Hmm. First off, I would lower the rating to 3rd-5th yrs. This is nothing against the poem, of course, but I feel that the darkness within it is more a 3rd-5th yr level.

Now to the nitty gritty. *chuckles* I really enjoyed how you incorporated the Unforgivable Curses, along with looking into the future. That was a rather smart way of dealing with the forthcoming darkness.

I also rather liked the "palindrome" element to this poem. It really helped to tie it all together, especially towards the end.

Just one note on diction. You use "look" for when gazing into the crystal ball. I think a stronger word is needed in order to really invoke a sense of darkness and danger. It's up to you, but words like "gaze" "stare" "peer" would all make the statement stronger.

Overall, I rather enjoyed it. Even if it was dark. :) Bring on the darkness! Keep it up. ~Nagini

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, particularly the comments on mood: it's something I'll definitely consider in future :) x

First off, I want to say that you had beautiful imagery. My favorite line was "mingle in me like a storm." I love how that ties into your title. :)

Now I want to talk about punctuation. I love that you branched away from the norm. I generally enjoy not using punctuation in poetry, too. However, I think in this case that punctuation would have been better to emphasize some certain points, like in the last stanza when "hope" doesn't stand out. Now, I realize that it could have been done on purpose, to indicate that hope is hidden within everything else and doesn't always surface. It could also indicate that hope is used so many times it has lost its meaning. But I am wondering if perhaps it should be emphasized a little more. It doesn't have to be with punctuation. By simply hitting "enter" and making the word its own stanza would help. That was just something I noticed. Again, it doesn't actually need punctuation. I'm just musing whether it's effective without it or not. I think in some cases it is, like with your first stanza. Each idea is very separate and disconnected, helping to give that illusion of a person trying to take it all in. So, I think you did a very nice job by leaving out cumbersome commas to really help make this piece more jerky in an emotional way.

However, the capitalization threw me off. I think it would have worked better to not use any capitalization. Making the "I" be lowercase would definitely help to emphasize insignificance or feeling detached. Making all the letters be lowercase would also contribute to the sense that the world is not as it seems anymore. Just a thought.

Overall, though, I really did enjoy how emotive this piece was. Pretty raw and simple, cultivating that hollow part in me. :) Good job!

~Nagini Riddle

I have to say that I was rather impressed by the structure you used! :)

Before I stand in awe, there is one note I would like to make: I expected in the last stanza for the first line to read "that dreamy man bent down on one dreamy knee." So what happened? You may want to fix this, unless you feel that it is unnecessary.

Anyways, I absolutely enjoyed seeing Lily's growth in this poem, and the stages of her crush getting worse and worse. Of all the lines, my favorite had to be "and proudly struts to the winner's ring" because it was the line that gave me a mental image of arrogant James Potter strutting about.

I also really enjoyed the emphasis placed on each stanza of the "chosen" words: silly, stupid, crazy, dreamy. These are all words I usually associate with crushes, because it is so true- they are silly and stupid and crazy, but the guy is so... dreamy!!!!!! You captured this so well! Fantastic job.

The rhyme scheme was brilliant for the subject of the poem, because it was slightly goofy, suggesting that James is ridiculous and that Lily is being driven mad by it, but it is a light tone, rather than dark. I'm rambling now... :)

Searching for my silly crush, stupid dream, crazy love, dreamy groom...

~Nagini Riddle

I wonder what else Snape has to tell Harry! I thought he had told him everything! What a cliff hanger, and now I have to read more!!!!!!

Author's Response: I know! I'm sure that everyone just hates me since I haven't updated for months! BUT don't worry. I'll have an update in by next week. Promise. (And that will happen since I just promised you and I like to keep my readers happy) :) So that update will be in queue no later than May 16, 2012. Deal? Deal. Thank you (again--honestly, you're so great for reviewing every chapter!) for your review!!! ~MJ

I don't know if her will tell her the truth, but I want to know what illness his wife had that couldn't be treated! Also, I feel like I'm missing something: this is the third fic that has put Lavender as a Werewolf or having been bitten by one- I don't remember that being in the books, but perhaps I missed it. If not, was it in a JKR interview?
Anyways, really well written. My only regret is that Snape did not speak at all! :D

Author's Response: Um, no, I haven't made her a werewolf - that's Neil. Lavender fell from the balcony and Greyback fell with her. He was about to savage her and possibly did claw her, or bite, and was then hit by Hermione and then Trelawney. She's not a werewolf in my story because she was attacked by one that wasn't transformed, (like Bill). Glad you liked the story. I wasn't sure what purpose Snape would have in the story which was why I didn;t include him. It was a Dumbledore McGonagall thing :)

I didn't want to go into details with Xanthe's illness, or make up something Magical, so I imagined that she had cancer or something similar.

Thank you for the review, and especially for this story which hasn#t had many reads or reviews. ~Carole~

Oh limericks. They make things have such a goofy feel to them.

