily in front of the goals…
This seems a slightly odd wording to me – “paced” to me suggests feet , which I don’t think Ron is actually using right now. I don’t suppose it’s a wrong usage, though; there aren’t many rules for broomstick grammar.
More nitpickiness: who had arrived the evening before, crowded into the teachers box
You’re missing an apostrophe in “teachers’”.
The Gryffindor fans erupted, as Harry did a flyby, executing several playful barrel rolls…
I think you can take out that first comma. I don’t think it’s wrong, but there’s already a few commas in this sentence. One won’t be missed.
Her words had evoked an instant image of a simple stone cottage, lonely highlands; family. The image came to him so easily, so naturally, he couldn’t question the fact that, on some level, he’d just associated having a home with being back in Scotland, and apparently hadn’t bothered to inform the rest of him.
Hee! The part about ‘not bothering to inform the rest of him’ is adorable (though slightly confusing; I suppose the level hasn’t informed him? I don’t know quite how to say it). It’s very cute, very believably Oliver – he’s so laid-back that it’s easy to understand that he wouldn’t have thought of this. Plus, it involves thinking about their Combined Future, which is a slightly scary idea.
I really enjoy, as I already said, their young friendship.
He would go slow, as slow as she needed, but he was going to go forward, not back, and if backing off slightly this evening was the only way to make her aware of the potential between them, he would find depths of patience hitherto unknown to witch or wizard.
It’s about the sex, certainly, but it also respect and love and dedication. Oliver knows that they have potential for happiness (and other things) together, and he isn’t going to ruin it by taking advantage of her in any way. He’s willing to wait for what he wants. This whole section shows that – I love it!
The pov shift at the end of this scene is well done. I was startled, the first time, but at the same time not startled. The fact that it shifts at all is abrupt, but the way it’s done – just by switching, I think, allowing Hermione to think for a minute so that we know where we are – makes it all quite easy to read.
I was also surprised by the shift to Harry’s pov. He’s Hermione’s best friend, but I wasn’t expecting to get a look from this side. It’s interesting, and fun to see Hogwarts from its most familiar angle again. It threw me a bit to see that the trio still spends all their time together, but at the same time, it pulls the reader back to the old Hogwarts, away from Oliver and the new Mrs. Wood.
Bright patches of repaired stone stood out glaringly against the worn steps of Gryffindor Tower, and Hermione smiled, thinking of the generations of feet it would take to wear it to uniformity again…. Somehow, it was enormously comforting just now to know her stay at this seeming eternal castle would not go without visible evidence for some time to come.
This is nice. It’s different, but it fits with the whole leaving scene. I wouldn’t have used the words “glaringly” and “smiled” in the same sentence, but I can picture how it looks. I like the last sentence, but I’m not sure I understand it – the evidence won’t show for some time, or it will show soon?
I love the ending. It’s so bittersweet. The End. It’s good in that it also wraps up Hogwarts properly; from the war to over-age Seventh Years, Hermione and her friends have finally finished this stage of life – and are free to go on with the next one. Which, for Hermione, means Oliver. Yay!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Never bemoan the amount of quotes in your reviews - I absolutely LOVE getting your insight and opinions on the various turns-of-phrase and moments, and is always a highlight of your reviews :-)
I liked inserting Harry\'s POV here, and I\'m glad you found it to be an effective break between parts. I actually did one other segment from Harry\'s POV earlier in the story, so I felt it would be nice to revisit someone \'outside\' of the immediate action.
As to the last quote, I\'m really, really glad you liked it. The last sentence references the fact that Hermione, along with the other older students helped to rebuild Hogwarts, so the \'evidence\' of her stay at the castle is the bits of stone that hasn\'t been worn smooth yet, because it\'s new - so it will take generations for new students to wear it to uniformity again. Does that help?
Thank you again, hon!
Date: 05/19/09 Title: Chapter 23: E-3 - A Nervous Business
Of course Hermione’s trying to learn to care for a baby from a giant stack of books! I doubt she’d be Hermione if she didn’t. And Oliver’s so sweet about it, too.
I love how she’s so supportive of him, too. “I sort of suggested that he’d better get the Leagues up, because if he didn’t I’d help you with your campaigning – and I’m a much bigger nuisance.” Quite true!
And I love that she’s Head of Magical Games and Sports! It’s so contrary, it’s perfect. “I don’t know why these boys seem to think they can live off of nothing but junk – and the lifestyles they lead! - but I’m going to make sure that they start living properly, and I can’t even get into the other changes that need addressing…”
But you know, if anyone could whip Britain into having a world-class Quidditch team in a single season, it’d be Hermione Wood. How could she not be exactly right for the job? “And I think I’m going to officially re-name it the Wonky Faint.”
