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Hermiones_Therapist [Contact]

hey, I'm Hermiones_Therapist, or something like that. not really. I live in the good ol' U.S. of A., and i'm a teenage girl. i will be joined from time to time by my little sister, the Supreme Ruler of Jello, or SROJ. i like harry potter better though. she just likes to mooch.


fave color: Purple

food: sushi

tv show: Home Improvement


am i crazy: YES!!!

i'm a huge HP fan (NO! Really?), and I loved the new 6th movie.

my name: it's random, i know. i don't know where i got it. probably just me being weird and random.

meee!!! meaning the Supreme Ruler of JELLO!!!

fav. color:
blue and yellow. yeah its a tie...i dont care enough to decide which one i like better..

mac and cheese!! o, and jello.....duh

t.v show:
whale wars on animal planet!!

the name??!!!?

hello!!! I LOVE JELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, thats all for now......TTFN!!


H_T: Apparently, insanity is genetic in our family.

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Stories by Hermiones_Therapist [1]
Favorite Authors [2]
Favorite Stories [8]
Hermiones_Therapist's Favorites [10]
Reviews by Hermiones_Therapist

Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince by Zetera

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Parody of the Harry Potter series written and completed before the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It looks at the lives of some of the major characters as they wait impatiently for book six to arrive. Naturally, chaos ensues. Suitable for all.

Winner of the first annual Quicksilver Quills Award 2006 for best humor fiction. Thank you!

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/19/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One: Unfair!!!

O MY JELLO!!!! that was the bestiest first chapter of probably the bestiest story eva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think it is HIlarious (spelling?) how voldy kills that guy just cause he didnt put marshymellos in his chocolate. of course you'd have to be pretty stupid not to put marshymellos in hot chocolate. anywho, im probably going to review every one of these chapters so......yeah


H_T's little sis the supreme ruler of jello (sroj) :D

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/19/09 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter Two: An Evil Plan

O MY JELLO!!!!!!! i was laughing throughout the whole thing. this is the best story ever!!!!!!!



Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/19/09 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter Three: The Postman Always Rings Twice

O MY JELLO!!!! (once again :D) that was AWESOME. i, for one, have heard this cookie song many times from mmy many friends from school, (and theyre probably a little too old to be singing a song they saw on barney) so i naturally (spelling?) got it stuck in my head for a VERY long time....it wasnt fun.
gonna review more!!!!!!!!!!!! 8D



Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/19/09 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter Four: Dancing Against The Dark Arts

wow.....these chapters are...HILARIOUS!
how do u come up with this!!!!??!??!!!



Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter Five: Like Marshmallows From A Baby

O MY JELLO......that is hilarious....harry potts AND voldy both have very big obsessions w/ marshymellos. i think it is also very funny that harry potts was so obsessed with marshymellos, he missed going to hoggywarts.i cannot WAIT to read the next chapter!



Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter Seven: School Days are the Best Days of Your Life, You Know ...

sry i forgot to review the last chapter....i had to go to bed...........anyway i was, once again, laughing throughout this whole chapter. GO ZETERA


Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter Seven: School Days are the Best Days of Your Life, You Know ...

sry i forgot to review the last chapter....i had to go to bed...........anyway i was, once again, laughing throughout this whole chapter. GO ZETERA


Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter Eight: Secrets of Poetry and Prose




Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter Nine: An Evil Plan - Part Two

wow...........remus has a werewolf suit,,,,that is pure genious (spelling??)



Author's Response: Hey SROJ, and H_T, thanks so much for all your reviews, I'm glad you enjoyed this story so much even if it is a bit out of date now :D

Not Going to Happen, Chica by Eilime

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •

One shot fanfiction

is the traditional
Draco/Hermione romance
story. All the basics (Head Boy
and Girl, shared common rooms, suddenly
and quite unexpectedly they're highly attracted to
each other etc. etc.), but how likely is this stuff anyway?
Realistic? Each their own mind. But read the fic
and tell me if you too want to see
Draco/Hermione fanfics with
more to the plot than
the basics.

Everyone is slightly - well, maybe very - OOC in this fic. You have been warned ;)

1st story in a series of Hermione/Draco one-shots (Check out my author page for more information)

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/18/09 Title: Chapter 1: One shot

I read this story a couple of months ago when I didn't have an account yet, and it's still funny. I love this story because it caters to people like me who don't understand Draco/Hermione stories AT ALL.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!

