Hello their. I have been writing fanfics for a little while now, and am loving it. In my free time, I like to play PC games and hang with friends, and, obviously, write.
HMM... it is good. I think that Dumbledore telling the whole school that one childe will get an owl to say that his parents are dead is a little out of character. Also, Molly is pure blood, so her parents would not be muggles. Next time, you may want to reaserch a little better, or put an AU warning, because I dont thiunk it is cannon for James' parents to be aurors. Besides that, however, great job! I loved the feeling that you had at the end, with the kiss, but next time you may want to describe a little bit mroe of the tension is the common room with the owl and stuff. I am giving you a 7, but I am a hard marker!
OMG.... I just read the hole thing non stop, from the first chp to the last.... AMAZING!!!!
OMG!!!! I loved that fic. A tear is slowly driping on to my key board as a right this. My spine has never felt so cold and icy before. I loved the way that you wroght it like Ginnys journal, but there were a few an answered questions and things that did not make sens, but they did not interfear with the fic to much. Keep righting!
exelent fic. i love your detail and how you discribe everyhting!
WOW, that was a very well thoght out and inspiring fic. I loved the way that you talked about the balance between evil and good, black and white, ying and yang. I also liked your discription of snape as a boy. One question, how did he do the magic to hide the book at the begining. it dosent really matter I guess. I am also making a SNape fic, but it is still with the mods and you could pm me if you want to take a look at it.
I have another question. when you were talking about the sacrafice and how it had to come from you, were you thinking at all about the flesh, bloos and bones potion, because all those ingredients were taken from other people, not volamort. Keep righting , Avenger Of Dumbldore
Author's Response: About the book: he doesn't do it by magic :-). He just covers the book in the same paper as his school stuff...
As to Voldemort's potion and sacrifice, I wrote this story before HBP and thought that Voldemort's terrible appearance was influenced by the fact that it took bits of other people to resurrect him - that he couldn't be beautiful because the magic that brought him back was evil. Now, of course, we know his inhumanity comes from something else.
Thanks very much for reviewing! -S.
Awsome fic! I still think that Peter is a Maradure thoe. Any way, its not my fic, so the choice is up to you! I loved what you did with it thoe... the first person righting and stuff. cant wait for the next chap! keep it up.
Author's Response: Peter will show up within the next chapter...(yes he is a Marauder, despite the fact that he is an evil little...)
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it.
Well, I have to agimit that I never thought of Sirius like that, but now it seems to make sens. I liked the way how in the begining you did not know who he was, but than you found out. At first I thought he was molfoy. The only thing I would suggest for the beiging is that you change the mother and the father, because Sirius's mother was the one that he hated more, or at least that is what I gathered from the book, that SHE was the one that was the "PURE BLOOD" Crazey, but his father was to, so it is ok. ANother thing is that, during the whole story, I find that your POV is a little starnge. In the flash back a first person POV, I dont know, but it seems a little strange when you read it. I also think that the ending could have been a little more emotinol, I think mabey you could have had another paragraph at the end about how he was crying or something. but in the whole, I am giving you and 8, and I am a hard marker, because it was well thought out and welll writin!
Well, I have to agimit that I never thought of Sirius like that, but now it seems to make sens. I liked the way how in the begining you did not know who he was, but than you found out. At first I thought he was molfoy. The only thing I would suggest for the beiging is that you change the mother and the father, because Sirius's mother was the one that he hated more, or at least that is what I gathered from the book, that SHE was the one that was the "PURE BLOOD" Crazey, but his father was to, so it is ok. ANother thing is that, during the whole story, I find that your POV is a little starnge. In the flash back a first person POV, I dont know, but it seems a little strange when you read it. I also think that the ending could have been a little more emotinol, I think mabey you could have had another paragraph at the end about how he was crying or something. but in the whole, I am giving you and 8, and I am a hard marker, because it was well thought out and welll writin!
WOW! The way you described so much, in so little, was truely amazing!
It was like I could see the grey, silvery viel in my mind's eye, and I could see it moving. Every word your wrought breathed life into that picture.
avenger
Hey lilypudding, you reviwed my fic, so I am returning the favore! It was very good, but I thoght andromada liked Sirius as cousin. He always said they were friends, and in OotP, Sirius says she is his favorite family member. Besides that, it is good and you better update soon!
Author's Response: Yeah, I know Sirius and Andromeda were friends but honestly, when you are at school surrounded by all your friends, especially in Sirius's case, do you really pay much heed to your cousins and relatives? Sirius is just going through and extra-obnoxious stage at the moment- remember how Ron was in HBP?
Thank you so much for the review- you are the only person who I don't personally know who reviewed (the other reviews are my friends who enjoy fanfic enough to make names just to put reviews up)
The second chappie is coming up real soon, I'm sorry it took so long- I had a ton of homework, a major case of writing block, and I really got caught up in the runoff to the GOF movie. I'm hoping the next chappie will be up by Monday or so, I'm planning on working on it tonight.
(Although I don’t really think that this is that disturbing… I think I still ought to post a warning.)
Warning: This is not a happy and humourous Christmas-sy tale. It gives us a brief look at the disturbing deranged mind of Barty Crouch Jr.
WOW... I loved it. That is all I can say. You deserve to win, no Q's asked! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks AOD ^_^.
I liked it. It was very imformative, but I think that you tried to use a bit to suophisticated words and it lost me sometimes. Remember, simpal is better! besides that, GOOD JOB!! 8/10
Author's Response: My big-word addiction is quite hopeless, I'm afraid. I got it from my parents, before birth, and can lose whole hours with the online OED. A sorry state of affairs, no? Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked the story!
