I was curious when I saw this in the BA challenge for this month, so I came to read, and, well, I was completely floored.

To be more specific, I really loved the way you developed the story from Ginny's hopelessness to her slight burst of anger at Ron and Hermione to her final comfort at the end. I was, to be perfectly honest, left completely breathless.


She stood among the white chairs, her eyes scanning the crowd that had gathered on the lakeshore for her brother's wedding. She saw many eyes staring back at her, brown, blue and hazel and even a few black, but no green. The way you use colours to show what Ginny is feeling and what she can actually see is amazing. Also, using eyes to represent the people is a good idea, as well, because it's still, successful and easy to know who everyone is and how overwhelmed Ginny feels by everything around her that isn't right.

And then, amidst the blurred colors and flowing robes, there was blue This is just an example, but the syntax of this story is stunning. It's really impressive how you can make Ginny seem so withdrawn and confused.

So cold and striking it was like staring into icicles, a frosty exterior she was beginning to break. It doesn't seem to throw off the cadence of the story at all that this sentence is fragmented and starts with 'so'; in fact, it adds to the effect. The only suggestion I would have for this part is to clarify how she's breaking the frosty exterior. Otherwise, it seems kind of like you're switching to Draco's PoV. You could say "a frosty exterior she was beginning to [notice, understand, see beyond, etc]" Just a word that doesn't involve something Ginny wouldn't know she was doing.

Excellent work, really. Like I said, it left me completely breathless and was entrancingly well-written.

The beginning is positively brilliant. It makes the reader curious and confused by the mystery, a great way to begin a stoyr. She gasped, the tightness of her corset made it all the more harder to breathe. I think this sentence would have better flow if it said 'all the more difficult'. Harder makes it feel like a double negative.

First of all, I love the idea of this story. The mention of Doge at the beginning was completely captivating.

Merchant ships arrive with their usual array of spices and other good. Did you mean to say 'arrived' and 'goods'?

"The Doge is a lover of art and firmly believe that artists ought to be allowed their eccentricities,” he tipped his cap, “playing the part of an eccentric artist just came naturally for me.” I love the characterisation you added here. The carefree spirit of your character makes everything very interesting. And I love the venetian words, too.

Bianca and Black. They're perfect opposites.

The part with the mask is emotional and sad. It's confusing at first, but once understood, it's heartbreaking. She saw the future and went to the only person who could deny it to her.

Lovely job, Miel. The story flows together into a web of memories and sadnesses, and it's beautiful. Oh, and I love the flavour of original fiction you've added as well!

Author's Response: Delaney!

Thanks for that great review. I\'ll go correct that double negation.

*lol* I know what you mean I sometimes even confuse myself as to where I\'m going whilst writing this.

Well, hello again. I hope you received and got something out of my last review. I just have one thing from the last chapter, then lots of things to mention about this one. Which was lovely as usual.

Dad and I don't have any, since we've been in hiding. They wouldn’t have bands anyway, as both of them are pureblooded, right? Is there a different colour for blood traitors? I was trying to figure that out.

It was like Hermione herself was not that far away, perhaps up in the Blacks's library researching useful jinxes and curses while Harry and Ron played chess nearby. Ginny’s denial is very sad. It really gives the reader a clear picture of the way she has to look at her life. And she’s really young, too, as I’m constantly reminding myself, which makes her sudden, forced maturation even more upsetting. You’ve crafted this story wonderfully, my dear.

Don't you want to ride a broomstick again, go swimming, breathe fresh air again?" In the setting, this comment is so unrealistic that it just adds to the surreal quality of Arthur’s suggestion. Most authors wouldn’t really dare to craft a story where these things weren’t even possible, but you’ve done it realistically.

It's witches and wizards like me who have nothing left to lose. Ooh. After seeing how Ginny feels about the resistance, this comment would indeed be a shock to her.

Ginny couldn't read any more of the copy. "You want me to be a mail order bride?" she gasped. Ha. I’ve read quite a few of the fics from this challenge, and I think this is one of the most realistic representations. Of course, her reaction is magnified in the reader’s eyes by your recent mention of her denial of her ‘stubborn side.’

I loved your portrayal of Bill and Fleur’s room. That was a good way to introduce another memory.

Ginny’s dream was powerful, too, and was a realistic decision on your part to help her choose to go. Even though everyone only had a couple of lines, you still made them wonderfully in character – I’m just so surprised they support Draco! Though there must be a reason for that, right?

…since it's so big and there are even fewer purebloods there." Well, of course there are. Good detail!

