**Updates concerning chaptered stories**
Concerning A Weasel Can’t Cry - I do intend on finishing this story because I see potential in telling the Weasleys’ stories. It just may take longer than you may like.
Concerning Carry Me Home - Complete.
Concerning Hidden - It is now complete. After a long, hard journey, I finally finished it on July 18, 2007. No, there won’t be an epilogue because I think the ending pretty much closes off Luna’s story.
Concerning It Didn’t Start This Way - I’m afraid updating this story is at the bottom of my priorities as of now. I really have no intention of finishing it since I had written it when I was so inexperienced in fanfiction.
Concerning Love, Luna - I’m actually very interested in continuing this story. Luna’s a character whom we can all enjoy a laugh with. She’ll be answering all your questions soon.
Concerning Someone to Embrace - I won’t be updating this story as regularly as you may want me to. I’ve been overwhelmed with projects, but I assure you, it’ll be complete one day.
Concerning When We Were Gods - I do intend on finishing this story, but right now, I lost the inspiration I had to write it. Do not fear; it’ll be back.
A wonderful interview with the amazing Rita Skeeter. Last taken on August 9, 2007
Original Transcript:
Name?: I sign all my reviews with ‘MM’
Age?: 18
Which House are you in?: Gryffindor though I did expect myself to be Sorted into Ravenclaw
Which HP book was your favorite book?: PoA
Why?: Sirius and Lupin intrigue me. Plus it was Harry’s first insight on his father’s cleverness (the Marauder’s Map, Animagus, relation with Lupin)
What was your favorite part?: In PoA, it would have to be the Shrieking Shack scene with Sirius, Lupin, and Pettigrew. In the series as a whole, it would have to be “Snape’s Worst Memory” (OotP)
And why would that be? It serves as an insight to James and Lily’s relationship before marriage.
What fanfics do you read?: I used to read J/L fics only, but now I’ve expanded my horizons. Other Pairing is extremely interesting to read. I actually don’t read that many canon pairings anymore.
Are you active on the MNFF forums? Yes. I am the former Gryffindor HoH, a former Summer School Professor and Student, a current moderator, a current member of SPEW, moderator of Fiction Junction, co-moderator of Character Clinic, and a current BETA guild member, .
HP Book or movie?: Books, hands-down. The movies were not well-directed in my opinion. I like directors to follow what the corresponding books dictate; authors have a reason for putting something this way or having a character established. By overlooking details and by taking out characters (or remaking characters), the movie, and then the book, is ruined.
What’s so bad about the movies?: What I stated above. Sometimes, I feel that they make unnecessary cuts.
Favorite Character?: Ron. He’s just about the most easy-going character in the series. But that’s because he’s ignorant or too scared most of the time xD
Who would Harry end up with?: Personally, I think Harry should end up alone for the rest of his life (if he defeats You-Know-Who) or die. But Rowling will probably put him with Ginny.
Have you written for any other site?: No but I am part of many other writers’ sites. My penname for fictionpress is Mischevious Soul; you’ll see me in the fantasy sections. My penname for fanfiction.net is Marauder by Moonlight (Yes, when I signed up here, I accidentally put ‘Midnight’ instead of ‘Moonlight’). I also have an account “Marauder by Midnight” on HPFF as well. The story there is the exact same one as the one here.
What categories do you moderate?: You can find me everywhere, but rarely in categories to trio romance. If you have a particular question about Alternate Universe or Mystery, I’m the one to go to :)
Why were you gone for such a long time? I had some health issues that took up a lot of my time. It was a choice between spending time on education or MNFF, and as much as I would love to choose MNFF, I needed to do well in school.
Talk about your stories and series a bit please?
James/Lily-related series
1. It Didn’t Start This Way
Status: On Permanent Hiatus
This is a J/L, dedicated to my first OTP. I have written about twenty chapters of it but have only posted a few because, frankly, I got a bit bored of it. I don’t like it much, but if I find time to refine it, I will and continue posting due to the popular demand.
2. The Pigeon and the Phoenix
Status: Complete, one-shot
In relation to It Didn’t Start This Way is a one-shot. I had prepared it for a chapter of my first story, but after I decided to put the story on hiatus, I couldn’t bear to let this chapter rot. So I refined it and posted it as a one-shot. I’m pretty happy with it and love it to death. It was written in a moment of angst. Isn’t it lovely how we can turn one moment of anger and despair to love?
