Let's see, a runon, a lack of possessive form, but otherwise passable enough. This is mostly to let you know I've been here, and that I'm not going to your last chapter utterly without background.

Still reading along. I see you have improved your apostrophe use with time; now if we could just iron out those runons and dialogue errors. Romance-wise, well, it seems to make romance fans happy, and that's all a romance writer can really ask for in life.

Ack! Cliffhanger!

I've been greatly enjoying this story, you know, and this chapter was worth the wait. You have such a range in here -- the action/jailbreak material, the tedium of administrative details (Y was a really nice touch, especially as I am reading this on my lunch break!), and a glimpse of what it takes to get Severus instead of the professor. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

The attack of the mysterious Beta... I still like the logic of your drunken Sirius, trying to work out whether Remus is trying to kill him, freeze his bits off, or do some other utterly mysterious thing to him. Let's see, it is the reviewer's job to offer at least one nitpick. Ah. This will do. I stubbornly maintain that "He stared around at the unfamiliar bathroom, his first time in it and left to his own thoughts again, slowly became wretched once more," needs at least one more comma. So there.

Author's Response: Tell me what you think of my tongue. I'm sticking it out at you right now....

Hah! I'm here first! Not that I haven't already said a great deal about this little story. I'll squee a bit, though, even if I'm not a WolfStar shipper, because I like puppies. And I love the fact that Sirius just never will get around to growing up if he can possibly avoid it. My only kvetch -- commas! *gives Slian a not-unaffectionate noogying* Always needed to set off the moments when someone is being addressed. "I think, Ann, you've left a window open somewhere." Nag, nag; pester, pester.

Author's Response: *stick out tongue* busy busy; ignore, ignore. You are too letting me get to you: kvetch? Come now, V V.... SIRIUS WILL NEVER GROW UP! It is a physical imposibility. A puppy will remain a puppy forever! There is nothing you can do to make them grow! (Well, the good Lord only knows what Hagrid did to Fang--nudge, nudge; private laugh, private laugh-- but otherwise....)

Toasted Turnip Review

For the record I already wrote this review once, and the computer ate it. If it sounds a little breathless, that's why!


First off, very nicely done -- it's always good to see Severus redeem himself in fine style. I hope you come back to this and make yourself happy with the bits you feel rushed past. I'm curious to see how that would go.

Mandatory nitpicking: You have a 'Kedarva' in there, and spells should, generally, be italicized. Also, one of the things that is definitely rushed past is the actual canon scene -- there's a lot of dialogue and action missing, including a radical shift or two in the personality of Severus, and he is not the one who lit Hagrid's hut. Too, we lost Buckbeak's attack somewhere, and that might have had a bit of importance to him. Oh, and there were a few shifts of POV tucked away when Severus is explaining himself to Harry. You have Harry introspectively understanding, which can only be done from his own point of view, in the middle of a lot of Severus-sees things. It's subtle and sneaky, but there.

But enough of that. I like your version of accounts, and have this awkward feeling I may end up liking them better than Jo's. There very probably is a good deal of information exchanged when one Legilimens looks into the eyes of another; that was a good solid moment. Your action scenes are vigourous and the character sketches swift and tidy -- plaudits!

Hey! I'm finally being a good little beta and leaving you a review! It's good to see this story launched out into the world after all our back-and-forthing. One eensy little quibble -- are you sure you want to wish your readers the same joy in reading as you had in writing after saying it was very disagreeable? Some might consider that a poor advertising strategy!

"And besides, I knew as well as he did that he was right. Ron would have wanted us to be miserable without him." Actually one of my favourite lines also. Ron always did dream of being the center of attention.

There's a funny little formatting thing here at the end, putting a break after the word 'break" which you might want to repair. It disrupts the otherwise nice ending to your chapter.

Cheers, dahlink!


Author's Response:
Yes. My baby is all growed up and out in the world *sniffle*
Well. That line is entirely your fault, you know....
I have no idea of what you\'re taking about. Shall take a look....
*kisskiss*

I had a nice little chuckle over this. Somehow it seems right that a young Minerva McGonagall had to be a troublemaker for the older one to be so good at spotting trouble, doesn't it? Sometime I'd love to eavesdrop on her interactions with Slughorn, just to see if they can get along for more than five minutes at a time.

A couple of the mandatory nitpicks: you have a "Minevra" in there once, which startled me a little. Also the very first phrase -- it makes more sense if he is "new and unfamiliar" or perhaps "[other adjective] and unfamiliar" (odd, scrawny, broad-shouldered, running to fat, duckfaced, whatever you like, but we could get more of a picture here). I'd like a better look at the prat, myself. The goatee is a nice touch, though.

Enough with the nits, though. You have given me a very nice little read here. Well done!

Have I mentioned lately how much you need to finish this? I love the idea of Fletcher and Figg together -- two older characters not much wondered about but with all sorts of distinctive traits.

Now I only owe you 1,999 reviews. So there!

Hurrah for character sketches! I love the boys as you've drawn them, and the nice smells coming from the kitchen give this a sort of homey and timeless feel that seems to work well with the Dumbledores.