Thank you for such a lovely chapter. I must go to FIA soon to read the rest.

After having just finished reading Draconis and Ginevra yesterday and being thoroughly emotionally overturned by the rather heart-wrenching ending, I was rather wary of starting this now, but I'm glad I did. I'm reviewing on MNFF so I can leave a properly thorough SPEW review for you, but I may have to read the rest at FIA if I get too curious. Anyway, on to the review.

"As soon as we come up with something new they're just grabbing it off the shelves." I like this little reflection on the past. Oh, and you need a comma after 'new'.

The next bit is completely shocking - a Death Eater recruitment centre! (Oh, yes, don't forget 're' in 'centre.') But that's so sad. And brave of you, of course. Most people don't want to confront the idea of Harry's side losing any part of the war, mostly because it's probably not going to happen in Canon. This is an interesting twist, though, and I'm curious to see what it means.

Hers was a darker, subdued copper color, and she had always envied Fred and George's much brighter, redder shade. Oh, what a delightful little detail! I've always loved descriptions of Ginny's hair, and comparisons with the rest of the Weasleys are very uncommon.

No matter how many times she heard them, Cassie's words still hit her like a Stunning spell each time. This is a very raw exposition of Ginny's emotion, I think, and it's easy to imagine how she's feeling because you make the reader feel it too. Quite a talent, I think, and you utilise it well in your stories. Of course, the last time I saw George in St. Mungo's was when he was proposing to Luna as his sister died, so I may be a bit emotional about it yet. *cough*

Bloody George. He'd probably think this was some great lark. Oh, poor Ginny. I certainly don't blame her for being frustrated with him.

The next bit is.. awful, really. It's just a list that Ginny seems to keep in her head that she must have to consult and check off from whenever she begins to wonder what happened to everyone she loved. But why does she feel the need to tell him this, and why doesn't he already know? I'm sure there's a reason, but it might be helfpul for the reader to know the answer.

She tried to think if she had forgotten to mention anything, and decided not. Just another check-off. What Ginny's life has become is terrible, and so depressing... *sigh*

It happened all the time, and it didn't mean a thing. So she is numb to what's been happening. And goodness, after her list, I certainly don't blame her! I must say this is the least uplifting mail-order bride fic beginning I've read so far, but I certainly have high hopes for Draco's play in the rest of the story. I look forward to reading it!

This chapter means a lot to me in particular because you sent it to me while I was at Oxford and I read it in the East Garden one sunny day between lectures, Kelli peering over my shoulder. I felt very loved. So now I really want to leave it a SPEW review.

I like the characters of Molly and Ginny that you've presented - Molly an insistent mother, GInny simply the victim.

You used to fancy him, I recall. Is Molly really this dense, or is she just desperate? It seems rather silly, I must say.

Smiling indulgently at her mother, Ginny realized the only course of action that would allow her to escape a well-intentioned fix-up with her old flame was to lie. Oh, poor Molly. This line has always made me smile because Ginny is wily that way, and I like the way you present her.

it was hard to find someone who didn’t feel intimidated by her relationship with the savior of the wizarding world. This is an interesting concept that one doesn't often see in D/G fics but makes perfect sense. Harry's relationship would make Ginny's finding a boyfriend difficult. You mentioned 'men' a few times, and I'm assuming you meant wizards? You may want to include that.

There are a few times when it appears as though your spacing is off - there's a sudden 'enter' in the middle of paragraphs. You may want to check that.

Anyway, I like the way you develop your story to show that Ginny is getting desperate.

“Idsroodo,” she mumbled from her impromptu hideaway. Oh, I love that you managed to actually make this confused garble make sense. It's still a goal of mine to add this to a story.

The news upset her mother so badly that she had been in high dudgeon for a month. This little backstory adds nicely to the tale. Also, dudgeon is a delightful word.

At 'Ginny's eyes went wide,' the spacing goes funny again.

And Ginny had understood. I like the sudden realisation here! However, it doesn't need to be in the pluperfect because you weren't telling a story. In other words, you don't need to put 'had' there.

The next name announced hit her like a bucket of cold water. Ha! I can see why. This is a line characteristic of your writing, and I enjoy it wonderfully.

It's interesting that you began with fibs and ended with honesty being Ginny's salvation, an interesting combination. I've read several of the fics written for this contest, and I find this one easily the most believable and memorable, greatly because of your conclusion.

You know, I've never understood the concept of 'mail-order brides', and your story does a good job of showing it, in my opinion. Excellent work, dear Kate.