Hidden series
1. Percy’s Revenge
Status: Complete, one-shot
My eighth story (my, I’m on a roll after a long hiatus) is Percy’s Revenge for the Gryffindor Joint Fic Project. It is allianced with my story Hidden as it describes the conflict inside Percy before issuing the infamous decree in Hidden. I love this story very much because it sheds light on damaging consequences of the death of Voldemort.
2. Hidden
Status: Complete
My fourth story, actually my third since I began writing it a while back is Hidden. My friend Poultrygeist challenged me to write a Draco/Luna piece since I said they looked like a couple. I never got the chance to finish my first chapter until recently. What started out as a one-shot turned into a lengthy plot bunny. Now, it is my baby.
3. A Weasel Can’t Cry
Status: On temporary hiatus
This is another spin-off Hidden. Actually, more from Percy’s Revenge. We found out that many of the Weasleys had died. But this story will go into more depth as to how they died, one chapter per Weasley.
4. Love, Luna
Status: On Hiatus
This is another story related to Hidden. I might actually have to hold this story off until Hidden is complete, but I really like this idea. Luna runs an advice column. I’ll take “problems” given to me by readers and respond to them as Luna might. It’s very exciting to have an interactive story!
5. Walk Away
Status: Complete, one-shot
This story is related to Hidden only by a tangent and takes place during Draco’s search for his home as explained in the seventh chapter of Hidden. The story is dedicated to my friend Periwinkle who loves Draco/Ginny.
Gryffindor Spirit series
1. The Perfect Gryffindor Spirit
Status: Complete, one-shot
My fifth story is The Perfect Gryffindor Spirit in response to Bellatrix Black (from the forums) and her banner. It was an in-House challenge issued to the Gryffindors, and I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to take a plot bunny and actually write it. It’s my first humor piece (though I’m still debating on whether to place it in General). It’s dedicated to all of the Gryffindors whom I’ve come to know over the months as their Head of House and a thank-you for their kind words and acts of appreciation toward me.
2. The Tooth of the Lion
Status: Complete, one-shot
I’m very proud of it since it’s my first Founders’ story. It was written again for the July Gryffindor challenge in response to avenger_of_dumbldore’s banner. When I first saw the banner, I wondered how anyone could write a story about that. But then, once again with the help of the plot bunny, I found the story.
Standalone stories
When We Were Gods
Status: On-going
A sixth story is stirring in my brains. I barely have the plot, but slowly an epic is being born. It’s about the battle between purebloods (who’d established themselves as gods in Ancient Egypt) and the Muggles, Muggle-borns, and half-bloods.
Escape
Status: Complete, one-shot
My seventh story. I originally planned on entering it in the June/July OC challenge, but issues came up, and I found I couldn’t. So I changed the name of the main character and altered the plot. Behold, a one-shot about Travers, the man who allegedly killed Marlene McKinnon and her family. I’m very proud of it, as it is my first D/A story.
Follow the Leader
Status: Complete
I lost count, but this is a recent story of mine. Part of a SPEW challenge, I had decided to delve into the character of Peter Pettigrew. As much as I hate him, I can’t believe that no one can sympathize with him, if not in the beginning only.
Bound
Status: Complete, one-shot
My third story was in response to a challenge to write a Pince/Filch one-shot given to me by evanescence17 in the forums. I was taken over by an urge to write and, lo and behold! Bound was born. It’s not my best work, I can guarantee that, but ah, it’s not horrible either.
Far From Here
Category: Harry/Ginny
My first trio romance as well as my first songfic. Two chapters - one before the last battle and one during.
Give Him a Mask
Category: Draco/Ginny
My entry for the SPEW Swap that takes place after Hogwarts and complies with Book 7 canon. Winner of the 2007 Mod QSQs Best-One Shot award.
Any stories coming up? Not at the moment!
In the Outside world
So what do you do in your free time?: I read. I write. I hang out with friends. I spend a lot of time in front of my computer; it’s my bridge between the two worlds.
