well, wood is amazing. i love your adding him to the story! and i love how draco wants more than to just make out with ginny, he wants to make her laugh. it makes him deeper. awesome job oh, and it's portrait hole, not portrait whole.

goodness, Draco, talk about overreacting! that's cute that they're going to the ball together, though. i love balls.

Perfect! This is a new twist on the R/S fics I've read before. They all take place at school! This is so sad, yet so poignant, because it's right before he died! Everyone's perfectly in character, and that's what I love about R/S! Amazing job, and I can't wait to read more of your stories.

oooh hippogriff might be right! i didnt think of that....i just wanted to tell you what a perfect bully malfoy makes. its usually snape because we know for sure that he went to school with the marauders, but snape never really seemed to fit into that role....great job!

I LOVE that he's found a purpose.. running is good for him. I have to admit, though, that cargo shorts are impractical, though I really love the shirt.

What a decision for Rick! That would be really difficult for him. But his going back in time a little bit makes sense. Harry's game was precious, and I loved the description of Godric's Hollow at the beginning; it really provided contrast. Can't wait to read more!

I like your original character's name, first of all, and the fact that you don't introduce her character by her appearance of her friends, but rather by her brother and her pen, both of whom seem to represent her a bit. Her brother probably looks like her, too.

Malfoy's entrance is typically ridiculous. His exaggerated insolence is typical in canon. It's hard to get an idea of a time period here - is this their seventh year?

What's a Tiffany pen, exactly? You may want to explain that. Or everyone may know but me.

Pansy is typically fussy, and I like that you added that part of her character.

Just a question - are you implying in Draco's question that he doesn't know what pens are? I'm not entirely sure, but it seems as though one would need to be very sheltered from the Muggle world for that to happen, and I'm sure the Malfoys pride themselves on education, even if they look down upon Muggle artifacts.

Oh, I like the last sentence of the chapter! It even opens up the possibility of Laila being a Slytherin. And I wonder why her brother asked her not to hurt him? I look forward to finding out.

I love how you start right at the beginning with your descriptions. Your characters give off a feeling of familiarity, endearing them to the reader.

Perhaps the only other being in the Great Hall subject of more whispers than Dumbledore that evening, was the boy Harry Potter. This was an excellent transition. I think it might flow a bit better if it says 'subject to' and doesn't have the comma before 'was'.

The sound images you use are an amazing way to express the atmosphere in the Great Hall. The whispers and knife-on-plate sounds really give the reader a feel for what's happening in the Hall. Lovely diction, that is.

I enjoyed the references to Harry's adventure, like Ron's scar and Harry's reference to the Slytherins protecting him. It really captures interest! It also shows that a lot has changed.

“Don’t be silly, Ron,” said a bushy-haired witch with a Head Girl badge pined to her chest, There should be a period after 'chest' and 'pinned' has two ns. But I love how it's so clear this is Hermione!

Trelawny, also, should be Trelawney--Sibyll Patricia Trelawney, I believe, is the professor.

Ooh, and the Quidditch travelling team would have been such an interesting idea for unity! Now I'm sad there isn't going to be more. I knew that would happen.

Well, a lovely job on what there is of this story, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your wonderful writing!

aaaahhh!!! really good chapter! i hope sirius doesn't do anything stupid! i love how fast you're posting these...

i.e. writing Sirius’s instead of Sirius’ {incidentally, I have been writing in English for well over a decade, and while I am certainly not an English major, I am well aware that both are correct; however, I have always felt that the former sounds much better, and prefer to use it; besides which, the latter is usually only used for historical/mythological figures [i.e. Achilles]} First, I commend you for clarifying this! Most people don't realise that saying "s's" is actually correct. Thank you for pointing that out, and for making the extra grammar effort.


Goodness! Remus seems quite angry here. “Jocelyn’s dead, all right?” he snarled. “Jocelyn’s dead, Sirius is dead, and yes, maybe it is our fault, maybe it’s my fault, but unless you have a time-turner there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change things, so either take James’s advice and shut up, or leave!” The little touch of OOC-ness shows the reader how different losing our friends can make us.


The secret chamber was a brilliant invention! Something only the Blacks would know--excellent.


Now for the legend...