Author's Response: Oh my dear Delaney, I was so tickled to get a SPEW review from you! It\'s taken me forever, but I am finally getting around to responding. First, I really appreciate the thought and analysis you put into reviewing this chapter. I know that you put in a lot of effort to make your reviews constructive and thoughtful, and I have a lot of respect for your opinion. Second, it pleases me to no end that you have a happy Oxford memory associated with reading this. Really, I\'m smiling quite broadly. Now, a thoughtful review requires a thoughtful response. [i]Is Molly really this dense, or is she just desperate? It seems rather silly, I must say.[/i] Molly is just a fussy mother who wants to see her children happy and in love. She\'ll seize any opportunity she thinks might lead to the desired result. Unfortunately for her children, Molly is [i]not[/i] subtle. [i]Oh, poor Molly. This line has always made me smile because Ginny is wily that way, and I like the way you present her[/i] Unfortunately for Molly, Ginny (like a few of her siblings) [i]can be[/i] subtle. Subtly deceptive, at any rate. I\'m pleased you like this portrayal. [i]This is an interesting concept that one doesn\'t often see in D/G fics but makes perfect sense. Harry\'s relationship would make Ginny\'s finding a boyfriend difficult. You mentioned \'men\' a few times, and I\'m assuming you meant wizards? You may want to include that.[/i] I do think that Harry would be a tough act for any man to follow. I do tend to use \'men\' and \'women\' more often than \'wizards\' and \'witches\', and there is a reason behind that. All wizards are men, but not all men are wizards. They are human, and their magic is portrayed in canon as a genetic trait. \'Wizard\' just specifies that this trait is present, it does not supersede the fact that a wizard is a man. I\'m not sure what is up with the spacing. I\'ll have to play around with it when I have some free time. [i]Oh, I love that you managed to actually make this confused garble make sense. It\'s still a goal of mine to add this to a story.[/i] I\'m so glad you liked that bit! Deciding how to spell that out took a bit of time. I was very pleased with the end result myself. It would make me incredibly giddy if you did put that in a story. I\'d giggle myself silly. [i]This little backstory adds nicely to the tale. Also, dudgeon is a delightful word.[/i] Thanks, I hoped Laura\'s brother\'s experience would add a bit of credibility. I\'m glad you think it worked. I also feel compelled to note that I stole the phrase \'high dudgeon\' directly from P&P. It is used to describe Mr. Collins after Lizzie refuses him - at least in the BBC adaptation of the book. [i]I like the sudden realisation here! However, it doesn\'t need to be in the pluperfect because you weren\'t telling a story. In other words, you don\'t need to put \'had\' there.[/i] Little things like this are why my favorite beta is not allowed to go abroad when I feel like writing fic. *cough* [i]Ha! I can see why. This is a line characteristic of your writing, and I enjoy it wonderfully.[/i] I have specific writing characteristics? And they\'re good things? Good God, that\'s thrilling! I always feel like I\'m throwing things together all higgledy-piggledy. It\'s very nice to know that there is some commonality - and that it\'s enjoyable. [i]It\'s interesting that you began with fibs and ended with honesty being Ginny\'s salvation, an interesting combination. I\'ve read several of the fics written for this contest, and I find this one easily the most believable and memorable, greatly because of your conclusion. You know, I\'ve never understood the concept of \'mail-order brides\', and your story does a good job of showing it, in my opinion. Excellent work, dear Kate. [/i] I\'m happy you caught that. I like it when aspects of stories come full circle, or have some sort of secondary theme throughout. I try to incorporate those little additives in my fics, although it\'s a lot easier with one shots than multi-chaptered stories. And thank you for the praise. As I said before, I value your opinion and I know that you don\'t just hand out sugary niceties. It means a lot to me to know that you think I\'ve done a good job.

Author's Response: Ok, that mess was formatted when I typed it.

Well, here I am, listening to the review plea in the babble. I'm excited to read the story! I picked one with no long reviews so I can leave a sufficiently detailed one.

I like that you show how puzzled Charlie is at having to go to Romania. I've always wondered why JKR chose Eastern Europe. Still, Romania of all places? If I spoke this sentence aloud, I would pause after 'Romania.' Does that make sense? Maybe you could add a comma there.

The grass was of an ethereal green, punctuated by tiny shacks of those people who lived here for centuries, unchanging in their ways, living off the land. I love the picture this sentence creates; it's delightful imagery. I can see the mountains and little houses and endless pastures and such. It needs to be 'had lived,' though, as you're speaking in the pluperfect.

