First off, love the rhyme!
Second of all,
Author's Response: First off, what rhyme? Second of all, same as yours . . . btw, what is ur second of all? :D
-Joy
“You and I, we'll be young forever!†*
After a long, interesting, sweltering summer the Marauders are back for their sixth year, and they feel as though their teenage lives have only just begun.
James has been pursuing Lily for years, and he sure as hell isn't going to give up now. Sirius might actually be falling in love (though of course that can't be possible, can it?), and Remus is struggling with problems in his own family. Meanwhile, Peter has to decide how much worth he can put on friends who he will never live up to. And then there's Lily Evans, a girl who's starting to fall for the very man she swore not to. Diana McKinnon, her best friend, keeps finding herself staring at a certain grey-eyed Gryffindor, even though every piece of logic she has tells her that he's trouble.
But even though there's the looming danger of NEWTs, pranks, oily Slytherins, and physical education, a much bigger problem has presented itself. The Marauders' sixteen-year-old world isn't the safe place it used to be. There are rumors of danger and dark magic throughout the school, and of a powerful dark wizard named Voldemort. The Gryffindor sixth years have to decide where their true allegiances lie and how much they are willing to sacrifice for a war that seems impossible to win.
*Title and quote taken from the lyrics of Katy Perry's summer hit Teenage Dream.
Note 3/26: Ok guys so I know that I haven't updated in forever, but I promise I'll finish the story! I'm struggling with some stuff, but hang in there, I haven't forgotten.
Lots and lots and lots of love, Olivia
I know how you feel. I'm writing my first fic too, and reviews are everything to me. You have no reason to worry, you portray Sirius and his family exactly as I would imagine them. Amazing start, keep it up!
Author's Response: I'm glad you sympathize with me! *beams* I'm going to go to your story now and leave as many reviews as you left me. Thank you so so much! I look forward to hearing from you again :) ~Olivia
Still amazing! Wondering where this story will go. . . I can't wait to read the next chapter! Keep it up!
Oh my god! Bloody brilliant! Love the description of Sirius, love Remus's thoughts, love everything! Please keep writing and updating! Love it!
Nice chapter. Fun and upbeat, with some more if Lily's mindset changin. Keep writing and updating!
First off, thanks so much for the wonderful review on All That's Left, and I felt I should try to thank you by reading this.
It was marvelous. I loved your personification of Teddy. It seemed real, that he could be so strong yet so sad at the same time. I love that you told it from Victoire's POV, and that made it even more emotional. I love the Teddy Era, and I felt the way you wrote his sadness was perfect. You took the reader through the entire journey of his life, and I really love the Teddy/Victoire ship. It must have been horrible for Teddy, growing up and never knowing his parents. It only makes sense that would eat at him sometimes. It was really well written.
My favorite moment in the fic was when Teddy was sitting in the Shack. Every emotion just hit me, and in truth I am sitting here with my eyes starting to water. It was really well written. :)
I hope this was helpful, but I really loved it. I always feel a strong connection to Teddy as he and I would be the same age. :) Thank you so much for your review, and I really love this songfic. The title fits it perfectly.
Amazing!
Ellie
Author's Response: Hi Ellie,
Thanks so much for this review!! It really made my day! And sorry I'm not getting back to it til today.
I'm glad you liked this story, it's one of my favourite ones of the ones I've written. Like you, I'm drawn to Teddy, thought not because of age - I think he does parallel Harry in some ways, but he also makes me think of Neville - and yet I also think there's a side of him which is always outgoing and willing to play with his almost family, because having never had a family he really values it.
It's funny how I decided to write this... I really wanted to write a songfic with a Starkid song, and then the story just flowed, even though the song is actually a Harry/Ginny song. Somehow I find it easier to write about Teddy from a different person's perspective.
I'm glad you liked the bit in the Shack - I think Teddy really would have a strong connection to that place.
Thanks for this lovely review!!
Katrina
Wow. That was amazing. You captured them both perfectly, the way the speak, act, their reasoning, perfect.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! It was fun to try and write something like this for them in this style. I'm glad it worked for you! I really appreciate the lovely review. ~Gina :)
I love it. I'm bollocks at poetry, and I think you sum up Snape perfectly. I'll read some of your other ones within a week. I really want the beta boards back up so I can help my house in the Three Broomsticks!
Molly Weasley seems to have a heart big enough to accept anyone in need of love. It doesn't matter if the person is an abused little boy named Harry or her son's always present 'friend' Hermione, Molly will mother them.
Perhaps her need to reach out is caused by what should be present, but is not. The Missing Hands...
