This is actually the first Slash HP story which I have ever read, if you can believe it. I've been meaning to get around to it for a while now, but couldn't decide on a pairing that I liked, mostly because I rarely caught a hint of any slash subtext in the books. Oliver/Cedric would NOT have been my first guess as a couple, but the way you wrote the two made me believe it. The line about Oliver drowning himself is one which has stuck with me the most from PoA. I always thought it was an odd one, but I loved the way you fleshed it out into a believable story, rather than just an off-handed joke.

The shower scene was potently emotional and gripped me right from the start. Now I'll confess, from my experience in much poorer slash from other fandoms, as soon as I saw running water I was expecting some full on action right then and there. I was very pleasantly surprised that you didn't take that route. Pacing the story out, instead of going for the quick impact, really added to the emotional appeal of the story, as well as the believability.

I've never been a big fan of characters who suddenly have an abusive parent who never heard about in canon. I usually find it distasteful and a bit of a cop-out. However, the way you seamlessly integrated it into a canon quality of Oliver's character, namely his Quidditch obsession, made it seem less out of the blue. I particularly liked the style of quote interjection you used with Oliver's memory to get across the events of the past, instead of simply having Oliver explain everything to the reader. Yes, there was some explanation, but much of the feeling was conveyed through those simple quotes, like "You're no son of mine!". Much more powerful than having Oliver think about how his father was ashamed of him.

Just quick, I'll say two quick critique things. I hate giving criticism, because I know I'm nowhere near the level of writing which you are, but an entirely complementary critique isn't terribly helpful in my experience, not that I'd ever complain about getting one :)

So, the first is very minor. Very minor. I didn't like the choice of the word 'bemused' in this line:

"...he could see a bemused expression on Cedric’s face."

For me, the scene was so emotionally charged that bemused was too light of a word. In my opinion, the word confused would have been better, just because of the plosive consonant sounds more... intense I suppose, fitting with the atmosphere at that point. As well, bemused was used just a paragraph or two before. Wow, that was a lot of writing just for one word. Yeah, really not a big deal, just something I noticed.

The only other thing that bothered me, and only slightly, was that I thought the abuse thing was taken a bit too far with the backstory of the beach. Don't get me wrong, I liked the abuse aspect of the story, it's just it got a little TOO angsty for my tastes. It was almost uncomfortable to read. That in itself is not a bad thing, I love it when an author makes you think about realities which you'd rather not acknowledge. Almost all my favourite fics come from that catagory but IMHO I think the story would have still had the same impact and been as believable had it not been taken to that extreme level of violence. I'm sure many would disagree with me, but that's how I felt while reading. I'd have to read this again to see if I still felt the same way (which I would do, had I not pressing homework which I've procrastinated against long enough).

Ok, not as fun stuff out of the way. Back to worshiping your awesome writing skills! Overall, I thought this story was amazing and I am thoroughly glad I had the opportunity to read it. The characterization was spot on, the style flowed nicely (did it really take me that long in this review to mention that fact? For shame!), it moved at a nice pace, the story was engaging. What else could I ask for!

Over and over again, I continue to be impressed out of my mind with everything I read of yours. So, I sign off like I do from pretty much every review, by saying I can't wait to see what you write next!

!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for such a well-thought out and cohesive review. Made my day, that has.

Let me get the crit first (and no I don't mind crit at all.) I do see what you mean about the word bemused, and I might change the earlier one to something else because I'm not keen on the repetition, but bemused here is I think better for Cedric because he's not really 'confused' about his sexuality or the situation, but is 'bemused' by Oliver's actions/words.

The back story bit on the beach, I can see that went a bit too far, but I needed a real threat that was uppermost in Oliver's mind if he ever thought about a relationship with anyone else. He was as scared for Cedric as he was for himself. But it was a bit violent - so good point.

I'm pleased you enjoyed the story and I really appreciate that you took time to write such a well-thought out review. This is one of my favourite stories ... and one day I'll write the sequel. -LOL Thanks again ~Carole~

Haha! Brilliant! That was absolutely hilarious, yet rather sweet at the same time. I loved Snape's 'ulterior motives' suggestions. It was so in character.