Date: 08/09/07 Title: Chapter 14: The Twilight of an English Mind
AAAHHH!! Oh. Sorry. That was really not very professional. GAH, cliffhangers!
Okay, I'll back up. First, the mystery you're developing is pretty cool. I like how you invent things -- like Dark objects that let Muggles through spells -- and slide them in without it looking contrived.
The body-in-the-bookshelf was fairly startling, but again, a cool idea. Pretty creepy, but I suppose that was the point. What I am attempting to say is that the mystery is really well done, but I keep getting distracted by the other storyline!
I found one grammar thing:
"When Oliver pointed out her probably error, she glared crossly at him."
I think this should be "probable".
I found Hermione's reflections on bodies and death to be a little random, but a very real bit of introspection. It also slips in a little backstory, a bit of reference to the War and what part Hermione played in it. And then you pulled an amazing segue by having Hermione comment on Oliver's accent! And from there, of course, we go straight from gruesome mystery to breath-holding anticipation -- and a cliffhanger.
I laughed at Hermione's final approach to the problem of "sleeping arrangements." I am really, really looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: *lol* I love the non-professional response - it makes me feel better when I do the same thing on occasion :-)
Thank you so much for noticing my little insertions - it\'s scary, adding new elements to the tried and true \'canon\', and I,at least, always worry that I come off sounding corny or fake when I do, so that little observation meant a lot *hugs*
*facepalm* No matter how many times you read something over, or how many beta\'s go over it for you, you always seem to miss at least one... I appreciate you catching them for me, though.
Thank you so much for the reveiw, sweetie *hugs*
Date: 09/26/07 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 15 - And Back to Back, They Shall Face Each Other
I’m going to go ahead and throw out all the minor errors that I noticed (there aren’t any major ones) to start with, then try to organize my thoughts.
Softly glowing light spilled from the windows that someone had obviously been thoughtful enough to leave to greet them
This is cute, but it sounds like someone is greeting them by leaving a gift of windows :)
Hermione couldn’t help but giggle, despite the rather uncomfortable way thinking of a teenaged Oliver in relation to young women’s persons in the privacy of an outbuilding was making her feel.
This is amusing, but I feel like it’s a bit awkward. I know why you wanted to keep it all one sentence, but it’s kind of unwieldy.
He could, Hermione pointed out irritably, as it hadn’t been him who had crept into the loo in the middle of the night and half asleep…
You can take out the “and”.
…she grew to love every square inch of the place, for all it’s wonders and marvels.
You don’t need the apostrophe in “its”.
“Tha’s why Golye wanted you.”
“Goyle” is misspelled here.
I mean, what better way to conceal what they’re up to, an’ then they can simply collect it from the carrier”
This sentence is missing its ending punctuation.
Ian stood staring for several quiet minutes as Oliver tackled the remaining bundles, probably not sure if he should tease or apologize, but in the end, left without a word.
I suggest rearranging this sentence—as it is, it looks like Oliver isn’t sure whether to tease or apologize.
Okay, I’m done being nitpicky :) I am, however, going to mention that the ending, with the Malfoys, didn’t work as well for me as the rest. Of course, that might be because I’m really just reading for the romance. Also, you did a really good job of making sure that we only have a hazy idea of what the Malfoys are up to, so I’ll probably get more into that when they explain a bit more.
Starting over from the top now!
Poor Hermione, faced with the prospect of falling head-over-heels in love with a man she’s already married to. Okay, so there’s nothing wrong with that, but you do a great job of helping us understand her fears. It is so much easier to hide then to face them; it’s just not a good idea if you have to spend the rest of your life with this person you’re hiding from.
I love Cot Luchan. Probably my favourite thing about it is the name and Oliver’s sneaky way of choosing it, but it’s a beautiful little place, easily imagined, and lovely for settling in. I like Hermione’s garden, too.
Oliver is such a sweet person. Actually, that doesn’t quite seem to describe him properly. He’s…multi-dimensional. As all good characters should be, and as all of yours are. You do such an amazing job of giving us people who are people, with faults and problems and real personalities.
I love how Hermione is starting to fall for him, no matter how much she denies it. Come to think of it, she’s got quite the capacity for denial, though that comes from her aforementioned fears.