Harry Potter and the Unplottable Story by Foxy Wolf

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: It's another day in Harry Potter's life at Hogwarts, but things aren't what they seem to be. Harry thinks that all he has to worry about is his exams but he finds himself in middle of a weird fan fiction filled with clichés and mixed up plotlines.
Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/23/09 Title: Chapter 1: Harry Potter and the Unplottable Story

Awesome story! And extremely random. But, you know, in a good way. :-)

Ice and Flowers by Zetera

Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary: One Shot - Post Hogwarts - Lament for the loss of Dumbledore between a grandfather and his grandchild. I'll leave it up to you to guess who the grandfather is.
Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/31/09 Title: Chapter 1: Ice and Flowers

Wooooooooooooow...okay, this rocks so much. But I reeeeeeeeallly want to know who the grandfather is.

Author's Response: It was Neville Longbottom. Thanks! :-)

Draco's Trick-or-Treat by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Three-year-old Draco goes trick-or-treating for the first time. His mother takes the opportunity to teach him some lessons and Malfoy family values that she believes will be important to her son later in life. This depiction of Draco is VASTLY different from the version of him that I write in "The Dark Lord's Blog."

Ridiculously short one-shot.

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 07/24/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only!

MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Sup, Schmergo. I'm in an awesome mood right now. MY STORY GOT ACCEPTED!!!! Of course no one's READ it...oh well..

ANYWHO, this story is so AWESOME!!! It's really sweet, in a twisted creepy way. (which is a compliment.) It's the perfect way of explaining Draco's complete jerkiness.

and by the way, i never thought the girl was Hermione...

Author's Response: Oh, wow, thank you! This is lovely timing to get a review for this story, since the sixth movie just came out, with lots and lots of lovely Draco! I will read your story, but not today, since I have to go to beddy-bye! But CONGRATTTTTTULATIONS! It was forever before I got my first story accepted. >_<

Lord Voldemort and the Deathly Hallows by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Lord Voldemort made a deal with someone who even he considers superior, and if he doesn't fulfill his side of it, then he'll be mortal again!

I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff house, and this is my submission for the Deathly Hallows prompt in the New Year's Challenge.

Although this story's a one-shot for the challenge, I may add more chapters after the contest is over.

EDIT: Dude! This story came in second in the "Deathly Hallows" prompt of the New Years' Challenge! So, let's do the "2nd Place Dance!" (It's a lot like the Cha-Cha slide.)

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 07/25/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 and Only

Sup, Schmergo.. This story is so bizzarrely awesome. I love it!

Favorite Part:

Mr. Deathly rolled his iris-less eyes, and he snorted impatiently. “Pur-leeze. Absolutely everyone knows about Snape,” he said. “Even the Muggles do.”


Awesome story, although you've obviously given up the idea of adding to it.

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, I did give up the idea of adding to it, because I decided to use the plot twists I wanted to for another story... but you can always read that one. It's called "To Be Or Nott To Be."

Never Gone by Jules_411

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Everyone is in mourning at Dumbledore's funeral, and Hermione Granger desperately needs to get away. As she's walking around, she stumbles across the conversation between a certain quirky girl and a surprising listener.


A really short one-shot I wrote wrote for a forums challenge a while back...
Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/23/09 Title: Chapter 1: Always There

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......this is awesome! and sweet. Luna rocks, doesn't she? :-) minor nitpick:

I wondered what she whished for when she blew the dandelion.

wished is spelled incorrectly.

Good Job!


Author's Response: you're so sweet, thank you :) And I'll go fix that right away!

Tom Riddle and the Deadly Mallows by Zetera

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Sequel to the parody 'Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince', which I am proud to state won the 2006 Quicksilver Quill award for best humor. Prior reading is advised, but not absolutely necessary.
Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One: Who Writes This Stuff?

Sup, Zetera!

I decided to read this because i just finished reading the first story. I didn't review it because my lil' sis is, and that would be rather redundant.

ANYWHO, I completely agree with Voldemort. Yeah, HBP was a great book, but one day I realized something important: HE'S NOT IN IT! I can't wait to see where this goes from here...

Love your characterization of Harry, btw.


Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter Two: A Dreadful Discovery

“You. This isn’t going to be one of those Sirius-isn’t-really-dead-but-he-comes-back stories, is it?”


“Oh Merlin no, this isn’t going to be ‘slash’, is it?”

lol. I hope not.

Curtain travel. Interesting...

and their ridiculous size which made sure that anyone of a small stature would have trouble opening one comfortably


“Are you saying that the editor’s name... is Ed?! Ha-ha, that’s convenient!”




Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/23/09 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter Three: The Best Plan Ever

“That’s right!” laughed Voldemort as he turned to survey the spectacle in the centre of the room. “Marshmallows.”

Okay, it's official. Voldiekins is completely off his nut.

“Hey! You’re evil!” shouted Harry, pointing an accusing finger at his old teacher. “You are soooo evil.”


“You can’t do this without me. It wouldn’t be half as funny.”

that line rocks.

“You can never go too far with the marshmallow thing,” stated Harry seriously.

soooo true.

