Hi Jess,
I really loved this fic. It's incredibly considering it's your first Marauder fic - you wrote the characters with such ease and gave insight into all the minor characters as well as Remus and Lily.

I liked your take on the James/Lily story - that Lily realises that she has misjudged James for all these years and graudally has to reverse it... it reminds me a bit of Pride and Prejudice (which the Lily/James story has always reminded me of anyway) and I think it's great that you didn't go with cliches when writing these characters.

Lily's outburst at Remus was fantastic and really showed up what I see as Remus' main flaw - his lack of self belief. It was very IC for both of them. You really did draw these characters perfectly!!

Just a few grammatical nitipicks -
He looked so small to Lily, like a child, but his face. Did you mean to write "but for his face"? Because that would make more sense. And... I think there was something else but I've forgotten it lol.

Anyway, great fic!!

~Katrina

Author's Response:

You know, after I wrote this fic, I almost didn't post it. Most of my MNFF friends are Marauder aficionados, and I'm the polar opposite; I don't even read the category. But I posted it anyway, and I was surprised how well people liked it. I never bought into the idea that Lily hated James -- just that she thought he was a bit of a self-centred tool -- but finding out what he was willing to do for his friend made her see that, yes, he's a toerag, but not such a bad one. They had to start somewhere, so this is what I chose. Plus, the fic propmt for which I worte this was supposed to be inspired by movie canon, and I picked PofA where Remus told Harry that his mum was there for him.

Anyway, this is probably more of an earful than you were expecting, but there you go, hehe. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and I will make the correction you pointed out. 

~Jess

Absolutely beautiful! Your prose is so poetic and so emotive and just absolutely beautiful. Normally I would give an example of what I thought was best in a fic... but there's so much beautiful imagery and writing here that I can't pick anything specific. I loved your use of short or truncated sentences interspersed with the longer, more complex ones - it really created the emotion. The present tense was also great - I really felt in the moment with Harry and Hermione.

Usually I'm not a Harmony fan... I prefer canon ships, but I think you really pulled off their characters here and it felt like this was more out of need to heal than love.

Anyway, this was so beautiful I can't really say anything else.

~Katrina

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! Yes, you are right about the need to heal. I am a Harmony shipper but when writing this it was more of an exploration of how the two would deal with Ron's loss rather than a way to get them together. The state they're in, I doubt a romantic relationship could work in the long run, in all honesty. It's more of a union out of comfort more than anything else. Again, thanks for reading and leaving this review :)

Once again you've done a really great job with characterisation... I really liked Ron, and Hermione was also very good. I thought that at times she was still a tad too uptight though. I think after hanging around Harry and Ron for all those years she would have loosened up a bit more... but maybe that's just me.

The part in the restaurant made me laugh. Very funny and very Ron. I also really liked that you developed your characters - especially Hermione - in this fic, which is hard to do in a one-shot, but she had definitely learnt something by the end.

This fic was written really well as well and I really enjoyed it :).

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

This Hermione is a lot less uptight than she was in the original version of the story (thanks to WeasleyMom’s pre-publication criticism). My defence is that this is the Easter Holidays and Hermione has endured two terms at school, as Head Girl, without “her boys”. On top of that, her NEWTs are approaching. Personally, I think that I could have made her more manic.

Ron, I’m certain, can bring out the best in Hermione. He can make her relax, and his humour is usually teasing and fun. Ron, unlike his friends, would certainly use his fame to his advantage and he’d think that it was a huge joke. The restaurant scene simply flowed from Ron’s attitude, and eventually Hermione gets caught up in the fun.
N

I loved your portrayal of Regulus in this fic, as a confused and impressionable teenager who is only trying to please. I especially loved your ending - I guess it really enforced your message.

I also liked the beginning about Regulus being scared of everything, and also how you included his feelings of being lesser than Sirius - which is perhaps why he stayed loyal to his family. Then at least he'd done something better than Sirius.

I also liked the way you used present tense - I really felt like I was in the moment and inside Regulus' head.

Your characterisation of his mother confused me a little - perhaps she just needed filling out a bit more. I was confused as to if she felt fondness for Regulus, if she actually missed Sirius... anyway, that could just be me. I guess what you wrote left me wondering a bit about her.

But the rest I thought was great, I really loved your insight into Regulus :).

It was a really great story, I liked how you got into Remus' and Tonks' characters. I think at the start there were a few tense mix-ups... it seemed like you had the odd sentence in the past tense, but it was still good. I liked the present tense too.

Just two small things. I thought Remus called her Dora in the books, though I'm not really sure on that. Also, Ted Tonks wasn't mentioned until his death... I thought this was a bit strange, but nothing major.

I especially love the last line :).

Author's Response: Thankyou, I'm glad you enjoyed it... I had always thought that Remus had called her Tonks - I'm pretty sure he calls her that to Harry & Co, but I could be wrong. And I didn't put Ted Tonks into there... because he was in hiding whislt Remus was staying at their house! Yes, that's my story, and I'm going to stick to it! (I just competely forgot about it... I'm not really overly-interested in him as a character. Oooops.) And I'm especially glad you liked the last line, I wasn't sure whether to cut it or not, so I'm glad you think it works!

