I thought this was really excellent. You used the second person really well. I love the last two paragraphs, especially the line 'You live the pages of your childhood fairytale books as they turn slowly towards the inevitable ending.'

I noticed a few little mistakes; there were a couple of places that the word 'Muggle' wasn't capitalised, but apart from that, I loved it.

I really love this story. This period in history fascinates me, and I really love the fact that you've combined it so seamlessly with history in JKR's world.
Everything fits in well, and your characterisations are fantastic. I liked the ambiguity of the chapters, leaving it up to the reader to guess who was narrating, and I think it highlighted the differences in character and voice well.

It's such an original and interesting take on the Founders and it's incredibly well written and fitting for the time period.

I quite like the style, one reviewer said it was too short with it just being mostly memories, but I liked the effect. It's like looking at their lives through a patch of mist. I especially liked the previous chapter, there's something incredibly poetic and melancholy about the way she reminisces about what has happened, and I really love that in a story.

Sorry if everything's seeming disjointed in this review; I've only got this tiny box as my MS word is broken! But what I'm trying to say is: I loved it!

Author's Response: Gosh, you just made my day :-) I had so much fun writing this and I haven't really written much since then, so its so much fun to get a review! I'm so glad you enjoyed and and thrilled with your review!

I really like this chapter, I love the slight mention of James seeing Harry, and the things it causes him to feel.

However, I thought that McGonagall's reaction was a little too calm. You have her looking furious, but then she turns sarcastic, I think that she would be incredibly angry at two of her students tormenting another like this; remember in Philosopher's Stone she was seething just because Harry, Hermione, Neville and Malfoy were out of bed. I think she'd be very very cross in this situation.

But apart from that, I really liked it, and I think you did Remus's outburst very well. I also liked the characterisation of Sirius and James as well.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I take your point about McGonagall and if I were writing it now then I probably would have done her differently. It's funny though because I've recently been criticised ion a different story for having her lose her temper, the reviewer said she never did (hmmm, I think she does - LOL) Anyway, I appreciate the review.

Oh my days, Carole! What a place to leave it at!

So I’ve finally read this story, and to be honest, I don’t know why I haven’t before. Perhaps because it was always described as a Remus/Tonks, and I took that to mean purely romance, which I’m not really a fan of, but in truth, this is so much more than that.

The plot is just plain interesting and the romance has a nice balance with everything else that’s going on. It’s all so darn believable, and I love that. One thing that I really, really love about this fic is all the Marauder nostalgia, all the memories from everyone, all the reflections. I love that in a story, any story, whether it be fanfiction or otherwise, and I love that you’ve included so much of it.

Throughout the fic, the Sirius we’re reminded of (even though we know what sort of man came out of Azkaban) is the vibrant, confident teenage/young adult of the Marauder era, and so I think the contrast of what we see of the man in Remus’s flat is very shocking, and I think it gives us an idea of what Tonks would have thought if she had met him again at that point. It was truly heartbreaking.

I’ll probably go back and review other chapters more comprehensively (right now Nadal is about to start playing ;)), but this is just a little overview of what I thought.

Author's Response: OOOH, thank you. You know, I hated having to place this story in the Romance category because I don't think of it as 'romance' either. I have a lot of fun with this story and a new chapter is coming up hopefully very soon - with some more Sirius (who I love very much). Thanks for the review ... I'd forgotten about the tennis . .... switches TV on ... ~Carole~

‘Every store was crowded as wands, spell books, potions supplies, pets flew off store shelves.’ There should be an and after potion supplies.

I don’t like the repetition of ‘store shelves’ throughout this paragraph, it makes it sound really bland. Try and think of something else that could be used instead to make it a bit more interesting.

‘...going with a friend by themselves to a match...’ this sentence too sounds a bit awkward, the by themselves bit doesn’t really fit. I know what you mean to say, perhaps using ‘without adult supervision’ would work better.

‘After all, how many adults were speeding around the countryside on brooms?’ I would imagine quite a lot. After all, plenty of adults enjoy a kick-about in the park, or a quick game of rugby or tennis, why should it be different with Quidditch? Also, students are likely to visit it only a couple of times a year, the only times they are home are during the summer, and at Easter and Christmas. Now, I don’t think a business would survive living off the trade from students alone. Remember, not everyone at Hogwarts loves Quidditch, just as not everyone in the real world loves football.

