I love the way you opened your story. From the little we know of Voldemort's parents, they seem to be in character. My only bone to pick is that Amortenia has a "mother of pearl sheen" and (correct me if I'm wrong) would be white, not silver. Other than that, I found this story very good and "Favorite List" worthy.

Author's Response: Triple review?

I love the way you opened your story. From the little we know of Voldemort's parents, they seem to be in character. My only bone to pick is that Amortenia has a "mother of pearl sheen" and (correct me if I'm wrong) would be white, not silver. Other than that, I found this story very good and "Favorite List" worthy.

Author's Response: Five.

Though eloquently written, when I first read this, I thought the guardian angel was Luna Lovegood as she’s described as being blonde with “ethereal eyes”. And her character’s wisdom, too, made her seem very much like Luna. Ron’s reaction, I thought, confirmed this belief. “he prepares himself for another theory worthy of a tabloid magazine,” you say, which makes me think of the Quibbler. Upon reading the reviews to this story, I was glad to know I was not alone in this connection. But then, I thought some more. Perhaps this angel is not Luna. Perhaps it is just that—an angel. Although she sounds very similar to Luna, you also say that “This angel is made of light, she is luminous, but she walks and moves like a woman.” That makes me wonder if she is only taking the form of Luna to comfort Ron with familiarity. If so, you’ve done brilliantly at creating a non-human OC. If it is just Luna, you’ve captured her well. 

I also see that Ron has matured differently. He’s embittered by war, which is to be expected. But I thought that Ron Weasley, the happy, fun boy we see in the series could survive it without becoming depressed. It was interesting to see a different side of Ron—the often forgotten serious side. I think that he is in-character, although you wouldn’t naturally expect him to give up on life. Ron is a fighter (not in a bad way). He will stand up for those he loves and he can deal with hardship. The loss of loved ones will make him sad, but I honestly think he’d move on after a time of mourning. Your ending gives me hope that Ron will carry on.

Thank you for a wonderful read!

-Cassie


Author's Response: Yes, it is Luna. ;) If it weren\'t, I wouldn\'t have made so many clear allusions to her character. Thanks for the review, dear.

I love how you captured Bella's character, her delusion, that she is beloved by Voldemort. That no matter the things he has made her do, the punishments she has endured because of her loyalty to him, she still wants to be considered his "most faithful Death Eater". It is hard to take anything she says too seriously, as we, the readers, know that she suffers both from insanity and cognative dissonace. And yet, despite this knowledge, you were able to write from Bellatrix's point of view well enough to show why she thinks she is lucid.

And that, is the mark of an excellent storyteller.

Author's Response: Oh! Thank you so much! This is so great and makes me smile. An exellent storyteller... thanks! :)

I believe that your use of the Imperius Curse was treated far too lightly. Although I believe in intent vs. action, Harry is a morally righteous character, it’s unlikely that he’ll use an Unforgivable unless in a dire or stressful situation. It’s not something an action he would take lightly. Look what it took to coax Crucio out of him; the death of two loved ones. And even then, he wasn’t able to produce a curse. That, I think is because the Cruciatus Curse is a curse of sadism and pure hatred. I believe that the desire for stability and control may be one that Harry may feel and may be able to produce an Imperius Curse, however feeble. Still, it’s not a curse he would use on one of his best friends (Ron) to hook him up with another friend (Hermione). That’s too trivial of an occasion for Harry to use such a powerful spell. I think it would have worked better if you built up to that point in which Harry uses the curse.

Secondly, I find that Harry was not the only one to take the Imperius Curse lightly. Ron didn’t resist, which seems unlike him. He’s a strong, feisty boy. And it’s also unlikely that perceptive Hermione would suddenly become deaf to Harry’s muttered curse. Even though you describe her as eyeing Harry suspiciously, I don’t think she’d take his thumbs-up as normal or acceptable. Lastly, I find the description of the curse somewhat lacking. It may have been more pertinent for you, as an author, to describe in greater detail, how Ron is feeling about surrendering control to Harry, or what he’s currently thinking of Harry. Ron is human and it is unlikely for him to take his mind being controlled as lightly as it was “a position he didn't particularly enjoy.” It would probably more painful or worrying than that. The experience of even a remotely innocent Imperius is devastating. Please refer to Moody’s first lesson with Harry and company. As you can see from that, it is a little more than unpleasant.

I hope you understand that I am simply trying to help you, as this began as a promising R/Hr story, but ended with something to be desired.

Beth,

Awesome story. I was so sad to hear of all the deaths in the Weasley family, although I anticipate at least one.

Your portrayal of Percy is dead on. It's scary how chilling that is. Gives me goosebumps. His decree was so... Ministry-like; I can see a decree like that popping up in Wizarding future (potentially book seven). And, although Percy Weasley is not my favorite character, this story was amazing.

MadMar

Author's Response: Eep Percy really is a scary character, isn\'t he? Thanks for the (two) reviews! Hopefully, my story won\'t come true. I don\'t think I can stand all those deaths or decrees...Thanks so much!

I really loved how you captured Ginny’s emotion in this story; how you depict her heart breaking because of Harry’s death so well. You say “she hadn't known that it would turn out this way. She had no idea. She thought she would get over him but it never happened. Her thoughts would often stray to him, but that's all they do. That's all she does. She does not speak of him nor does she seek him out.” Which I think shows a side of Ginny—and her love for Harry—that many authors forget. Ginny will wait for Harry, even for eternity. She never fully got over him after Chamber of Secrets. Many authors assume that because she apparently “moved on” by Order of the Phoenix, that Ginny will remain one-hundred percent strong and find another man. Your story, however, is a good argument to that viewpoint. He’s rejected her once before, then again in Half-blood Prince. His death is bound to be even more devastating because it’s just one more thing that robs Ginny of happiness. Whether they never truly got back together before he died or if they did is not important. I love that you showed Ginny’s despair, and yet, her devotion to Harry.

Although I adored the exchange between Ron and Hermione, and the idea of Hogwarts multiculturalism, I felt that your plot was too rushed. I understand that sometimes, in a humor fic, an author finds it necessary to hurry along a series of random events, however, I think your end punchline, so to speak, about the oil would have been more potent were you to slow the story's pace slightly, as to keep readers from scratching their heads in confusion.

Hope I helped!

I absolutely adored this story; the entire thing was beautifully written and hysterically funny.

I best liked the situational irony at the end.

“Did she accept invitation to zee ‘vedding or not?" /“Kind of,” he said, smiling to himself. “Kind of.”

Hilarious, utterly awesome.

My only question is why Minerva did not offer the HoH position to Bill, who was, in fact, a Gryffindor.


Author's Response: Maybe it slipped her stressed out mind, at the time?

This seems like the beginnings of a wonderful story. I like how the romance is subtle, but the attraction is definately there. Cedric/Cho is a very elusive canon ship and I'm glad to see something is being done with it. However, I'd like to point out that in Cho's third year, she didn't play Quidditch-- otherwise she'd have played against Harry. That's not something we saw in the books until PoA. Just something you may want to keep in mind while writing of Cho's Quidditch career.