I'm 34, and I live in Wyoming, I'm retired military and have 4 wonderful children, ages 4,3,2,and 1 month. I work at the state prison and enjoy writing.
This story was very well written. I particularly enjoyed that you showed Hermione's, character flaws, which is something you don't see all that often in many fanfictions. unfortunately, people tend to show her as perfect, which just isn't the case. One of the main problems that I have with Hermione is she has the tendency to be an extreme liberal, Espically with the whole SPEW thing. I really enjoyed this story, and I hope you keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you :)
You did a really good job on this story. I'd sure like to see more. I noticed a few things, mostly word usage that could of been done differently. However it's late at night and I'm tired so naturally I cant remember them. Not to mention I'm just taking a break from writing my newest fanfiction. Which if you're intresting, I'd love to have you beta read for me. However it's entirely up to you, considering I know how busy you are with betaing other stories. Any rate, great job.
This is a good start. although, I hate cliff hangers.LOL
Author's Response: hehehe, don't worry, i'm almost done editing my second chapter...it just needed some minor tweeks!
Be on the look out James, I submitted the first chapter for my newest story. It's called a Friends Betrayal? It's the prequel to my other story. Hope you enjoy
Wow, that's really good, I'm impressed.
Author's Response: I received a review from the great mudblood 79! Woohoo! Thats made my day, thanks so much. Glad you like it, next chapter has been submitted! James
AHHH! I hate Cliff hangers! Great job none-the-less.
Author's Response: Thnx for the praise, i hoped u like my 678 word review for your story!
Excellent! I really like this story so far. I look forward to more.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I thought that it might be too confusing but I'm glad you like it! Thanks for reveiwing!
Author's Response: Hey Bob sorry i didn't know it was you! Uhmm well i'm glad you like it, simce you helped me a great deal on it. I'm having some trouble with chapter tow but i should have it done soon and I'll send it to you. Thanks again!
you did a really good job on this chapter, I did notice a few minor grammar stuff, but all and all it was really good.
Author's Response: thanks! i'm looking into a beta, so those should help those little grammatical errors.
excellent!
Author's Response: Thanks!
I thought this story was excellent. You really have a talent for drawing the reader into the story. Writing in the first person is extremely difficult, so I will give you Merit for that. However one thing I noticed was it seemed to be a little too repetative. Which is something I'm working on avoiding myself. Keep writing, you are really good at it. I'm going to give this a 10, even though it truly deserves a 9.5.
Author's Response: The repetition was on purpose, but I can see how it could be distracting. I am glad that you liked this story and took the time to give me concrit to help me improve my writing. That means a lot to me as a writer. I have written many more stories than this one, but I am in the process of sending them through a second round of beta before I post them here.
But thanks for the encouragement ...
I know exactly what you mean, because as a writer myself, I know how important it is for you get a good constructive review. I’ll be honest, the reviewer who tick me off, are the ones like below. I personally don’t mind if a reader tells me that a story I wrote is the biggest piece of **** they ever read. But I think as a writer, and as a human being, I need to know why they thought so. Then and only then will I ever learn, and that way I can improve on my writings. If you would like another beta reader, let me know at I will be more than happy to help. After all, us writer’s need to stick together.;) Good job once again, and I hope you have a fantastic day.
Author's Response: It is nice to see someone understands the importance of concrit. And if I were interested in the beta ... how would I get in contact with you?
I thought this was a really good story. It flowed very well. The use of parthienses could have been avoided, but all and all, you did a great job.
Wow, now that was awesome writing. I've improved so much since I betaed two of your chapters for Realizing. My hats off to you, and keep up the good work.
Wow, now that was awesome writing. I've improved so much since I betaed two of your chapters for Realizing. My hats off to you, and keep up the good work.
This chapter was well written, you did a good job. Keep up the good work
wow, that was really good. You should write more.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Once again, you've done a wonderful job, not exactly how I envisioned the ending. But with that being said, I still think you did a great job. 8/10.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I absolutely thrive on people reading my stories. I am very curious to know how you would have envisioned the ending. Did you want Harry and Hermione to be together? I have a confession...I\'m not much of a shipper of any kind. To be honest, I did not even know that such a thing existed until I wrote this story and started receiving feedback. Then I started looking around online and was blown away by the loyalty that people have to their \"ships\". When I write fan fiction (this is my only HPFF, but I have written about other venues), I always try to explore something that I think could have happened within the constructs of canon. I really do not believe for an instant that Harry and Hermione belong with one another, mostly because that is what is canon. I\'d be interested to hear your thoughts...thanks again...you made my day!!!!
I've been meaning to review this for the past couple days, however, since I'm stuck in Afghanistan with the military, I've haven't had much of an oppurtunity to do so. So with that being said, I thought your story was fantasitic. You definately have a unique style, which will make you a great writer someday, if you continue on it. The story flowed really well, and your Dialouge, makes me envious. Decription of scenes, are impeccible, and I found the story to be highly realiztic. Good job, and I look foreward to reading chapter two when it comes up.
really great story for starters. I did however, notice a few minor narration flaw, which through off the flow of your story. you need to decide who is your main character, and who is your supporting character. In which case I figured was Ginny, however in a few minor spots, harry because the main character and Ginny was the supporting member.For instances this part here:
"He moved aside to make room for her, and she sat down next to him, resting her head on his chest. Tears still ran down her face, and he smoothed her hair and sat with her, holding her and never wanting to let go again.
Also watch out for americanisms, because I doubt harry would say "reckon." Other than that, I found your story to be highly realitic, enjoyable to read and a comforting read. Excellent job, and keep writing, because your really good at it.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! And I tried to make it seem as if both Harry and Ginny were telling the story. I wanted them to both be the main character. As for \'reckon\', I always thought it was a rather British term, but I may be wrong.