‘Wimbourne Wasps and the American Sweetwater All-Stars match...’ cliché alert here. In America, Quidditch isn't the main sport, Quadpot is, so having an American team over and having it be a big match is unlikely. Also, I can find no plausible explanation as to why the Wasps would play the All-Stars, as there is no American-European Tournament, unless it’s the World Cup, and you just don’t have enough build up about it for it to be that. I’d either change it to the World Cup and have a bit more hype about it in those opening paragraphs, or change the team to a European one and have them competing in the European Cup.

‘The American teams always bring loads of flying merchandise...’ why wouldn’t the British have flying merchandise? After all, it is a sport that involves flying. To say something like that, you’ve got to back it up, or else it just sounds like you’re trying to big America up.

“But I’m not so much worried about the match as I am what the vendors are selling...’ This sounds inconsistent with the character you’ve built up so far. I highly doubt that someone who was Quidditch Captain and had six broomsticks would care more about the merchandise than the match. The paraphernalia would be a bonus, but not the highlight of the day. I also have some qualms about the match being the day before the start of term. I highly doubt that their parents would let them come in danger of missing the train for a Quidditch match, it just isn't plausible. I’d switch the match to perhaps a week before, then, the characters can worry about a week long match causing them to miss the train, but the parents should be confident that the match will be over by then.

‘While Ivan wasn’t quite as obsessed with broomsticks, Deucalion knew it wasn’t for lack of trying.’ This sentence doesn’t make sense to me at all, especially with what comes after. The following sentences make it seem like he’s just as obsessed as his friend. I’d ditch this sentence unless you can put something in to back it up.

‘Ivan wasn’t quite as obsessed with broomsticks, Deucalion knew it wasn’t for lack of trying. The two of them could have drafted a better copy of the current Which Broomstick, and they had admittedly spent most of their free time last year testing the top speeds and capabilities of Hogwarts’s old Silver Arrows rather than studying for OWLs.’ I like this part, it’s a good bit of characterisation for the both of them. Well done. Though ‘Hogwart’s’ should be ‘Hogwarts’s’.

I don’t like the name March for Deucalion’s father, it sounds like a girl’s name, and too American at that, even for a wizard.

‘...everyone was trained to keep secrets and maintain silence.’ Eesh, it sounds like you’re over-evilling Slytherin. When in the books has there ever been evidence of the Slytherins being trained to keep secrets? Malfoy blurts and brags about everything! And where would they have been ‘trained’? Why does he like the fact that they can keep secrets? Slytherin is not predominantly evil, think about the qualities that Slytherins possess, they are cunning, clever and all for self advancement. I imagine that they’d only keep a secret if they would stand to gain from it. Watch how you describe the house, not all of them were jumping at the chance to join Voldemort. These two weren’t, I’m sure.

So far, you’ve got the beginning of a good and original plot. Your writing isn't bad, I only spotted a few little mistakes which can be easily fixed. What you’ve got to watch is your characterisations, and a few Americanisms. These, I can forgive because you can’t know everything about a country that you don’t live in, but the characterisations you have got to watch, and be careful that things actually fit into the story. But it is a good start, and I’m a little nit-picky.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I think most of the your questions are answered pretty extensively in further chapters, though I have probably reached a point in the story that I need to go back and tighten up some of this older material. Of course, I do need to fix the typos at some point. I certainly hope you'll read more of it to find out a few more "whys." It was terribly hard to find a starting place for this story, as I recall. I picked this premise to begin the Quidditch match story arc, which carries through the end of chapter three. I imagine Quidditch to be organized much like football is on the global scale. First off, Quidditch, like football, is bound to play lots of "friendlies," which means an English team or a German team or even a tiny, terrible American team (that loses by hundreds of points in chapter three) will travel around the world and play exhibitions against other teams for practice's sake (or money's sake). There have to be many more matches played outside of tournaments, and this would certainly be the case. The game is not important because of the matchup, which is anything but exciting. The match is important because it's a home match, and no one has seen the Wasps at home for a long time. I had to pick an American team, and here's why: one of my oft mentioned, "off camera" characters, an American wizard sportswriter, needed to attend the game on his newspaper's dime. What can I say? I wanted a character with the same real-life job description as myself. I realize that Quodpot is the most popular sport of America because the game — and a particular broomstick — plays a significant role in the most recent chapter as you will see if you continue reading. I've all but memorized Quidditch Through the Ages. It has been most useful in writing this. When talking about abundant merchandise, I was really making a dig at America's sports commercialism. There's no end to the junk that can be bought at exorbitant prices. Deucalion and Ivan, as is apparent in the following chapter, are constantly purchasing and building Quidditch equipment. The main draw of attending an otherwise terrible match is because there will be lots of stuff to buy. So for the two of them, it's the stuff that's the highlight. Duke spent all summer playing on the junior national team and grew up watching Quidditch every day to the point that watching matches has become more of a chore than anything else (as is apparent in chapter three when he keeps meticulous statistics). These guys aren't like Ron and Harry when it comes to watching Quidditch. There's no cheering. Just business. I too grow tired of Slytherin characterization, so if you bear with me a few chapters, you will see something you'd like, I think. The undercurrent to the whole story is the year: 1966. Things are changing. Slytherin is changing, and not in the way every student appreciates (as evidenced in chapter five). Lucius Malfoy and some of the would-be Death Eaters are rising through the House and gaining influence. Duke and Ivan embody certain characteristics of Slytherin, perhaps better than most, but following Voldemort? Far from it. Of course, Duke has a thing for "over-poeticizing" the qualities of the House, a place where he is essentially lord of the manor. There's no place he and Ivan would rather be. Their ambitions and abilities are well-suited for the green-and-silver. Also to note that Deucalion's view of the world is not always correct. His "always" and "everyone" should not be taken as such. Since he loves Quidditch, he has that gut assumption — which I've seen many times with sports fans — that everyone else is obsessed with it too. As for the name "March," I used it because it was a month name derivative of the Roman god Mars. I wanted something fiery and energetic, though Mars/Ares was a bit of a wimp when it came to epic battles. Most of the characters names are pulled from mythology, largely because those names seem to be widespread in Slytherin. Again, as I recall from months ago, it was tough picking a name because I needed something short to contrast with "Deucalion." A lot of what I wrote in the first chapter is referenced later; most everything is very purposeful to the entire arc. I think in chapter one, I wasn't quite sure how it would fit together, but I think it largely has worked out well into the main story now that I'm finishing up chapter seven.

