I think you've created an interesting story thus far. You've created a wonderful new character (admittedly at the expense of one my personal favorites :( ). A few things: first, make sure to go back and not have Sara say Harry's name in front of her parents. She said called him Harry in one sentence and James in the next. Secondly, but probably more important, the story seems to have a "rush" to it. Not sure if you're pushing it to a crescendo or just feel you need to push it along for your own needs, but there are areas you should go back and add more depth. I do like the general story and you obviously are a good writer. I will continue to read and I await your next chapter. Thank you for taking the time to share with us.