I rather liked how you were able to lay out Harry's life in this poem. It sounds like you had fun, though I'm sure trying to keep the rhythm and rhyme was a hassle.

There are some spots that just didn't flow right with the rhythm. I would reread it out loud and find what I'm talking about, because some lines felt too long, and others felt a little forced. The one stanza that really stood out in this matter was this one:

Some good years he spent learning in bliss
Never knowing that much was amiss
Then year four came along
And it all fell to wrong
Voldemort was back from the abyss

Notice that the last line doesn't fit with rhythm? There is an extra syllable that is causing the line to feel jagged. First, "Voldemort" doesn't seem to fit with the rhythm. This has a "duh duh dun duh duh dun duh duh dun" rhythm, and Voldemort doesn't seem to fit that pattern. You want inflections to dip here and there, because that's what a limerick does. I realize that you have nine syllables for the first two lines and need it for the last one, but the nine syllables used doesn't seem to work. I would change the line to "The Dark Lord did come back from the mist."

Just make sure to read your poems out loud. It is easier then to spot things like punctuation and grammar and rhythm. ;)

Other than that, I had a fun time reading this ditty about Harry! It was light-hearted and a great way to remember the hero.

~Nagini Riddle

I shall feed you.
I like the contrast between hate and love, though now it's beginning to feel cliche in this world!
Very nice!

I have made it this far. :)
Hmm... I loved the wrench of the daughter! Very nice! And Lydia's anger felt so real.
I do think that some parts moved a little too fast. Like when he sent the death eaters to kill Hadrian and capture Lydia. I think you could have built the suspense slightly more, because I know you are very good at that in your previous chapters. But overall, it was very good! Can't wait for the epilogue! (and the rebirth of Lydia? ;). )

Author's Response: Thanks! I agree that the order to capture Lydia could have been built up more slowly, but since it's all from Tom's perspective, I wanted her death to sort of be a shock, as it was a huge shock for him. Tom really was completely confident that his Death Eaters would follow his simple instructions and ever since he met Lydia there have been ups and downs and she'd always come around and forgiven him before. It really never occured to him that it could all go wrong so quickly and I was trying to force the reader to see it that way too (though, now that I think about it, I guess it does sort of just jump out a bit doesn't it?)

I'm afraid Lydia won't be getting a rebirth (she drew the line at Horcruxes). However, her nephew will at least get mentionned as well as a prophecy.

Thanks for reviewing,
Hypatia

Is this the end????????????????
I only ask that because your story says no next to completed.
Anyways, I love Snape!!!!!! :) Amazing how similar Snape and Riddle were! Both slytherins, both half bloods with pure blood mothers and muggle fathers, both in love (in your story) and lost that love because their ambitions got in the way. Both lost those loves to magical deaths. Sigh. I loved it!
And now it is done. But I really like the prophecy idea you put in! It makes me want to write a story where Lydia survives and becomes the dark lady. *scary music* But I see that is was necessary in order to show how Voldemort could not bear the pain of love.
I wish I could have been inside your head, because I'm quite jealous of this story! :) the characterizations were beautifully done and believable!!!!
Now it's over. What will I do????? Probably fantasize about Tom and Lydia... Or Tom and I...
:)

~Nagini

Author's Response: Sorry Nagini: I completely forgot to check that box. This story is now complete. I might try writing more about Tom and Lydia (or perhaps Hestia) someday, but that will have to be another story for another day. If you ever write the version where Lydia lives, I'd be happy to beta (I've already played around with the idea in my head quite a bit, but for the purposes of this, that breif glimpse in Calypso's pool was all I could manage).

In some ways, I think Tom would almost see Severus as the son that "might have been", even though he was Lydia's nephew and not related to Tom at all. They even both have black eyes.

*sigh* I still can't believe the story is actually complete and over. I mean there were definitely days when I thought I would never be able to connect the current chapter to the epilogue (this was actually written about a year ago) but somehow (and largely due to excellent betas) we got there.

Thank you again for each and every review you've written for this,
Hypatia

Wow, Lydia is one Dark Lady!!! I don't think I could have the heart to do such a thing. It makes me wonder what exactly goes on in Lydia's head. Since we see everything from Tom's view, I become just as surprised as he is. Another good chapter that I loved! You have no idea how torturous it was waiting for the update! So, I leave this review in hopes that you have enough free time to write the next chapter and update soon!!!!!!!!!
Left on tenterhooks,
Nagini

Author's Response: The topic of Lydia's viewpoint has come up before. At one point I'd considered writing a sequel to More Than A Game instead of expanding it by using excerpts from Lydia's journal. However, I don't think she would have dared to write down a lot of the things she's been up to, so hopefully this works better.

I hate to say this, but there will probably be a long wait for the next chapter as it's barely outlined yet and my workload just increased. On the bright side, there are about three upcoming chapters which are almost entirely written so once we get through the next one or two, the updating pace should pick up again.

Thank you for reviewing,
Hypatia