Hmm... very intresting. I found it a little confusing, like maby the prank could have been explained a little bit more. Also, there were spots were you seemed to repeat words and times when the orader was mixed up. for example, you said that James was going to get Sirius food in the hospital, but then he saw sirius in the dormitory. All in all, I like the way that you showed how james first decided he liked Lily, and also I found the way that you discribed James' thoughts was well done, allthough you may want to put them in Italics next time. Keep up the writing, and I will keep up the reading, but I am giving you a 7 forf now, because I feel you need a bit more editing. keep it up!
Author's Response: i'll look everything over again when i get a chance and make any necessary changes... (which means when i finish reading my government and doing my physics, etc., etc.) thanks for reviewing! here's yet another sentence for u from chapter 3...
Sirius passionately explained, “Holly Hawley, the girl with gorgeous blue eyes and beautiful brown hair!”
(just as a note, this has been changed quite a few times... if u want the version that's not-so-toned-down, u can check fanfiction.net...) I LOVE REVIEWS!!! they make my day! :) *huge hug for u!*
Author's Response: i went back to make some of the changes u suggested, but i re-read chapter one and didn't really make too many. i think that if u read it carefully, i said that sirius had just been released from the hospital wing, so he should've been back in the dorm. thank u so much for ur constructive criticism! i really, really appreciate it! have a STUPENDOUS day! :)
Well, I wanted to see why your story beat mine, and NOW I KNOW!!!!! That was amazing. I am a 14 year old boy who does not like hufflpuffs that much, and I was in tears at the end. You discription was superb, and your character's were very well writtin (if that makes sens). It was an houner to lose to you! You get a full 10!
Wow, Madmar, good job! You reviewd my Snape fic, so I am returning the favor :) I liked it allot. I think that you were pritty true to both characters that were in your story, and I liked the way you portrayed Snapes mom. I always thought of her as more of a push over, but you gave her a back bone! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks, Avenger. I know what you mean about Eileen being portrayed as a push-over; Severus must have had someone supporting of him, other wise he would be a push over or completely embittered-- like Voldemort. But I could talk about all that until the cows come home. What I'd like to say is thank you for such an attentive review.
Hey nutty. Great job. I always pictured the Sirius did not like being a black, and did not want to be in Slythirin, btu I think that, as a young boy, he would have done what his parents wanted. If ound a few mistakes though:
"Horace Slughorn entered the Headmaster's office, he walked past the phoenix and nearly toppled over a a stand that held a large telescope. “Albus, I heard that Orion Black is working to get the Board of Governors to allow his son to transfer house…” Their are 2 A's. I think you only need one.
“Like I care if I lose this stupid house some stupid house points!” he voice shook as he stepped out the room."- I I think you mena "out of THE room"
"Sirius, the Board of Governors has decreed that you be allowed to be placed in Slytherin.” The Heqadmaster smiled warmly at Sirius. “Do you wish to change house?”"- I think you mean heaDmaster
Besides that, great job!
Author's Response: Thanks AOD ... I\'ll go correct those :)
WOW. It takes a great plot to make a story funny, but a great writer to make teh reader laugh out loud! I loved the twist at the end. Honestly, their is nothing bad about what you wrought, so I will have to talk about the good!
First of all, I love teh voice you gave Mrs. Norris. All to often, animal voices are either not heard, or very... steryotypical. SHe seemed like an average cat, but she heald herself in very high esteem. brilliant.
Also, it seems like you thought this completely through before you wrought it, because everything fit together so well! No wonder you beat me, you are the clear winner for this challange. Great job!
~~AVENGER~~
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I\'m flattered. I don\'t really know what to say other than thank you for such a beautiful review!
"From her shiny raven mane to her delicate figure." what do you mean by a Raven Mane?
First off, very good. I like the transition in the relashinship, how it went from stranger, to freind, to more then that. I like the way it wasn't to mushy, but was still about love. I also liked the way you made up the game, WIZARD. It was very creative. Other then that, a few mistakes:
"The guy who saved the very Wizard World before he was out of diapers, the hero of Hogwarts or his goof ball loser friend."
I think you mean every instead of very
besides that, great job. Keep it up!
WOW. You really explained what Hermionie's hormones where doing well! It was like one of my health classes... lol!
No, but in all honesty, it was very well written. Their was non of that fluffy- fake- hold me in your arms and kiss me pasionatly kind of love that is all to common in todays fiction. It was very honest, and true, and real. Also, the last paragraph was good!
Great job, keep it up!
Avenger
Author's Response: Haha, the hormones part is me remembering what it was like to be 14... my health classes weren\'t too interesting! ;) Thanks so much for your feedback -- it\'s really helpful. I\'m so glad you liked it!
Hmm... very nice perspective. A few things I found wrong with Hedwigs character though-
1) when Harry first got Hedwig, she was a baby, so how could she have other homes? This isn;t that big of a deal though, just thought you should know.
2) Hedwig seems to be a little to... motherly maybe? She always seemed very independent, and very wanting. Not that she dosen't love Harry, but she does expect him to take care of her.
3) the last thing I would have liked would be to know which time era this is in, so I can figure out why Harry is changing. Why is he out by himself at night? These are things that could have been answered with a few refrences to current events.
Besides those three things, I liked the main idea, and I liked your use of language. You really made me want a pet owl :)
Avenger
Author's Response: Thank you! (Sorry if this is confusing; I don\'t know how to do paragraph breaks in ARs.) 1) Lol, there\'s my lack of researching before I write! Thanks for pointing it out! 2) Yes, very true. But what I was trying to say was that Hedwig is her own person (er... owl), but she\'s always had a certain connection with Harry. 3) I meant it to be in his 5th year. Sorta forgot to mention that! Thanks for the wonderful review!