Beta Reader - Hogwartsbookworm
Absolutely brilliant. The story of Molly Weasley. I have no other words to describe this, but my eyes are pricking with the faintest of tears.
Splendid. Simply splendid. The way that you describe things so deeply, the way you described the look in Harry's eyes, and it is amazing how you took something so small as a scream and wove it into a whole different story. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks! I sometimes feel like I tend towards the over-descriptive (especially since I've never been a huge fan of dialogue) so I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
I love it. Thank you so much for doing the plot bunny. It's heartfelt and it shows a different side of Minerva, and I like that a lot. Now I want to go read your other fics! Thanks!
Author's Response: I am very glad you liked it :) I really enjoyed writing it. Yes, read my stuff. I'd love your thoughts :)
Daniel-
I thought the idea for this piece was brilliantly creative. Looking at the sign in Diagon Alley above his shop, I also wondered how Ollivander, or Ollie, got his start. It was full of magic, and I thought your characterization of Ollivander was quite good. He was eager to learn, and he was bored and frustrated with ordinary tasks, quite like the Ollivander we see in the books. I also thought the first meeting with Malazed it perfectly with Ollivander’s character. He was not afraid to approach the man, simply because he was curious. It really added to Ollivander’s character.
Malazed was a marvelous character. Especially with this: You’re a wizard, Ollie – you can do whatever you want! Something in that moment made him become very clear to me. In my mind, he was a happy man; one who wanted Ollivander to do well and also be happy, which he clearly wasn't before. I can picture Ollie's face lighting up, and any person who could do that is marvelous iLater on in the story, he is the one to bring Ollivander back down to earth. It was probably my favorite part of the story; it explains not only how Ollivander lived so long, but how he was carried with his magic.
I do, however, find difficulty in believing that Ollivander ‘created’ wands. Wizards had been using magic since ancient times; we know that from the Weasleys’ visit to Egypt. I think he could have revolutionized the wand, but I don’t think he created it. Also, I notice you tend to repeat things. I thought you explained who Ilea is a few times, and it seemed unnecessary. On a different note, some of the changing in times seems jumpy. Maybe you could make the transition in between Ilea's death and Ollivander's reemergence into the world a little smoother, to be specific.
My favorite part of the piece, though, has to be how it ties in with the Elder Wand. Ollivander had gotten carried away with his own brilliance. He wanted to learn and learn, to become as powerful as he could be. This reminded me strongly of Albus Dumbledore. And also like Dumbledore, he came to realize how bad the power was. The similarities between them are very strong, both with tragic pasts, both who sought out the Elder Wand. But Ollivander also reminds me of Voldemort, with his hunger for power both in canon and in your story. He's a very thought-provoking character, like a blend of Albus and Dumbledore, but with his own perks and faults.
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. It was fresh and creative, and this piece leaves me thinking about Ollivander and his life, something I hadn’t done much more than vaguely wonder about before.
Ellie
I like it.
Sorry I haven't reviewed your other ones yet, I've been busy. I think this sums up Sirius perfectly, how he acts and feels. Good job!!!!
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sirius was another of JK's deep and complicated characters that leaves us so much room to explore :)
Ron is trapped in his grief for Hermione, killed on the Horcrux hunt so many years ago. His memories take over as he goes through the same repetitive motions until he is lost in his emotions.
Post DH, AU, implied R/Hr. Character death.
Nominated in the 2012 Quicksilver Quills for Best Alternate Universe
Hello, Bec. :)
Wow. This was a powerful piece. I don’t normally read AU, but this was just wonderful. The characterization was brilliant, the emotion was raw, and I believed what had happened was plausible.
During the entire piece, there were these little details that Ron noticed (and I absolutely loved). You mentioned the smell of the fungi, and Hermione’s perfume, and just the smell of her. I think these details really made the piece. It showed how much Ron loved her, instead of just saying that he did. I also really liked the clock, and how it ruled Ron’s life. It was important when Hermione died, and then it was the center of Ron’s life. That connection was really clever.
I find that Ron is a hard character to write normally, and I couldn’t imagine writing a grieving Ron. :) You did a brilliant job with it, though. I could just feel how much Ron misses her, and you covered all of the emotions of grief: the crushing sadness, the anger, the self-blame, and the regret. The part with Hermione and the photograph was just beautiful. I was hoping that it was all a joke; that Hermione hadn’t died. I love how you had Ron run away- he doesn’t deal with these things very well or privately, and I think it was very possible that without Hermione he would abandon Harry. I also really liked how you included Harry subtly, but too much of the piece wasn’t centered on him. I find that too often he creeps into almost every piece, and I loved how you kept the focus on Ron and Hermione.