Favorite Food?: Currently food disgusts me. You may think it’s anorexia, but it’s not. I just... can’t stand eating.
Favorite Male Character?: I’m completely and utterly in love with Edward Cullen from Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. You may not believe it, but I sulked around for two weeks after reading the book because I thought I’d never find anyone like him.
Favorite books?: You mean other than Harry Potter? Assassins of Tamurin, Lord of the Rings, Twilight.
I like anything fantasy so if you have any recommendations, I welcome them :)
Favorite movies?: Other than Harry Potter again? Lord of the Rings, various animated Disney movies, movie musicals.
Favorite authors?: Sophie Kinsella, Stephenie Meyer, Libba Bray, Nicole Galland. I do very light reading.
Favorite Pasttime?: Reading. Or out with my friends. And watching movies.
Future profession? Believe it or not, I’m not looking to become a writer in my future (har har). I’m going to become a doctor. It’s virtually set in stone.
If you’re not going to be a writer, why are you a moderator? I may not be a great writer, but I’m a pretty good editor. I’d like to use my skill while I can to help others as well.
What would you like to change about yourself?: I am a very impatient person to a fault. And I tend to be very blunt. Both have led me to trouble.
How can anyone contact you? My email address is up there. Contact me that way. Or PM me on the forums. Same username. Email address once again is marauder[dot]by[dot]midnight[at]gmail[dot] com
30 July 07: Chapter 15 up and runnin'!! Eventually, 16 forward will post. Thanks you guys - and yay Deathly Hallows! No Spoilers, but definite cannon!!!!!
Even Harry wondered how in the world the obvious loathing Lily felt for James could have turned into a marriage. How could they have loved each other? Well, if this ever bothered or troubled you in the slightest, look no further! 'The Princess and Prat' picks up around the time of the Pensieve Scene in book 5...
Read "The Princess & the Prat" to find out how it all began!!! Also posted on HPFF.com, with over 1110 reviews.
Meh sounded the same as any other J/L story.
I like how you described her relationship with her parents... that's a bit different than usual.
Update soon :)
Author's Response: It's important, I think, to build this stuff.
Haha I liked this chapter. It's cute how Sirius and Remus are trying to get them to get along.
I think your chappies should be a bit longer ;)
-MM
Author's Response: Thanks. Getting started is always hard... I'm trying to keep this away from the more cliched version of L/J fics.
~Norahpotter
Cute chapter. It just seems kind of funny how easily Lily cries. This is the first story I've read where Lily actually will be part of the Quidditch team. If she tries out, that is. Update soon -MM
After some difficulty Lily and James pursue a relationship and face the demands, circumstances, and heartache caused by the war with Lord Voldemort as they grow into adulthood together. Also, with special emphasis on Remus Lupin. Slightly AU.
September 1st, 1977- The Marauders reconvene to discuss new duties and tactics for their final year at Hogwarts.
Cute cute. Unconventional how you made Remus headboy. Not a bad idea, but it would've been cuter if James was headboy; that's probably why Rowling had him as headboy instead of Lupin.
James seems like a sweet boy here. You should show how he progress from a "prat" to a more considerate person. It would seem much more romantic.
I'm glad to see LIly's beginning to like him more though :) Update soon!
-MM
Author's Response: All I write is Lily/James stories, so I do have one that I'm working on where there are incidents from all six years previous, where James is definetely a prat. I don't want my stories to be so much about romance, but about the way you grow up through love. anyway, thank you for your feedback. im glad you liked it.
Hmm... all in all, a nothing-happens chapter xD but that's all right. It serves as some insight on her weird behavior. Please explain that behavior soon :* -MM
Author's Response: I will, I will...in chapter four Lily starts to lose it. it just tends to bother me in fanfics when all of a sudden 13 chapters in death eaters appear and attack the scool. i just wanted to let everybody know that there was a war on throughout the entire story. and the background learned in the chapters is relevant to a later, more pivotal chapter.
Haha a highly amusing piece! There was another reason Snape hated Quirrell so much! How creative!
I don't remember when Snape refereed a Quidditch match. I'm sure he did sometime, but I don't quite remember it.
Your characterisation of Snape was hilarious. You showed the slightest bit of weakness he had, but you did so so discreetly, it didn't register for the longest time!
