This story is so improbable, so wildly off the wall, it's a hoot. I can't imagine for a minute that the rather stuffy professors of Hogwarts would publish such a magazine, and I can't imagine for a second that Snape would consent to participate, not for any type of provocation. This utterly out-of-character behavior contributes to the humor as much as the actual words of the answers to the questions. I am reminded of the image of Snape the Boggart dressed in Neville's grandmother's clothes. Loved it.

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you liked it. The teachers would, of course, never publish such a magazine, especially not Snape! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I like this poem. It certainly makes sense that Ginny would wish to be anyone else, at this point in her life. Her previous problems (being the youngest, wearing hand-me-downs) were nothing compared to the incomprehensible disaster she found herself caught up in. This poem certainly deserves a review :)

Author's Response: *bows* Thank you for your gracious review! :) I certainly thought of Ginny when I saw the challenge, and I wanted to capture her young and naive mind in my poem, while still relaying the dangers around her. I'm very happy that you liked the poem. Keep reading!

Hi, Dawn. This is Vicki from Slytherin House, commenting on your story. It’s probably a sign of a good story if many different people can get many different messages from it.

What struck me immediately about your story was Lily’s initial behavior because it seemed to be a different characterization than the way she is often portrayed. She is full of accusatory statements: “Do I look like a damsel in distress?’ and “So you felt it was necessary to lie to our son,” and “Do you really find me that boring?” And this wasn’t all a teasing joke on her part; she really was angry, and she chose to interpret everything about James’s “innocent story” in the most negative way possible.

You show her attitude clearly with words and phrases like “wasn’t happy,” “disapproval,” “sharply”, “eyes narrowing,” “sarcastically”, and “the irritation.” And the clincher is “Lily had long mastered the ability to put reproach into any statement.” I tell myself that she is only twenty years old at this time and doesn’t realize how hurtful words can erode a relationship like slowly dripping acid, until the day finally comes when James decides it all just isn’t worth it any more. I want to reach into the story and shake her by the shoulders, saying “Don’t you see what you are doing?” We know that Lily and James were both dead a year after this story takes place, but I wonder, had they survived, whether their marriage would have survived. In the end, there can be wounds that kisses don’t cure.

I was more attracted by the second half of your story, where Lily stops being snarky and the two of them reminisce about their checkered dating history. You have a lively list of amusing dating disasters; I imagine you had fun thinking them up. And the end of the story has a clever twist, where you have Lily conceding that Harry’s made-up story is not more outlandish than what really happened.

Your sentences are fluid, with good word choices and variations in sentence structure to provide variety. There is not a lot of description, but not much is needed; the story all takes place in a baby’s nursery and consists chiefly of conversation, with a modicum of action (baby grabbing someone’s hair) and a little bit of internal reflection. Internal reflection can be overdone, so it is nice to see a story that relies on what the outside observer can observe: words and actions. From these we are to deduce the nature of the events.

You say in your bio that you don’t write fluff; maybe this story is about as fluffy as you get, but with hints of a darker undercurrent. That’s why I say that different people can get different messages from it. Nice job.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I always love getting feedback. I wasn't intentionally writing Lily to be quite as acidic as you are interpreting (she is supposed to be teasing in a couple of those places, though not all of them), though I did try to get some "darkness" into the story. For some reason I always assumed that Lily had a harshness to her that occasionally flared up when she was stressed or upset, and since they were in the middle of a war, I figured she would be upset a lot and it would occasionally slip out in her interactions with James and her friends. And I think she also kind of knew how she was acting, and would try to stop it, which is why her temper ebbs throughout the story. And yes, this is my version of fluff.

Congratulations on your first fic published on this website. It is fun to read, and fits well into the character of Neville's situation, trying to live up to people's expectations of him. It is realistic that, as a member of an old wizarding family, he would have a large extended family, and his personality as a child would invite people to give him plenty of advice as to what he should do (probably in many situations, not just in the selection of classes). And yet none of them has perceived what he really wants to do, as hinted in the final lines of the last letter. The fact that Neville was, in the end, able to withstand all this advice and make his own decisions is an indication of the inner strength which eventually became apparent to everyone.
Your writing is graceful, and the letters are varied enough in style to hint at the personalities of their writers. I'll bet you had fun writing this.

Author's Response: Thank you! It's really quite an honor to get a piece on Mugglenet its very self, which I've been on as a fan for years. I'm only just beginning to appreciate the hero-ness of Neville, despite his background, which of course is what JK wants.

Hi, Sophie. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. I have come across this little story which you posted almost a year ago, and I would like to comment on it.

