Natalieeeeeee. That was beautiful. I especially loved the part with Lakshmi and Dominique in the rain. I think the best thing about this story is that you made Maudie such a decent character so I was torn between wanting Dominique to be with Lakshmi and for her to be with Maudie. I think she made the right decision, and you showed that Dominique was in love with Lakshmi but she had moved on.

I shall stop rambling now. Excellent story, Natalie :)

Carole, I really liked this! I knew there was more to James/Dominique than I thought, and I really felt for James here when it was clear Dominique didn't want to be with him. Aww. And I'm assuming "M" is a reference to Natalie's OC Maudie? I LOVE how the flist combines their canons almost. That's just so cool. :D

I don't think I have anything intelligent to say, so I'll just stick with saying well done, and is there a third chapter or is that it? Oh, and I love that this is High compliant too, hehe.

Carole, I loved this! Susan/Lisa is such a wicked ship. I actually wasn't sure what the pairing was at first -- Lisa/Ginny, or Megan/Susan or something. But yay for rarepairs!

Update soon!

Hi Ellie :)

I’ve seen a lot on your poetry thread and your drabbles that you have a somewhat “dark” head canon for Albus Severus, so I thought it was about time I read this story. I thought the summary was rather intriguing, told in second person and, it seems, addressing Albus. Just in the summary, you established James’s voice, and I think that was one of the main strengths in the story: a bitter James, and a harsh person at that. Had the story been written in any other viewpoint except James’s, I don't think it would have worked as well, so that was a good decision on your part. The emotions felt by James, Albus and the rest of the family in this piece are really intense, and second person really brought that out. I also think that the choice in POV made it seem like James was almost accusing Albus, in a way, and it generally just had a good effect on the story in terms of narrative.

I think you dealt with the subject of suicide delicately and appropriately. It is, as you say in your author’s notes, a sensitive topic, and therefore one that can be mishandled easily. But you handled it very well and realistically so, and the extra details (the evidence given to the Ministry, the mentions of self-harm and the reactions from the Potter and Weasley families) really helped with that. Of course, the main focus is James’s reaction to Albus’s death, but I liked how you explored the backstory and what happened prior to it. It really emphasised how badly James was affected, in a subtle way that I really liked.

Onto characterisation. This, as I said, was a major strength in the story. The fact that James flits from one emotion to the next tells the reader how conflicted he feels, and I think you conveyed his feelings well in this way. I thought it interesting that James was sorted into Gryffindor and Albus in Slytherin. Unfortunately, Slytherin!Albus has become a bit of a cliché, and I think, for it to work in a story, there needs to be a well-argued case for me to believe it. I think you could have developed Albus’s characterisation more, because in the story, you’re only really telling the reader that he was Sorted into Slytherin, not why, and I found it was less convincing for me. I realise it is written from James’s POV, but I still think you could have portrayed some of Albus’s Slytherin-like tendencies in the story.

Something else I wasn’t entirely sure about was the return of a “Voldemort” three decades after the fall of the real Voldemort. Again, like with Slytherin!Albus, I feel that if you wanted to use what I think is an oft-used plot point in the fandom, perhaps you could develop it more. Who is this man? Why is he suddenly killing people? Where did he come from? These are just a few of the questions that arose in my head when reading about Albus’s killer, and I would have liked to know more. That said, I did like the ending. I felt it was necessary because it answered the mystery of Albus’s death, and I thought it was written very well.

Overall, Ellie, this was an interesting story, with an intriguing premise. The style in which it was written, as a monologue, essentially, by James, was one of its strengths, and it was a good read. I can’t really say it was an enjoyable one, because it’s difficult to enjoy something when the subject matter is suicide, but nevertheless, it was well-written. Well done, SPEW buddy :)

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you for the wonderful review, Soraya. It was a dark subject, but I'm glad you think I handled it well. When I was writing it, I was trying to think of how I would feel if one of my siblings had died, (this idea came after a very disturbing dream) and I realized I would feel confused, especially if they had taken their own life. So I'm glad I did it justice.

As for Albus and his Slytherin-ness . . . I just can't picture Albus in any other house. I probably should go into it more, but I think I mention Albus having his "mask". He doesn't wear his emotions on his face, and he's essentially not brave enough to tell James or anyone he was bullied.

Ah, the new Voldemort. Originally I was actually going to have Al kill himself, but when Alex (Deathlex) and I were going through a month-long betaing process, we decided it didn't feel right with the character we had created for Albus. Also, (and I'm really not trying to advertise) a lot more is explained in the companion piece I just posted. He's not really a new Voldemort, but even in good times there are still bad people. That also, is another dark one.

