I really liked this and it's really good for your first poem! I am a new poet myself and I think you should keep going with poetry! I can almost imagine this being a song, it has that sort of rhythm to it.

Wow, this was really good. I thought you captured Molly perfectly, and the part about Andromeda was really sad. I'm sure that was the emotion you were trying to get across, though, so great job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed the piece. ~ Megan

Oh my gosh! This was awesome, and congrats on it being your first story! You had me nearly in tears one moment, and laughing the next. I've always loved Neville/Luna, and you should definitely write more with them. I'll be sure to read it.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I like Neville/Luna too, and initially I was annoyed with JKR for saying they didn't get married, although I've come to feel that Luna was probably really meant for somebody as weird as she is, and Neville just isn't.

OMG, I'm sorry but I hate this song (no offense), but this was hilarious!! I loved the reference to Simon Cowell!!

Author's Response: yes, i was struggling with a rhyme with owl - hahahaha. Oh, I love the song. It's so catchy and baaad, that it has to be celebrated. I was on holiday in USA this summer and it became our anthem - ha. Thank you. ~Carole~

This was really good and I can't wait to read what happens next! Your characterization is really nice, and your writing style easy to read. :) Adding to my favorites so that I can see when it's updated!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

I was really glad to have read this story, for I saw the summary and expected complete D/A, though it wasn’t even categorized as this and it wasn’t completely. This set it apart from many other stories, because there have been so many about this loss and because of this, it is important to make a story on this topic your own. You did this very well.

I love the metaphors you used, they’re almost haunting and fit the mood perfectly. You describe things in fantastic detail that allows me to have images going through my mind as I read. Sometimes this doesn’t work as well, but here it’s great. I especially liked the description of the characters, and the cemetery was amazing as well. It’s almost like you’re characterizing an object, a place, and describing it. Something else I really enjoyed how you don’t call everyone by their name, or call them something different every time. It really helps so that we don’t get sick of hearing one character’s name.

The characterization of Molly is spot-on, even though we don’t see many stories focused on her. I really enjoyed the relationship that you’ve portrayed with Angelina and George - it suits what we’ve seen of Angelina so well, and George too. Your description of how people feel in loss is spot-on - at least, it’s exactly how I have felt, in the case of loss. This just made the story much more connectable and realistic.

I enjoyed the level of your vocabulary that you used - it’s slightly advanced, but not too much so. You did have a couple of SPaG errors, but they didn’t draw away from the story too much. Just giving it a read-through, or having someone else do so, would make it better.
“And Ginny's -- her beautiful, nothing-but-brave daughter, who bounced the semi-placated Teddy in her arms, Harry standing close behind.” This sentence bothered me slightly - it almost sounds like Molly is insulting Ginny by saying that she’s ‘nothing but brave’. Possibly change this to something like ‘oh so brave daughter’ or something of that sort, to make sure your readers know whether or not you’re trying to say something good about Ginny or not.

I enjoyed how you had the addition of Bill and Fleur’s child - it made it so that it wasn’t just George’s story. Another thing I loved was how Angelina came in, I wasn’t expecting her but it was a nice surprise. It gave us that little light, the little flicker of hope and romance, in a dark place. I liked the differences that Angelina pointed out between George and Fred, it is probably something not many of us would have thought of. I certainly haven’t, and it made me see both of them in a new light.
“The little dash separating two dates.” I swear, this sentence gave me chills and I had to read it over again. I don’t know if you created this, but I’ve never heard it before and it is fantastic.


I feel like your story gives us the message that, however well - or not - we may get over it, a loss will always stay with us. The snippet from the background of Angelina’s relationship with George was perfect. The little joke at the end made it all a bit resolved and happier, so that you didn’t leave us with a completely depressed feeling.

Thank you so much for writing this, and putting it out there so that people could read it. I enjoyed reading it, and reviewing as well and hope that this makes you feel good about your story. I’m glad that I clicked on the title! Great job again ~

Emma

Author's Response: I'm not even sure how to respond to such a thorough review. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave this, it was wonderful to read your thoughts.

Loss is so strange to write about, I think, because almost every one has experienced it to a degree and experienced it differently. It's hard to pinpoint feelings on the topic, so I would say I am pleased that you found it connectable in that regard, but that feels crude to me as I'm sorry that you had to experience it enough to have an opinion on it in the first place.

About the 'dash separating two dates' comment -- I think it is so interesting you found it to be fantastic. I remember the first funeral I ever attended, the person giving the eulogy said something along the line of how we are all so much more than the dash that represents our lives. It was ages ago, but it always stuck with me because I thought it was so very true and wonderful in a way. So I can't take credit for it, but I'm glad it seemed to give you the same feeling it gave me when I first heard it.

Thanks for suggestion on the 'nothing but brave' line, I never would have thought of it that way until you mentioned it, but I think you are right. I will also keep an eye out for the SPaG errors, as I know my mind gets ahead of my fingers way too often.

Thank you again for such an extensive review. It made my day that you took the time to leave it, and particularly that you said you were glad you clicked the title. That's really the best thing you can hear about something you write.