Even still, she stopped squirming, not wanting to make it more difficult for him, since he was obviously determined in this bit of sentimental foolishness, and her stomach was just fine, thank you very much, and most definitely not fluttering, nor was the hand that was now curling behind his neck there for any other reason than to help her maintain her balance.
…and…
Whatever issues she had with Oliver were personal, and she’d be damned if she let them start on him.
*enjoys*
I enjoy the small and random fact that Oliver can’t dig the well solely by magic. It’s a good, realistic touch that makes the Wizarding world that much more convincing. Besides, I like the bit about a sink-hole.
One of my favourite things about this chapter is that Oliver puts a sort of deadline to their relationship. Yes, Hermione might just come around, but she’s too afraid to try it—I hadn’t realized that she would just let it go. And it’s just fun for Oliver to take the lead.
He’d gladly channel all his energies into building her a home, if only he could woo her with his ability to provide for her, take care of her, and be that solid presence in her life…
Perfect. Hermione would welcome the man who wanted to do this for her, but she’s still closing her eyes to the possibilities out of fear.
I love the idea of “Kiss of the Highlander”. It amuses me greatly that Ginny gave it to her. Hee.
About that tension…I keep thinking that you can’t possibly make it worse, but I obviously don’t know anything. Pretty much the only way you can continue to ramp it up is if they go as far as getting their clothes off before you stop them again. This is all said in admiration, of course.
Viktor Krum, eh? I am amused. This might force Oliver’s hand—actually—it would probably force Hermione’s. Yay!
I don’t think you need a glossary. Enough of the words look like regular English that I can tell what they are, and as you pointed out, context makes the difference. (I don’t think we need to know exactly what Michael said anyway ;)
I agree with your beta in that we’d certainly consider stoning you, but not until you finish the story! And by the way, I am very excited by the pace at which you write (about five times as fast as I do). I don’t know if you’re planning to keep it up—I hope you are—but I was incredibly excited when this one came so soon after fifteen.
Amazing job, of course (which you already know, since I had a Consequentially Yours-inspired dream), and I am waiting on the edge of my seat for the next one!
Canis Majoris by trinsy
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Adhara Jocelyn Black has always been torn between her loyalty to James Potter, her cousin Sirius's best mate, and Lily Evans, the sister she has never known. But in her seventh year everything changes. Join Jocelyn, Sirius, Lily, and the rest of the Marauders as they battle for their lives... and loves...
Date: 06/15/05 Title: Chapter 4: An Unexpected Question
That's not nice to wait for a certain number of reviews -- what if it hovers at nine, eh? Anyway, I liked it.
Author's Response: lol... thanks! :)
Date: 09/04/05 Title: Chapter 16: Confrontation
Ooh, good cliffhanger. Well done with the awkardness between all of them too. Keep writing!
Date: 11/08/05 Title: Chapter 25: Enough
Maybe a bit overdone with the whole screaming in the middle of class, but very good. I like Lily's reaction. I think Remus may be a bit OOC too, but then he's under a lot of stress, so that's explicable. Very enjoyable, update soon please!
Date: 01/31/06 Title: Chapter 30: Of Trust and Promises
I can’t believe it’s been so long since I read this story! My take on this chapter is that there’s some great humor, a couple grammar issues, and a good chapter overall.
I love the humor here: “What, there’s a spell that makes them change from bad to good?” suggested Jocelyn mockingly.
“No, from living to dead,” Sirius corrected bluntly.
Ha, I love that. Great bit of humor that fits very nicely with the story.
A couple of grammatical things:
You forgot the period on
She frowned
And this is a bit odd:
She’d sworn she wouldn’t let anything happen to her family…. Sworn she wouldn’t just sit back and let things happen…. Sworn she’d always fight by Sirius’s side…. Sworn she wouldn’t fall in love with him…. Sworn she wouldn’t let his nature kill him….
You don’t need to make each of these a different sentence. If you just string them together, it’ll look smoother, like this: “She’d sworn she wouldn’t let anything happen to her family…sworn she wouldn’t just sit back and let things happen...” and so on. If you’d rather make them separate sentences – which will make it faster-paced – you can just take out the …., like so: “She’d sworn she wouldn’t let anything happen to her family. Sworn she wouldn’t just sit back and let things happen.” Also, when you use the possessive form of a word that ends in S, like Sirius, you can put an apostrophe on the end without the extra S: Sirius’.
“A legend is nothing more than a strand of truth woven into a tapestry of lies by people who aren’t even sure which thread the truth is. Believe me, you can stumble upon it.”