Oh, I like that you added that Charlie didn't know what sort of animals for whom he would be caring. And then dragons, of all things! The exchange with the driver is also very believable - a good example of someone who's not quite well-travelled attempting to be friendly with the countryside-people. The inclusion of Romanian is a nice touch, too.

I'm having trouble picturing a jovial issue of the "stop!" command, but I'll manage. *hee*

Everything looked so different, felt so different and he ached for the familiar. This realisation is brilliantly realistic. Charlie's inexperienced and embarking on a job that may be his career, and with a language barrier as well! I can imagine his feeling here, and you've captured it well.

Oh, what a frustrating ending! I hope it works out better for Charlie. The beginning of his story is interesting, though, and thank you for sharing it!

I never gave you an actual review to thank you for this lovely, wonderful story. It's delightfully haunting, just enough to seem mysterious while not being too ghost-like.

The solitary Always, when referring to the two of them being together, is kind of like a promise. An unfulfilled one, because she doesn't know why.

“What good would that have done?” he asked her in return, skirting around the answer she really wanted. Ginny stayed still. I kind of blinked at this part and tried to figure out what was meant by 'the answer she really wanted it.' It's so bittersweet and lovely, the way you wrote that.

It's so sad when he finally disappears - I can picture Ginny turning desperately around in circles, searching for something she'll never find. And the saddest part is that he does the same!

The last line of the tale really makes me feel the most for Ginny, and for her sudden realisation of her love. I love the repeated phrase 'it was only then' to capture the attention. I love it all, really. It's beautiful. Thank you again, dearest Perianna, and Merry Christmas!

Hello there! Canis Majoris, if you remember was the first fic I read. That was quite a long time ago. Now here I am, leaving a SPEW review for you! I love the relationships you've created between your characters, and my favourite concept has always been that, though distantly related, Jocelyn and Sirius are both Blacks and have been able to share experiences forever, something Hector never understood.

In any case, I love the way you began this. It's captivating, really. The reader is drawn in by Jocelyn's practice with herself, and her discontent is revealed immediately.

Besides, it wasn’t the thought of Sirius that had caused her to contemplate divorce for months now; it was life with Hector himself. This is an interesting thought, and unexpected. I'm glad you clarified that; it makes more sense and is more particular to your story that Jocelyn isn't unhappy solely because of Sirius.

At school, he had been in the same group as James, along with Peter Pettigrew and, of course, Sirius Black. This line is especially good because the reader probably both knows it from canon and from Canis Majoris, yet you still thought to include it. This is mostly because it makes it as though you're writing a companion short story, not an additional fanfic, if you know what I mean.

Oh, I love the paragraph after Remus's announcement. It's ridiculously sad, but very real at the same time. Your flawless syntax doesn't hinder it, either. The whole effect of Jocelyn's feelings can be felt right to the heart.

She felt oddly detached, oddly unreal. I don't know if you meant it, but you used the phrase 'strangely unreal' in the paragraph mentioned above. Maybe you could use another word instead of 'unreal'.

(Remus either didn’t know the details or didn’t want to tell them) Does this part have anything to do with Sirius, or is it just about Harry? That wasn't completely clear. Also, I would change 'them' to 'her', because that's an indirect object pronoun location, I believe.

'Putter along through life's mundanities' is a brilliant phrase, and a lovely way to express what you meant there.

For a moment they looked at each other. Then Jocelyn said in an odd voice, “That’s not funny. That’s not funny at all.” I've always wondered as to how Sirius's friends would react when they heard about this, and you've written it brilliantly. All the shock and horror and incredulity and such that would be natural when one best friend supposedly kills another is there.

After all, you could only destroy a person’s world so much at a time. Oh, this part made me unendingly sympathetic for your characters. How horrible a sentence this would have to be to think.

She disliked Crouch; he got on too well with Hector. That's a good idea, to make Hector a Crouch type. Is Hector in Crouch's department? Do they share any jobs?

Oh, Jocelyn. What a life, to receive news like that in such rapid succession and in such a way! I can't imagine what happened to her then. It's just so completely terrible - I hope she still has Remus in whom she can confide in the future.

Anyway, you've made another evocative, emotional masterpiece out of this, especially from Jocelyn's PoV in the presentation of events here. Thank you for sharing it, and for your story!

Thank you for sharing this lovely story! I enjoyed reading it, and the meeting at the end said more than them actually coming together would have, if that makes any sense. Though I would love to see what happens next. I gave you a couple of suggestions, in case you'd like to hear them.

I like stories that begin with a general statement, and you've done that wonderfully! You only need a comma in there, though, instead of a semicolon.