Here I am, as I promised, fed and watered and ready to review. First off, I have to say I LOVE Blaise. Where can I get one?

‘The tone had been set by the restrictions placed on the Sorting Hat at the Feast.’ I recently told someone I beta for that I didn’t like the inclusion of this in her fic. I don’t really see what it would achieve by silencing the hat’s song. She included it because Snape and co. didn’t want it telling the students to unite, but as it lives in the Headmasters office, it surely would pick up the fact that it would not be prudent to do that, and limit itself to singing about the houses qualities. I’m intrigued as to why you chose to put that in because it’s not something I really agree with, but hey, I can overlook it as this is a fantastic story.

I love how she keeps remembering her father’s voice and her promise to him throughout the chapter, and thus reminding us of why she won’t act. I wonder if something similar happened in the fifth book?

One thing that I thought was noticeable was the absence of Dean, and the fact that hardly anybody talks about him. I always got the impression that those four were reasonably close, so I think it’s odd that she hardly thinks of him at all. Of course, it’s understandable that she thinks of Ron a lot more, but an inclusion would have been good, I think.

‘...that hardly makes me the Hogwarts broom.’ Oh my, I loved that line! I love little sayings like that, ones that we know and they’re somehow turned to fit the magical world.

I think your characterisation is excellent, and it develops really well over the course of the fic, I especially love Blaise’s character and the way you have him to be not the typical evil!Slytherin, but do so convincingly. I also like Daphne, and I though Ginny was well done too, with her snappish outbursts and sometimes scathing remarks.

“Blood status,” replied Lavender harshly. “You three are pure-bloods, aren’t you? Snape respects that!” I thought this was a brilliant inclusion, as was the whole occasional arguing thing between them. I can’t remember who, but someone says that Voldemort tries to create dissent from within, and you do a very good task of showing us that.

I think that the detention scene was a bit too... I don’t know how to say it... blasé. The students seem to stand there and take it a bit too easily. Hermione screamed like anything when the Cruciatus curse was used on her, and I think that Lavender would have reacted a bit more when she saw the curse being used on Terry, knowing that it would be her turn soon.

You do a really good job with Crabbe in the scene with the Butterbeer in the corridor, in fact you do a good job with Crabbe throughout the fic. He’s incredibly creepy and the descriptions of the flabby lips and pudgy hands make my skin crawl at the thought. Poor Lavender!

And enter Knight in Shining Armour. You really set things up with this bit, hinting ever so slightly at things to come. I’m not too sure about his sudden blood-status revelation, he comes across as a bit too guarded in later chapters to be revealing something like that to a girl he just wants a few screws with.