One thing I really was not sure on, though, was the AU aspect of this piece. It was explained a bit, but I wasn’t sure if Harry, Ron, and Hermione were ambushed by Death Eaters or Ron and Hermione had run away. It took me a few times reading that bit to really figure out that they had abandoned him. It would have been nice if there was some explanation to why they ran away, because I really don’t think that Ron (or Hermione) would abandon Harry, especially after Ron did the first time. Otherwise, I could really see this story happening. Hermione’s death was very well done- I love how Ron froze. It just made it so much sadder.
That being said, it really was a beautiful piece otherwise, Bec. I loved how you never used Ron or Hermione’s names- somehow that would have dulled the raw emotion for me. It was obvious who they were, but I think not using their names really worked for this piece. The first person fit well, too- it was like I was in the moment with Ron. At times it was almost uncomfortable because the emotion was so raw; it was like I was intruding on a private moment. :) That was amazing.
This really was a brilliant, beautiful, and poignant piece. Congratulations on being featured, because this piece definitely deserves it. :)
Ellie
Author's Response: Ellie! Thank you so much for such an incredible review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, even though it was outside your comfort zone a little :)
The little details were the most fun part of writing this, and pretty much the whole point. It seems to me that memories are so often tied up with the little details. The clock was actually the first thing that got the plot bunny going.
I usually find Ron hard to write, so it's always very relieving to know that other people can find my characterisation believable. And, yes, Harry does so often creep in everywhere!
Being so long since I wrote this, I had to go and reread it to check on the AU bits and even I'm not entirely sure anymore where I was coming from with the running away business. I think it was just one of those things that took a slight detour between my brain and the keyboard ;)
But anyway, thank you again for such a fantastic review, I'm so pleased to know that it worked for you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! :D
Nominated for Best General Story in the 2012 Quicksilver Quills Awards
Overall, I really loved this one-shot. I love the idea of Helga/Salazar, and you portrayed that really well. I also really love it when people show a different side of Salazar, not just as the 'evil guy'. You did this really well, especially with the excerpts like this:
There’s no sign of it on his face, but Helga remembers the twists of smoke rising from the remains of the hall, witches and wizards lying dead in their ruined homes, and Salazar staring out over the scene with sorrow in every line of his face. His home, destroyed by Muggle warriors. There had been no time to call for friends then; no way to Apparate out when he was needed to fight.
The violence gives Salazar a reason to not be trusting, and I think using it as the premise for the new spell is wonderful. Salazar is tricky, because, well, he did prefer pure-bloods and he created the Chamber of Secrets, but I love the idea that he wasn't all bad. You did that really well. I love the whole idea of him feeling emotions and love towards others, as Slytherins are most often not seen as the ‘caring’ type.
Some of the conversations seemed a bit off to me, though. It's something about the idea of the Godric and Salazar talking about Helga that didn't seem to sit completely right with me. Salazar does not seem the type to expose all that in a dialogue, as he strikes me as a secretive type of man. The first kissing scene was confusing, but I loved how you explained it all later. I found it confusing because it was Godric, yet I knew from the previous scene Salazar cared for Helga. I believe you did that on purpose, and if you did you definitely reached the desired effect.
I happened across one small grammar mistake: In the fourth paragraph of the first kissing scene you say ping instead of bring. It’s nothing big, just a small typo.
The really only major flaw with this is that Helga didn't tell Salazar she knew it was him. I can't see Helga, who, supposedly, is open, trusting, and accepting, would keep that from him. Just because she is a Hufflepuff it doesn’t mean she can’t lie, but I really do not believe she could go all of those years without telling him. A few months or even a year, maybe, I could see Helga not telling Salzar, but not as long as you put it in your story. Maybe you did this to add suspense?
One quote that I don’t think I could ever forget about, and probably my favorite of the story, is this:
Her lips on his are bliss. The heat that blazes between them almost eclipses the fire in the hearth, and it’s all he can do to draw peath between kisses. She pulls away first, and he says, “I might have to kill Godric for monopolizing your attention. Although that doesn’t explain the last four years.â€
She laughs and pulls him towards her by the front of his robes, and he finds himself tumbling to the floor with her, not at all minding the lack of dignity. “Be quiet, if you please, and kiss me,†she says through a laugh, and he obeys happily.
This seems simply magical to me. As I said before, I love Helga/Salazar, and I think it really characterizes them both well. This was my favorite part of the story, and it just seemed magical.
This was really good, and I thought you captured the Founder's era very well. I hope you write more Helga/Salazar!