First of all, I must say that you are a bit of a tease for failing to tell us how Ludo Bagman’s father managed to hoodwink Andromeda’s mother about the true cause of her bruised ribs. But that little point is a clue to Ludo’s character—he expects Daddy to solve his problems.

I interpret this story, in general, as simply an example of Andromeda kicking over the traces. We know that ultimately she ignored her family’s wishes by marrying Ted Tonks, and here we see the early signs of that rebellion. She is doing what her family would think of as “going slumming” by attending Quidditch matches and hooking up with, of all things, a professional Quidditch player.

You do not indicate in your story how long this relationship lasted, but it could not have been for long. What was Ludo’s appeal to her? His lovely smile, his being the antithesis of her family’s values, his being a glamorous Quidditch star. And his liabilities? She had him pegged as “not the fastest broom in the shed”, and he was slow to realize that she needed to maintain the fiction of being with Rabastan; if they continued the relationship, he would have blown her cover sooner or later and caused a blowup with her family. She was willing to do that, later in her life, for someone with the qualities of Ted Tonks, but not for a lightweight like Ludo Bagman. In Goblet of Fire we see a much older Ludo, still giving the impression of an overgrown schoolboy.

I presume, given Andromeda’s fling with Ludo in his deserted kitchen, that she hadn’t met Ted Tonks yet, but she probably would do so pretty soon, if she was to fall in love with Ted before leaving Hogwarts, so that is another reason to assume that this affair with Ludo was just a flash in the pan.

This depiction of Andromeda matches well with the character we know later, independent-minded, straightforward, willing to take risks. But I’m not sure why she considers herself lucky to have stumbled arose him, since she knows that this relationship has no future. Perhaps she is just using him for the purpose of “trying out” what it is like to be in a romantic relationship.

Your story is well written and moves along at a lively pace, with enough introspection to allow us to see what Andromeda is thinking and how her curiosity about the unknown is impelling her along this course. Andromeda in her later years is depicted as mature and responsible; who would have guessed the secrets of her teenage years? I enjoyed this story. Good job.

Hi, Georgia,

This is Vicki from your House of Slytherin. I was intrigued to read the first poem you posted on this website, to see how it was. And I was not disappointed.

This poem engenders sympathy in the mind of the reader for Mrs. Granger. Apparently she is not 100% happy in Australia, despite Hermione’s best intentions, because she still has a faint memory of her previous life. There was something very important; she can’t remember what it was, but she knows it was there. Perhaps the bond between a mother and her child is the strongest there is, so that even memory charm that obliterates every other memory cannot entirely eradicate that one. I wonder, did Mr. Granger also have the nagging feeling that there was something important that he should remember?

Comments on structure: there is some repetition of ideas, “But what it was, I cannot recall” and “What it is, I am not sure,” that provide a sort of chanting refrain.

The two longer lines, “A part of my life is missing,” and “They say that what you lose comes back some day,” provide variety, visual and verbal, among all the short lines. It is good to break up the construction that way, to avoid the possibility of monotony.

There is a forward flow in the poem. The first verse shows that Mrs. Granger’s mind is very vague, “Something is missing.” In the second verse she gets a little more specific; the missing thing is “a part of my life.”

By the third verse her mindset has changed; it is more positive and emphatic. “I want…” and “I will…” and the conviction “It will come back, I know it will.”

I would say that you were quite successful as a first-time poetic contributor to this site. I always enjoy reading things about moments or events that we know happened in the Potter world but which were never explored because they are outside of the mainstream of the story. We know that Mr. and Mrs. Granger went to Australia, and we know they came back again, but what happened to them while they were there? Good job. I liked it.

Author's Response: Hey Vicki, Seeing as this was the first poem i ever wrote, it holds a rather dear place in my heart. So I'm very glad you liked it. I've always thought that even though any memory of Hermione was erased from Mrs. Granger's mind, she couldn't never truly forget her daughter. Hmm, I never thought about Mr. Granger. I do think he would have felt somewhat the same, but perhaps less strongly? After all, a mother and daughter do have a special bond. Yes, missing moments from the books are always interesting to read about. They are by far, one of my favorite topics to write about. Thanks so much for your encouraging words. -Georgia

Hi, Sariana. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. After reading the first two chapters of your fic, I wanted to let you know that I think it is well done, beta or no beta. You have a very smooth writing style. The sentences are well constructed and flow well, with good word choices.

The story moves forward at a good pace, not dragging, even though it's just a conversation between two people in a hospital room. There is a good combination of dialogue, which impels the plot (the little we can see of it, so far), and inner thoughts, which give both background and explanation. And of course we readers are hooked by curiosity about what Snape has been doing for the past 20 years and what has caused his striking change of demeanor.