There’s a bit of cliché in the “strand of truth,” but I really like the part about people not being sure which thread they are holding.
Flames burst in the windows of Jocelyn’s eyes.
Nice bit of imagery there.
“Angry, disappointed, jealous, it’s all the same!” she shouted semi-hysterically.
“Semi-hysterically” is awkward. It might flow a little better if you substitute something like “on the point of hysteria.”
The only other thing – and I may just be slow on this point -- is that I don’t understand why Sirius isn’t sure if he can trust Jocelyn. I know they’ve been fighting, but she’s never done anything to betray him (unless you count Hector, and that wasn’t quite the same).
I really like this story. I know I’ve criticized it a lot, but I really do like it. At first, it looks like a girl-saves-boy-from-Dark-Lord plot, but I like that Jocelyn is helping Sirius, not Harry, and fighting as much against his own self as he is Bellatrix. So, very nice, keep writing, and I’ll be back to read more!
Date: 06/21/05 Title: Chapter 6: Of Scarlet Ink and Anger
Aw, come on! Well, I make seven, so... Very nice -- kind of short -- longer next time? Still good, keep going! Maybe a little out of character for such a nasty fight, but not a far stretch.
Author's Response: Thank you... yeah, I know, short, sorry :s Actually, they're going to be short until Chapter Eleven, and then they will start getting long again... sorry about that :s
Date: 07/01/05 Title: Chapter 10: Hogsmeade
Wow, first day it's posted and there's already something like 20 reviews. Anyway, good, kind of short, not bad. Although I don't think Jocelyn would really have let Remus drag her away -- or, for that matter, that Remus would have tried to get her away or left himself. Still, pretty good, looking for more!
Author's Response: I find it the highest form of flattery that you have called my OC OCC. Why? Because it means that you find her so believable and have accepted her so completely that you actually know her behavior patterns. That, to me, is nothing short of amazing, so thank you very much. Now, how to explain this?… Okay, Jocelyn is extremely important to the Marauders. In fact, she is considered by them (although not by herself) to be a Marauder. Because she is the only girl they all feel very protective of her, so in that sort of situation their primary concern would be to get her out of danger. Therefore, when Sirius told Remus to take her away you would assume that Remus would have already thought of that, and now that Sirius had ordered him to do it would know that that was now to be his primary focus. As for Jocelyn, I guess she is kind of like Hermione, in that you perceive her as someone who is very strong, but I see her as someone is very vulnerable. In that situation she would do whatever Sirius ordered, so if he looked into her eyes and told her to go, she would…. Wow, that was a long explanation!… Again, flattered… thank you!
Date: 12/05/05 Title: Chapter 28: Going After
Hm. Interesting. I like Jocelyn's internal processes. I do think it a bit odd that the other Marauders, or at least James, didn't go to help Sirius now that he's actually facing Bellatrix, but I think Sirius himself is very well depicted. Keep writing!
Author's Response: Thank you very much.... the reason the Marauders (especially James, who wanted to) did not go with Sirius is explained in the next chapter...
Date: 11/19/05 Title: Chapter 26: A Wholly Sweet Easter
Awww. :-). Next one please!
Date: 06/18/05 Title: Chapter 5: The Greatest Crime
Actually, I liked this chapter best. Probably because I was afraid of what might happen, but any misunderstanding is easily cleared up. So, mine is number 14, next chapter PLEEEEAASE? *soulful Sirius-puppy eyes*
Author's Response: I submitted chapter 6, I'm just waiting for it to be validated! Thank you! :)
Date: 06/25/05 Title: Chapter 9: The Black Beater
You know, you're getting enough reviews that I don't think you need the limit...but if it does get you more reviews, go ahead. Anyway, it's going pretty well. The fight is dragging on a bit, but they're still fairly in-character. Thanks for updating so consistently -- you're the only one of my Favorites that does!
Date: 12/09/05 Title: Chapter 29: Inscriptions
Oh, I see, Sirius asked them not to follow. I get it now! Good, of course, and waiting for the climax, which you've built excellently for some time now!
Date: 07/29/05 Title: Chapter 13: Bellatrix's Revenge
Oooh, very nice! More please!
Date: 06/24/05 Title: Chapter 7: The Challenge
First review, yippee! I love it! Jocelyn is being a bit thick, but then, she likes Sirius, so it's okay. Very good and keep writing!
Author's Response: Exactly... she said it herself, "Love does strange things to a person." lol... and thank you!
Date: 08/04/05 Title: Chapter 15: Alphard Black
Wow, that is depressing. But very good, keep writing!