*clacks fingers evilly* How many mods are you going to put into this story? *realizes that the "clacking" of her fingers is making very little impression, so ceases*

I felt that this chapter served mainly two purposes: to introduce (and vilify) Paul the Gryffindor, and to start thinking about Remus the werewolf.

And speaking of Remus the werewolf ... for lack of other information, I am forced to assume that he and Kim are sneaking out every once in a while to discover broom closets. Just kidding.

One tiny nitpick, Peter whispers "You don't think she's a werewolf, do you?"

I think you might mean "he" instead. It totally caught me off guard and made me wonder where the conversation had fled (I thought it might have fled to Nat, or maybe Kim). So yeah. Watch for that. :)

This is so fun to read. Quite enjoyable. I do hope you continue. Have a nice day! *D*

Author's Response: I\'m putting as many mods as possible into the story. It\'s going to be choc full of them. As for the she/he thing, i meant she. Peter was referring to Remus\'s sick Aunty. He was asking if perhaps the aunty was a werewolf. Work has already started work on chapter 6 and it shouldn\'t be too long until it\'s with you.

I thought you may have given up on this story; I’m glad to see it is at least alive. This chapter was very good. It showed James, Sirius, and Peter finding out about Remus’ lycanthropy in a different way than we usually see. It made for a very tense situation, with them insisting that he tell them what was up and him being frightened but of course he had to tell them otherwise they wouldn’t leave in time.

The rest of the chapter was only lacking in Kim and her buddies. James’ goofy grin was pretty nifty once I figured out what he was grinning about. Peter’s behavior after he won the Gobstones game was a good characterization, too, I thought. Sirius was just funny (especially when he was trying to figure out what was happening with Remus).

A few nitpicks...in the second paragraph “furore” should be “furor.” In the first paragraph, “A game that Peter was easily winning, he was quite the tactician.” isn’t quite a complete sentence; you might consider tacking it on to the previous sentence or adding a noun or two to make it complete.

Um, yeah. I like this story and I can’t wait to see it progress, so don’t give up all yet! Have a nice day! *D*

I’ll confess right now that I read this story when it first came out and didn’t understand it at all. I was very much in Ginny’s position. However, I have been thinking about it lately and may have a handle on it. In the end you, through Hermione, finally made it clear to me, though I am vaguely curious who it was about – not enough to pester you, though, so have no fear.

You’re always so good at communicating emotion; I could clearly feel Hermione’s grief and Ginny’s bewilderment (possibly Ginny’s better, because I was so confused). When Hermione blazed out at Ginny, I could feel the heat from her eyes. Your choices of words in both description and dialogue were very good in this story.

Speaking of word choice, the repetition of the colors – brown, black, white, grey – was an interesting touch and did a really good job of showing how Hermione felt about Lavender. She wasn’t evil, she wasn’t good, not anymore than Hermione, being a human girl just the same, was evil or good. I liked that you made Hermione seem more human than we usually think of her.

This is a short review. I’m sorry. All I have more to offer you at this time is a nitpick that you may very well disagree with: I don’t think it’s "mousey" I think it’s "mousy." However, do with that what you will. I still think you’re a great writer and I like it when I see you’ve updated, because even before you were my SPEW Buddy (*huggle*) I read all your stories.

Author's Response: A \"short review\"? We SPEWers seem to have rather warped ideas of \'short\'... almost as warped as college professors\' :-P

Honestly, it really means something to me that you read this story and took the time to try to understand it. It deals with very conflicted emotions, and it\'s hard to grasp, whether due to my writing or to the subject matter, I\'m not sure.

What a clever little story! The last sentence was my favorite by far. I also like what atkarid said, how Isla lost the evilness crown at the end when Tom stole the tiara and killed her. He had no reason, while she wanted revenge. There were a lot of good ties to the HP universe here, like how “Potter” was killed for being too much of a Muggle-lover. It must be a family failing.

So when you described Tom as surveying the Malfoy Manor “greedily” it made me wonder if he’d only come there to find an artifact of Ravenclaw’s. Helping Isla be a nasty little girl, could that have been an excuse to get there? That is what I’m sort of wondering.

Just one little thing that I might consider changing: your first sentence. I think I would rearrange it so that it would be: “It was impossible for even a blind man to overlook Malfoy Manor.” It’s just a tad confusing the way it is right now. Other than that, it’s quite well-written and very engaging.