The interactions between the characters were the best part. With both Ginny and Professor Snape, the dialogue was believable and un-cliche, while continuing to be both true to their characters and highly entertaining.

“I didn’t get you a scarf, sir.” That line stood out to me just because it is so Luna, so in tune with how I perceive her. You captured the essence of her character perfectly.

In terms of style, I liked how the writing flowed. The story was nicely paced. I was neither bored nor rushed and each key comedic moment was timed perfectly with a small lull in between, something which I have had difficulty finding in this type of story. Most people throw the humour in carelessly. It seemed carefully laid out in this story.

I found the little 'moment' between Luna and Snape absolutely adorable, and had to restrain myself from crying "D'aww!" out loud. Somehow I can totally see Luna managing to break through his defenses by being so completely different from anything he's ever encountered. I should read more stories that feature the both of them...

Overall, lovely job and I look forward to reading more of your work!

Author's Response: People should not underestimate the powers of Luna Lovegood. I'm glad you see it now.

Oh, wow. That was... that was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Nothing wrong with this story. Nothing at all.

I loved your use of the second person, it really enhanced the atmosphere of the whole piece. It felt immediate and real. Your characterization was excellent. I love reading about Peter, he's just such a great untapped resource for exploration. And you made me absolutely believe that this could have happened. It didn't seem out of canon or forced.

"But the only noise is his soft, slow breaths, combatting the sounds coming from the common room."

It was sentences like these, with such lovely description, that really set this story apart for me. But it didn't sound like you were trying to hard. In fact, I barely noticed how lovely it was until the end, because I was so engrossed in the story that I forgot I was reading. That's the best type of story.

I don't know what else to say, except I really, really loved it. Keep it up!

- Signed the Order of the Ravenclaw House Elves

I can't believe I haven't reviewed this yet! I remember flipping through these archives, before I joined the beta boards, and coming across this poem. I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever read. Coming back to it a few months later, I get even more out of it than I did during my first read.

I noticed other reviewers commented on the unique structure, so perhaps you don't need to hear it again, but I still want to mention it. This may sound like a strange comment, but I find the poem visually appealing. The way that the first and last lines of each stanza encase the two in the middle is.. I don't really know how to describe it, but it adds something to your poem. Of course, the parallels are lovely and do a really good job of getting across the emotions you were trying to convey (good? I mean amazing! You had me choking up in some places, especially the "lover, father, lover, mother" stanzas. (For some reason, happy images are more likely to bring tears to my eyes than sad ones).

Can I say that your choice of both last line and title were spot on! The diction is very soft and sounds lilting when spoken (strange habit of mine that I tend to read titles of poems out loud before reading the actual poem). I'll use a word we learned in English class: euphony. The words are very pleasant to listen to. And the message behind them only serves to make them more touching.

I remember, the first time through the stanza that really stood out to me, the one that made me realize today that I had read this before, was:

"I cannot ignore him,
I hate him,
I love him,
There has to be more."

So simple, and yet it says exactly what it needs to say. I think that is what often bothers me about certain poets (including my own failed attempts at the genre) is that they overcomplicate their diction and style, trying to make themselves sound more learned or intelligent, or whatever. I absolutely adore the simplicity of your poem. It is beautiful because it says no more than it needs to.

Though it is a different style of writing in almost every aspect, your poem rather reminded me of e.e. cummings "i thank You God for most this amazing" (and yes, that is the proper title). Both had much the same effect on me. Every word is chosen so carefully to serve a precise purpose, and all the words come together to form a particular feeling and... I'm rambling. I tend to do that in reviews. Particularly for stories I really like :) Anyways, I'm comparing yours to one of my favourite poems of all time, so you can definitely just take that as a compliment and not try to interpret my babble :P

So I think I'll wrap it up there, before I start going all hardcore literary analysis and ruining all the fun of the poem. Great job, keep writing poetry and I'll keep loving it!

