Hello Jess!
That was a fun story! It's annoying that because you have to put the slash warning on you know that something is going to happen. I love the characterisation, particularly of Theo (who I've always liked- partly because I think that's such a cool name). Their reactions are very realistic. I love your dialogue as well- it's so real. Arg essay to write not reviews even if the story is excellent. Thanks as always and happy birthday to Emma!!

Author's Response:

Ho, Alex! Long time, no see!

You know, to be honest, this was just the first random minor character pairing I came up with, because that's Emma's favourite. I have learnt lately that I have a rarepair fixation, and this is just a new extension of that. I don't expect the Slytherins who left before the Battle to feel bad about not staying, but they were still deeply affected by it. Add to that being 'different'... I sort of expect Theo to be a little screwed up. And Terry is just in the mix with everyone else.

Did I put a slash tag on there? Heh. I'll be sure to take it off if I did. I don't use a 'Slash' tag unless I actually have written slash. Gay characters =/= slash. It bothers me, too.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, plus hugs for the recommendation in Fiction Junction. :D

~Jess

That was so lovely. I hate Hermione and Harry, but it's a mark of how good this one-shot is that I believed it, mainly I think because I can believe Hermione is in love with Harry more than Harry is in love with Hermione. She is so sweet, and I love the way you write her journal entries. They are not over the top (as I think people are prone to make diary entries) and sound like Hermione. It's very touching, without being over the top or unrealistic. It's a really lovely story. Alex x

Author's Response: Thanks so much! (And agreed on the Harry/Hermione thing :P)

That was brilliant. Laugh out loud funny, and very, very Ginny to be that daring in front of her siblings and for Harry to have to go along with it and not let her win, as it were. And also bless you for mentioning Humphrey Lyttleton. He was a great man and certainly master of this particular genre. He is very, very sorely missed.

Author's Response:
Thanks. I can see Ginny constantly pushing her brothers buttons, and Harry is another way to do it.

I was trying for the fine traditions of Humph. In the words of the great man himself: "So, while Samantha nips out to enjoy a portion of winkles in cider…”
-N-

This story is beautiful! The tango metaphor is so overused but somehow you manage to make it fresh. I like the way you don't force the context of their relationship- it's not until the mention of DA that we know this happens in their Seventh years.

The way you show the change from a sort of accident to them both acknowledging, to different extents, how they feel about each other is really gradual and well done. I also like the way you give them both different reasons for not being together rather than them both having the same worries.

The words you've italicised are really well chosen- sometimes I think they can be overused but here they feel very carefully chosen.

Thank you for such a lovely story, that never feels forced or overly sentimental.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I think my head is very swollen now :). I'm glad you didn't think the storyline was cliché, and that the relationship was gradually done. It's my first slash fic, so it's great to know it didn't completely stink. Your review was very lovely, and it made me smile. Thank you! xx Ariana

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to read this, and this is going to be a rambling rushed review before I beta the next chapter (which I promise I'll do this evening). I loved your characterisation, particularly of Albus, Annette, Gideon and the little bit of Peter in this chapter, as well as the detail of Annette taking that photo.

But I do think parts of it seemed slightly rushed. The part with Annette giving birth was slightly unclear, as well as Narcissa turning up was kind of random. And I thought she forgave Gideon rather quickly. But then at the end I think she defined his attitude towards her perfectly.

I love the way your Gideon is so flawed, and at the end when he says "I want to love you", although I sympathise with him I'm firmly on Annette's side. I liked the gesture of not letting her daughter have his surname. Also (this is horribly rambly) I loved the conversation at the beginning between Gideon and Fabian. It was very realistic and well done. Alex

This was really lovely! It's a very unusual way to show the change in James/ Lily's relationship- skipping any notion of a gradual change from hatred to friendship and then romantic involvement and instead having a whole clean slate. I love the way that you have Lily slip into using wizarding words without even noticing (because when you try to clean a slate you can never get the chalk off completely). It's very sweet the way James feels torn between what he feels he owes the old Lily and the possibility of a relationship with the new Lily. I'm intrigued by what actually happened to make her lose her memory and also by how she survived as a Muggle/ witch for a year. Surely having magical power and not having the understanding/ not actually using it must have made some things happen in her Muggle life?