I loved your commentary on the Quidditch match. Action-packed verbs and descriptions. Makes me wish I could hop on a broom and fly as well.
Good job!
-Bethany
Author's Response: Ooh! A review from Bethany! *squee* It was in the first book, Harry\'s second match, that Severus showed a \"sinister desire\" to referee a Quidditch match. And so it occurred to me to wonder why he wanted the most dangerous job on the field which requires the best flying skills. Apparently he thought he could do a better job of protecting Harry up there, dodging the occasional errant Bludger, than he could from the stands. So -- hmm. Plotbunny.
It was full moon when the Dark Lord sealed a part of his soul within a magical amulet, and then broke it in half. One half was left to the faithful werewolves to guard. The other half was tossed into the impenetrable depths of time where no one but him could get it. When the first half has been found, the Order of the Phoenix selects Hermione Granger to go back into the past to search for the missing piece. What is waiting for her is a brutal task that will test her beyond her limits, and an undying love that extends beyond the boundaries of time.
RL/HG, Post-HBP
No werewolves were harmed in the making of this story.
Update (9 May): Chapter 17, Burning, is up! Enjoy!
Wow. Your first chapter is a clencher. You completely reel your readers in tight with your hooking language. I mean, truly.
Aside from the little lack of something *cough*, there are a few things that might need a bit of pointing-out.
There's the occasional punctuation mark you forget. No worries though; not everyone's a Comma Queen.
I really can't find anything thoroughly disturbing in your story apart from the fact that you seem to enjoy keeping your readers suspended by a rope, dangling and hoping you'd throw them another line to continue reading.
Your descriptions are so informative. They convey exactly what the characters are doing, not wasting words on meaningless commentary/adjectives. All of your words have a precise use to them. They also show the mood and element of the story. If the scene was suspenseful, you used diction that showed exactly that, creating a mood with words, something even movies can't do.
I was also thoroughly pleased with your "first-hand" telling of Harry's experience. Instead of having Harry tell the entire story with words, instead you did the one thing all professional performers are told to do: show, don't tell. You allowed the readers to experience what Harry experienced, not using fickle words such as, "I felt alarmed." Feelings have no meaning unless conveyed through words in my opinion.
As you can see, I'm a major fan of meaningful words. I'm so glad to see another fan =D Keep up the writing!
Author's Response:
O.O
WOW. Thanks so much! This is by far one of the most thoughtful reviews I've ever had. I'm really happy that you liked my style of writing. And yeah, I'm a fan of meaningful words, too! : D We gotta par-tay!
Haha I just finished reading your story and I have to say, never have I laughed so hardly over a fanfiction before.
Your writing is ingenius. Siriusly. Rosy Bland is by far the most hilarious character I have ever seen in my entire life. I loved this sentence:
Such a shame, I wouldn’t have minded looking at her armpits.
Rosy, Rosy. I reall liked how you had her on a date with Simon Lovegood! Very genius! I thought this would be Luna's mother or something. Maybe it's coming up? *waggles eyebrows*
Please update soon :)
-Bethany
Author's Response: Thank you so much - that was such a lovely review
I am working on the next chapter as we speak and your review gave me motivation - so thanks
xx
Yay an update! You won't believe how happy I was when I saw the little alert in my inbox =]
You write about the most random things, I swear! It's always your quirky, Luna Lovegood-like comparisons that always make me laugh.
I enjoyed your characterization of Holly. She seems almost like a Mary-sue until the point where she started to laugh. Gosh, I can just imagine her high-pitched laughter. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.
I'm not sure I understand why Holly began stripping and singing in class. It was pretty out-of-the-blue, and I was hoping for an explanation soon afterward. But, maybe you're planning on revealing the reason later on.
I would've liked to see more of Lily in this chapter. You know, to see her reaction to all this. To see how she would've tolerated James' silliness and the pranks and Holly. It doesn't seem like you'll show that as effectively next chapter, but it would make sense to see Bland take notice of Lily's reactions (if she reacted at all). But I'm going to assume she didn't think anything of it - not even that she found it strange when James began to date someone else.