You have kept Hermione in the character we now, still concerned, even distressed, about her relationship with her parents as she struggles to keep a foot in each world. But you have shown us a radically different Snape,now about 58 years old, and we wonder what kind of wisdom he has gained in his later years.

I look forward to reading further chapters of this story to see where it goes. There seems to be enough imagination here to suggest more than just a routine romance. Keep it coming!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the lovely review! You've really nailed it, what I was trying to convey, that is. I actually have the next two chapters written (and posted elsewhere), but I've been really, really busy IRL, and chapter 5 is kind of stalled. I will get 3 and 4 posted here soon, though. Severus Snape is a fascinating character to me, and I spend a lot of time trying to analyze his motivations. There's a fairly simple--and mundane--explanation for the change in his demeanor, but it took him a while to get there. The next chapter gets everyone out of the hospital so the story can advance, but it is chapter 4 that has some revelations--about Hermione. ;-) I hope you won't be disappointed that this story is not a romance in the, well, romantic sense of the word. It is more a character analysis of two people who discover they really need each other, but not necessarily in the way they might expect.

Hi, Annie,

This is Vicki of Slytherin House. I see that you have been a member for a couple of years, so congratulations on becoming a contributing author also.

Your fic has a catchy beginning because of how the words are arranged on the page, giving a slow and tentative feel that probably matches Draco’s mood, and because of the step-by-step analysis of the signs of Hermione’s stages of anger. This is different from the usual plunge into the body of the narrative. It also establishes Draco as an analytical guy. Too bad he hasn’t analyzed what he’s doing wrong.

The story itself has a catchy beginning also—Hermione is dramatically leaving Draco because he has done something (we are curious as to what it is) to shatter her trust. At the end of the chapter Hermione drops the bombshell. “Draco, you’ve got a baby on the way!” Who is the prospective mother—some other woman? He insists that talking will fix this situation, but how? You have started with a bang and leave us with a cliffhanger. How could we not want to know what happens next?

Your writing is lively. You use active words to indicate Hermione’s mood: slam, thud, strewn, roughly stuffed, grabbed. We can already envision the look on her face, even before it all finally registers with Draco. Similarly, you portray Draco’s frame of mind through images that we can see: crossing his arms (a power move) and blocking the doorway (an aggressive gesture). But this is a bluff that he can’t keep up, and you indicate this by having him change his demeanor rapidly, first blocking the doorway and trying to be master of the situation, then reduced to begging. “Wait! Can’t we just talk? Please!” Without your having to say so, his behavior reveals that he knows he’s wrong.

There is not a lot of scenic description in your story, but I like the brief description of the kitchen; it is a clue to the whole apartment—small, basic, shabby—and opens questions in the reader’s mind. Why are they living here? Why is this the best that they can afford?

A couple of style suggestions. Your story is composed, in many places, from a series of short sentences. Sometimes for style, we want short sentences. But sometimes they can be combined to give a more fluid sweep of narrative. Here’s an example: “She didn’t answer. Instead, she walked toward the closet and got out a suitcase, laying it on the bed.” It could be combined like this: “Instead of answering, she walked toward the closet and got out a suitcase, laying it on the bed.” I’m not saying that this version is necessarily better, it’s just an alternative that we can consider.

The second suggestion is that you have some inconsistencies in verb tenses, where your sentences toggle between present tense and past tense. Not seeing a credit line for a beta reader, I wondered if you had had a second set of eyes to notice something like that. It would be an easy fix to edit in.

This chapter is short, but you have packed a lot of information into it, and it sets the scene well for whatever will come next. It has been the better part of a year since this chapter was posted, but I hope you haven’t abandoned this story. We readers have “Hopeful Wishes” too, that you will finish it up!

Hi, Dawn. This is Vicki of Slytherin House. I was looking through the titles published during the last year, seeking particularly good stories to nominate for the 2014 Quicksilver Quill Awards, and so I read your Marauder-era story about the four Marauders and Lily, and I was struck by what a wonderful story it was.

First let me say that the structure of the piece is well planned, one chapter focused on each of the five principals, but with the others playing supporting roles in each chapter, and well-conceived original characters providing depth and interest. I like that you have all the chapters occurring within the same general time frame, but without the stricture of having them all occur on the same day, which would have limited what you could do for maximum effectiveness. And by starting with James (and Lily) and ending with Lily (and James), you tie the two ends of the story together so neatly. I’m sure you did this purposely, and it works very well, giving a story arc to what is basically a non-plotty story. (I say “non-plotty” because, although things happen, nothing is resolved.)