It's interesting the way you throw the reader right into the middle of the story in the first couple of paragraphs of Ginny's story. I like it! Also, the detail with which you discussed Ginny's successes as a Healer is well-done. The last sentence is curious, too! You capture attention with 'Ever since'.

The PoV switch, though it comes very soon in the story, seems fine when you're introducing your plot. 'Downhill' is one word, though.

Poor Draco seems completely troubled and disturbed by his loss, and I almost wish there was more to tell us about what actually happened that summer! Maybe it will be later, but my interest is caught, too.

“I’m coming, just hold on,” Harry retorted. How is Harry saying this? Is he placating, or frustrated, or annoyed? He seemed impatient to me, but I couldn't get a sense of his mood.

I like the way you set the scene for their dinner. It doesn't give too much information but allows just enough for interest.

She spun her ring impatiently around her finger, it feel like it belonged. This sentence would probably work better if you wrote "She spun her ring impatiently around her finger, but it didn't feel like it belonged." or "trying to make it feel like it belonged" or something like that.

Draco's confession, while it explains quite a lot, is given rather suddenly. Why did he tell all of this to the host? It may make more sense if he gives the surface details, like the location and purpose, to the host, and thinks the rest to himself. Does that make sense? Oh, and Firewhisky has only one 'e'. That's a good idea, though.

Oh, and the ending is simply unfair! I think you should write a sequel. I want to write a sequel. I enjoyed it, really! You do need a period after the last sentence, but I..just.. I can't believe she just fainted! How terribly inconvenient.

This story doesn't have a SPEW review. All the rest of your stories do. And I wanted to honor you somehow because of the author spotlight thing, so here I am!

Now. You know, what gives this story its wonderful draw and believable feeling is the dialogue of each particular character. It's marvelous characterisation and amazing dialogue, all in one! The exchange between Fred and George, the exhausted Chasers, Angelina's driven commitment, Ron's worry, etc, all blends to make this a very successful story from the beginning.

The Slytherin Quidditch team have never seemed to me like the brightest of blokes, yet you've captured their sometimes-dull wit very well. As soon as Slytherin enters the picture, the stalemate becomes obvious.

‘Yeah, maybe they’ll catch cold and die,’ offered Alicia hopefully The 'hopefully' tacked on to the end of this sentence is wonderful, and brings the whole scene into perspective.

‘When you’re done congratulating yourselves,’ said Warrington sarcastically, ‘I can explain how this is going to work.’ I don't know if you can picture it, but I was just sitting at my computer in the yearbook room by myself laughing at this line, and the preceding discussion. I'm also looking forward to seeing how one can win at T&D.

‘Uh, well, I sort of think that —’ here Miles mumbled incoherently — ‘isn’t so bad.’ Your second dash here needs to be inside the quotation, before isn't. Oh! You've been using single quotations! That's so lovely and British of you.

'Hey, no cheating!’ Alicia protested. Silly Alicia, doesn't she know this is allowed?

Oh, you’re so predictable, Potter,’ drawled Malfoy. ‘Dare.’ I can hear him saying this, but I'm having trouble seeing it. How is the team standing, if they are standing? Leaning on each other? I'm just curious as to the rest of them - I mean, it is a lot of people in the locker room. I hope that makes sense.

My turn now,’ Katie said primly. Primly. Perfect! And of course! It's like you can predict their exact reactions. Even though you're writing them. It almost seems as though you're just observing the story and describing it really well.

The entire locker room held their breath. This is difficult, because you're using the locker room as a synecdoche to represent its occupants (which is nice), but your verb does need to agree with your subject and object, so. It needs to be 'The entire locker room held their breaths.' or 'The entire locker room held its breath.'

‘Well, we don’t make any promises,’ Fred said indulgently. ‘These aren’t guaranteed yet.’ Love this line. Fred is so convincing that he may not even believe this himself, but he can sure scare dear Pucey (What a name. You did good research on the teams.)

‘Okay, so there’s only George and Ron left. Uh, I pick … Ron, I guess.’ Would he have said this right away? It seems more logical that he would have pointed to each of them, or something, and said 'Weasley and Weasley' or something.

There are just too many delightful lines to keep quoting, but rest assured you're doing a brilliant job of representing everyone, especially in their reactions.

The only other thing I would suggest you add is some sort of reference to Draco's bra when he says things sometimes. The other team members are bound to notice it, even if he doesn't.

In my opinion, there's no reason whatsoever you should be ashamed or embarrassed about this story. The writing is wonderful, the situation surprisingly realistic, and the outcome satisfactory. I'm very glad you decided to share this with the world.