Okay, awesome chapter, but now I am sad. There's nothing else to read! So if you could update this, that would be fabulous. If not...oh well. I'll get over it.

Eventually. :-)


Author's Response: Hey H_T! Thanks for all your reviews, and of course the ones from SROJ as well. Yes, this fic has been put on hold for now... well... for the last two years really. I can't believe I let it go so long, but I was riding on the success of Tom Riddle and the Half Blood Prince, and when DH came out it really messed up the plotline I had for this parody, so I abandoned it in favour of other projects. I hate having an unfinished fic though - I'm writing a genfic at the moment so I won't be updating this until that one is done, as I dislike having several stories on the go at once, it's too time consuming. So in all, thanks for your reviews, and I will update this, but not for a while yet :-) If you'd like any more info feel free to check out my website - http://www.zetera.webs.com/

Potter's Pentagon: The Five (Book One) by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: WARNING! This story contains a jingle-bell antler headband, a shower of potatoes, boy/girl mushiness, underwear karaoke, family trouble, an excessively adorable werewolf, death, the song "Werewolves of London," betrayal, and the word 'Jordan' five times in a row near the beginning of chapter seven.

Twenty-one years after Voldemort's defeat, five fourth-years are faced with a new threat. Will all of the five stay true to the light side? Will they all emerge whole in the end? Will Jordan Potter ever get a life? You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp, you'll sigh! Part one in a trilogy!

Well, after much deliberation and consideration, I've decided to submit my future-gen trilogy! This particular installment is three years old, so it's definitely different from my current writing style, but I'm quite fond of the characters.

DH is disregarded. It's a total coincidence that one of the main characters is named Ted Lupin.

Starring Quicksilver Quills 2008 Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character nominees Ivy Potter, Haley Potter, and Emma Weasley, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin!

Five times nominated (once for each member of Potter's Pentagon!) for the Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards, and nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards...

Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 07/20/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which The Stage Is Set

yo shmergo! this is Hermiones_Therapist's little sis' sroj (supreme ruler of jello) this was the first sory i had ever read on mugglenet so i burst out laughing when i saw that harry potts had 2 childs named jordan and harriet-lily (not that i dont like the names i think they roc!! anywho, i can totally (spelling?) relate to haley because she is short and hyper. JUST LIKE ME!!!!! she is my all time favorite character

i dont know what else to write....


Author's Response: Hi, Jell-o! Hey, this is amazing. And I know exactly what you mean about Haley, because I'm short(ish) and hyper, tooo! I think I'll call Harry "Harry Potts" from now on. It sounds so cute! ZANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW!

Home Improvement by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: When Ron Weasley is promoted to a rather high rank in the Auror business, his mother congratulates him by informing him that it's high time he found a place of his own.

Ron may be quite good at his job as an Auror, but he now faces the most difficult challenge of all...

Ridiculously short one-shot that I wrote for some challenge about a year ago and never submitted. It's also my first one-shot that's not about Voldemort and the Death Eaters! Gasp!
Reviewer: Hermiones_Therapist Signed
Date: 08/20/09 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 and Only

Ron appreciated the present so much that he sent back a thank-you note-- one that buzzed incessantly until the recipient either went insane and burst their own eardrums with fish forks to make the madness stop or burned it at exactly midnight on a full moon.

I wish they sold those at Hallmark. That would be some fun beans.

(This particular clock screamed, “IF YOU DON’T GET OUT OF BED THIS INSTANT, RONALD, THE DARK WIZARDS WILL TAKE OVER!” in a voice suspiciously similar to his mother’s.) this is funny. Wooow...I'm eloquent today.

It took him a minute to realize that his mother wasn’t there, and so couldn’t answer his question.

Good, Ron! This is what we call Logic!

One was Harry. The other was not. The one who was not (as opposed to Nott, who they had caught and captured for an attempt on Kingsley Shacklebolt’s life the previous week)

This is fabulous. :-)

(including a sandwich so moldy that it greatly resembled a chia pet)

ch-ch-ch-chia! I had to say that.

That night, Harry awoke with a start. “I get it!” he exclaimed aloud. “Ron wasn’t writing about a…” But before he could continue the thought process, he fell back asleep, his revelations totally forgotten by morning. Lol.

Completely fabulous, as per usual.

btw, I went to your website thingy today. I read your posts (whatever you call 'em) on bad summaries for stories. I laughed so hard. My dad got mad at me. Where did you find those?


Author's Response: Bahaha, yeah, I'd totally send one of those thank you notes to my sister, only we share a room...I'm glad you like this. It's not as 'funny' as my other humor stories-- I originally submitted it as 'General,' but reviewers made me move it to humor. And the summaries for bad stories came from Mctabby's livejournal (mctabby dot livejournal dot com.) Those made me laugh HYSTERICALLY the first time I read them!