I think the present tense works perfectly in this. It gives a sense of immediacy and emphasises that previous Lily/ James interaction no longer matters except what's contained within your story and the vague remembrances that Lily sub-consciously has. Sorry for a rambling/ jittery review- looking forward to the next chapter! Alex x

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Alex! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. You've touched on so many things, what a great review, thank you! Most of all, I'm so glad the present tense worked for you and brought out that immediacy. I'm also happy to hear you liked the different way of approaching J/L - they are my OTP so being able to do something different is fun. Some of the things you've mentioned might not be touched on much, as I did envision this as a shorter story, so I do hope you enjoy the rest of it, even if you don't get all your answers. Thanks again for the lovely review, I really appreciate it!! ~Gina :)

I'm not sure what to make of this story. I'm not usually comfortable with student/ teacher stories but I'm kind of intrigued as to where you're going to go with this. I liked the start. It was a very american voice somehow, and it was an interesting way for him to catch lycanthropy. It cut out all the trauma and angst of getting attacked, which is good, but then there's the angst of his best friend dying. That came out of nowhere, to be honest, and if it doesn't prove relevant then I'll find it annoying, but I'm willing to wait. I think the way the Hogwarts teacher's treat his condition is very realistic.

At the moment Nolan doesn't strike me as very Gryffindor. They're quite a social bunch. Also in my experience in Britain- an American accent makes you interesting, makes people want to know you and be your friend, at least initially. The fact that Adam was his only friend just seemed slightly odd.

Your writing, whilst it flows well, does not really expand on his character that much, except for brief insights like his treatment of Lupin. Nevertheless I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Alex

Author's Response: Thank you for your review and sharing your thoughts on the story so far. I do have a plan for adding Adam into this, however it won't rear it's head until later on. As for Nolan being in Gryffindor, I see him as more of a 'Neville', someone who's quiet, not really in the center of anything, and actually more like a wallflower. I thought that since he's a Werewolf, he would try and distance himself from everyone else. I'm glad you mentioned this though, I can try and touch on this topic later on to clarify it. I've never known about an American accent making someone interesting, since I'm American but have never been to Britain (only other parts of Europe), but thank you for telling me...I can keep that in mind later on. Anyway, I'll wrap up the review response before I begin to ramble.

I've never really got fanfiction poetry. I still don't really, but I think the way you've used the villanelle form is fantastic and the moment you've chosen to capture really interesting. In the film this was my "Emma Watson can act!" moment and the way you've shown in words the emotions she was feeling is really well done, using the repeated line to create a quiet insistence. I like the structure of the sentence- it's not the usual word order, but that emphasises the discomfort she feels, and also makes it feel slightly archaic, giving it an almost Epic feel, which is good. I'm still not entirely sold on ff poetry, but that's a really good villanelle. Alex x

Author's Response: Oooh, thanks for the review, Alex! I know what you mean. Back in the days, I used to hate fanfiction poetry, but then I started reading some really good stuff (if you want recommendations, Your Eyes by Nitwit Blubber Oddment Tweak x is lovely and so sad) and I got sucked in, to be honest. Now, I have three poems under my belt (I think) although I still like Excruciatingly Painful better than this one or Always. The latter was originally addressed at someone I know, so I only had to tweak it a bit before it was fanfiction-compatible. That was more of a rant than anything, but I thought I might as well preserve it anyway. Did you really think Emma Watson can't act? Yes, at certain points, she was a wee bit shaky, but compared to Dan and even Rupert (their fight in the tent? Please.) she did pretty well. I'm glad you liked the poem nevertheless. The refrains -- "Even as my eyes fill with tears of regret" and "I know about me you will forget" -- were written in that word order for a very good reason. I simply couldn't think of any other way to write them and having them rhyme, so that was the only way it worked. However, I do admit that I think there was a bit of an ulterior motive in the unconscious part of my brain to make it seem archaic/epic. The music certainly was epic. Hugs for the review. I'm sure once you read Emma's "Your Eyes" you'll definitely be sold on ff poetry, but I appreciate the compliment on my villanelle all the same. :D ~Soraya~

Ironically it's 2.28 my time as I read this. The idea of revenge is one I find absolutely fascinating, and I also find Lucius Malfoy intriguing, so I will be interested to see where this is going.