Your depiction of each of your characters in his or her own chapter shows multiple sides of that character’s personality; no one is flat or has a one-note image. Sirius, for example, shows great restraint while watching the Death Eaters torture the Muggle girl, in contrast to his often impulsive and devil-may-care behavior. He acts the goofball when he is brought drunk to James’ and Lily’s house but is deadly serious when thinking about the tortured Muggle girl. And I loved your line by Sirius: I promise not to let your child ride my motorbike until he is at least a year old.” His usual flippancy, which is, unbeknownst to all, darkly ominous…

Peter is probably the most difficult of all these five characters to write, but you have created a good exploration into his thoughts, feelings, and motivation. I like your development of his thoughts as he overhears Cynthia’s words; ”It is easy to overlook him, I guess.” and begins ”…wishing someone would explain why the other three Marauders were friends with him.” He seems to vacillate between being glad to be part of the group and feeling like a total outsider, between being proud of his ability to understand people well and his anguish at not being able to be larger-than-life, like Sirius or James. A question that has always haunted us readers is Why? Why did Peter go over to Lord Voldemort’s side? What was he looking for, that he wasn’t getting from his friends? What could Lord Voldemort offer that would tempt him so badly? There is a clue in your line: “He had to stop doing this, had to stop finding the negative in everything anyone said or did.” He has a bit of insight but not enough to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life.

Remus appears to be more consistent; non-confrontational, long-enduring, frequently badgered by his friends to be something he’s not. In all his interactions, with Mrs. Rubrum, Moody, Sirius, Cynthia, James, nothing goes well but he never becomes riled, never gives up. He has a perspective that none of the others do.

You have created an interesting dynamic between James and Lily. Of the two, James is the more well-rounded character, torn in several directions by competing interests. Lily, on the other hand, is uniformly negative, to the point of being remarkably unlikable, almost unstable. Her expressed emotion is anger 100% of the time, with her hapless husband as the target. I find myself trying to reconcile this melted-down Lily with the more stable, loving (even though the war is still going on) Lily who wrote the letter to Sirius thanking him for the little broomstick gift to Harry on his first birthday. James must be a saint, to say “I would still take miserable and painful with you than not have you in my life at all.” But if it had continued indefinitely, he would have changed his mind.

Although much of this story is introspective and reflective, it is not too much so, as some stories are. It holds onto a firm balance between the action of here-and-now and the insight into why the characters are doing what they do. The writing is graceful and fluid, the word choices are apt, and the editing is refreshingly clean.

I think that these times and these events have been written about so much that it is a challenge to come up with fresh perspectives on them, and it is certainly a challenge to be successful in writing about a time span in which nothing seems to become resolved, no one is making any progress, and yet our attention is captured nevertheless. I enjoyed reading your story, and it certainly deserves to be included among the QSQ nominees.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the story despite its depressing nature and the fact that nothing ever gets resolved. I did have a lot of fun writing it, and trying to get into the minds of each character, and show how war can steadily destroy people. Peter was particularly challenging to write, and I agree that trying to understand why he switched sides during the war is something a lot of readers struggle with. So I was trying to make some sense of that.

Hi, Georgia,

This is Vicki, your Slytherin housemate. I am reading your old stuff tonight and having a good time.

This is an interesting poem, and an interesting subject. You suggest that the merpeople know about Voldemort, have been watching him somehow, and know that he is evil, but they also perceive that, so far, he doesn’t pay any attention to them because they have no value to him. In his pursuit of world domination, he has failed to think about the creatures under the water, or if he does momentarily think about them, he believes that they are weak, unable to resist him.

But, say the merpeople, they will eventually prove him wrong. Your poem suggest that they will not enter the battle of their own volition, as did many non-human species at the Battle of Hogwarts; the merpeople will fight only if they are directly threatened. “If he ever comes below, he’ll hear our battle cry.” I wonder if this means that they would fight only to protect their own self-interest, or that they could fight only if he came to them in their watery kingdom because they cannot leave it.

It’s a compact, neat little poem, easy to understand. The rhyme is not totally consistent in the fourth verse, but that doesn’t matter. It has a freshness and a unique point of view. I enjoyed reading it.

Author's Response: Hi Vicki, It was a rather strange subject to write about! It was for a poetry exchange, so I had to go with the prompt. It took a very long time to figure out what I was going to write, that's for sure! As is often in the books, Voldemort tend to underestimate magical creatures such as house elves. He would never really pay attention to the merpeople, because he thinks they pose no threat. The merpeople, on the other hand, know how evil he is, and have decided that if ever threatened, they will fight back as hard as they can. They don't particularly care, however, about whatever else Voldemort does as long as it does not affect them directly. I'm glad you liked it! -Georgia