But overall, I loved this chapter, and I’m so glad that it didn’t just stay at a one shot!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, sarah. Okay, where shall I start - Sorting Hat. I meant a combination, really, of the things you said. First, that the Hat would have encouraged dissent if it had been given its usual free rein, but also, if you think about it, what would it have picked up from the Headmaster at the time. Snape was after all, a good guy in the end, so he'd have to silence it.

Dean - yes, he barely gets a mention in this chapter and I think if I were writing it now I'd rectify that, but he does get a few more mentions. I've not seen lavender as particulalrly close to Dean, but I do make her friendship with Seamus a bit more prominent.

Detention scene - I agree with you. In retrospect, they weren't in enough pain, although this is the beginning of the year and Millicent isn't that good at casting it, whereas Bellatrix cursing Hermione is really going to enjoy inflicting pain. But ... if I rewrote Chapter one, I'd probably have a little bit more agony and fear. Blaise talking about his blood-status. Yes, excellent point ... you'll have to keep reading to discover how I explain this - hee hee.

Thanks for the review ... hopefully Nano won't stop me upadating soon. ~Carole~

Ooh, nice ending! I may have to go and read the next chapter!

I like the dynamics between them and the different people you have them to be, and I like the fact that Rose isn't a cardboard cut-out of Hermione, in fact, it's Hugo who is reading a book! The relationships between them are rather funny, and I liked the little arguement between Rose and Hugo.

I also liked the fact that Scorpius was placed in Ravenclaw (though I should point out that their colours are blue and bronze, not silver). Most fics i've read with him in (though to be honest, it's not a lot) place him in Slytherin (I'm guilty of this myself, though I'm going to ignore that!), and it was a nice breath of fresh air.

However, I am going to get all British on you (sorry!) and say that we tend to say 'murder' instead of 'homicide'. There were a few little grammar mistakes, for example the first comma in this sentence shouldn't be there: 'She remembered that, when she was only eleven,'

I'm also not sure I like the idea of them having someone 'in charge', to me it seemed rather immature; something a seven year old would do rather than a seventeen year old. I'd also watch out for James's character being too immature. Seventeen year olds can be immature, but in a different way to how thirteen year olds are immature, and at the moment he's coming across as a thirteen year old instead of a seventeen year old.

Sarah x

Author's Response:

Ooh, thank you, Sarah! I'm glad you liked the first chapter; that means a lot, I'm not sure if many people read this fic anymore due to lack of updates! It's on hiatus now, though, especially because I had to delete it's document due to the fact that there was a virus in my cmoputer. Anyway...

Very cute yet sad story. The beginning of this story is very fluffy, though maybe a bit too much for my tastes, however it is still sweet and made me smile.

I forgot until the very end that this is written a few days before their deaths, and when I did remember, it threw a shadow of sadness over it all.

I like Lily's feelings about the book, I thought that part was very well written, as was her interactions with Harry.

I think my favourite line was 'curled up into a ball of blue fabric'. I thought that was so sweet.

I thought the inclusion of Lily's dreams were good as well, especially the bits about Muggle torture. I think a lot of people sort of forget that she is Muggle-born, and so would have a lot of Muggle ways of life ingrained in her as well.

Only thing was:

'Waking up at five in the morning to the sound of Harry crying is common. Having James get up, too, is out of the ordinary.' something about this sentance doesn't really make sense. I think its your use of the word 'too'. It implies that Harry waking in the early morning isn't common, where you have just stated that it is. I think you should rephrase the second part of the sentance, if you mean that it's a rarity for James to get out of bed to go to Harry. Something like 'However, having James get up was out of the ordinary.' To me, it just makes more sense.

Other than that, it was a lovely fic :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you liked it. Thanks again!

Oh wow, I loved this. Pure fluff to make me feel all nice :)

I can totally see Harry doing something like this, and I thought Ginny's reaction to not knowing what was going on was good and in character.

I love the fact that he proposed to her in Godric's Hollow, and the speech about wanting to begin his own life. Love!!

Hi Andi! I have to say, I really liked this story. I think it's probably very close to what actually happened, and I love that you slip little things in like Neville's Gran's birthday, and the invention of the name 'Chief Death Eater', which I had forgotten about. I also really liked Lee Jordans dialogue and the humour you managed to fit in there; it was incredibly close to how JKR writes him. Fantastic!

There were a couple of places where certian words were in the wrong context, like 'anguish' in 'we anguish this calamity' and from' in 'we advise you from saying it'. Other than that, I couldn't see many mistkaes.

Sarah x

Author's Response: Thanks, Sarah! Ah, there is a positive side to only having two fic up... more reviews for them! (well, with the review crew) I will fix that now, and thank you -again :D Andi