Abi! *hugs SPEW-buddy*

You know how hard it is to find a story on your Author’s page that hasn’t been reviewed by three dozen SPEWers? You are certainly blessed with getting some amazing reviews. I know why, though, now that I’ve read one of your stories. You’re an amazing writer!

I love these missing moments stories and you did a good job characterising Penelope Clearwater, a character that we never really see in the books. Percy, too, was very well done. I especially liked the way he reminded me of Ron at times, while still being his own character. For example the distinction he made between girls and Penelope, who he saw as he person, not a girl, until that one class when he realised she was actually a girl as well as a person. That reminded me of Ron and the way he sees Hermione a lot.

Percy’s shyness was also an adorable character trait. I liked how it took him a while to be comfortable around Penelope, but then during the scene in the empty classroom you describe he was again self-assured, like we know him to be around his family.

Although Penelope’s reaction to being seen was nice as it showed a more light-hearted side of both her and Percy, I would have liked to know what she was feeling, because she was the one who wanted to keep their relationship a secret. Would they simply trust Ginny not to tell anyone, or would Penelope ask Percy to talk to his sister and make sure their secret was safe with her? Your story left these questions unanswered and I would have really liked to know how this affected the relationship of Percy and Penelope, or if it didn’t affect it at all.

‘What —’ Percy began, but that was all her could get out before Penelope pushed him back against the door and pressed her mouth to his. I caught a small typo here, this should be ‘he’ not ‘her’.

You’ve got a really lovely story here, Abi, I enjoyed reading it very much.

Rhi, you amaze me! There have been quite a few George-without-Fred stories popping up all over the fandom, but I have stayed away from them so far, because I didn’t think most of them could do the loss George must be feeling justice. He lost his twin brother after all and the closeness they had is hard enough to get right, without adding the loss of it onto that. You manage to convey the depth of Fred and George’s relationship and the crippling pain and loss George feels after his brother’s death fantastically.

The pain latched its greedy tendrils around his heart, its spiked nails anchoring deep into his flesh. I love all the imagery you use, but this has to be one of my favourite images. It’s so violent and painful and it really made me realize how much Fred and George were an entity and not two separate beings. There are quite a few images I loved throughout the story: Fred and George as a jigsaw or as the opposite of Siamese twins one person, forever trapped in different bodies, the marvellous personification of Death in the beginning, to only name a few. All of them put together painted a vivid picture of George’s pain that is despite the sadness of what it shows a true masterpiece!

He had thought magic could conquer anything. Now, he knew the truth. It conquered nothing; but merely gave false platitudes and sweet illusions. Here we are, or maybe not we but a lot of other people, wishing we could do magic and thinking all our problems would be solved for us then, when what you write here is true, magic can’t combat death or natural disasters and it doesn’t mean there will be no more war or suffering, it’s really not the answer to any important questions or problems. It’s a very discouraging truth, but it’s the truth nonetheless.

He was broken now. I liked the repetition of this one sentence very much. Repetition seems to be the favourite tool of D/A authors and lots of them use too many or unfitting repetitions, but you placed them very well so they added to the atmosphere of the story and didn’t distract from it. The quotes after this repeated line were nice, although in the beginning of the story they seemed to lack an actual connection to the narrative. Towards the end you the quotes’ general idea seemed to be picked up again in the narrative after the quote and they added a whole new depths to the story, but in the beginning they seemed very random and I had no idea why they were there as they didn’t seem to serve any purpose.

From the womb onwards they had been one unit […] George couldn’t understand how, now, to act solely on his own. This is such a heartbreaking though. It’s like he has to learn how to live all over again, because he has never had to do anything alone and he doesn’t even get time to get used to doing smaller things on his own and then more and more; no, he has to do everything on his own right away. Kind of like throwing a child into the water and telling them to swim without explaining and teaching them how to.

The tears had dried up now, evaporated under the fierce heat of his pain. The tears recognised him as broken; a worthless endeavour on their part to stay. When I’m feeling sad or lonely or after a particularly vicious fight with my parents a good cry always makes me feel better. It’s like the tears wash the hurt, anger and pain away and I can go on again. I can’t imagine not being able to cry and have this outlet for my emotions, I don’t know how I would function. Poor George! As harsh as it sounds, but it would have been better if he had died with his brother and could have been spared this suffering.

You’re an amazingly talented writer, Rhi, this story is a real gem and I’m glad I read it.


Author's Response: Thanks so much. I don't even know how to reply to this review, it's so beautiful. All I can say is thank you for having so much to comment on, you've really made my day! x

Draco/Ginny is and always has been my OTP, but I don’t think I’ve ever read a Draco/Ginny story that wasn’t AU after DH came out. I quite like the way you stayed true to canon here. It’s very sad and melancholy, but also very beautiful. The parallel structure you use to show that Ginny and Draco feel and act the same way, even though they don’t know it, is a very poignant way to show how right they are for each other and how similar they are. It’s as if the other one is present during their walks, even though they are miles apart, they are very close in their thoughts.

They had chosen, and had chosen wrong. This line is, in my opinion, the most tragic in the whole story. It carries the weight of all Ginny and Draco’s feelings in it. For me it was more emotional than Draco finding out that Ginny is dead or his visit to her grave. This is the one line that nearly made me tear up, because this is the point where it all starts going wrong. Before this moment they still had a choice, they could have chosen each other and happiness against all odds, but they didn’t, and now they can’t undo their choice and have to settle for second best and maybe a little sliver of happiness when they could have had it all.

Draco stared up at the trees as he walked back home, decades later. […] He stared as the red-orange leaves fell apart.

He shuddered, and looked up at the fire. But it was out, like last night. He doubted it would ever be lit again. I like these two images and how they tie in with the image you used earlier of Ginny lighting up Draco’s life and being the only light during his darkest hour. The leaves represent the smaller image, leading up to the more powerful fire image nicely. At first summer is over, signifying Ginny’s death, but summer will come back, so the image doesn’t carry the finality that the fire image does. The fire image to me symbolizes how Draco will never be warm and happy again, that there’s an essential part of his life is gone and he will never be able to get it back.

I also really really liked that Astoria knew that Draco loved another woman and that he wanted to be alone on his walks to think about his lost chances. At first she seemed to be a rather simple woman, but this shows that she really does know Draco and that he is indeed lucky to have her, maybe luckier than Ginny, because even though Harry jokes about her wanting to see if the world is still out there, I don’t think he really gets the significance these walks have for Ginny.

Every aspect of your story taken together it makes for a lovely read and is a pice of writing I will definitely recommend to others.