Have a nice day! *D*

Author's Response: Wow, CA, what a wonderfully long review! Thanks, dear! Regarding the comment you made on Isla, well, she isn\'t exactly \"evil\" but maybe a little nasty, but basically she was humiliated and so wanted revenge but Tom was rotten from the beginning, and so Isla lost the evilness crown. And Tom surveying the Malfoy Manor greedily was intentional because all he wanted to do with that place was to get the tiara from Isla and he could go easily on the pretext of selling the cupboard to her. And I\'ll change that first sentence ASAP. Thanks again for the superb review! You rock!

This was a nice little story. I liked the way you wrote Old Ivor coming to terms with Jon leaving him like Ian did. Of course it would be hard for him, but it was the right thing to do, I’m sure of it.

Interesting that Dumbledore himself came to talk Ivor into letting him come; that man knows (or is it, now, knew?) so much, and cares so much about each individual – you could tell he was sorry that Ian had died in the war, but that he still wanted the best for Jon and for Ivor as well. I mean, how would the old man feel if he refused to let his boy go?

The part when Jon told his grandfather he didn’t want to leave him alone (or when Dumbledore told him so) was one of the best parts; Jon seems a very solid, loyal, loving boy. I would put him in Hufflepuff if I were to Sort him.

I liked the gossips; you did a good job with those. Ivor was [i]very[/i] odd, to me, hiding his money and watching people moodily. I might have reacted in much the same way as the gossips.

Let’s see...I have no nitpicks or flypicks or mosquitopicks at this time, your story was very good in that respect. I know it’s just a one-shot, but I still look forward to hearing more about this little family, if possible.

Have a nice day! *D*

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, CA! I\'m glad you liked the gossips, because those were what worried me - I figured they might make it dragged... ~bL

Seeing as this is one of my favorite stories and I’ve never reviewed it and I’m sort of scrambling, this is a marvelous time for me to review.

First of all, I love the character you’ve created here. Sarah is smart, ambitious, tall (gotta love tall girls), and a Squib. Now, I know you didn’t make her a Squib entirely of your own volition, but the way you portrayed it was great. And being a reporter is a perfect job for her.

I also think you got Percy spot on. I wish you had him answer the question about his family, but of course I can see why you didn’t. It’s better to leave some things to the imagination, and you got the rest of it right.

The Chocolate Explosion sounds just as delectable as ever, and I still love their interchange right before they get it. In fact, I would have to say that the interaction between Percy and Sarah is my favorite bit of the whole story. Except for the part where she leans up to kiss him. But that’s just me thinking how I could never do that. It works all right in the story, I guess. For a brazen gal like Sarah.

I don’t know what your original ending was (except that it was all happy and stuff) but I do know that I like this ending better. I think Shanae’s review reinforces that. You do sort of know all this already but it’s nice to be reminded after a few months that yes you do have talent as an author.

You don’t know this next part, though, because I never told you. You see, it’s a nitpick. Third and fourth sentences. The first has an ‘it’ as the subject. The next has a ‘they’. Something doesn’t quite match. Are we being picky? Perhaps. But, like you, I like to relish in the machinations of the words. [/being mean]

Good story. Since I am scrambling I won’t bother to go in too deeply about ... everything. But I will say I love it and I love you too. Have a nice day! *D*

Choosing a Ginny/Draco ship as the basis for a sensual ballroom dancing scene was probably the best choice; they traditionally have the dynamic that works well with dancing, and you took advantage of it very well in this fic.

I will admit to liking this version a lot better than the original one I saw – there is more explanation of the reason they got together in the first place which, as in any fanon ship, is necessary to the coherence of a fic. I even think there could be a little more of it; naturally the original relationship is not the focus, but all we get in this story is that it was based on lust.

I particularly like the fourth paragraph – the imagery is very nice in the first sentence. The little interchange at the end – including the contrast between warmth and chill – is also a part I like. You have real potential as a writer and I love you (just so at the end you don’t think I hate you, you know).