Thanks again for the amazing review. I never thought of it as a monologue, but now that I am I like it. (I had no idea I was writing in 2nd person until your review) Seriously, thanks. It is definitely way beyond SPEW worthy, Soraya. :)

See ya in SPEW, Ellie

Hello, Lily!

I’m sorry for taking so long to review this. I must say, I did enjoy this story, and I’m glad to be SPEW buddies with you. It’s meant I get to read another story of yours, which is nice :) I thought the premise of this story was intriguing. I mean, it’s not something I put great thought into at the time, but looking back, when I found out that Tom had used the Room of Requirement, *how* he discovered it would make an interesting story. I certainly thought this was the case here.

I have to say, your summary was what drew me in -- if I hadn’t asked you for a rec, this is probably the story I would have clicked on anyway, because your summary was intriguing, short and to the point. I particularly liked how you didn't really give anything away in the summary, and I liked the fact that it was just one sentence, as well. I do have a minor Britpick, however: in Britain, we refer to the Christmas holiday as precisely that -- a holiday, not a vacation. I noticed that you also used “vacation” in the actual story, and it’s just something I picked up on that you might want to change. But that is quite a small thing, really.

As far as characterisation goes, I did find the idea of Tom being bullied an interesting one as well. I mean, all we have to go on in canon about the boy Tom Riddle is what Dumbledore said about him, really, so I liked that you drew on that, especially the fact that he was a loner. I know how easily that could trigger bullying, and I think you dealt with that topic well. Your characterisation of Tom is even more impressive given how complex a character Tom is. For example, the reason behind Tom’s bullying is rather ironic, as well, and subtly so -- the fact that he was teased and mocked for heritage, or lack thereof, made me see Tom’s actions in later Hogwarts life in a different light. As in, he didn't hate Muggleborns just because he was a Slytherin, but also, the fact that he himself was classed as one until he found out about his witch mother.

That said, still on the characterisation front, I do think that you could have fleshed out the Slytherin(s) chasing Tom more. I noticed that none of them were given names, and this did lessen their presence slightly. Even if you didn't want to name them, I think it would be more effective if their dialogue was more than simply "Where did you go, Tom?" and perhaps a little more insulting. After all, he *is* being bullied, and I thought that the characterisation was a bit too played down for my liking. I think their emphasis is especially important because of their role in making Tom into the person he becomes.

Plot-wise, as I said, I liked the premise of this story. I also thought that Tom’s change of mind, or, rather, his decision -- to make allies rather than friends -- was a realistic one that kept to canon characterisation. His reasoning made sense, and I think the choice he made was a good ending to the story, as was the friendship he struck up with Avery. I do, however, have a slight qualm about the final paragraph (beginning with “So even though Tom Riddle never really had a friend...”). I felt that you ventured too far into the future, as if it was a commentary to the story, both which seemed out of place to me.

However, that even though that sudden jump to the future wasn’t really expected, I also think that, on the whole, despite my other qualms (which were quite minor anyway), this story was well-written and foreshadowed Tom’s later life really well. It was a fascinating character study, and an interesting delve into Tom Riddle’s mind. Well done :)

Author's Response: Helloo SPEW buddy! (I'm literally writing your review right now, don't worry). Thank you for such a lovely review--I'm glad you liked it. Somehow I do think I'm better at characterising minor characters rather than major ones because you know less about them and therefore you can really go anywhere with them. I love doing that. Thank you for the Britpick, I'm fairly good with spelling but awful with words like those. Thanks agaiin for such a lovely review! Lily xxx

Oooh, Jess, what a fab story! I'm sorry I couldn't review earlier, but things have been really busy for me with exams and stuff :(

Anyway, yay to Harry/Pansy again :D It is a ship I have a soft spot for, hehe. But what I think you accomplished in this story is that you retained their respective characters, especially the fact that they are so different from each other. And the chemistry between them is so tangible and real, and by doing that, you made the pairing believable.

But I also liked the actiony bits in this too. You write action really well, and I liked how the story was a mystery as well as a romance.

Anyway, useless review, but great story. Ooh, and I loved the open ending -- though if you wanted to keep it canon (and I'm assuming you are, since there aren't any AU/EWE warnings) then Harry/Pansy wouldn't last, would it?