However before I forget here are just a couple of criticisms. At the beginning of the story you say Lilah was 15 when her parents were killed, then later you say 13. You should coordinate this, as it's a mistake which draws the reader out of the story. Also when Lilah looks into the mirror and you slip into the first person, it also throws the story off. You could change this by simply putting the comment in italics, but personally I think it would make equal sense in the third person. Also the way you write that moment makes it sound as though she's surprised by her appearance. If this was what she saw every night she had a nightmare then I think she'd no longer find it surprising. Also the flashback. I think you could fit this into the story more subtly, either by simply italicising the whole flashback (when you say it's her brithday it's obvious it's a flashback) or just by putting a line seperating it from the rest of the story.

Your description of the nightmare, and her physical reaction to it is really well done for an intense first chapter. Like i said, I'm intrigued by where this is going. One final thing which isn't a criticism of your writing at all- your beta's note saying the writer is gay is absolutely irrelevant to the story, and not really necessary. The sexuality of the author does not have any bearing on how the story is read. However I did enjoy the first chapter and will read the next one. Alex

Hello Jenn! I really enjoyed this story. Your plots are always completely original, and your characterisation of canon characters well done, which is especially difficult with someone we know as well as we do Remus Lupin. Though I have to say during the first part with Andromeda, and then the second with Remus I was a bit confused as to why these two stories were within one chapter. Even though you connect them at the end, I think this link could be made clearer, and therefore the ending have more emotional impact. In fact I think you could expand on the beginning section with Chiara (which is a beautiful name by the way). It doesn't feel quite as finished as the second part.

Having said that, one thing I really like about this story is your characterisation of Andromeda within both sections. It's obvious that she's not from a happy family, just by the assumptions Chiara and Wade make (like saying her father must be a busy man when his role in their upbringing is obviously quite cold, particularly compared to the kindness Chiara shows her). Then in the second part the way you have her husband's death change her relationship with Remus is very believable. I liked Remus' line about her not apologising for her previous treatment of him, but he did not deserve it anyway. It's a good line for the way he sees his relationship with Tonks. The scene where he cut himself was also quite intimate, without being over the top, or emotionally exploited too much, which was well done. And again the reference to her father was an interesting one, as though she's still on some level his daughter even though he was a cruel man (I mean hitting a stranger whose been looking after your kids?) which is of course natural.

Throughout I really like your characterisation of Remus. He has a humourous side (like the joke about the shit)which you brought across well. And his relationship with Abbey was really interesting as well. One thing I would say though, considering he's known her so long I think the reference to Ernie Macmillan is odd, particularly since he only knew Ernie a year. Although it makes teh reader understand her character, it does not strike me as something Remus would think about someone he knows well. There were a couple of moments, however, when I thought your characterisation was off. When Remus says "“Well, there’s James and Sirius who were off doing their things,” said Remus, a little defensive, “and Peter doing God knows what. All right, so we know what, but I’m not going there because I’m not in the mood. If we ever meet again, Peter will not escape me.” (that's a long quote, I'm sorry) it sounds a bit glib for Remus. I think he would not mention it at all. Also the reference to Peter- I think it's still pretty close to the bone for Remus, and he would not summarise it as "we know what". I think if he did mention it he'd be more forthright about it. Also, given he had the opportunity to kill Peter in POA, but did not, I don't think he'd be still thinking about killing him. I think he would have realised that was not the path to go down, if that makes sense.

I like the way you use religion in this chapter. Whilst not going into too much detail you make it clear that it was an important part of the Lupin family, which is interesting. Also I like the idea that werewolves are potentially haemophiliac. That's a really good idea.

A couple of minor nitpicks. The Wolfsbane potion was not invented until after Remus left Hogwarts- I think you say somewhere that he started taking it when he was eight, when canonically this isn't true. I think he still would have had to have regular meetings with his Healer regardless of whether he was trialling a potion or not, so he would still have known Abbey a long time. Have I mentioned I really like Abbey? She's blunt and to the point- and it's interesting that whilst she says she'd let Fenrir die, she still has to cooperate with the current regime in healing Scabior).

Somewhere you say Remus says "It takes awful", when I think you mean "tastes". Also you misspell Edinburgh and Abbey says "smart ass", when, as a Brit, she'd say "smart arse".

But those are minor nitpicks. Overall this was a really interesting story and, whilst I think you could build up to the ending more, the note the story ended on was really beautiful. Alex x

Author's Response: Alex-