I didn't understand the importance of the Penetrabbits, though they were a funny addition. Magical sex shops? I'm confused as to why there would be sexually rabid rabbits in a wizard sex shop xD But then again, Luna moment.
Holly's pretty smart to have caught on quickly that James is merely using her. Well, she might not have caught on, but she did think about why he was going out with her to begin with. Rosy...gah she was so blunt, it was funny! How crazy of her!
I didn't find it natural that Holly could slap James on the side of his face without him really reacting. Maybe if you had him react either in shock or in anger, it would've made it more believable. Holly reciting exactly what Bland had said was TOO funny.
Boy, what a cliffhanger!
There were a few mistakes with mechanics this chapter, more so than in other chapters. For example, just a note that "Patronus" should be capitalized. And there were a few punctuation marks missing when Holly was singing. They were pretty noticeable, so if you ever have the time, I advise you to go back and proofread. It won't take too long, and there aren't that many anyway =]
Can't wait for the next chapter!
-Beth
Author's Response: Firstly let me say thank you so much for the praise. I mean ... wow.
Secondly *reads through review again* the reason why Holly began stripping will be revealed in later chapters. I did actually give a teeny weeny clue as to the cause of her actions. But as I said it was very small, but you will find out.
Thirdly - thank you so much for the constructive critiscism. I did submit this chapter in a hurry. Lily not being in the chapter? I hadn\'t noticed that, but she will be in the next chapter a fair bit. My punctuation mistakes are a common occurence with me, I do apologise.
James\' reacion? I hadn\'t noticed that either (God, I am bad), although Rosy says \"He looked like he had been slapped round the face ... oh wait, he had been.\" But I agree with you.
I do believe I am going to have to review this whole chapter, lolz.
Once again, thank you. And I am glad you enjoyed the chapter.
You really predicted the Severus/Lily relationship, didn't you? Great job!
I like how you characterised Severus as someone who doesn't truly belong anywhere. For this particular chapter, I can see the awkwardness between Severus and the rest of the Slytherin. This chapter makes me wonder if the Slytherins in the Harry Potter series ever found out that Severus wasn't a pureblood.
Snape's relationship with Lily is so profound here. I like how he finds security in Lily and Muggle life. It really isolates him from the Slytherins he finds himself surrounded by. I'd like to know if there's a reason why Snape doesn't refuse to get to know the others if he's against what they stand for or how they behave.
I'd like to see this story continued!
A well-written story about Severus and Lily, something that many people have touched on. I read the essays about the possible connection between them so I must say I was curious about how you would represent it.
The relationship the two have right now seems very innocent. Severus, to me, seems like a big brother who is looking to protect his younger naive sibling. I'm sure you'll have this relationship blossom later in a most remarkable way.
I have a couple of quick comments and suggestions that I hope may help you with later chapters.
I'd like to see more original writing. Your story so far seems more of a background right now; most of your writing in the chapters have been to give your readers some personal information about the characters. Perhaps you can find a more efficient way of putting in the essentials. Instead of describing everything in paragraphs that seem aside in the story, try to weave in their past stories in dialogue, for example. For a bit of your story, it almost turned into an essay about Snape's past. If there's something that isn't truly essential to your story (it won't help your readers in any way), cut it out.
Sometimes, long paragraphs of description and no dialogue tend to bother and bore some readers, like me. I have a habit of simply skipping the entire paragraph altogether. It's harder for people in general to read long paragraphs at a time on a computer screen. Perhaps you could cut your paragraphs down a bit shorter so others can read it more easily and make your story less essay-like if it's about background information.
Sometimes, you have a bit of trouble with punctuation and general writing.
As he walked by, Severus stole quick glances at the books on their tables…a historical novel about the Salem witch trials, a biography of the warlock who invented floo powder, a romance novel about vampire hunting
This sentence in particular bothered me. You were making a list of books he had seen yet you separated the list from the main sentence with ellipses instead of a colon. It confused me a bit there. Also, make sure you observe the HP rules of capitalization and capitalize "Floo Powder." Also remember to underline the titles of books (not in the example I showed but somewhere else in your story).
The connection you show between Snape and Lily is something truly special and should be elaborated and emphasized more. You show how special and important this connection is with this sentence:
Why not tell her, his only friend, the secret he had never been able to share with anyone else?