A few nitpicks, etc. This is an example of a couple instances I found: Ginny breathed in deeply as Draco began to move, she followed him in perfect succession. Instead of the comma, an “and” would be better used. Another example... When their eyes met his gaze almost tore her apartIt was so fierce, so strong, as his eyes glared into her own. The second sentence just doesn’t make grammatical sense. Perhaps if you combined the two and maybe even got rid of the “glaring” part, though it qualifies just what is fierce and strong...I don’t know. I’m not doing so well at this whole suggestion business. How about you say “When their eyes met his glaring gaze almost tore her apart; it was so fierce, so strong.” However, that is just a matter of opinion for clarity, you can do as you choose.

Finally, I would like to bring up a bit about the actual dancing part. I don’t pretend to know anything about the Argentine Tango, but I still would like to suggest, if you haven’t already, closing your eyes and imagining the moves as you have them written. There are a couple places where I can no longer follow what position they are in, though you are describing it. A few phrases like “facing him” or “looking over his shoulder” would help a lot. *is vague* In your defence, probably very few people will actually be paying too much attention to the actual movements of the dance, as they will rightly be paying attention to Ginny’s thoughts and the feelings that Draco arouses in her. I’m just an anal dancer like that.

I think you have Ginny’s character down pretty well in this and while Draco doesn’t feature very largely, what we see of him is pretty good too. It’s a nice little story. Have a lovely day, Anna dear!

Author's Response: *huggles to death* Thank you for the absolutely lovely review, dear. I\'m so glad that you liked it and will look onto those aforementioned sentences when I get the time. Again, love, thank you so much! *grins and hugs*

Okay. So I go to review this and realize that every single sentence is beautiful. How does one review that? I have no nitpicks whatsoever. This review will be unadulterated praise of the lovely Nan who can weave words in a way that makes me want to weep for their beauty.

Let’s start with the first sentence/paragraph. A queer sort of grace. What superb imagery that is, especially coupled with the crumbling facade and the qualifiers in the dashes (agreement with Eliza that dashes are love). It sets the stage for the rest of the fic beautifully. It is with a queer sort of grace that Percy’s thoughts unfold, methinks.

It’s true; Percy has always prided himself on exactness, which is making things difficult for him. He can no longer justify the justification of his actions in light of what he now knows. I love how we somehow know exactly where Percy is feeling this without you ever coming right out and saying it. The power of inference is strong.

The trouble was that it had been so easy, so simple to set up a spectrum as harsh and unyielding as the black and white squares of the Ministry floor, a spectrum with only two categories — those who were working for the Ministry (for the country, for the people, for the sake of all that’s good) and those who were working against it. This is one of my favorite lines. It combines the theme of black and white/light and shadow and what we know of Percy and his loyalty to the Ministry.

He kisses her heedless of the people milling around him, his coworkers drowning in the shambles of their beliefs (though there is a twisted sort of satisfaction in the fact that they were all wrong together). He can feel her body pressing against his own, can feel himself flowing into her. He wonders vaguely if kissing is the purest form of Legilimency and if through the kiss they can become one body, one soul. First of all, it struck me how unlike Percy – who was always so pompous and proper – to kiss her heedless of everyone else around him. For him, what other people think, especially in relation to him and his ambition, has always been foremost. The phrase “drowning in the shambles of their beliefs” is also powerful to me. This is definitely what Percy is going through, and the “twisted satisfaction” that he, and perhaps all of them, feel(s) [stupid grammar] is not enough to assuage the terrible turmoil inside them. I like that he “wonders vaguely.” I don’t know why. It just seems to me so SPEWly. I wonder if this line is what prompted the sudden rash of vague wondering that infected SPEW for a short while; I bet it was. The content of his wondering is also very nice; I don’t believe I’ve ever been kissed in such a manner that would prompt this sort of thinking, but it’s very romantic and a powerful thought. To skip ahead to the end, when Penelope cuts him short with a simple “I know,” it makes one wonder (vaguely) if some sort of Legilimency has occurred, or if the kiss is symbolic of the relationship that allows her to know him so well.

Percy’s childhood musings about what being an adult meant, and when it all became black and white – for it seemed to him, once, his parents did see things that way – were very thought-provoking and powerful. He knew more than he let on. He saw more through those horn-rimmed glasses than one would expect; one of my favorite lines is Percy, watching Uncle Bilius refill his glass again and again, realized that perhaps some people never learn, and so he ate the apples and was sick in silence, ashamed of his own imperfection.