Author's Response:

Wow. You are quite amazing to say such lovely things about my first ever Potterverse poem. Here is the honest truth about this: this is the first poem I had written since I was about 14, and that was... let's just say it's been a while. Since then, I think I've acclimated more to this particular genre, but to hear such touching things about my fledgling attempt to poetificate (I rather like that word, lol) makes me want to e-hug you.

I'm glad you appreciated the simplicity and the structure. What I wanted to portray with those is that they started so far apart, but gradually, their thoughts became less staggered and more in sync, with the last stanzas being in unison. Plus, with the simplicity, I wanted to show that in this struggle, they aren't really so unique. It's an age old (hence simple) and common thing. Git loves girl, girl hates git. Girl gets over hating git and finds that he's not so much of a git after all. Marriage, babies, and all that ensue for many happy years to come.

I've never read e.e. cummings, but I will certainly take that as a compliment, or even being likened to a real poet at all. The idea that you could love my work as much as any of that is simply extraordinary, especially since it's a genre I never read and I write even less.

*hugs* You are a star, and I adore this review. Let me know if you're thinking of applying for SPEW or SBBC, because I will certainly put in a good word for you. You have a talent for analysis, and in the case of SPEW, tact. :D

Good night/day/whatever time unit it is for you,

~Jess

Hello mahogany_wand! Ah, I always love finding some nice new poetry to review.

First, I'll get the critique-y part out of the way before I go to the good stuff. :) I was unsure about your first stanza. A more definite rhyme scheme would have worked better for me, as in the other two corresponding stanzas the singular words very obviously rhyme with each other (ex. "departed" and "fainthearted") while "broken" and "taken" don't seem to. Yes, I realize that this same combination was used later and I had no problem with it then, but by that point I was so engrossed in the poem my mind automatically made them rhyme to fit with the rest of what I was reading. I just spent too long reading over the first stanza trying to figure out whether taken and broken were supposed to rhyme (which says more about my stickler tendencies than about your writing.)
I don't know if that made any sense at all, and it wasn't a major thing nor did it affect how much I liked the poem, but hey, I try to put at least one point of critique in every review I do.

Ok, that's over! Now can I say: loved it loved it LOVED IT! Very prettily written. i loved how you manipulated punctuation and capitalization to make some stanzas more informal and rushed while others more pensive. It made reading an interesting experience and really enhanced the meaning behind the words.

I was especially impressed by the second, fourth and sixth stanzas. You chose such beautiful words, like "pondered" and "prayer" and "deeper" (sorry, just something about the sounds of those particular words which really struck me).

The way the parallel in the idea of lost religion was effortlessly worked into two stanzas was quite effective. It caught me off guard and impressed me a great deal. The same with the "changing his mind" idea. The last line in particular was beautiful and very emotionally powerful.

Most of all, you got me to reread this poem two or three times. That's more than I can say for most fanfiction poetry I've ever read. The first time through, I was a little confused, but I could tell that there was so much more I could get out of your words than what was on the surface, and I was not mistaken. Like:

lost his balance and
sank, deeper, deeper, and
the bubbles stopped and
he closed his eyes.

It took me till about the third read to really catch the beauty of that portion. Just so, so excellent. And even now, rereading again to write this review, I'm struck by even more lovely pieces which I missed.

So basically, I absolutely loved this poem. You have a very lovely style and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Cheers and Merry Christmas!

~o~ Karen

Aww, adorable! I think I may rather like this pairing after all. I loved your description of Hugo. This is the first time I've read a story involving him where I got a clear picture of what he looks like. You did it in a very subtle and non-exposition-like way, which I appreciate.

Love the snappy exchanges between the two characters. I find those almost harder to write than anything, so kudos to you for making it sound so natural.

Oh, and I think the title is very cute. Though I'll confess, simply based on the title, I came into this story expecting something a bit more explicit ;) I'm rather glad that's not what I found, as this was much better.

I'd write a longer review, but I'm afraid my mind is wiped right now. Very cute story, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

~o~ Karen

Author's Response: Hello!