That sentence truly jumped out at me. I think it would do your story great good if you re-emphasize this in your later chapters.
Your story has been a delight to read! I hope to see more and perhaps an improvement as you continue!
Author's Response: I appreciate the criticism about dialogue. I know I need to try to work more with that and hopefully I will be able to do so in later chapters.
I fixed some of the punctuation too. I should be better about that.
No way! This isn't a one-shot, is it? "Completed? No"
This was a very amusing story, even if it is a one-shot. It does seem a bit difficult to write Snape falling in love in a one-shot, seeing as how he's such a...miserable character. I would've liked to see bitter Snape for a much longer time; he's quite a character to poke fun of, especially when you're a Muggle.
“Stay at the inn with me.” His eyes wavered a little. “Not in the same room, of course, but it would be… pleasant, to have you there.”
That sentence caught me off-guard. It seemed like it went...too fast. But, again, it's the darn restrictions of those one-shots. *shakes head*
I really liked how you introduced Hannah. When you introduced Hannah, I was expecting someone just as dry, bitter, and miserable as Snape. But it seemed like she, too, changed a lot throughout the story.
I'm intrigued by your characterisation of Snape. I believe I'll begin reading DoL like so many others before me ;)
- Courtesy of the Naughty Penguin Society (Honorary Member)
Author's Response: Hee hee... and we have an honourable penguin! *hugs Beth very hard* Yes, it was uber tough to write Snape into a romance with a Muggle quickly. I would have liked to have given this more time. I might come back to it and write the Christmas Dinner. I think that would be tortire for Snape. *giggles* Thank you for the lovely review.
>.>
I found this chapter very entertaining, especially the exchange between James and Lily and the subsequent thoughts that ran through his head.
It's interesting that you chose to start when Lily and James were cordial to each other. I usually consider the beginning where Lily begins to see James past his Marauder self. So naturally I'm wondering how the two became friends.
Lily's mystery crush! I'm suspecting Snape or Remus because I can't see you creating an OC specifically for that purpose. But I'll have to read on to see :D I'm also curious about how Lily got hurt and should merit a roomful of plants.
The attention on the cat and the conversation that surrounds it was a great touch to this chapter. It, and the flowers of course, gave James and Lily something to talk in a civilised manner about. I like how you gave the cat a personality too! It makes the ugly beast a bit more attractive. Reminds me slightly of Ron and Hermione with Crookshanks (only James has a mind not to say horrible things about the cat in front of Hermione).
*continues to chapter 2*
Your story made me smile throughout the entire article. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I'd like to congratulate you for such a creative idea. I can see this article published in the Daily Prophet, perhaps written by the one who would out-famous Rita Skeeter.
I enjoyed your wit and humor that you incorporated cleverly into your writing. It kept your article from "drying up," so to speak, and kept me on edge.
I would've enjoyed your story more if you'd used more people to interview. For example, I'm interested in what Ron and Harry have to say for their friend's project. Sure, we know how they feel, but what would they say to a news reporter, especially if they hurt Hermione's feelings. Perhaps Hagrid or Dumbledore's point of view would've been nice as well.
Other than a few grammar and punctuation mistakes, your writing was flawless. Wonderfully done!
-Bethany
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for this MbM. I understand what you are saying about more characters, but that would have taken A) more time and B) more ideas... I didn't have niether :) Thanks for the review, and I am happy you liked it.
~avenger~
What truly, truly amazed me was how lifelike you made the flying seem. I felt as swept up as if I were Ginny myself. Excellent call. It seemed as if you had no trouble whatsoever in describing the feelings with lively words, each more vivid than the one before.
One thing I found awkward however was Charlie's part in this. Charlie worked well in helping Ginny find the strength inside her, but their dialogue seemed to break the flow of the story.
Well-written as a whole!
-Bethany
Author's Response: Thank you! Description has always been one of my strengths, except I tried something off the beaten track with this fic so that it was less ornate. I was worried the imagery would fall flat because of it, but I'm glad it's still strong!
The dialogue...ugh. I still didn't find a way around it, but I figured I might as well get the story off my shoulders and published. I'll keep working with it from time to time. Perhaps I'll be hit with a lightbulb the size of China someday =)
Here's your overdue review for your wonderful banner services!