I really enjoyed this, it was a nice sweet story. I'm glad you didn't try to tackle hate to love all in a one-shot. I liked that they were friends first and it also seems logical how tentative they were. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you thought their levels of apprehension were logical. I debated for a long time how awkward I should make their encounter after the night's events, and it's good to hear that I settled on the right amount! :) Cheers. --Nia x

I really liked how you set up the story and Remus' feelings of confusion - I thought you could have honed in a bit more on his feelings of guilt though. To be honest, I found the last paragrah a bit of a let-down... it doesn't really sum up Remus' feelings or how they've changed, or his love for his family no matter what. Your title was nice, perhaps you could have put something about that in the last line?

Overall I enjoyed it though :). A creative idea.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yeah, I know what you mean about the ending. I was having difficulty ending it, and I still go back and re-write it, and each time I still don't feel satisfied with it. I'll change it when I can find something better!

I've finally got around to reading this - I've been planning to for quite a while. Firstly, I think it's a great concept and that you've really thought it out well - all the different plots link up with each other (and all your other stories) really well and you don't make any mistakes there.

I really loved "The Calm Before" - what an interesting idea to give Madam Pomfrey a perspective. You portrayed her so well, and you wrote that sense of a fear of the future and not knowing what's going to happen so well that I almost felt nervous.

"Galleon" - I liked the idea of getting inside Cho's head and I think you did it very well, though somehow it wasn't quite as compelling as the first story... but still very good. Near the end, when she thought something about how Harry was intense and difficult to like, in my head I was wondering 'now I wonder what Ginny would say about that?'

"Great to be Back" - wonderfully Luna. Seeming to be a little eccentric and flighty, and yet having all the right values underneath. I think she's a very difficult character not to caricature and I think you did a great job (also loved Ginny's description of Terry - very Ginny).

"Protheroe's Perspective" - now this was something completely different! I loved her characterisation and how you made her unique and different. The ending was bittersweet, as in a sense I felt happy that she was alive, but it brought back the loss of Tonks and Colin. I think it was very realistic that Polly often had thoughts about the children and how she didn't think they'd be capable (particularly about Colin).

"The Confession of Augusta Longbottom" - you just nailed her character so well. Just the whole idea of the letters and her confession, and that she couldn't face up to telling Neville in person was just so her. I also liked the sense that life had moved on from the battle, as (at least sofar) the rest of the stories are in the thick of the pain and death.

"Good Bones" - I liked Susan, particularly the way she admired her aunt and liked to figure out where words came from (just on that note - as far as I know, "vol" in French is a noun, so it means "flight", not "flees". It also means "theft", which I think is rather interesting, as it's almost like Voldemort is stealing himself from death... and I'm rambling here, back to the review.) I think Susan had a sort of understated bravery; she didn't openly defy the Carrows as the likes of Neville did, but there was something about her, determined to fight for good.

"Ernest Endeavours". I'm sorry to say I didn't enjoy this as much as the others. I know Ernie is pompous, I just never saw him, well, quite like this. I felt sad at the ending, as I was hoping that in this story, Ernie would see his own prejudice... anyway, having said that, you still wrote him well and created empathy for him, particularly when Hannah and Justin come in and he suddenly feels inferior. Personally that's why I've always thought he was pompous - because he wanted to prove something. Anyway, even though I didn't like Ernie so much, this was still well written.

So basically the main thing I really love about this is your spot on characterisations and the variety of perspectives and different ways of looking at the same event. Great work.

~Katrina

Author's Response:
Thanks for the comprehensive review of the first seven chapters. I’ll try to respond to all of your comments.

The original versions of these stories were not written in the order they now appear, but flitted back and forth across the battle. I think that Protheroe’s Perspective was the first one I wrote. My original plan was for a “hospital” chapter midway through the battle. But Madam Pomfrey wanted to make sure that she was ready for anything, and I wanted to try to make readers worry about what might happen.

Cho was one of the first DA members to arrive. I simply had to know why, and “Galleon” was the result.

Luna is extremely difficult for me to get right, so I use her sparingly. Here are, I hope, several places in this story (notably her unasked question to Terry) where she would appear barmy to outsiders, but it all makes sense inside her head. I enjoyed this so much that there’s a Terry/Luna story later (Worn Out Boot, of course) and I toyed with the idea of making them a couple.

Polly Protheroe, Muggle-born Goth Auror was a rather eccentric creation, but she allowed me to present an outsiders view of the DA, and to provide a bit more background on “my” Colin. She appears (briefly) in “It Takes Two”.

I’ve been fascinated by epistolary fiction ever since I read Dracula. Most fanfic sites ban it, so “The Confession of Augusta Longbottom” was my way of sneaking a letter-based story in. The fact that I named (and calculated birthdays) for Neville and Hannah’s kids just for this story says a lot about me.

