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A Proper Goodbye by coolh5000
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: On Christmas Day of Teddy Lupin's seventh year at Hogwarts, his godfather gives him a present he will never forget - the chance to meet his parents.
Date: 06/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
A a couple little typos!
"adapted its colour to suit what ever hair or eye colour" Whatever should be one word.
"At around quarter to three they made there way back to the castle." You mean "their way," not "there way."
"Some time after the battle I came back here and I found it on the floor of the forest." I'm pretty sure sometime is also one word. I read the fic in Microsoft word and whenever there are the squiggly lines under a word I check and make sure it's not a false alarm, as word is wont to have.
"Harry paused here, and a wistful look crossed his face. After a moment, he seemed to shake himself out of his daydream and instantly became serious again."
I can imagine this look on an older Harry and the thought is quite beautiful. It's a simple image, really, but I think it's a very well written sentence.
"They stood back, looking a little shy at the thought of meeting their son."
Aww. That's very touching. I like how you have both parties slightly worried that the other might not like them.
"his mother’s bubblegum pink hair"
It was her favorite color of hair, wasn't it? At least, I think the books said that somewhere. I had an argument with a friend over this a couple months ago and I checked the Harry Potter Wiki, which said she was right (that it was Tonks' favorite hair color), but we could never find it in the books. Any idea where it might have mentioned that? I know, I know. I should be talking about your fic, not sharing anecdotes.
"'There were others – you didn’t have to be there.' Teddy couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice. Pleased as he was to see them he needed to know why they had left him. 'f you’d have st-'"
That's also quite touching. I've never had the chance to meet my parents who died when I was young in a war (Because obviously that didn't happen to my parents and the Deathly Hallows don't exist.), but I imagine that would be a very realistic reaction. You sort of have to know /why/.
"That night I chose to follow my husband and perhaps it was the wrong decision but I could never have lived with myself if he died – knowing I did nothing to help him."
You're making me tear up, especially right there.
"'You’ll always be part of me, mum,' he said and after a moment his hair changed from its usual respectable black to the same bubblegum pink as his mother’s."
Awwwww! I'm sorry I'm so incoherent, but that's literally all I can manage. It's so sweet. I also like how it's a nice characterization of Teddy. He's not quite so flamboyant (That's not the right word, but I think you know what I 'm getting at.) as his mother so he wears a "respectable" black--perhaps like Harry? I don't know. But I like how you're characterizing Teddy.
So all in all I really enjoyed the fic. I think it's a very Harry thing to do. While I guess this wasn't really centered on it, when it comes to Teddy I'm most interested in his relationship with Harry. How exactly does Teddy fit into the Potter family?
In terms of criticism and how you can improve, there's not much I have to say. Obviously let's cross our fingers and hope typos don't slip through next time (They always do, no matter how awesome a beta we have, it seems.). That really wasn't a huge problem, as they were minor things. Something I think you might be able to work on is dialogue. In general it was pretty good, but some lines just felt a bit stilted to me.
Justifies the Means by Tim the Enchanter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary:
Yuri Krum, a high-ranking officer of the Second Zaubererreich, has every reason to be proud of the facility he is creating. But instead of satisfaction, there is doubt, and Chancellor Gellert Grindelwald is the man to answer Yuri’s questions.
The name of the facility is Nurmengard...
This is Tim the Enchanter of Ravenclaw House, writing for The Untold Story Challenge in the Great Hall on the Beta Forums.
Date: 06/04/10 Title: Chapter 1: Justifies the Means
So, I recced this on the forums and here's what I said there, plus a bit more.
Oh god. Tim is just so good. If you've read Für Das Größere Wohl and for some reason haven't checked out his other fics, you need to see this one. It's a fantastic. Anyone who's dying to know more about his Second Zaubererreich should read this fic, along with everybody else, of course. While this almost OC (He's canon, but not named by JKR) isn't quite the great character that Dieter is, I still very much enjoyed the fic. In terms of characterization, the real highlight is definitely his Grindelwald. We haven't really seen much from the Chancellor in Für Das Größere Wohl yet so it's nice to get a better idea of what he's like, his ideology. This Grindelwald has taken his motto of "For the greater good" to heart and you can see it in his words. His enthusiasm and complete faith in the cause, in the idea that what he is doing is just, is chilling and at the same time brilliantly portrayed.
The thing that I love most about this fic is that Tim shows us what is only part of the road to Yuri Krum's fate of being killed by Grindelwald. We don't actually see that happen. I know if I'd decided to write a fic about him I probably would have first thought of showing his death and I think that what Tim shows us is ultimately much more interesting.
So in addition to this I have some other comments. I love the overall air of doubt in the fic. It's nothing concrete, but Yuri is not sure that what is going on is right. Shoot. I thought of more things I wanted to say as I was rereading this tonight, but I can't think of them now. I'm terribly sorry. Just know that I loved it and eagerly await more about Grindelwald's Zauberreich from you.