Wonderfully written! I enjoyed the short and sweet snippets of Sirius' dark past. I thought it would be more effective by putting them in order chronologically wise though.
I also love the way you used your setting to bring about your mood, especially the repetition of rain. How ironic how it didn't rain when he died.
Another thing that caught my eye was your sentences. You structured it so that there was almost always only one sentence for each paragraph. Though there were a couple of "run-ons" overall, they added to the fluidity of your story.
Again, wonderfully done!
-Bethany
I'm a bit more used to seeing the verb "sort" capitalized, but it can go either way ;) "House," however, should be capitalized.
The Sorting Hat's song was a very creative way to keep the theme throughout the entire story. Very delightful! Nice poetry!
It's refreshing to see James and Sirius weren't friends from the moment they laid eyes on each other. I also liked how you evenly spaced his meetings with the rest of the soon-to-form Marauders.
I thoroughly enjoyed you mixing in your humour very smoothly into this almost-Sirius (sorry I couldn't help myself) story.
The power and the pride of the Gryffindors truly shone in this story! Well done Miel!
-Bethany
Author's Response: Beth! Miss you! :)
*laugh* Oops ... I\'ll remember to capitalise \'House\' the next time.
*giggle* Not to worry, I\'m one of those rare people who never gets tired of that overly-used serious/Sirius puns.
Oh how sad. You know, when I saw the title of this story, I had prepared myself for a song-fic of Hilary Duff's work. Yeah, I know. Boy, do I feel like an idiot.
It was a bit confusing where the memory stopped and where it ended. Perhaps the memory should be italicized. This confusion over memory also had me confused about the timeline. At first, I thought Harry died two days after proposing. Then I thought Harry died two days and a year after he proposed. *scratches head* It took a while to return to my original thought. There are also a couple of spelling things, but you're getting around editing, so I won't bother you about that. :)
You did very well capturing Ginny's emotions and her intense pain. I thought, though, it might've been more meaningful, and more fitting for your title, if Ginny had held back her tears until the very end when it was raining. Then she would've let go. But, I also understand that "let the rain fall" also symbolized Ginny's hopelessnes and inability to change what had happened. Dual meaning is always good :D
-Bethany
Author's Response: Huh? Hilary Duff? Ohmigod, I haven\'t heard that song in like... forever! Hopefully you\'re the only one who thought that, Beth! Yeah, I agree, italicization might be a very good thing, here. Yay for dual meaning! (Sorry I confused you!) Thanks for the review!
I have finally made it through your little story of horrors. Believe me, the moderator in me was just itching to stab each character over and over again.
But as a reader, I couldn't help but laugh. It's so odd to see every little terror of a fanfiction put together (relatively) neatly. EVERYTHING was in this story. Everything.
I enjoyed angst!Harry immensely. He was by far my favorite character because I had a big problem with his character in book five. Your clever exaggeration of this made me appreciate good characterization a whole lot more. Perhaps you should send this little gift to Ms. Rowling to show her just how angsty her Harry was.
Hermione was my second favourite. I think it's something about the sheltered bookworm-transformed-beauty pageant winner that gets everyone in a hype; Hermione can be paired with almost ANYONE. Draco/Hermione, Snape/Hermione, Ron/Hermione, Harry/Hermione. You name it. The way you took care of Hermione's transformation from nerd to OMG!HOT was hilarious. Of course, the pairings were very funny as well. Don't we all love promiscuous!Hermione?
Ron was a bit boring to me. He was slow, of course, but so slow that he didn't really have a big role in this story. He seems like just a side character here while in most other stories, he's one of the funniest characters. I'm not sure if the role switch was intentional, but either way, it worked out all right in the end, since I was much more intrigued by all the other characters.
I liked your spin on the Sparkly-poo. While I haven't seen a story yet with a House full of Mary-sues (Knock on wood), it's thoroughly entertaining to generalize (correctly) the characters named Mary-Sue. I wish they had a bigger role in this story though instead of just being cheerleaders who pop in randomly.