The Susan I now write about grew from this story. Sensible, serious and rather severe, possibly even a bit repressed, her character is becoming more fixed in my mind. I think that she’s a thinker and a planner. She won’t rush into things.

Ernie is interesting, I didn’t want to make everyone perfect, but I gave poor Ernie more flaws than most. He means well, he really does, and he works hard too. I’m quite happy for you sympathise with him, but not to like him much. He is (vaguely) based on someone I worked with (who was NOT racist).

-N-

Hi Neil,

So here's a long overdue review for this fic.

Seamus Awake: I really enjoyed seeing Seamus' perspective on his relationship with Lavender... and I sort of felt a bit bad for him about it, too. I liked his thoughts about Neville and your Luna was really good in this fic. I think this story was a nice reminder that Seamus belongs in Gryffindor, as obviously when the DA first forms, he's not in it and as a reader sometimes you forget that he fought in the final battle.

Bad Faith: I think your Draco was realistic... throughout the whole story, just doing anything and everything to save himself. I liked the way he kept saying "I'm on your side..." to people from both sides. Although I did sort of feel a bit sorry for him...

Die Dumb: This one has me a bit divided... I had never really imagined Goyle to be as stupid as you show him... it almost feels like he's mentally disabled somehow in this. Which I suppose is a really interesting take on the situation. I really liked the way you developed his character through this, and how he had been using Malfoy as much as Malfoy had been using him. Very interesting. But yeah, I'd never really imagined him like this.

Cornered: I think this is one of the most poignant fics of the series. That last line... I really wasn't expecting it, and it was just so heartbreaking for Michael. I think you just showed how scarred he was from that session of torture. I really don't know what else to say about this one... except that I just loved it. Fantastic writing.

Well, you'll probably hear from me again soon after I've read the next few chapters. I am really enjoying this fic, it's fantastic.

~Katrina

Author's Response:
Katarina

Seamus’ was one of the hardest stories for me to write, for some reason his character took a long time for me to find. Luna, of course, had to appear as, of course, did Ernie. JKR gave us Ernie, Luna and Seamus in the Battle, and they struck me as an odd trio.

Thanks, I know that a lot of girls like Draco, but he’s one of those who would bribe his way onto a lifeboat on the Titanic. I’m glad, however that you felt sorry for him.

I read every tiny think I could find about Goyle before I wrote Die Dumb. He has virtually no dialogue, and it seems that he was the lowest of the three. Crabbe was the one who did most of the talking. I don’t think that he’s mentally disabled, just a not very clever sadist. I think he stuck with Draco because he likes hurting people. It’s the only thing he’s good at.

I wanted to write a story about mental scarring. We know that Michael was tortured, and we know what happened to Neville’s parents. Those two facts combined to make this story arrive in my head almost fully formed.

Thanks for the reviews.

Neil

Neville is one of my favourite characters, so I just had to leave a review after this story, too... (I think it's my fifth review on Tales of the Battle).

You really are incredible at taking what JKR gives us in canon and recreating her characters with your own additions. Neville was just perfect in this. I liked the comparisons you drew between him and Harry, because really I see them as very similar. Neither thinks they're particularly brave, but when it comes down to it, they find something inside themselves. I suppose in a way it is because both of them have lead such a damaged childhood and are fighting the people who caused them to lose their parents.

I liked the constant reminder of "Kill the snake", particularly as it tied in with the title. It shows that Neville has a focus, despite the chaos surrounding him during the battle.

I loved the ending... in so few words you managed to convey such an important idea. Particularly the line "I have no idea how Harry copes with this". I guess this is another way in which Neville is similar to Harry and has to go through many of the same things, even though he goes through them later than Harry.

I think it's interesting that Neville kills a Horcrux... I think there's a link between the people who killed the Horcruxes - Harry, Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, Neville... and then there's Crabbe, who doesn't seem to quite fit, but I suppose it's fitting that someone from Voldemort's side actually killed a Horcrux. Anyway, I think that just highlights the connection between Neville and Harry, which we of course see in OotP as well. And I'm really rambling here...

Absolutely loved your characterisation of Neville!

~Katrina

(Oh and by the way referring to your last response - I doubt anyone will notice that you made a canon error with Macnair... it's hardly an important part of the Battle...)

Author's Response:
Katrina

Neville, it seems to me, is one of JKR’s finest creations. He, like Ginny and Luna, is always there in the background. In the early books she uses him as comic relief, although even then he’s prepared to stand up for himself, sometimes foolishly (I seem to remember him taking on Crabbe and Goyle in a fist fight). Like Ron, when his second-hand wand is broken and he gets a new one, he becomes more adept magically. Neville is probably one of the bravest of the Gryffindors, recklessly so sometimes. Towards the end of the Battle, it’s possible to sum up his contribution very easily. Harry gave him a job, kill the snake, he did it. I’m certain that, like Harry, Neville will have no idea how to cope with suddenly being famous.

Thanks

Neil

ps Macnair bothers me, but not enough to delete this chapter, as I like my version of events, and it isn’t exactly a major change.