I think this one-shot is unique. Most tell that when Remus was bitten it was agonizing pain, but I like how in your version it's different. I did, however, find a few issues.
This could just be me, but I always thought Remus was bitten at a younger age. Does J.K. specify it, or am I just being weird?
Also, the home-schooled thing. Couldn't wizards attend muggle school, as Harry did? Just something to think about.
For some odd reason I am in love with the last paragraph. It was the beginning of Remus's new life, and it really shows the (for lack of a better word) urges, instincts, if you will, of a werewolf. Good job, and keep it up!
Ellie
Author's Response: I heard that school rule from at least one fan site, and they got their info from interviews with J.K. I don't think they specified his age. Thank you so much :)
Wow, Lily. I never thought about how Tom would find the room. And the bullying bit. . . that's pure genius. Some grammar stuff I found funky, but other than that it was really amazing!!!! Keep it up!!!!
Ellie (I'm humoring myself- you probably know me by now :)
Author's Response: Ha ha ha...unbetaed madness :) But thank you so much for reviewing! Now I feel guilty because I haven't reviewed your SUPER DEPRESSING ONESHOT yet lol. ~Lily~
I really liked this. It shows a unique way of changing Lily's view on James, though I do have to say her changing her mind quickly is on the verge of cliché. But you used it in a unique way, so that was really good.
On the invisible aspect: I thought that was brilliant. How Lily loved the idea of invisibility, because then she was finally alone.
Her realization at the end was also amazing. How she saw that James was going to fight Voldemort, and how she envied his eyes.
On the cliché note again: I like how at the end she isn't snogging James's face off. I like how it's just the beginning, and how she isn't all "OMG! I love him!"
All in all I really loved this. You should write another like it. :)
Ellie
Author's Response: Thank you for the honest review!
This is crazy717 (Abi) of Gryffindor house writing for the final in the MWPP class on the Beta Boards.
Hey, Abi! I am here to see your final for the amazing MWPP class. (assuming you do not know this already)
I really liked this one-shot. I think it gives a different insight into the Marauders, especially Peter and his sorting. I honestly would have never have thought to have his dad be a Slytherin.
I also really loved how you portrayed Snape and his bitterness, especially in the last bit. My favorite quote would have to be from him. This one:
It should have been me. I was always there for her, I've always loved her. It should have been me.
I felt that it was perfect. It shows his feelings for her, yet it acknowledges that it isn't possible. But the thing that strikes me the most is the raw emotion in that quote. I found it simply . . . magical.
I also really enjoyed your progression of Lily's character, if that makes sense. I think you portrayed the journey from starry-eyed eleven-year-old to a strong, brilliant witch very well.
I did notice that the Sorting Hat was slightly choppy, when addressing the Marauders, Snape, and Lily. I find the hat extremely difficult to write, but I believe he's too. . . rushed, I believe the word is. Other than that, though, I really enjoyed the piece.
I really love the ending of the piece. I thought Lily's silent prayer to Severus was unique, and I really liked the twist. Even after they parted ways, she knew she could still trust him with something as important as her only son. The ending was perfect, Abi!
The class was amazing and I hope you had as much fun as I had.
*Ellie*
Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review =) I hated writing the sorting, I couldn't get the hat right so yes I think you are correct in saying they were a bit rushed! I don't know why I always thought of Peters dad as a Slytherin, it's just something I've always had in my head.
I had so much fun in class, our take overs were amazing and the discussions we had as a whole class were brilliant, we will definitely have to take another class together at some point =)
~Abi~
Alice Longbottom has lost so much, but a Christmas day that she strives to remember may be the worst.
All that Alice can remember is that it was her son’s first Christmas.
Nominated for a 2012 Quicksilver Quill.
This is Padfoot11333 of Hufflepuff writing for the Great Hall-iday Challenge-Prompt 1: A Christmas to Forget.
Since it was the only story in its category, it couldn't win first place, but it did win 5 bonus points for excellence, which I am very proud of =)Wow. This is amazing, Lily.
I really like the feeling at the end. The emotion is so strong, I almost took a step back. I also really liked your characterization of Alice. Albeit I feel her frustration could be a bit stronger, I think you captured her right. I thought the entire idea, especially with the Droobles was really clever, Lily.
I'm sorry this isn't an amazing review, but I'm supposed to be doing a major report. Good job, and good luck in the contest!
Author's Response: YAYY Ellie...you reviewed! :) And this totally is an amazing review, ha ha ha...I'm jumping up and down in my seat from SQUEEdom because you loved this. I was really nervous about it! Lily xxx