Enough rambling. Nice to read your work again, Jess :)

~Soraya~

Carole, I enjoyed this! (I always do, lol.) Seriously, you have Draco to a tee here -- he's characterised perfectly without making him smirk too much, hehe. And I think what is often your greatest strength, and certainly this is the case in this story, you can take any two random characters and write them with so much chemistry, even though they don't even know each other. And I think this shows just how much talent you have with words <3

Your version of Hannah is also really interesting, and still compliant to the fact that she is a Hufflepuff.

I'm interested to see where this goes, and how much you've stretched canon to write it...

~Soraya~

Hiya :) Sorry I've taken an age to get back to this. RL and writing my own work has kept me super-busy until now, nearly four months later, lol.

Anyway, I did enjoy this, though perhaps a little less than the previous chapter. I think part of the reason was because you had a lot of time shifts, and the transitions between past and present came across as abrupt. As in, Deanne would receive a letter, and she'd go straight to her Pensieve. I wanted to see more of her daily life, for you to develop her character more. Besides which, she didn't *have* to use her Pensieve every time she wanted to relive a memory. I think it could have worked perfectly well with her just remembering it, and it would appear more natural, too.

However, despite my qualms, I did like this. Deanne is a lovely character, and I think you did a nice job of fleshing her out and showing her feelings for Tonks increasing. I think an issue I had in the first chapter was that there weren't many scenes of their friendship developing, but in this chapter, this wasn't a problem at all, and the memories you chose were well-selected.

Onto the next chapter! Apologies again for being a bit rubbish with this, especially given your story only has one review :( It deserves more, in my opinion. I hope I haven't been too harsh.

~Soraya~

Hello! I must say that despite being an avid Remus/Tonks shipper, especially having written one myself, I still love it when Remus and/or Tonks are shipped with other people, too. I liked this -- Deanne is an interesting OC, and I liked the way you showed her feelings for Tonks increase during their years together in Hogwarts. I thought the mirror scene was rather powerful as well.

However, I do think that in order to make their romance a little more convincing (and it's probably rich coming from me, lol, since I had the same problem myself with a recent story of mine), I think you needed more scenes of Tonks and Deanne's friendship after their first year, It would add more weight to the story and it would also flesh out Deanne more, because so far, we don't really know much about her.

But anyway, you have an intriguing start, and I'd like to know where this goes, so I shall be keeping an eye out for updates! :)

~Soraya~

Ooooooooooh. Carole, this was a lovely story! I must admit that when I saw the length of it, it did seem a little daunting, but by the time I reached the end of it, I was actually surprised that it had already finished -- meaning that despite its length, it never dragged or anything.

And wow, what a cool pairing! Oliver/Daphne -- now, that's a rarepair and a half, hehe. And as you always do, this seemingly random pairing was made believable and plausible, while maintaining the Oliver/Cedric pairing at the same time, as in, it was clear Oliver had loved Cedric, but there was still that chemistry between Daphne and Oliver. And that chemistry, along with the excellent dialogue, made the pairing so believable and natural.

I liked the little touches of the French guy, and Roger, and I thought it was interesting that Oliver had basically outed himself in the paper, which was very Gryffindor :) Also, I thought it interesting that you had Oliver almost in Slytherin. It definitely makes sense to me -- though, as I was saying in my SBBC discussion, most people have a bit of every House in them so this isn't surprising.

I loved the interaction with Roxy at the beginning, too, and I couldn't help but be reminded of another story. *coughWildCardcough* LOL. I also liked the fact that Oliver went and confronted his past by going to the grave, and with Daphne. By the way, why was Oliver's licence taken off him?

Anyway, I shall stop rambling now. Terrible review, but this was a wonderful wonderful wonderful story. Congrats on the 101 as well XD

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Helloooo. Thank you for the review. Ummm, answers to questions first. I have it in mind that you have to get your licence renewed, and Oliver never bothered because he hates Apparition. I think I mentioned this in DNW and it just kind of stuck in my head. I have paired these two up before, btw in Zeitgeist, but this isn;t really compliant with that. I like Daphne at the moment, so I want to pair her with people - hee.

Yes, the length daunted me a little - ha. I nearly split it, but I thought it worked better as a oneshot because there was no convenient break point.

You've just reminded me that I wanted to thank someone (I think it's Maple) who mentioned in that SBBC convo about Oliver being a Slyth because that prompted that bit of dialogue. Must go and ferret that out.

Oh and yeah, the bit with Roxy was ... ha ha ... either a tribute to my birthday fic, or a very unsubtle attempt to suck up to one of the GH judges.

Thank you again :D ~Carole~