The theme of America was perfect. Too many people bring Harry and his world to America where apparently the Sparkly-poo reside and reproduce at surprising rates. And to have everything that happens in America to be perfect (ie, Snape and Dumbledore and Sirius' appearances) just cheers me up after reading a few stories where, oh wow, Harry meets his fiancee in America.
Your story was HIGHLY entertaining. You trivialized, criticized, and laughed at the various cliches that riddle some of the worst Harry Potter fanfictions. It makes me feel better knowing that here at MNFF, we can weed out these dreadful stories and make fun of them with a story as funny as yours.
-Beth
Author's Response: Oh, my goodness. Thank you for the amazing review. I assume this is for the Quicksilver Quill awards *squee* and I\'m incredibly happy you liked it and thought it was funny.
I\'ve never gotten a review like this before and it\'s AWESOME. Now I know exactly what\'s funny about my story and what I could write better. I\'m plotting (muahahaha) another humour fic right now that actually requires a plot, unlike this one, so now I know what I do well and what I should do better.
I\'m so happy you liked angsty!Harry and beautiful!Hermione. Me too. People seemed to like angsty!Harry, and I had tons of fun writing him even though I know he should never be written this way for a serious fic. Your suggestion about sending this to Ms. Rowling got me so excited - if you think this is good (or very very horrible) enough to send to her, I\'ve done what I wanted to do.
I do agree about the Sparklypoo thing, that they should have had bigger parts, but... I have no excuse. They should have gotten bigger parts. :) I wanted to emphasize the stupidity people write Ron with, though, that\'s why he may have been boring, although it\'s true I could have made him funnier. And AMERICA! I\'m so happy you liked that part. For some reason I thought the part in America wasn\'t as funny - I\'m glad I was wrong.
Again, thank you so much for this great review and I hope you consider this this story for the Quicksilver Quills!
:)
What a beautiful story! It's interesting how you barely touched on the romance, which is VERY good! When I gave you this challenge, I imagined it to be quite difficult! It turns out it doesn't seem all that difficult after all!
The story of companionship was touching. I was especially happy to see the weaving of outside events into this fic. Many romance stories have a habit of leaving out the real world, completely ignoring the effect of the Death Eaters and Voldemort.
Related to that note, I loved seeing this tender side to Professor McGonagall. She's portrayed as a severe, strict lady, but behind closed doors, what does she do? And how proficient is this new Headmistress? These questions, and more, were answered splendidly with this story.
One thing that bothered me, only a tiny bit, was Hermione's slight out of characterness. It wasn't too big of a deal since you did address this when Professor McGonagall asked herself why Hermione would leave Crookshanks behind. Also, it seemed like it took a while for Hermione to realize and write to Professor McGonagall about her missing cat. But, I suppose it could be because of Crookshank's natural elusiveness.
Another thing I'm wondering is what did McGonagall say to Crookshanks? I'm assuming it's to do with Dumbledore and the current situation. But, what specifically?
As I write the review more things I simply most comment on keep popping up so the fluidity of this review is somewhat random :D
I enjoyed you expressing the depth of friendship between Minerva and Dumbledore. Obviously she held him in the utmost respect and her reaction to his death was not surprising. However, the length of her mourning time is surprising. Were they something more than friends?
I loved your portrayal of the stress McGonagall was in at the time of the story. I would've liked it even more if you went more into depth in this to emphasize on the pressure McGonagall has on her shoulders. I liked how you address the question on whether or not the school would be closed. It's something that was left hanging in the sixth book (somewhat). The concerns of parents are also an important factor, something that would weigh heavily on McGonagall's mind.
As you can see, McGonagall is a character I'm very fascinated with. It's interesting to see other people's take on her character and her reaction to the people (and animals) around her! Again, this was a lovely story that I will not forget! Thanks for the delightful read!
-Bethany (Marauder by Midnight)
Author's Response: *Blushes*
Thank you Bethany! I think that review may have been longer then my one-shot...;)
Hermione left Crookshanks there on purpose...I thought I made that clear... She responded to Minerva\'s letter as soon as she could. Hermione was in London (or that is where I envisioned her to be), and it takes a while for an owl to get from Hogwarts to London then back to Hogwarts.
I left out what she said to Crookshanks so the reader could make that up for themselves, depending on whether they saw Minerva and Albus as more than friends...
Thank you again for the review!