I remember when you were writing this fic and you were trying to find a girl that it would seem plausible for Percy to be paired with. I am so glad you chose Penelope. As such a minor character, you can build her any way you want and you chose to make her the “realest person he has ever met.” They also have a clear history you can build from, and you certainly do. When he wonders if this is what being an adult means, “these tentative movements, first towards people and then away,” it is poetry and it’s nice to reference back when we know they were together. Any other character you may have chosen wouldn’t have had that.

His apology to her is lovely, and how she knows that he is struggling to say “thousands” of words that will prove to her how much he appreciates her and her sweet reality. And her sweet smile that silences him...it is love. Can I say that? It’s pure love, what you’ve written. The taste of forgiveness apple-sweet on his lips is a good line too.

Perhaps this is what it means to be an adult, this uncertainty and acceptance, regret and understanding. Perhaps it is. Nonetheless, this philosophical conclusion Percy has drawn from his kiss with Penelope is the perfect conclusion to the story itself. The little apple-sweetness at the end that I know I mentioned before is like the light dusting of sugar on lemon bars or something. It just makes it more perfect than ever. This whole story is ... not perfect, for nothing ever is, but it’s closer to perfect than I could ever attain, and so I look up to you and fangirl you like whoa. And that’s all I have to say at this time. Have a most lovely day, dearest Nan.

Author's Response: Getting emotions across without ever explicitly stating them is something I\'ve been focussing on a lot in my writing, and I\'m thrilled that you think I did it well. I\'m not sure about the Legilimency - it was a line that just popped into my head and I went with it, on the grounds that Percy is feeling extremely vulnerable and extremely transparent, and hes also afraid that Penelope is going to finally see him for who he really is and dislike that person; hence he\'s in some way afraid that if he gets close to her, she\'ll see through him. Or something. As for pairing him with Penelope, the reason I didn\'t want to was that I don\'t like the tendency of fandom to assume that because they were together in school, and because she\'s the only girl we ever see him with, therefore they must end up in a lasting relationship. The reason I ended up going with it was because the story is not about the relationship, it\'s about Percy, and I wanted to have as minimal explanation devoted to the pairing as possible - I\'m glad you thought it was a good choice. Thanks!

I remember reading this story on your LJ a while ago. I’m glad you decided to post it to MNFF because it’s a sweet little story. The banter between Cedric and Hermione, while perhaps not in quite in character for Hermione as we often see her in the books, is just lovable.

The way you interpreted the prompt was pretty original, too – at least, I thought so. The fact that all these boys see different things in Hermione, but somehow Cedric sees the real her (or at least something captivating) was nice. Because of you I’ve been a closet Cedric/Hermione shipper for a while now.

The flashbacks work really well with the present tense at the Yule Ball, I think. And the part at the end where he admits that he really wanted to ask her and they dance was possibly my favorite. Possibly not. But I like the idea that this is what happened after she stormed away — after all, we don’t really know what happened. I like your versatility in scenes; you showed what happened after she stormed away Viktory style and now it’s...Cedric/Hermione style.

Any corrections I might make are a matter of your personal style, so I wouldn’t ask you to change that and even if it were important you probably wouldn’t, so...I curb my natural tendency to nitpick in respect of that.

And PS: In case it wasn't clear, I like this story and I'm glad you're posting things to MNFF again. And now I'm done being random-like and wandery and disturbing your fragile peace.

Philbert, Toaster, Turnip, and Tiramisu?

I too must add my appreciation of the names chosen there. Also, I find that this is a very well-done parody. I don't really believe that Hagrid would've flown up to give Harry advice but with regards to the actual poem that it's a spoof off of that's probably the best choice.

For it being a poem, Harry was characterized pretty well, I have to say. Good luck on the challenge and all!

Have a nice day! *D*

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you so much for reading this poem and leaving such a nice review!I really appreciate the compliment on Harry. I\'m so glad you liked the hippogriff names - it is such fun to see forum members come by and pick up on that little bit! *Of course* Hagrid would never fly up to give Harry advice - he\'s way too big for a hippogriff, and his romantic advice is really a bit sketchy. ;o) Like you said - it\'s a parody, all in fun! I\'m glad you liked it, it was fun to work with this particular piece. Thanks again for reading it and leaving such a lovely review!! ~Gina :)